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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Philosophical question!
Do you think marriage more specifically the words "till death do us part" relevant in todays world?
In yesteryears world people lived shorter lives and had a smaller network of people around them so marriage would last until one dies.
Are we heading into a polygamous world or are we already in one?
Please be polite.
Thanks
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Words are words, be a bit funny getting married and saying "until something better comes along".
The commitment is what marriage is about surely....? The rest is already there.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think people only stayed together just because they had a lack of choice and shorter lives. It was seen as taboo to get a divorce. Lots of people don’t like the idea of marriage, so they can choose not to do it. Whereas before, some people would feel obligated to get married because it was the norm. It doesn’t mean they were happy.
I think there’s a much better attitude towards marriage now. Someone can walk away from a marriage if it’s no longer working. Doesn’t mean it’s failure, and there isn’t always a good guy and a bad guy in a breakup. Sometimes two people who were right for each other at one time, grow apart and that should always be respected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Philosophical question!
Do you think marriage more specifically the words "till death do us part" relevant in todays world?
In yesteryears world people lived shorter lives and had a smaller network of people around them so marriage would last until one dies.
Are we heading into a polygamous world or are we already in one?
Please be polite.
Thanks
"
I definitely think marriage can last until death. And no, polygamy definitely isn't for everyone, I know that I'm not capable of loving more than one person in a romantic sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the people. I was married for 8 years, it didn't work so we got divorced. We had that choice which once upon a time was frowned upon. My parents on the other hand are literally 'until death do us part' 40 years married until my dad's death last year.
Not everyone agrees with marriage and that's fine. We should have a freedom to do what we want rather than what society expects. |
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My parents have been married 65 years, we've been together nearly 40 and married for 33. In both cases it's worked, there's been bumps in the road obviously but we've hung on and not fallen out of the cart. For us at least marriage is relevant and we appreciate people that respect our choice. We respect all other choices on the relationship spectrum  |
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I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense. |
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"Yep, I think so.
Don’t know why anyone would get married if they weren’t on planning on staying with that person forever. "
Years ago when being a single mother was really frowned on three of my friends "had" to get married at a very young age. That was 6 very unhappy people none of who genuinely intended to stay married for ever. I'm so glad things have changed. |
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"I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense. "
Neither can I. |
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"Philosophical question!
Do you think marriage more specifically the words "till death do us part" relevant in todays world?
In yesteryears world people lived shorter lives and had a smaller network of people around them so marriage would last until one dies.
Are we heading into a polygamous world or are we already in one?
Please be polite.
Thanks
"
What a strange question.
My parents lived to be in their 80s and died in the last 10 years so they didn’t have short lives. They made it work and stayed together when they were married in 1953.
The till death do us part’ is the commitment sure of the arrangement.
People these days give up too easy on marriage if there are ups and downs.
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"I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense. "
Same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea. |
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Esther Perel speaks a lot of sense in her TED talks and interviews. I respect her hugely.
My opinion:
There are some people in this world who see duty as more important than happiness.
I don't think these types of people do their kids any favours (grew up in a house where my parents were clearly unhappily married)
Yes, some can work and do work and I absolutely take my hat off to the energy that goes into it and not end up despising each other  but if it's with the right person then it's totally worth it.
We only get one life (that we know of) and spending it fulfilling "duty" instead of embracing change, existing instead of living.... well, people aren't all cunts when they split and providing people are respectful, considerate and show compassion too, it can be done and both can move on to happier times.
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We got to choose our vows 18 months ago. We took different bits from each option. Till death us do part was a major factor in us getting married as T was seriously ill & wedding was planned from his hospital bed.
It’s my 2nd marriage & I don’t plan doing again.
J x |
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea."
Our son in law came to see us before he proposed to our daughter. He didn't ask if it was OK, he just likes tradition as does she. |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
We have just had our 25th wedding anniversary and hardly a cross word in all those years and lots of our friends have been married for longer so I think there are still some long servers out there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea.
Our son in law came to see us before he proposed to our daughter. He didn't ask if it was OK, he just likes tradition as does she. "
Each to their own, nothing wrong with tradition so long as it's not forced upon people. We do what's right for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea."
My husband didn’t ask my dad, as I’m a person and my dad doesn’t own me.
My dad also loves my husband, so would have said either way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense.
Same "
Me too, and it’s nice to see on here. Quite often you get slated for being like that on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea.
My husband didn’t ask my dad, as I’m a person and my dad doesn’t own me.
My dad also loves my husband, so would have said either way"
That's it nobody owns anyone. It's surprising how victorian some can be in 2020.
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea.
My husband didn’t ask my dad, as I’m a person and my dad doesn’t own me.
My dad also loves my husband, so would have said either way
That's it nobody owns anyone. It's surprising how victorian some can be in 2020.
"
Ouch
Mind you Queen Victoria was quite open minded when it came down to it. |
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"Marriage is an old fashioned concept where the woman went from the care of her father to her husband.
