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Friendship
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So there were a couple of threads about friendship yesterday which set my cogs whirring.
When discussing friendships there's a fair proportion of females who say they get on better with men. But you don't typically get the same response from men, so it kinda doesn't add up in my brain.
I've always had a mixture of both male and female friends. So I'm wondering is it because we believe the typical female stereotypes, such as they are bitchy and like makeup and shopping? Or is it because men aren't as open to admit that their friends are female? Just wondering why there is a difference between the genders when there shouldn't be one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always got on better with women. At school, I used to prefer projects where i was the only male and that has carried on through to work.
And no, it isn’t because I am staring at boobs |
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"I’ve always got on better with women. At school, I used to prefer projects where i was the only male and that has carried on through to work.
And no, it isn’t because I am staring at boobs"
That's cool, is there any particular reason why? |
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Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason |
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I have got on better with women than men since my teens. I'm a listener rather than a talker which a lot like. I've always been quite mature for my age. I have no interest in stereotypical "men's stuff" like football. I have found many more women on the same wavelength as me than men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it difficult to be friends with a female. I always end up wanting to shag them. Even my friends girlfriends, wives etc....I always want to pump them too.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones. "
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards!  |
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason "
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered |
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"I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve always got on better with women. At school, I used to prefer projects where i was the only male and that has carried on through to work.
And no, it isn’t because I am staring at boobs
That's cool, is there any particular reason why? "
I’ve never been into the whole testosterone, who is the best one upmanship that seems to hang around. Talking to, listening to and interacting has always been more comfortable in a group that is predominantly female.
I also found, in school, that most of the other boys couldn’t be arsed helping so I ended up doing all the work |
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"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards! "
Do you have hairy hobbit feet Nip? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have got on better with women than men since my teens. I'm a listener rather than a talker which a lot like. I've always been quite mature for my age. I have no interest in stereotypical "men's stuff" like football. I have found many more women on the same wavelength as me than men. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards! "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards!
Do you have hairy hobbit feet Nip? "
Want a pic? I'll swap you for boobs...?    |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards!
Do you have hairy hobbit feet Nip?
Want a pic? I'll swap you for boobs...? "
Wait, I take that back, I want the ginger jungle....!
(see, friends can talk like that and it's not offensive... )
(seriously though, send vag...!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have lots of female friends I chat with no differently to men.
But true I'd be less likely to meet up with frequently on a one to one basis. Maybe people automatically assume its a relationship thing then? Maybe men get attracted more easily as they grow close? |
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered "
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though.  |
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"I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting. "
I did this fairly recently had no friends local to me. But it's surprising how you manage to pick some up without trying. |
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"I’ve always got on better with women. At school, I used to prefer projects where i was the only male and that has carried on through to work.
And no, it isn’t because I am staring at boobs
That's cool, is there any particular reason why?
I’ve never been into the whole testosterone, who is the best one upmanship that seems to hang around. Talking to, listening to and interacting has always been more comfortable in a group that is predominantly female.
I also found, in school, that most of the other boys couldn’t be arsed helping so I ended up doing all the work"
Do you believe that still to be true now though as you've gotten older? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting.
I did this fairly recently had no friends local to me. But it's surprising how you manage to pick some up without trying. "
I hope so.
It has been playing on my mind a little bit. X |
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"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards!
Do you have hairy hobbit feet Nip?
Want a pic? I'll swap you for boobs...?
Wait, I take that back, I want the ginger jungle....!
(see, friends can talk like that and it's not offensive... )
(seriously though, send vag...!)"
That wouldn't be a very fair swap now would it |
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"I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting.
I did this fairly recently had no friends local to me. But it's surprising how you manage to pick some up without trying.
I hope so.
It has been playing on my mind a little bit. X"
Think we build it up in our own minds think most people are open to new friendships x |
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" I have lots of female friends I chat with no differently to men.
But true I'd be less likely to meet up with frequently on a one to one basis. Maybe people automatically assume its a relationship thing then? Maybe men get attracted more easily as they grow close? "
Does it matter what others think though? And as long as you're upfront and honest with your mate that shouldn't be an issue, we all have our boundaries? |
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though. "
I'm with you completely, this would make me feel uncomfortable personally |
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By *ljamMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I've actually been thinking about friendships a lot recently too.
I've got some lovely friends but as many of you know I'm moving to London at some point later this year.
The thought of having to make new friends either male or female is rather daunting.
I did this fairly recently had no friends local to me. But it's surprising how you manage to pick some up without trying.
I hope so.
It has been playing on my mind a little bit. X
Think we build it up in our own minds think most people are open to new friendships x "
I've not lived in London myself but all my pals who've moved down from Scotland have found it really easy to make friends. Seems like there are so many people in the same boat, many are open to new friendships. |
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I've got male and female friends. I used to have more female friends, but now I have more male friends.
In my opinion, women are much more difficult to be friends with.
In my entire history of friends, women tend to be more geared towards feelings. Men tend to be more geared towards solutions.
