FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Honesty / judgement
Honesty / judgement
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As a frequent lurker (and armchair psychologist) I’ve noticed that people tend to have a pattern of responding to threads in a particular way, and as a mediator personality type I sometimes struggle with some people’s bluntness towards others, particularly on simple advice threads.
So I’m curious, how honest / judgemental do you think you are and is it a good / bad thing?
Do you find it easy to bite your tongue, and do you think people should? Is brutal honesty always the best policy? Or do you try and stay completely neutral to prevent hurting feelings?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im an open book, if you want to know ask...I know far too well how secrets etc can destroy so I dont now...but I don t judge..every one has a right to opinion or the way I dress..and tbh the new found real me is pretty whacky so what right do I have to judge. I may pass the odd comment but its rare.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your words have the power to lift someone up or put someone down. With great power comes great responsibility. When I see others talking down on other people, I always wonder what is going on in their own lives to be so resentful to others! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very honest but I wouldn't say I'm judgemental. If I disagree with someone and can't say something constructive I'll hold back as I don't like to get involved in drama.
But, then again I do find it difficult to hold back if someone is crossing a line. But, I wouldn't say I'm rude about it, maybe just a little blunt and snappy. I don't like to get nasty but I do want to stand up for what I think is wrong if that makes any sense. 
I'd say through my own personal experience, people who have the 'say it how it is' mentality are usually just unpleasant, selfish and not very nice people to be around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t say anything that I wouldn’t say to someone in person.
Frankly, some of the comments to others are vile. Usually from the same people. There is no need to be blunt and cruel, what reason could there be other than to make the person feel shitty?
It’s possible to be honest and kind rather than honest and cruel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I observe a lot.
I don’t like to see nastiness but I also cannot stand the vomit inducing over the top smarmy kiss arse bollocks on here either.
Getting the happy medium isn’t easy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very honest but I wouldn't say I'm judgemental. If I disagree with someone and can't say something constructive I'll hold back as I don't like to get involved in drama.
But, then again I do find it difficult to hold back if someone is crossing a line. But, I wouldn't say I'm rude about it, maybe just a little blunt and snappy. I don't like to get nasty but I do want to stand up for what I think is wrong if that makes any sense.
I'd say through my own personal experience, people who have the 'say it how it is' mentality are usually just unpleasant, selfish and not very nice people to be around. "
Agree. It's not what you say that is important. It's how it is received!
By the way, nice dress!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I try to treat people as i like to be treated. I bite my tongue alot.
Because I don't want drama.
I like to observe people too.
Jo.Xx "
I’m very much the same  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Positivity breeds positivity. I am happy to engage with anyone who can approach a divisive subject with an open mind. My views have changed too much for me to want to be stuck in my ways. I always try to learn from others, providing they are willing to reciprocate that open mindedness.
I have no interest in the ‘I tell it like it is’ brigade as that usually just ends in insults and nastiness. I find it draining.
I try not to get into heavy debates as if it’s with someone online, I can’t gage their reaction the way I could face to face. I would be worried that I would upset someone. I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of judgment from other fab users and it’s really quite isolating. I don’t think people realise that just because something is said on here, doesn’t mean I’m not going to take it away with me when I log off. I wouldn’t ever want to be responsible for someone feeling that way. Regardless of whether we had opposing views or not. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Your words have the power to lift someone up or put someone down. With great power comes great responsibility. When I see others talking down on other people, I always wonder what is going on in their own lives to be so resentful to others!"
But you've done that with some of your posts before (and yes, I'm aware I'm kind of doing it but  ).
As far as biting my tongue goes, for the most part I'm quite good at it. A few years ago I'd be quite acerbic and cutting (even the above I would have been far more blunt). Now I think for the most part, what's the point? Why add to whatever else someone has going on? Also, I know how mean this place can be - I've had the poorly disguised bitchy thread targeted at me, the little comments etc. I'd agree with Mrs Innocent's posts, there's a happy medium to be found between the saccharine, simptastic crap and the bitchy, constantly sniping posts. It's not always easy to do that. People have off days, people use here as a release.
For the most part I'm happy, probably sickeningly so and my posts reflect that temperament. I post what I enjoy and avoid the heavy debates. Also, everyone judges. Whether they make that obvious or not is different. I try and remain open minded about people because until I've actually interacted with them, I don't know what they are truly like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A kind message can lift someone's day x"
It really can. A lovely lady from the forums who I’ve never spoken to before messaged me this morning just to compliment me on one of my pics. It was so lovely and unexpected  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"A kind message can lift someone's day x
It really can. A lovely lady from the forums who I’ve never spoken to before messaged me this morning just to compliment me on one of my pics. It was so lovely and unexpected "
This is what I mean xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the subject, if it's a particular passion of mine, but then the internet is not a good place for rational discussion so i will often just turn away.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A kind message can lift someone's day xExactly ...no one knows what goes on in people’s everyday life’s and how they might be struggling..."