It's a legal contract at the end of the day.
My lady and I are happy together and will not give into pressure to get married because that's what our families want to see.
Society has moved on now.
Does anyone ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage ?
I wouldn't entertain the idea.
My husband didn’t ask my dad, as I’m a person and my dad doesn’t own me.
My dad also loves my husband, so would have said either way"
It’s not about ‘owning’. It’s about tradition with that particular thing. It’s more making sure dad is happy for you as he loves you...
It’s from a time long ago which I think quite cute. |
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I know my paternal grandfather married through convenience when his first wife (my grandmother) died, that was often the case back then, he worked down the mines both had a family to raise so there was little choice |
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"I know my paternal grandfather married through convenience when his first wife (my grandmother) died, that was often the case back then, he worked down the mines both had a family to raise so there was little choice"
I think we've got a very romanticised view of marriage nowadays. Love wasn't a very good reason to marry years ago, family compatibility, shared business interests etc were more significant. If you happened to like the person it was a bonus.
Women were just pawns on the marriage game hence asking the fathers permission and being given away. |
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"I know my paternal grandfather married through convenience when his first wife (my grandmother) died, that was often the case back then, he worked down the mines both had a family to raise so there was little choice
I think we've got a very romanticised view of marriage nowadays. Love wasn't a very good reason to marry years ago, family compatibility, shared business interests etc were more significant. If you happened to like the person it was a bonus.
Women were just pawns on the marriage game hence asking the fathers permission and being given away. "
Yes it was probably a necessity for them to raise their children, I think he loved his first wife, but she was a formidable women by all accounts |
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"I know my paternal grandfather married through convenience when his first wife (my grandmother) died, that was often the case back then, he worked down the mines both had a family to raise so there was little choice
I think we've got a very romanticised view of marriage nowadays. Love wasn't a very good reason to marry years ago, family compatibility, shared business interests etc were more significant. If you happened to like the person it was a bonus.
Women were just pawns on the marriage game hence asking the fathers permission and being given away.
Yes it was probably a necessity for them to raise their children, I think he loved his first wife, but she was a formidable women by all accounts"
I think there were three main reasons people married,
Society expected it
Regular sex
Someone to provide money and someone to provide housekeeping services.
Nowadays its all about love and that's no basis for a long term relationship unless you're prepared to work at it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think people only stayed together just because they had a lack of choice and shorter lives. It was seen as taboo to get a divorce. Lots of people don’t like the idea of marriage, so they can choose not to do it. Whereas before, some people would feel obligated to get married because it was the norm. It doesn’t mean they were happy.
I think there’s a much better attitude towards marriage now. Someone can walk away from a marriage if it’s no longer working. Doesn’t mean it’s failure, and there isn’t always a good guy and a bad guy in a breakup. Sometimes two people who were right for each other at one time, grow apart and that should always be respected. "
And women wouldn't have the same opportunities back in the day as they do now. Not to mention support after marriage fell apart. We are so lucky these days to have these choices. And be part of the culture where its not thrown upon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Married 15 years today and happier than we’ve ever been so yes
Aww congratulations guys! "
Thanks, it’s been lovely so far...hoping the kids are in bed early tonight haha xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Married 15 years today and happier than we’ve ever been so yes
Aww congratulations guys!
Thanks, it’s been lovely so far...hoping the kids are in bed early tonight haha xx"
Happy anniversary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never wanted to be married or be a wife. Living in sin suited me fine. Marriage in my eyes is pointless."
This was me (Mr) 100%, was actually quoted at my wedding as having said that marriage was one of society’s ways of controlling people haha.
I knew within weeks of meeting her i never wanted to be without her. We were married 8 months and a day after our first date (where we didn’t exactly hit off |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Vows are very personal to the two people and shouldn’t be taken lightly whether that for personal legal or religious reasons, you’re making a promise before witnesses , if taken lightly don’t bother eating them.
Even in polygamous relationships, till death may still be applicable , loyalty is important and doesn’t imply monogamy. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Vows are very personal to the two people and shouldn’t be taken lightly whether that for personal legal or religious reasons, you’re making a promise before witnesses , if taken lightly don’t bother eating them.
Even in polygamous relationships, till death may still be applicable , loyalty is important and doesn’t imply monogamy."
Making* not eating lol, don’t eat your words either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away |
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"I don’t think people only stayed together just because they had a lack of choice and shorter lives. It was seen as taboo to get a divorce. Lots of people don’t like the idea of marriage, so they can choose not to do it. Whereas before, some people would feel obligated to get married because it was the norm. It doesn’t mean they were happy.
I think there’s a much better attitude towards marriage now. Someone can walk away from a marriage if it’s no longer working. Doesn’t mean it’s failure, and there isn’t always a good guy and a bad guy in a breakup. Sometimes two people who were right for each other at one time, grow apart and that should always be respected. "
I like this.