Of all of my female friends, they seem to go through cycles. Hormones and moods rage constantly. One day they're great, the next day they're acting strange for no apparent reason. My female friends generally don't have other female friends and they seem to always find reason to pick fault with other women. I find women to be way better at communication though. I'd say pretty much all of them are hung up sexually and all hung up about their bodies - which is sad. They generally don't seem to know what they're doing from one day to the next. But they're lovely, and very caring. They love to argue and they generally love drama. They're much, much more hospitable than men. They're generally also much more interested in me as a person than my male friends.
Men, I find men to be far more easy going. They tend to actively avoid problems, arguments, moods, etc. Or anything which will cause a headache or strife. When we do stuff, it's generally uncontrolled. We can go and drink as much as we want, we can go mad shit. I find men to be much more 'free' mentally, if that makes sense. My male friends are far more sexual than my female friends. They don't seem to be able to express themselves as well as women. When I talk to men, conversations tend to be summarised. Haha! When I meet up with male friends, the goal is already set. It's to drink, to discuss some problem, to go on bike, to do *something*, whereas my female friends can just sort of I don't know... Just meet up for no reason I guess. My male friends are much more simple than my female friends in pretty much every sense.
I love both types. It depends what mood I'm in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I guess the difference is due to a myriad of factors such as hobbits, social validation, upbringing, or even hormones.
Fucking elves are a pest, bitchy bastards!
Do you have hairy hobbit feet Nip?
Want a pic? I'll swap you for boobs...?
Wait, I take that back, I want the ginger jungle....!
(see, friends can talk like that and it's not offensive... )
(seriously though, send vag...!)
That wouldn't be a very fair swap now would it "
You had first pic!!! |
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though.
I'm with you completely, this would make me feel uncomfortable personally "
I'm not alone then. I do wonder though if as per my original point, there are a lot of people who have a much looser definition of what constitutes a friend than I do. |
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"I've got male and female friends. I used to have more female friends, but now I have more male friends.
In my opinion, women are much more difficult to be friends with.
In my entire history of friends, women tend to be more geared towards feelings. Men tend to be more geared towards solutions.
Of all of my female friends, they seem to go through cycles. Hormones and moods rage constantly. One day they're great, the next day they're acting strange for no apparent reason. My female friends generally don't have other female friends and they seem to always find reason to pick fault with other women. I find women to be way better at communication though. I'd say pretty much all of them are hung up sexually and all hung up about their bodies - which is sad. They generally don't seem to know what they're doing from one day to the next. But they're lovely, and very caring. They love to argue and they generally love drama. They're much, much more hospitable than men. They're generally also much more interested in me as a person than my male friends.
Men, I find men to be far more easy going. They tend to actively avoid problems, arguments, moods, etc. Or anything which will cause a headache or strife. When we do stuff, it's generally uncontrolled. We can go and drink as much as we want, we can go mad shit. I find men to be much more 'free' mentally, if that makes sense. My male friends are far more sexual than my female friends. They don't seem to be able to express themselves as well as women. When I talk to men, conversations tend to be summarised. Haha! When I meet up with male friends, the goal is already set. It's to drink, to discuss some problem, to go on bike, to do *something*, whereas my female friends can just sort of I don't know... Just meet up for no reason I guess. My male friends are much more simple than my female friends in pretty much every sense.
I love both types. It depends what mood I'm in."
Think a really honest perspective, thank you. And I'm the same I turn to different friends for different things |
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though.
I'm with you completely, this would make me feel uncomfortable personally
I'm not alone then. I do wonder though if as per my original point, there are a lot of people who have a much looser definition of what constitutes a friend than I do. "
I think so, I have a friend with a million and one friends but in all reality when the poo hits the fan, it's the same people she turns to. Think some are more social butterflies whereas I'm not and have relatively few friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have friendships with both men and women. The major differences between them are often the depth of conversations. My conversations with my male friends are more superficial. Mutual vulnerability is less frequent, although I have two male friends where that isn’t the case but we work together and the nature of our work begets personal disclosure and deeper levels of trust than meeting for a pint down the pub or going for a curry together and talking about the footy.
On the other hand my friendships with women tend to be deeper, with much more emotional disclosure on a regular basis and mutual help. The tone of conversations is more akin to my two work colleagues.
When there is a sexual element to the friendship I definitely find it easier with women than men, but that is probably because for the majority of my life I assumed I was heterosexual and didn’t flirt very often with other men. On the rare occasion I did, it was very much tongue in cheek. I am more open about sexual issues with women than I am with men. |
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"I have friendships with both men and women. The major differences between them are often the depth of conversations. My conversations with my male friends are more superficial. Mutual vulnerability is less frequent, although I have two male friends where that isn’t the case but we work together and the nature of our work begets personal disclosure and deeper levels of trust than meeting for a pint down the pub or going for a curry together and talking about the footy.
On the other hand my friendships with women tend to be deeper, with much more emotional disclosure on a regular basis and mutual help. The tone of conversations is more akin to my two work colleagues.
When there is a sexual element to the friendship I definitely find it easier with women than men, but that is probably because for the majority of my life I assumed I was heterosexual and didn’t flirt very often with other men. On the rare occasion I did, it was very much tongue in cheek. I am more open about sexual issues with women than I am with men."
