FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I feel like I'm not cut out for life
I feel like I'm not cut out for life
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't enjoy it anymore. I have nothing to look forward to, except maybe the latest game or film. I wake up everyday hating that my life turned out like this. The best part of my day is when my mate comes on the Xbox for a few hours and we play a few games of Warzone.
I'm so fucking lonely, I feel like an outsider in my own family. I look at my family and they all have someone, something, to wake up for. My sister and her boyfriend are meant to be getting married next year, they've got a little boy to look after. My sister's friend who lives with us has a new girlfriend and she doesn't even realise how fortunate she is to have her.
As for me? I still miss my ex. It'll be three years on the 10th (sad that I even remember that) since we broke up. She's got a boyfriend and a little boy too. These past few days I've been thinking about her a lot, I even fucking dream about her sometimes.
I lay in bed on a night, unable to sleep, my mind working overtime, constantly thinking and it just makes me want to cry because I hate that this is what my life has come to.
I just feel like giving up and hitting the fucking snooze button. Sorry, I'm not trying to bring anyone down, I just wanted to vent. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
Link in with GP and local services and get qualified clinical advice and support, have a buddy (friend or family) and tell them how you're really feeling, lots of fresh air outside, find your particular coping strategies and be conscious of particular triggers for you -- everybody is different -- check out resources on Mind website, be gentle with yourself and be conscious that feelings are just that, not actuality but your current response to your circumstances and can change, talk to people and if you can't talk..be with people, eat well, sleep well, exercise like walking, mindfulness, talking therapies, find your useful "things", but above all else know you are not alone. You really aren't. And being honest about how down you are with others is liberating for them and you. Be buoyed in the knowledge there is support, others will relate and you are very much worthwhile. Hugs.
The Blurt Foundation have some excellent advice, CALM (campaign against living miserably) is good on men’s experiences, and Mind has its Elefriends forum.
Samaritans have a helpline - open 24/7 and free to call and you can discuss anything and call anytime. Please use it if you're in crisis. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey buddy, I know life can feel pretty rubbish sometimes and like there’s no hope, but long term it will change your personality for the better and Male you more appreciative of the good times.
Myself I have been on the edge of mental health with no and little hope, I personally found exercising and running as such a great relief, releases chemicals in your brain which make you feel happier too!
Constantly give your self milestones and arrange things to look forward too, no matter how small or trivial. Talk to friends and family and be honest how you feel, and also talk to your doctor, counselling can be a great help too!
Keep going and vent away and never give up 
J |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
After 10pm (it starts around anything from 10pm through to 10.25pm) pretty much every night in this forum there is a thread called The Late Late Nocturnal thread run by either Erectjim or HotAsh who reply to every single poster (in order so sometimes there’s a wee delay whilst other posters chatter amongst themselves) and it has built a little wee group of people who chat about anything and everything. Come and join in and say hi tonight.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just broke down crying because of how fucked up it is that random strangers care more than my own family and friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't bottle it up mate,speak to someone, anyone, friend, doc, on here.
I've been through it and didn't speak about it because I'm a man and I didn't need to.
Biggest mistake I ever made, learn from my mistake and talk now. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just broke down crying because of how fucked up it is that random strangers care more than my own family and friends. "
Do you think you’ve been more honest with us simply because we are strangers? If you told your family and friends the exact words you’ve used here, especially the title, do you think they’d not respond? Might be worth being completely open with them.
If not, you have us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't bottle it up mate,speak to someone, anyone, friend, doc, on here.
I've been through it and didn't speak about it because I'm a man and I didn't need to.
Biggest mistake I ever made, learn from my mistake and talk now. "
Agree with this.
Make sure you keep exercising and looking after your diet too- both will have positive effects on your mental well being. |
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"Link in with GP and local services and get qualified clinical advice and support, have a buddy (friend or family) and tell them how you're really feeling, lots of fresh air outside, find your particular coping strategies and be conscious of particular triggers for you -- everybody is different -- check out resources on Mind website, be gentle with yourself and be conscious that feelings are just that, not actuality but your current response to your circumstances and can change, talk to people and if you can't talk..be with people, eat well, sleep well, exercise like walking, mindfulness, talking therapies, find your useful "things", but above all else know you are not alone. You really aren't. And being honest about how down you are with others is liberating for them and you. Be buoyed in the knowledge there is support, others will relate and you are very much worthwhile. Hugs.
The Blurt Foundation have some excellent advice, CALM (campaign against living miserably) is good on men’s experiences, and Mind has its Elefriends forum.
Samaritans have a helpline - open 24/7 and free to call and you can discuss anything and call anytime. Please use it if you're in crisis. "
This is excellent and comprehensive. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just broke down crying because of how fucked up it is that random strangers care more than my own family and friends.