Also though, I’d have no hesitation to ask for the bride’s father’s/parents’ blessing.
(I’m a bit old fashioned I guess)
I did it last time, and it went in my favour. I didn’t get blamed when she had an affair and I divorced her, either! We’re all still amicable.
Finding the next potential victim... sorry, bride, is proving to be more of a problem though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Words are words, be a bit funny getting married and saying "until something better comes along".
The commitment is what marriage is about surely....? The rest is already there..... "
I think those words would be more appropriate though. |
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"I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense. "
Agree We have been together 26 married 22 years and couldn’t ever be in a polyamorous relationship .I like having him all to myself for date nights and cuddles in bed etc . |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I think it definitely can - but I also think that it is viewed as a disposable commodity these days, much like a lot of things.
I could never be in a polyamorous relationship...I don't mind sharing physically, but I can't share emotionally in a romantic sense. Agree We have been together 26 married 22 years and couldn’t ever be in a polyamorous relationship .I like having him all to myself for date nights and cuddles in bed etc ."
We have been together 27 and married 19 and very happy, but would disagree! Just shows every relationship is unique , even within swinging and poly, so many variations! |
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All couples are different as are many marriages ...if you are lucky enough to get on in and out of the bed its the best thing on earth ...to have a wife ..lover & best friend all in one ..lovely .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away "
I’m so sorry. That’s very sad  |
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"Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away "
Great positive attitude.
I hope I’d be the same if ever in that situation.
Respect to you mate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away
Great positive attitude.
I hope I’d be the same if ever in that situation.
Respect to you mate "
Thanks .......it’s been tough but it’s taken my wife, it’s not taking my future |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away
Great positive attitude.
I hope I’d be the same if ever in that situation.
Respect to you mate
Thanks .......it’s been tough but it’s taken my wife, it’s not taking my future "
What a strength.. wishing you all the best for the future to come. |
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My parents were married just shy of 45 years before my dad divorced my mum. That said, they should have divorced about 40 years ago. My childhood memories are peppered with them fighting (sometimes physically) and bitching with each other. One row started over who put the oxo in the gravy - I shit you not. Part of their problem, as an adult looking back, was they "had" to get married and did so at a time when it wasnt "easy" to get a divorce. My dad also subscribes to the notion that the little lady should do as shes bloody told and be grateful. All of the above means that marriage is not nor ever will be for me. Tyvm |
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"Was happily married till the big C turned up, 6 weeks from the diagnosis she was no longer here........ devastated but it’s taught me to take everyday as a gift and make many memories as they can’t be taken away
Great positive attitude.
I hope I’d be the same if ever in that situation.
Respect to you mate
Thanks .......it’s been tough but it’s taken my wife, it’s not taking my future "
She was a very lucky lady so sorry for your loss xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Growing up I never understood having a boyfriend/girlfriend. I found it to be the lazy way of looking at relationships. I would only ever be interested in a girl if I believed she'd be someone I would marry. I saw others in and out of relationships and felt there wasn't enough commitment and they were too easy to leave rather than work through things.
I met my wife when I was 15 and we married at 19. We've been together for almost 20 years.
I believe there is something about ceremonies and rituals which has a psychological impact. Similarly to how tribes use "rights of passage" acts when a child comes of age which bond them to the tribe and give them a sense of belonging.
It would be interesting to see if others had similar thoughts.
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"Growing up I never understood having a boyfriend/girlfriend. I found it to be the lazy way of looking at relationships. I would only ever be interested in a girl if I believed she'd be someone I would marry. I saw others in and out of relationships and felt there wasn't enough commitment and they were too easy to leave rather than work through things.
I met my wife when I was 15 and we married at 19. We've been together for almost 20 years.
I believe there is something about ceremonies and rituals which has a psychological impact. Similarly to how tribes use "rights of passage" acts when a child comes of age which bond them to the tribe and give them a sense of belonging.
It would be interesting to see if others had similar thoughts.
"
I don't have have similar thoughts re boyfriends etc but I do about rites of passage and ceremony. I also think that "a marriage" however its celebrated is a separate thing to the people involved in it. It's something that both (or all of people are polyamorous) need to contribute to, nurture and build on. It can exist despite or because of the actions of the people involved and needs to be looked at as a whole rather than at one specific time.
I know I haven't explained that very well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been married for 19 years and still going strong.
My personal opinion (please note just an opinion) is that the ritualistic act of marriage helps on a psychological level to keep a couple together. This works even in polygamous marriages. But like all things the combination of people must work as well has having excellent communication.
Polygamous marriages are the norm in certain parts of the world. Hollywood and bollywood helped spread the notion that there is only one true love. In the west it's becoming more acceptable in swinger type scenarios.
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Married and now divorced, do I believe in Marriage ?
Yes I do, still believe that when the right two people meet each other then a happy life, can be a reward for those lucky people. Unfortunately I’ve now given up for this nirvana for me, however being an optimist who knows |
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