This is so so true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble with the forums is that you never quite know who you are dealing with or what is real.
I hold my tongue a lot with certain people on here because it isnt worth the argument. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
If I have an opinion on something, I'm not afraid to express it, and try to do so with balance and reasoning to explain why I hold that opinion, and also (if it's an opposing one to someone else) why I disagree with theirs again with balance and reasoning.
I don't always succeed, and it can lead to contention, especially if someone chooses to take offence, even though none was intended, or read more into my opinion than it simply being an opinion just because it's opposed to their own.
And that is the problem with textual forums, they lack context and facial expression to convey intent and meaning.
I'll always be open and honest though, but not blunt or snidey, I may be judgemental when it's called for though but I am also open to having my opinions changed by a reasonable, rational and intelligent counter point and will gladly hold my hand up and say I got something wrong if it proves to be the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your words have the power to lift someone up or put someone down. With great power comes great responsibility. When I see others talking down on other people, I always wonder what is going on in their own lives to be so resentful to others!
But you've done that with some of your posts before (and yes, I'm aware I'm kind of doing it but ).
As far as biting my tongue goes, for the most part I'm quite good at it. A few years ago I'd be quite acerbic and cutting (even the above I would have been far more blunt). Now I think for the most part, what's the point? Why add to whatever else someone has going on? Also, I know how mean this place can be - I've had the poorly disguised bitchy thread targeted at me, the little comments etc. I'd agree with Mrs Innocent's posts, there's a happy medium to be found between the saccharine, simptastic crap and the bitchy, constantly sniping posts. It's not always easy to do that. People have off days, people use here as a release.
For the most part I'm happy, probably sickeningly so and my posts reflect that temperament. I post what I enjoy and avoid the heavy debates. Also, everyone judges. Whether they make that obvious or not is different. I try and remain open minded about people because until I've actually interacted with them, I don't know what they are truly like."
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I'm honest when I post but I tend to stay away from the threads that I can see are being confrontational. I type out posts a lot but then delete them. Sometimes words can be taken out of context and words are powerful. Lots on here say 'it's only the internet' but words can hurt. I like the positive threads that lift people up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive seen some very mean comments on the forums, that bad that I end up taking a few days off here.
Id rather hold by tongue then be mean. People forget about cause and effect. Those little digs could literally destroy a person xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's good to be nice to others, but when people have asked for an opinion, I'll give it. E.g. the threads about how to improve a profile etc. I'd never insult someone though, no need for it at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your words have the power to lift someone up or put someone down. With great power comes great responsibility. When I see others talking down on other people, I always wonder what is going on in their own lives to be so resentful to others!
But you've done that with some of your posts before (and yes, I'm aware I'm kind of doing it but ).
As far as biting my tongue goes, for the most part I'm quite good at it. A few years ago I'd be quite acerbic and cutting (even the above I would have been far more blunt). Now I think for the most part, what's the point? Why add to whatever else someone has going on? Also, I know how mean this place can be - I've had the poorly disguised bitchy thread targeted at me, the little comments etc. I'd agree with Mrs Innocent's posts, there's a happy medium to be found between the saccharine, simptastic crap and the bitchy, constantly sniping posts. It's not always easy to do that. People have off days, people use here as a release.
For the most part I'm happy, probably sickeningly so and my posts reflect that temperament. I post what I enjoy and avoid the heavy debates. Also, everyone judges. Whether they make that obvious or not is different. I try and remain open minded about people because until I've actually interacted with them, I don't know what they are truly like."
Love you Meli |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it isn't my place to say something then I wont, particularly if it might cause offence. If a friend asks for advice then I'll give them my honest take but I'll do it in such a way as to avoid it coming across as a slight on them, purely advice that they asked for.
On the forum any advice I give is also given, for the most part, in a way that doesnt make the op feel bad. Sometimes the advice wanted is silly though and if you ask a silly question ill generally give a silly answer. |
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I'm blunt and honest and I will say it how it is as that is my go to take on life, its having the knowledge of when not to comment on a thread, adage of old if you have nothing nice to say then keep it to yourself.
Rational debate is healthy, but online it often gets taken the wrong way and sometimes on purpose when someone is looking for a fight  |
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Have to bite my tongue at times - especially with the wo is me, it’s hard being a bloke on here posts.