Do you think you’ve been more honest with us simply because we are strangers? If you told your family and friends the exact words you’ve used here, especially the title, do you think they’d not respond? Might be worth being completely open with them.
If not, you have us. "
This.
Family have a habit of seeing us but not really seeing us (if that makes sense). Please chat to someone lovely, it feels terrible now but you will get through it, you just have to find the right way that works for you.
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Divorced she went off with another Man, he moved in I was shipped off. Two kids who I only see at weekends, feel absolute hatred to my ex wife but I have to suck it in, to ensure I keep a good relationship with her so I don’t end up losing my lads.
In 2016 I was practically homeless, without a job.
Thank fuck I thought, this is literally what it feels like losing everything.
But I hadn’t, I still see my lads and I have my health, I also knew I was a good worker and getting another job would be possible.
Now 4 years later, have my own place a job I can do (I don’t love it, but it pays the bills). But the best thing of all ....I now know no matter what happens I can carry on, even at my worst I found my best.
Believe me I’ve had really great days in my past, warm sunny days that seemed to last more than the 24 hours. I’ve also had a lot of rejection and pain. I expect more of both in my future.
My advice you got through yesterday, carry on today then plan to make tomorrow a little bit better, if you don’t, don’t kick yourself try again and again.
It will get better and worse but most of all, you’ll be prepared next time it gets bad.
Honestly Op stay safe and alive, you’re stronger than you actually know  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Link in with GP and local services and get qualified clinical advice and support, have a buddy (friend or family) and tell them how you're really feeling, lots of fresh air outside, find your particular coping strategies and be conscious of particular triggers for you -- everybody is different -- check out resources on Mind website, be gentle with yourself and be conscious that feelings are just that, not actuality but your current response to your circumstances and can change, talk to people and if you can't talk..be with people, eat well, sleep well, exercise like walking, mindfulness, talking therapies, find your useful "things", but above all else know you are not alone. You really aren't. And being honest about how down you are with others is liberating for them and you. Be buoyed in the knowledge there is support, others will relate and you are very much worthwhile. Hugs.
The Blurt Foundation have some excellent advice, CALM (campaign against living miserably) is good on men’s experiences, and Mind has its Elefriends forum.
Samaritans have a helpline - open 24/7 and free to call and you can discuss anything and call anytime. Please use it if you're in crisis. "
This is brilliant practical advice. Dont think you are alone, dont listen to that inner voice telling you that you are alone and no one cares. People do and identify who you know that you can talk to, they will actually be grateful you chose to talk to them. Often the best people arent always the closest to you. I hope you get the right support for you. |
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Honestly felt like I was reading my own thoughts there..although not the missing the ex part anymore but I have been in your shoes many times mate, your not alone in this and as cliché as it sounds it does get better the more you stick around and see,for every dark night follows a bright day my friend I hope you find any help you need..can always message if you wanna chat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To anyone in this position, ive been there and ive been there badly too! Number of times ive tried to take my life, messed so much up, made big mistakes and hurt people too.
My biggest piece of advice is the GPs and local mental health services. Im on an upward road to getting better, its not easy, its been 17 months since i 1st spoke to anyone about my ptsd, anger issues and mental health, but i feel way better then i used to. The fight is hard, its one of the hardest warzones ive been in, but the outcome is worthy of the battle. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you think you’ve been more honest with us simply because we are strangers? If you told your family and friends the exact words you’ve used here, especially the title, do you think they’d not respond? Might be worth being completely open with them.
If not, you have us. "
I don't know, maybe. I've never really been close with my family. I'm the black sheep I guess. The outsider. I have tried speaking about how I feel with them and they just make it about them. My mum even said ''thanks for making me feel like I'm a shit mum'' once before.
It's hard to feel close to a mum who gets debt in your name, a sister who steals from your bank account (and talks to you like a piece of human shit), and a dad who does his best to wind me the fuck up.
I just spoke to my sister's friend now about how lonely I feel and she seemed understanding. I just don't particularly want to open up to my family because I know how they'll react.
And I don't think anyone can help me with what I really want. I want my ex back and I know it's never gonna happen because I let her down, that's why it hurts so much. I did this to myself. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Do you think you’ve been more honest with us simply because we are strangers? If you told your family and friends the exact words you’ve used here, especially the title, do you think they’d not respond? Might be worth being completely open with them.
If not, you have us.
I don't know, maybe. I've never really been close with my family. I'm the black sheep I guess. The outsider. I have tried speaking about how I feel with them and they just make it about them. My mum even said ''thanks for making me feel like I'm a shit mum'' once before.
