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what do you call a fish after you've gouged its eyes out?

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By *_Marius OP Man over a year ago

Currently Faraway

Fsh.

What other *brilliant* jokes have you lot got?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a magician that’s lost his magic?

Ian

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a dog who performs magic?

Labracadabrador

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 birds sat on a perch..

One turns to the other and says 'can you smell fish?'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

Before everyone starts, hubby told this to his oncologist at his last chemo appointment and the guy had coffee coming out his nose. . (while wearing his "hug me, I'm radioactive" t shirt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail 2 together.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Which bees produce milk?

Boobies

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What did one snowman say to the other ?

Can you smell carrots ?

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By *aastyKnixWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Which side of a horse has the most hair?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What do you call a blind moose ?

No eye deer !

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By *aastyKnixWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Which side of a horse has the most hair?"

The outside.

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By *_Marius OP Man over a year ago

Currently Faraway

I'm fucking loving your jokes, keep them coming! X

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By *ountry PeaksCouple over a year ago

In The Surrey Hills

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

How do you make a Swiss roll ?

Push him down a hill !

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"What do you call a blind moose ?

No eye deer !"

What do you call a blind moose with no legs?

Still no eye deer

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By *uck_NorrisMan over a year ago

swansea

What's blue but not as heavy?

Light blue

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Man walks into a bar..... ouch

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By *ennylewis2016Couple over a year ago

Birmingham

"Which side of a horse has the most hair?"

The outside

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How many animals can you fit into a condom?

A cock and a few hares

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K ?

H D M I

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Horse walks into a bar..... Barman: Why the long face?

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By *ncemoreroundthesunCouple over a year ago

on the move

Why does Edward Woodward have so many D's in his name?

If he didn't he'd be "e war woo war"

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Chatting to guy on here who’s a roofer. He said he’s not getting much action but got his asphalt

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o""

Now THAT is fucking funny !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Difference between a plate of spaghetti and a girl from Essex?

Spaghetti moves when you eat it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two men walk into a bar, barman says "I must put a sign up."

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By *heekyweebissimWoman over a year ago

fife,

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick."

My two fav jokes, still make me giggle

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"What did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

Before everyone starts, hubby told this to his oncologist at his last chemo appointment and the guy had coffee coming out his nose. . (while wearing his "hug me, I'm radioactive" t shirt "

Sometimes all you can do is laugh at your own situation..I've been there with my husband x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Now THAT is fucking funny !"

It took me a minute to get this

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By *abonWoman over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Now THAT is fucking funny !"

It’s awesome!!

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By *abonWoman over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

"What's blue but not as heavy?

Light blue"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Roses are red violets are blue

I got Alzheimer's err err err

Cheese on toast

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

Before everyone starts, hubby told this to his oncologist at his last chemo appointment and the guy had coffee coming out his nose. . (while wearing his "hug me, I'm radioactive" t shirt

Sometimes all you can do is laugh at your own situation..I've been there with my husband x"

Other offensive t shirts in clude. "I've had radio therepy not readybrek" " lose weight now ask me how" and the now famous deadpool t shirt "cancer, putting the die in diet"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?

A : It caused a revolution.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Loving these jokes!

"Why does Edward Woodward have so many D's in his name?

If he didn't he'd be "e war woo war"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What has 100 legs and 3 Teeth?

A Methadone queue.

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By *omsubdevonCouple over a year ago

Newton Abbot

I am a roofer. The other day my boss caught me wanking. Luckily being the good boss he is said he wouldn't sack me but wipe the slate clean.

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By *ewsub4dommeMan over a year ago

thirsk

Why did the hedgehog cross the road

To see his flat mate

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By *ewsub4dommeMan over a year ago

thirsk

made a belt out of watches earlier

Waist of time really

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By *omsubdevonCouple over a year ago

Newton Abbot

I have decided to remove all of my german friends from my phone.

I really want to go hans free.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Now THAT is fucking funny !

It’s awesome!!"

That took me a long while..... very good

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

"A priest, a rabbit and a minister go to give blood.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Now THAT is fucking funny !"

I have my moments

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By *orraine999Woman over a year ago

Somewhere

"What do you call a dog who performs magic?

Labracadabrador

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Why did the hedgehog cross the road

To see his flat mate"

Why did Boris Johnson crawl across the road ?

Someone stapled the hedgehog to his face

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By *_Marius OP Man over a year ago

Currently Faraway

I really want to crack a bad joke I've made up but it might actually be offensive

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By *_Marius OP Man over a year ago

Currently Faraway

Ok here it goes, no offence intended towards anybody

What do you call an axe-wielding killer who has had his legs chopped off?

Anything you want, he's not gonna run after you.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"What did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

Before everyone starts, hubby told this to his oncologist at his last chemo appointment and the guy had coffee coming out his nose. . (while wearing his "hug me, I'm radioactive" t shirt

Sometimes all you can do is laugh at your own situation..I've been there with my husband x

Other offensive t shirts in clude. "I've had radio therepy not readybrek" " lose weight now ask me how" and the now famous deadpool t shirt "cancer, putting the die in diet"

OMG

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By *ovegames42Man over a year ago

london

Why did the pervert cross road.

Because he could not get his cock out of the chicken.

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