Get a grip!!!! Arghhhhhhh.....
Apart from that I’m constructively honest, never willingly malicious with my views and always happy to lend an ear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm normally very conscious of hurting people's feelings I'm a bit if a softie in that respect. I think it's easy for people to forget there are actually real people involved and their so called honest opinions and advice can get hurtful and sometimes quite nasty. |
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I think everyone kind of knows where I come from. I’m a straight talker, although I find myself biting my tongue quite a lot here these days.
There are some lovely people here in the forums, very genuine people - I just don’t understand those who put on a public ‘nice’ front but who lie through their back teeth behind the scenes and create drama .... Why? Just why? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always try to be honest, if someone asks me a question or for my opinion. Although, with some things and/or topics I will admit, I do bite my tongue, as I like to try keep upbeat and lighthearted on here. I don't get judgemental on here or in real life because, well who is anyone to judge anyone else? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Loved reading all of the responses, think a lot do weigh up the consequences of what they say, but some (not just on this forum) skip that step and it just seems to go brain to keyboard without any sort of filter. And this does have risks if you’re not able to read how that may be received, with body language etc.
You can’t control how other people interpret what you say, or what people take offence to, but you can do your best to reflect and assess the potential impact sometimes...I think anyway!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your words have the power to lift someone up or put someone down. With great power comes great responsibility. When I see others talking down on other people, I always wonder what is going on in their own lives to be so resentful to others!
But you've done that with some of your posts before (and yes, I'm aware I'm kind of doing it but ).
As far as biting my tongue goes, for the most part I'm quite good at it. A few years ago I'd be quite acerbic and cutting (even the above I would have been far more blunt). Now I think for the most part, what's the point? Why add to whatever else someone has going on? Also, I know how mean this place can be - I've had the poorly disguised bitchy thread targeted at me, the little comments etc. I'd agree with Mrs Innocent's posts, there's a happy medium to be found between the saccharine, simptastic crap and the bitchy, constantly sniping posts. It's not always easy to do that. People have off days, people use here as a release.
For the most part I'm happy, probably sickeningly so and my posts reflect that temperament. I post what I enjoy and avoid the heavy debates. Also, everyone judges. Whether they make that obvious or not is different. I try and remain open minded about people because until I've actually interacted with them, I don't know what they are truly like."
I agree with you where I may have crossed the line a couple of times. However, in my defense I was reacting to someone who was being nasty to me. On reflection, I should have ignored it, like I would have done in real life. I appreciate you, for calling it out! |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"As a frequent lurker (and armchair psychologist) I’ve noticed that people tend to have a pattern of responding to threads in a particular way, and as a mediator personality type I sometimes struggle with some people’s bluntness towards others, particularly on simple advice threads.
So I’m curious, how honest / judgemental do you think you are and is it a good / bad thing?
Do you find it easy to bite your tongue, and do you think people should? Is brutal honesty always the best policy? Or do you try and stay completely neutral to prevent hurting feelings? "
I subscribe to the saying, “everyone is doing the best they can, or they wouldn’t be doing it.”
Find it very forgiving.
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I don’t deliberately post anything to upset folk, but some topics get me heated and sometimes when things get heated i can get a bit forthright.
This is why i try to stay away from certain posters/threads these days. |
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"I think everyone kind of knows where I come from. I’m a straight talker, although I find myself biting my tongue quite a lot here these days.
There are some lovely people here in the forums, very genuine people - I just don’t understand those who put on a public ‘nice’ front but who lie through their back teeth behind the scenes and create drama .... Why? Just why? "
 This...exactly this! |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"I observe a lot.
I don’t like to see nastiness but I also cannot stand the vomit inducing over the top smarmy kiss arse bollocks on here either.
Getting the happy medium isn’t easy.
"
pretty much me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t deliberately post anything to upset folk, but some topics get me heated and sometimes when things get heated i can get a bit forthright.
This is why i try to stay away from certain posters/threads these days. "
Great minds think alike! |
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"As a frequent lurker (and armchair psychologist) I’ve noticed that people tend to have a pattern of responding to threads in a particular way, and as a mediator personality type I sometimes struggle with some people’s bluntness towards others, particularly on simple advice threads.
So I’m curious, how honest / judgemental do you think you are and is it a good / bad thing?
Do you find it easy to bite your tongue, and do you think people should? Is brutal honesty always the best policy? Or do you try and stay completely neutral to prevent hurting feelings? "
Dont know I just like orange hair and elfin faces  |
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