It's hard to feel close to a mum who gets debt in your name, a sister who steals from your bank account (and talks to you like a piece of human shit), and a dad who does his best to wind me the fuck up.
I just spoke to my sister's friend now about how lonely I feel and she seemed understanding. I just don't particularly want to open up to my family because I know how they'll react.
And I don't think anyone can help me with what I really want. I want my ex back and I know it's never gonna happen because I let her down, that's why it hurts so much. I did this to myself."
Talk to those it feels okay to talk to whilst you’re hurting. Take it one step at a time. Well done for talking to your sister’s friend.
Re heartache. It hurts. It fucking hurts. But the heart can hold onto lost love and still be able to love again. Time is helpful so take it literally day by day and if that’s too big, hour by hour and minute by minute.
Keep talking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think you’ve been more honest with us simply because we are strangers? If you told your family and friends the exact words you’ve used here, especially the title, do you think they’d not respond? Might be worth being completely open with them.
If not, you have us.
I don't know, maybe. I've never really been close with my family. I'm the black sheep I guess. The outsider. I have tried speaking about how I feel with them and they just make it about them. My mum even said ''thanks for making me feel like I'm a shit mum'' once before.
It's hard to feel close to a mum who gets debt in your name, a sister who steals from your bank account (and talks to you like a piece of human shit), and a dad who does his best to wind me the fuck up.
I just spoke to my sister's friend now about how lonely I feel and she seemed understanding. I just don't particularly want to open up to my family because I know how they'll react.
And I don't think anyone can help me with what I really want. I want my ex back and I know it's never gonna happen because I let her down, that's why it hurts so much. I did this to myself."
Hey look don’t be so hard on ya self! You can make a new type of family with good friends around you! Just believe! |
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By *P_80Man
over a year ago
Waterford |
To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you."
I want to believe that. I really really do. But it's been three years of feeling like a failure, of never having anything to look forward to, of being let down and hurt by others, that I can't see the forest through the trees anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Heya Matey,
I can't add much to what the others have said, but I hear you. As per Estrella's advice, keep talking man. We're listening, as are others, I'm sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Time to look forward my friend instead of backwards. 3 years is a long time and you’re in danger of only remembering the good things about your ex. Our current situation has made things really tough for those who live alone but as this thread has shown, there are people you can reach out to and even more importantly, there are people who have been where you are and have beaten their demons and moved on. Wishing you all the best and really, pick up the phone and talk to someone from Estella’s post. Also chat to someone on here, a lot of wonderful people are offering |
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OP by speaking out to us you have made the first step, you have had responses you never expected, good ones, ones of support and understanding.
Seek professional help outside your family.
Please.
I understand, I have felt similar a few times, I always reached outside, it's too much for family to deal with sometimes, too close or they are I'll equipped to deal with it.
Promise us you will seek help.
You didn't do this or cause it, life has given you some knocks, but I promise you can overcome them.
I honestly should not be sat here writing this, but I am.
You can do it, you can get past it.
Good luck
Jo xx |
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"Thanks for the kind words everyone. I just broke down crying because of how fucked up it is that random strangers care more than my own family and friends. "
It’s sometimes easier to open up to strangers...as we aren’t going to pre-judge you or think any negative thoughts.
We’ve all get in to situations where we feel we can’t go on but you have to.
Whilst you think they don’t care, your family will miss you.
Talk to them, let them know how you feel and you might be pleasantly surprised that they do care. They maybe don’t know all the things you are feeling.
But also keep involved in the forums...I joined here as I was down after a break up and just wanted to feel like I had people to talk to. Even if it’s ‘strangers’ on the internet, it’s a start.
But if this place is getting you down too then step away and think what other interests you have. You mentioned you play warlord, then maybe there’s a group you can join with likeminded people.
Talk to people...never stop trying... |
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You’re really, really brave to ask for help and I’m so glad that you’ve come forward here.
There is no formula to life that says you need to have a partner or a child to be accepted in society and so much pressure is put into people to believe that this is the equation of happiness. It’s not true and sometimes what you really need is some time to heal from your last relationship, regardless of how settled the ex may be, YOU need to recover.
I truly think that you would really benefit from some CBT to help you get back in the driving seat of your own bus and continue your journey. Yes, that’s things I’ve learned from my own therapy but it gives you a sense of progress even if you don’t fully buy into their batshit lingo hah. But seriously, therapy has been truly healing for me after a major work incident and I’ve learned how to take control and actually learn to be proud of myself, something I’ve never been able to allow myself to be.
