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Write an over the top advertisement for yourself

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By *acey_Red OP Woman over a year ago

Liverpool

Sell yourself as a total sex god/goddess the way a cheesy sales person would!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will bang for bacon

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By *r MoriartyMan over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

Fucks as good as he looks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sucks like an Electrolux

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Do you think you make ridiculous noises when you're getting jiggy with it?

Well you've never heard anything quite like this woman's crazy sounds! Guaranteed 100% full on racket, or your money back. If you prefer a quiet life, just shove something in her gob to shut her up... Yes I do mean your cock!

Mrs TMN

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By *uck-RogersMan over a year ago

Oakhill

I can shag all night long. Jive rock n roll and salsa also. Lindy hop this way if you would like to learn.

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By *hunky GentMan over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Sucks like an Electrolux

Now I want to lie on the floor like a rug.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm so good at sexing, two people asked for seconds!

And if rumours are true, I can snap someone in half from slamming my thighs against their hips!

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

You should do one too, OP! X

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I'm so good at sexing, two people asked for seconds!

And if rumours are true, I can snap someone in half from slamming my thighs against their hips!"

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By *91kMan over a year ago

Maidstone

Wish I could sell myself like this

you've all nailed it though!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Marginally better than watching the news.

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

Take two dildos to bed? Not anymore, you just need to take one Magneto!

The world class Magneto will take you to the brink of ecstasy, pause, before plunging you waist deep in erotic sensations the like of which no woman in the northern hemisphere has ever experienced since 1924.

Magneto is selling fast, so you must act now, get in his inbox and message NOW, do not miss your chance to experience the maximum amount of pleasure your body can achieve, act now! Message Magneto.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

Come lose yourself in the Labyrinth that is my labia

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By *acey_Red OP Woman over a year ago

Liverpool

Amazing work guys! Thanks for the giggles!

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

There’s been a lot of interest in this ride, got someone coming down from up North in about an hour who wants to put a deposit on it, you want it...you better make a move fast.

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By *hunky GentMan over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Chunky is a big guy with a big heart.

Be prepared to be kissed, hugged and have your are squeezed.

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By *acey_Red OP Woman over a year ago

Liverpool

"You should do one too, OP! X"

Cross a hungry tiger with a howler monkey, wrsp it in a bin bag and you're close to experiencing a Lacey_Red. Guaranteed to wear you out and leave you well moisturised. 50% off while stocks last. Don't miss out.

Rediculously quickly read small print: No refunds. We will not be held liable for any damage to fixtures, fittings or soft furnishings.

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By *affeine DuskMan over a year ago

Caerphilly

Will literally marry you on a Wednesday and have my shady legal team rush the divorce through within 24hrs to get to all the crazy cathartic divorce sex.

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By *nnocentimesMan over a year ago

over there by that tree

For the bargain price of a cup of tea & 4 Jaffa cakes - _nnocentimes will get you wetter than a stateroom on the titanic, he also comes with a limited edition waterproof mattress protector.

But wait........ there’s more,

for an extra 2 Jaffa cakes or 1 chocolate hobnob you can have him appear with just a quick text direct to his phone when ever you like, for no extra fee.

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