Do you think the depth of those conversations are hindered as it may not be considered "manly" to do so? All my male mates show their vulnerable side so is it society that says they should like going to the pub and talk about footy? And that it's more normal for females to talk in depth more?
|
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though. "
I'm like this - I have a lot of acquaintances (like your coffee companion), but far fewer people who I would class as friends. I think for me it's a trust issue - I don't trust easily, and I wouldn't call someone a friend unless I trusted them.
Incidentally, I have always had more male friends than female, right from school age - I guess I just find men easier to trust |
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"I have friendships with both men and women. The major differences between them are often the depth of conversations. My conversations with my male friends are more superficial. Mutual vulnerability is less frequent, although I have two male friends where that isn’t the case but we work together and the nature of our work begets personal disclosure and deeper levels of trust than meeting for a pint down the pub or going for a curry together and talking about the footy.
On the other hand my friendships with women tend to be deeper, with much more emotional disclosure on a regular basis and mutual help. The tone of conversations is more akin to my two work colleagues.
When there is a sexual element to the friendship I definitely find it easier with women than men, but that is probably because for the majority of my life I assumed I was heterosexual and didn’t flirt very often with other men. On the rare occasion I did, it was very much tongue in cheek. I am more open about sexual issues with women than I am with men.
Do you think the depth of those conversations are hindered as it may not be considered "manly" to do so? All my male mates show their vulnerable side so is it society that says they should like going to the pub and talk about footy? And that it's more normal for females to talk in depth more?
"
I feel the same way as this guy regarding conversations. Women are a lot better at talking, etc. Conversations are often much deeper and more meaningful.
I don't think it's to do with vulnerabilities though. I think it's that women just seem to be geared towards this sort of thing. It's like as of they're open to those sorts of conversations and appreciate them.
If I started talking to my male friends about some sort of deep issue, they wouldn't understand the feeling part of it. It's like as if they don't understand what I'm trying to say. They don't understand the point of the conversation. They would just simplify it and try to solve it like as if it was a puzzle.
If I spoke to a female friend about something like that, it would get cosy and sort of... I don't know... It's like as if they want to make you feel better, they try to be actively interested in me as a person rather than the problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have friendships with both men and women. The major differences between them are often the depth of conversations. My conversations with my male friends are more superficial. Mutual vulnerability is less frequent, although I have two male friends where that isn’t the case but we work together and the nature of our work begets personal disclosure and deeper levels of trust than meeting for a pint down the pub or going for a curry together and talking about the footy.
On the other hand my friendships with women tend to be deeper, with much more emotional disclosure on a regular basis and mutual help. The tone of conversations is more akin to my two work colleagues.
When there is a sexual element to the friendship I definitely find it easier with women than men, but that is probably because for the majority of my life I assumed I was heterosexual and didn’t flirt very often with other men. On the rare occasion I did, it was very much tongue in cheek. I am more open about sexual issues with women than I am with men.
Do you think the depth of those conversations are hindered as it may not be considered "manly" to do so? All my male mates show their vulnerable side so is it society that says they should like going to the pub and talk about footy? And that it's more normal for females to talk in depth more?
"
I think there are inbuilt sexual stereotypes and the levels of self awareness of my male friends is, with the two exceptions I work with, less. I think social conditioning does affect the nature of the conversation and also the context in which we met. Frequency of contact is also a factor. I have a good friend in London who I see very infrequently so the nature of the friendship is different. We are both shit at keeping in touch with each other which doesn’t help. I don’t talk in depth with all my female friends and funnily enough the ones I work with it is less deep,, but they are less emotionally available than the men.
I think developmental shapes of mind affect depth of conversation as much as gender does. However I know more self aware and emotionally intelligent women than I do men. That, I do think, is affected by gender stereotypes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men don't tend to talk about friendship much at all. I do wonder though if some friendships are deeper on one side than the other. I don't make friends easily and would possibly not describe people as friends as readily as some people. Maybe that's one reason
That's a really interesting take and one I hadn't considered
An example. I worked with someone for about three months, we've met for coffee three times in two years. She recently asked my advice on something and later texted me to say "that's what friends are for". I was bemused because three coffee meets doesn't constitute a friendship to me. I am prepared to accept that it's me who's odd though. "
Maybe it was just a throwaway comment. I've used that phrase before as a kind of acknowledgement of a thank you but I didn't mean it literally.
I don't see you as odd either. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've had a number of female friends down the years that were purely platonic and the idea of anything more simply hasn't crossed either of our minds.
Since joining here I've made a lot of friendships of the female variety too, some of which have existed on a purely platonic plane and always will do - regardless of whether there's more to it or not though I don't think there's any difference between those friendships and the ones I have with males - they still consist of similar values etc |
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By *akbearMan
over a year ago
Newbury |
I've a number of female friends, mainly because I've tended to end up working in places that were female heavy.
Useful as depending on what I want to discuss depends who I need to talk to.
That and they've always felt they can confide in me. Ends up more like a little sister. |
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