Definitely visit your GP as first port of call for services available to you. CBT is available through NHS and they will be able to refer you, but waiting times will vary across the country. I was initially referred and offered a computer based course whilst I waited. During that time, I found out I actually had BUPA cover through work and managed to get private sessions which have all been via Zoom due to lockdown. Sites like CALM and MIND will give you loads of resources and advice in until you get therapy if that’s the route you take.
Something that can seriously help your mental wellbeing as well as give you an opportunity to meet new people, which would lead to who knows what, would be to pick up on a hobby. I know it sounds a bit lame, but it can be truly cathartic and healing for the mind. Think of things that you have maybe loved to do in the past but maybe didn’t have the time to commit to or dropped for other interest in the past. Whether it’s life drawing or role play gaming or book clubs - it will give you a real sense of well-being and offer a little glimmer of light back into Your life.
If you ever feel you’re at a really low point and need someone to listen you can always Text ‘Shout’ to 35258. I did this when I was very close to harming myself at the start of the year and they saved me.
Don’t ever be afraid to post here. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
It makes me sad to read people so young, or any age can feel like this.
There really is some great advice on here which I echo. It's so important to talk, if you don't have anyone ring your gp or the Samaritans, there is no shame in doing so.
Take care OP
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’re really, really brave to ask for help and I’m so glad that you’ve come forward here.
There is no formula to life that says you need to have a partner or a child to be accepted in society and so much pressure is put into people to believe that this is the equation of happiness. It’s not true and sometimes what you really need is some time to heal from your last relationship, regardless of how settled the ex may be, YOU need to recover.
I truly think that you would really benefit from some CBT to help you get back in the driving seat of your own bus and continue your journey. Yes, that’s things I’ve learned from my own therapy but it gives you a sense of progress even if you don’t fully buy into their batshit lingo hah. But seriously, therapy has been truly healing for me after a major work incident and I’ve learned how to take control and actually learn to be proud of myself, something I’ve never been able to allow myself to be.
Definitely visit your GP as first port of call for services available to you. CBT is available through NHS and they will be able to refer you, but waiting times will vary across the country. I was initially referred and offered a computer based course whilst I waited. During that time, I found out I actually had BUPA cover through work and managed to get private sessions which have all been via Zoom due to lockdown. Sites like CALM and MIND will give you loads of resources and advice in until you get therapy if that’s the route you take.
Something that can seriously help your mental wellbeing as well as give you an opportunity to meet new people, which would lead to who knows what, would be to pick up on a hobby. I know it sounds a bit lame, but it can be truly cathartic and healing for the mind. Think of things that you have maybe loved to do in the past but maybe didn’t have the time to commit to or dropped for other interest in the past. Whether it’s life drawing or role play gaming or book clubs - it will give you a real sense of well-being and offer a little glimmer of light back into Your life.
If you ever feel you’re at a really low point and need someone to listen you can always Text ‘Shout’ to 35258. I did this when I was very close to harming myself at the start of the year and they saved me.
Don’t ever be afraid to post here. "
This is brilliant practical advice. From what I have read from you OP it sounds like you would benefit greatly from some professional help. That's not a failure in any way, it's a way of getting you support you need and helping you rebuild your life and seeing things in a positive way again. At some point in life nearly everybody needs a guiding hand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has issues but it doesn't matter sweetheart because no-one can understand the pain you are going through. You really need to speak to someone. You can vent on here but I really think a professional might be able to help that little bit more. I'm no expert but sounds like very bad depression. Please lovely ring the Dr, samaritans or a mental health walk in clinic. You are important lovely, please dont give up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd only be echoing what others have said if I wrote a long post, but please don't be ashamed to seek help and reach out to your GP so they can offer you some help.
You've still got so many days to come, and one day they won't feel this difficult. You're not alone, don't forget that. I'm happy you are being so open about it. If you ever need someone to chat I'm more than happy to give some support. 
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"You’re really, really brave to ask for help and I’m so glad that you’ve come forward here.
There is no formula to life that says you need to have a partner or a child to be accepted in society and so much pressure is put into people to believe that this is the equation of happiness. It’s not true and sometimes what you really need is some time to heal from your last relationship, regardless of how settled the ex may be, YOU need to recover.
I truly think that you would really benefit from some CBT to help you get back in the driving seat of your own bus and continue your journey. Yes, that’s things I’ve learned from my own therapy but it gives you a sense of progress even if you don’t fully buy into their batshit lingo hah. But seriously, therapy has been truly healing for me after a major work incident and I’ve learned how to take control and actually learn to be proud of myself, something I’ve never been able to allow myself to be.
