FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > This has been bothering me lately
This has been bothering me lately
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don’t usually talk about things which are “serious” on fab as for me it is a fun place. But recently (in the past 8 weeks) I have had very odd requests when chatting to people (2x men, 1x cd, 1x women). They’re profiles do not seem to be fake, have veris, pics etc.
Essentially it is “race” thing which I feel uncomfy talking about anyways. But they basically say things along the lines of “I want to be your white slut” or “I want you to call me a white...”.
In fact one surprisingly using a punjabi word (Goree, which just means white it’s not a slur or anything) which made me think they clearly do engage in this kind of play with others.
I have told them that sorry but that makes me feel uncomfortable and would not be a turn on in any way, however they persist with it so I have blocked and left it.
I don’t even know what to say about it. It’s just really odd and made me feel really uncomfortable. It is as if they wanted me to see them being white as lower than me and wanted me to then enjoy playing with them because they’re lesser than me.
I am mixed race, white and asian. It made me upset I think, because it was as if they just expected me to be racist, and then expected me to funnel that racism down a sexual route.
Why would you expect that from someone? Why would you expect that from ME? I felt like a bad person just for them saying it I don’t even know why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"BDSM Humiliation and degradation is something not everyone into and personally I cringe big time as well. Eventhough they shouldn’t be pushy about it, there are people enjoy with this type of acts. I wouldn’t worry much and move on   "
This really^
Plenty of stuff on fab looks grim to me but it's a sex game at the end of the day and we can't control what turns other ppl on behind closed doors...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"BDSM Humiliation and degradation is something not everyone into and personally I cringe big time as well. Eventhough they shouldn’t be pushy about it, there are people enjoy with this type of acts. I wouldn’t worry much and move on "
I didn’t think of it as that. They never mentioned they were into it as a “kink” it just seemed a bit random. Makes more sense actually now you’ve said that. I don’t mind dirty talk and taking control but degradation is exactly what they’ve been wanting. For me that was just a big NO.
I felt more offended that they assumed I wanted to be racially abusive. It’s made me feel a lot better seeing it as they just wanted degrading!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
This really^
Plenty of stuff on fab looks grim to me but it's a sex game at the end of the day and we can't control what turns other ppl on behind closed doors... "
Yeah I agree with that everyone has their own interests. I guess initially, I just didn’t see it from the perspective of them wanting degrading. |
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At one level it's just how their kink has been manifrsted, for whatever reasons. That people are honest is good, as it prevents mismatched people from continuing dialogue.
As with many erotic fixations, it's how people have shared their inner preferences with others and whatever may be driving them that are possible issues. I'm assuming that if we were s fully equal society that this type of need would potentially be diminished. But how people can want to engage with others as an accessory, a living fuck tool system, can definitely be viewed as dehumanising and to render the desired sex toy as being pushed to engage with a values system that is entirely alien to them.
Men, in particular, here are probably most at risk of having others expect to control them as their accessory. Others get all manner of weird, atrocious or frequently viwed as heinous demands on a daily basis, as perceived by them. Due to their very wide levels of choice, they quickly move along their inboxes to vuew the next in the list of similarly outrageous demands.
We've too long a history of racist abuse that getting rid of it seems to be taking forever.
Here we can just use the tools jere, alongside our experienced insight, to attempt to screen mismatched people from engaging with us. |
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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago
Hyde |
"BDSM Humiliation and degradation is something not everyone into and personally I cringe big time as well. Eventhough they shouldn’t be pushy about it, there are people enjoy with this type of acts. I wouldn’t worry much and move on "
Couldn't have said it better
Sadly it's not ok for them to not communicate this with you
Part of bdsm is mutual consent ....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At one level it's just how their kink has been manifrsted, for whatever reasons. That people are honest is good, as it prevents mismatched people from continuing dialogue.
As with many erotic fixations, it's how people have shared their inner preferences with others and whatever may be driving them that are possible issues. I'm assuming that if we were s fully equal society that this type of need would potentially be diminished. But how people can want to engage with others as an accessory, a living fuck tool system, can definitely be viewed as dehumanising and to render the desired sex toy as being pushed to engage with a values system that is entirely alien to them.
Men, in particular, here are probably most at risk of having others expect to control them as their accessory. Others get all manner of weird, atrocious or frequently viwed as heinous demands on a daily basis, as perceived by them. Due to their very wide levels of choice, they quickly move along their inboxes to vuew the next in the list of similarly outrageous demands.
We've too long a history of racist abuse that getting rid of it seems to be taking forever.
Here we can just use the tools jere, alongside our experienced insight, to attempt to screen mismatched people from engaging with us. "
Very insightful!! Definitely something I will be mulling over |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Couldn't have said it better
Sadly it's not ok for them to not communicate this with you
Part of bdsm is mutual consent ....
"
Yeah I think looking back I wouldn’t have felt odd if they’d told me it was a kink for them! |
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"I'd be incredibly uncomfortable with that too, OP.
Yep It’s not for me. "
I sometimes play with people of different ethnicities and I get so creeped out when people make it a race thing. No, I'm playing with my friend X, his skin colour is irrelevant, go away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s out of order, there seem to be plenty of people who don’t see the racism in their ‘fetish‘ and the language they choose to express it, ‘chocolate pussy’ is my most recent pet peeve.
Sorry to hear you’ve been upset by it, block them and move on as they’re not capable of changing themselves but you can easily make them vanish  |
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