Definitely visit your GP as first port of call for services available to you. CBT is available through NHS and they will be able to refer you, but waiting times will vary across the country. I was initially referred and offered a computer based course whilst I waited. During that time, I found out I actually had BUPA cover through work and managed to get private sessions which have all been via Zoom due to lockdown. Sites like CALM and MIND will give you loads of resources and advice in until you get therapy if that’s the route you take.
Something that can seriously help your mental wellbeing as well as give you an opportunity to meet new people, which would lead to who knows what, would be to pick up on a hobby. I know it sounds a bit lame, but it can be truly cathartic and healing for the mind. Think of things that you have maybe loved to do in the past but maybe didn’t have the time to commit to or dropped for other interest in the past. Whether it’s life drawing or role play gaming or book clubs - it will give you a real sense of well-being and offer a little glimmer of light back into Your life.
If you ever feel you’re at a really low point and need someone to listen you can always Text ‘Shout’ to 35258. I did this when I was very close to harming myself at the start of the year and they saved me.
Don’t ever be afraid to post here.
This is brilliant practical advice. From what I have read from you OP it sounds like you would benefit greatly from some professional help. That's not a failure in any way, it's a way of getting you support you need and helping you rebuild your life and seeing things in a positive way again. At some point in life nearly everybody needs a guiding hand. "
yes definitely get help. I found cbt great way of putting things into perceptive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sweetheart, come slide into my inbox. I’m here to talk to. I deal with fairly similar for work and am a logical ear to bend. Please please talk. Im here
Huge hugs xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't bottle it up mate,speak to someone, anyone, friend, doc, on here.
I've been through it and didn't speak about it because I'm a man and I didn't need to.
Biggest mistake I ever made, learn from my mistake and talk now. "
This!!
OP read some of these comments. More people have been or are in the same place than you think or realise so your not on your own.
Things might look perfect looking in but you don’t know what is in someone’s head.
Talk to people, call the GP there is help out there. Your life matters and is worth it! |
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OP plenty of good advice has been given.
Guess u just need to focus on moving on from your ex?
Remember you found love before so you can certainly find it again.
Good for you for sharing how you feel xx
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"I don't enjoy it anymore. I have nothing to look forward to, except maybe the latest game or film. I wake up everyday hating that my life turned out like this. The best part of my day is when my mate comes on the Xbox for a few hours and we play a few games of Warzone.
I'm so fucking lonely, I feel like an outsider in my own family. I look at my family and they all have someone, something, to wake up for. My sister and her boyfriend are meant to be getting married next year, they've got a little boy to look after. My sister's friend who lives with us has a new girlfriend and she doesn't even realise how fortunate she is to have her.
As for me? I still miss my ex. It'll be three years on the 10th (sad that I even remember that) since we broke up. She's got a boyfriend and a little boy too. These past few days I've been thinking about her a lot, I even fucking dream about her sometimes.
I lay in bed on a night, unable to sleep, my mind working overtime, constantly thinking and it just makes me want to cry because I hate that this is what my life has come to.
I just feel like giving up and hitting the fucking snooze button. Sorry, I'm not trying to bring anyone down, I just wanted to vent. "
Go see a dr.
Consider counselling
Vent.
Talk about it.
It's not sad about your ex..a relationship breaks down its just like a bereavement and it can cripple you.
Dont be afraid to cry and ignore all that stay strong bullocks. |
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"Link in with GP and local services and get qualified clinical advice and support, have a buddy (friend or family) and tell them how you're really feeling, lots of fresh air outside, find your particular coping strategies and be conscious of particular triggers for you -- everybody is different -- check out resources on Mind website, be gentle with yourself and be conscious that feelings are just that, not actuality but your current response to your circumstances and can change, talk to people and if you can't talk..be with people, eat well, sleep well, exercise like walking, mindfulness, talking therapies, find your useful "things", but above all else know you are not alone. You really aren't. And being honest about how down you are with others is liberating for them and you. Be buoyed in the knowledge there is support, others will relate and you are very much worthwhile. Hugs.
The Blurt Foundation have some excellent advice, CALM (campaign against living miserably) is good on men’s experiences, and Mind has its Elefriends forum.
Samaritans have a helpline - open 24/7 and free to call and you can discuss anything and call anytime. Please use it if you're in crisis. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you.
I want to believe that. I really really do. But it's been three years of feeling like a failure, of never having anything to look forward to, of being let down and hurt by others, that I can't see the forest through the trees anymore. "
OP
What are you doing for a living workwise atm? A change of career and focus can make a big difference.
When i left the military I had bad PTSD from operations in the Middle East I was drinking to much, had chronic insomnia and became unemployable pretty quickly. It took me going abroad on a 1 way ticket with just a rucksack and my guitar at 24 yrs old to be able to find a new start. I learnt a new language and immersed myself into a new culture, it was best thing I ever did. When I came back to the UK i was a different person, stronger and ready to move forward with a new career, family, friends and life.
As other posters have said theres lots of help out there make the call buddy.
My wife K is a CBT Therapist and this is something that could definitely help as others have said.
Also im sorry your mum thinks its ok to run up debt in your name and your sister steals from your bank account. Thats totally unacceptable buddy debts can limit futures options as ive learnt the hard way. I hope you can take a stand and dont let them do that to you anymore bro.
KJ x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers everyone.
I'm feeling better today, I guess yesterday I just sort of hit my breaking point. I'm not even really sure why. I think I was just really tired and frustrated of not being able to sleep due to overthinking on a night, and with it being so close to the day my ex left me, I just got a bit emotional about things.
I haven't had these kind of thoughts in a very long time. I handle my depression quite well most of the time. I don't really talk to anyone about it. My friends don't really understand, my family have made me feel like if I try to talk to them they'll just make it about them and make me feel worse.
I've actually been to counselling before. I went shortly after the breakup to deal with my depression (not from the breakup, I had it for years before then) and I got turned away after one session (their reasoning in the letter / notes they sent me was that I didn't need it). It made me feel like shit and like I wasn't worth helping, so I'm very reluctant to put myself through that again. I'll think about it though. |
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"Cheers everyone.
I'm feeling better today, I guess yesterday I just sort of hit my breaking point. I'm not even really sure why. I think I was just really tired and frustrated of not being able to sleep due to overthinking on a night, and with it being so close to the day my ex left me, I just got a bit emotional about things.
I haven't had these kind of thoughts in a very long time. I handle my depression quite well most of the time. I don't really talk to anyone about it. My friends don't really understand, my family have made me feel like if I try to talk to them they'll just make it about them and make me feel worse.
I've actually been to counselling before. I went shortly after the breakup to deal with my depression (not from the breakup, I had it for years before then) and I got turned away after one session (their reasoning in the letter / notes they sent me was that I didn't need it). It made me feel like shit and like I wasn't worth helping, so I'm very reluctant to put myself through that again. I'll think about it though."
That sounds very surprising.Im training in counselling and it sounds very unethical to do that.You are the judge if you need it or or not..not them.
Go back to the drs and get referred..it may takes a few weeks but it can defo help if you think you cant talk to anyone.It can help talking to a stranger
And this thread shows that people care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man, my wife of nearly 29 years left me two years ago. It still fucking hurts every single day. What I discovered is we are many in the same situation. Legions. Don't give up. It will get better. |
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"Cheers everyone.
I'm feeling better today, I guess yesterday I just sort of hit my breaking point. I'm not even really sure why. I think I was just really tired and frustrated of not being able to sleep due to overthinking on a night, and with it being so close to the day my ex left me, I just got a bit emotional about things.
I haven't had these kind of thoughts in a very long time. I handle my depression quite well most of the time. I don't really talk to anyone about it. My friends don't really understand, my family have made me feel like if I try to talk to them they'll just make it about them and make me feel worse.
I've actually been to counselling before. I went shortly after the breakup to deal with my depression (not from the breakup, I had it for years before then) and I got turned away after one session (their reasoning in the letter / notes they sent me was that I didn't need it). It made me feel like shit and like I wasn't worth helping, so I'm very reluctant to put myself through that again. I'll think about it though.
That sounds very surprising.Im training in counselling and it sounds very unethical to do that.You are the judge if you need it or or not..not them.
Go back to the drs and get referred..it may takes a few weeks but it can defo help if you think you cant talk to anyone.It can help talking to a stranger
And this thread shows that people care."
I was referred to 3 therapists and Counsellors when I was going through tough times. One I liked but ran out of funding, the other tore me apart as it was really aggressive form of therapy, the last one was nice. I think it only works if you have a good connection with your therapist/Counsellor. It can make or break you... cbt suppose to be one of the most effective ways of dealing with negative thoughts then getting out there doing things you enhjoy again. difficult i know atm. I been feeling lost and down too. just keep reminding myself it will pass |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you.
I want to believe that. I really really do. But it's been three years of feeling like a failure, of never having anything to look forward to, of being let down and hurt by others, that I can't see the forest through the trees anymore.
OP
What are you doing for a living workwise atm? A change of career and focus can make a big difference.
When i left the military I had bad PTSD from operations in the Middle East I was drinking to much, had chronic insomnia and became unemployable pretty quickly. It took me going abroad on a 1 way ticket with just a rucksack and my guitar at 24 yrs old to be able to find a new start. I learnt a new language and immersed myself into a new culture, it was best thing I ever did. When I came back to the UK i was a different person, stronger and ready to move forward with a new career, family, friends and life.
As other posters have said theres lots of help out there make the call buddy.
My wife K is a CBT Therapist and this is something that could definitely help as others have said.
Also im sorry your mum thinks its ok to run up debt in your name and your sister steals from your bank account. Thats totally unacceptable buddy debts can limit futures options as ive learnt the hard way. I hope you can take a stand and dont let them do that to you anymore bro.
KJ x "
I'm unemployed at the moment, I had problems with my old boss about a year ago and I walked out. It wasn't doing me any favours mentally. Now I just do little oddjobs around the neighbourhood to earn some money (mowing, cleaning cars, things like that). I'm hoping to get a job with my sister's boyfriend valeting cars once things get back to normal.
I actually said to my sister's friend yesterday when I opened up to her that if I had a passport and some money I'd just fuck off to Europe for a few months, go backpacking.
I'm pretty much over what my mum and sister did, I still speak to them (kind of have to when I live with them), but I'm not close with them at all. In a house full of six adults there's only two of them I've got time for (sister's boyfriend and her friend). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Man, my wife of nearly 29 years left me two years ago. It still fucking hurts every single day. What I discovered is we are many in the same situation. Legions. Don't give up. It will get better. "
Bloody hell, sorry about that mate. We were only together a year and half, but it still fucking hurt. I think it was because I was the reason she left and because she was my first girlfriend. Maybe your first love hurts that much more when they leave. |
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"Cheers everyone.
I'm feeling better today, I guess yesterday I just sort of hit my breaking point. I'm not even really sure why. I think I was just really tired and frustrated of not being able to sleep due to overthinking on a night, and with it being so close to the day my ex left me, I just got a bit emotional about things.
I haven't had these kind of thoughts in a very long time. I handle my depression quite well most of the time. I don't really talk to anyone about it. My friends don't really understand, my family have made me feel like if I try to talk to them they'll just make it about them and make me feel worse.
I've actually been to counselling before. I went shortly after the breakup to deal with my depression (not from the breakup, I had it for years before then) and I got turned away after one session (their reasoning in the letter / notes they sent me was that I didn't need it). It made me feel like shit and like I wasn't worth helping, so I'm very reluctant to put myself through that again. I'll think about it though.
That sounds very surprising.Im training in counselling and it sounds very unethical to do that.You are the judge if you need it or or not..not them.
Go back to the drs and get referred..it may takes a few weeks but it can defo help if you think you cant talk to anyone.It can help talking to a stranger
And this thread shows that people care.
I was referred to 3 therapists and Counsellors when I was going through tough times. One I liked but ran out of funding, the other tore me apart as it was really aggressive form of therapy, the last one was nice. I think it only works if you have a good connection with your therapist/Counsellor. It can make or break you... cbt suppose to be one of the most effective ways of dealing with negative thoughts then getting out there doing things you enhjoy again. difficult i know atm. I been feeling lost and down too. just keep reminding myself it will pass "
Definitely agree..but if you find one you are not happy with the coundellor you can always change.The aggressive one sounds like cbt..where they can challenge you a bit.
Person centred is possibly the best.
It's not for everyone but it can help.
It will pass it's just hard believing that at times. |
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"Man, my wife of nearly 29 years left me two years ago. It still fucking hurts every single day. What I discovered is we are many in the same situation. Legions. Don't give up. It will get better.
Bloody hell, sorry about that mate. We were only together a year and half, but it still fucking hurt. I think it was because I was the reason she left and because she was my first girlfriend. Maybe your first love hurts that much more when they leave."
Its cheesy but 1st love is often the hardest one. |
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I found counselling incredibly frustrating it doesn’t work for everyone and I believe I just carry too much trauma and anger to ever make it work.
However I had a friend who went down the Counselling route and it changed his life it was remarkable so don’t give up on your first go.
You got this mate. |
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I feel for you fella. But hear this..... Next week it could all be different and if it isn't,,,, then maybe the week after........ But if you keep looking behind you you might miss out on next week. One day you will look back on those memories without the slightest sentiment or thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you.
I want to believe that. I really really do. But it's been three years of feeling like a failure, of never having anything to look forward to, of being let down and hurt by others, that I can't see the forest through the trees anymore.
OP
What are you doing for a living workwise atm? A change of career and focus can make a big difference.
When i left the military I had bad PTSD from operations in the Middle East I was drinking to much, had chronic insomnia and became unemployable pretty quickly. It took me going abroad on a 1 way ticket with just a rucksack and my guitar at 24 yrs old to be able to find a new start. I learnt a new language and immersed myself into a new culture, it was best thing I ever did. When I came back to the UK i was a different person, stronger and ready to move forward with a new career, family, friends and life.
As other posters have said theres lots of help out there make the call buddy.
My wife K is a CBT Therapist and this is something that could definitely help as others have said.
Also im sorry your mum thinks its ok to run up debt in your name and your sister steals from your bank account. Thats totally unacceptable buddy debts can limit futures options as ive learnt the hard way. I hope you can take a stand and dont let them do that to you anymore bro.
KJ x
I'm unemployed at the moment, I had problems with my old boss about a year ago and I walked out. It wasn't doing me any favours mentally. Now I just do little oddjobs around the neighbourhood to earn some money (mowing, cleaning cars, things like that). I'm hoping to get a job with my sister's boyfriend valeting cars once things get back to normal.
I actually said to my sister's friend yesterday when I opened up to her that if I had a passport and some money I'd just fuck off to Europe for a few months, go backpacking.
I'm pretty much over what my mum and sister did, I still speak to them (kind of have to when I live with them), but I'm not close with them at all. In a house full of six adults there's only two of them I've got time for (sister's boyfriend and her friend)."
I managed teams of coaches who support people into employment, access to funding, free training theres a lot available and due to covid theres gonna be lots more opportunities set up for people.
If you want any careers advice or putting in contact with people in the York area who can help with training, a new career etc feel free to drop me a PM buddy.
We just helped 30 Redcar and East Cleveland residents get full time permenant contracts at schipol airport Amsterdam in the warehouse 35hrs a week 12 - 19 euros per hr depending on shifts with digs included. Free flights home every 8 weeks. The training before going out was fully funded including getting passports for those who needed them and the flight out. Its just one example of many that various projects and programs provided by local authorities and deliver partners.
Whatever you decide good luck
Jay KJ x |
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By *B 4099Man
over a year ago
North West, Outer Letterkenny area |
"To the OP,
I went through a pretty dark spell many years ago. I wasn't suicidal but I did often think that I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow.
When I look back to all the amazing things that have happened to me in my life since that time, I'm so glad I kept going.
Such wonderful things you can't even comprehend now are waiting to happen to you.
I want to believe that. I really really do. But it's been three years of feeling like a failure, of never having anything to look forward to, of being let down and hurt by others, that I can't see the forest through the trees anymore.
OP
What are you doing for a living workwise atm? A change of career and focus can make a big difference.
When i left the military I had bad PTSD from operations in the Middle East I was drinking to much, had chronic insomnia and became unemployable pretty quickly. It took me going abroad on a 1 way ticket with just a rucksack and my guitar at 24 yrs old to be able to find a new start. I learnt a new language and immersed myself into a new culture, it was best thing I ever did. When I came back to the UK i was a different person, stronger and ready to move forward with a new career, family, friends and life.
As other posters have said theres lots of help out there make the call buddy.
My wife K is a CBT Therapist and this is something that could definitely help as others have said.
Also im sorry your mum thinks its ok to run up debt in your name and your sister steals from your bank account. Thats totally unacceptable buddy debts can limit futures options as ive learnt the hard way. I hope you can take a stand and dont let them do that to you anymore bro.
KJ x
I'm unemployed at the moment, I had problems with my old boss about a year ago and I walked out. It wasn't doing me any favours mentally. Now I just do little oddjobs around the neighbourhood to earn some money (mowing, cleaning cars, things like that). I'm hoping to get a job with my sister's boyfriend valeting cars once things get back to normal.
I actually said to my sister's friend yesterday when I opened up to her that if I had a passport and some money I'd just fuck off to Europe for a few months, go backpacking.
I'm pretty much over what my mum and sister did, I still speak to them (kind of have to when I live with them), but I'm not close with them at all. In a house full of six adults there's only two of them I've got time for (sister's boyfriend and her friend)."
Hey OP. Just seen the thread and read through the responses. Don't really know where to start , but I know things will get better, you'll have good days, you'll have bad days, its getting the bad days to become less frequent and being able to have a mechanism in place for the bad moments. Counselling is like trying on shoes for a wedding there can be plenty that don't fit or are too much, but eventually you will find one that's comfortable and works for you. Also living in a house with adults is always hard and recently is extra hard, people will be extra sensitive and snappy. Packing up and travelling, no harm in it but as someone said to me once you can't leave your head behind. Unfortunately the only way is through and you come out the other side. What is most encouraging is you are self aware and you felt better today after talking. Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers. So being self aware thats also why you are hard or yourself. Time to forgive yourself. Not a person on the planet doesn't make mistakes. And I think you deserve a break. Just take it day by day and enjoy the little things. Like the mate on the xbox. You'll come out of this OP and talking will always help. You are never alone. Take care buddy.
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