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Boyfriend?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions  |
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By *andyladMan
over a year ago
Hereorthere |
Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
If in doubt, do nowt. It sounds like you have already identified that you have some things to process from your abusive relationship. These things take time and I know from experience that it really pays to give your relationship with yourself the most attention before making yourself available to another.
Good luck lovely x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy"
. Thank you for this I feel so torn I love being wanted and lusted after but I miss cuddles dates exc
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If in doubt, do nowt. It sounds like you have already identified that you have some things to process from your abusive relationship. These things take time and I know from experience that it really pays to give your relationship with yourself the most attention before making yourself available to another.
Good luck lovely x "
thank you for replying I have had counselling and done a course that helps woman in abusive relationships to heal I think I’m just scared of letting anyone in I don’t want to be hurt again xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You'll know yourself when you are "ready". Trust issues will probably take time to work through. Hope you manage to figure out what you want. "
thank you hun I’m getting better every day x
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By *andyladMan
over a year ago
Hereorthere |
"Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy. Thank you for this I feel so torn I love being wanted and lusted after but I miss cuddles dates exc"
You are very welcome. Sounds like you want the love and touch you need to help you come out of that shell you've been living in for a while. All the best to you for future happiness  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Shouldn't enter a relationship while still vulnerable.. Just carry on getting fucked for a while. You'll know when it's time to settle "
thanks for the reply I am having fun tbh
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy. Thank you for this I feel so torn I love being wanted and lusted after but I miss cuddles dates exc
You are very welcome. Sounds like you want the love and touch you need to help you come out of that shell you've been living in for a while. All the best to you for future happiness "
I think you’re right and thank you x |
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions "
yes, you'll need someone trustworthy and caring after that. but if you can find gentle here in the meantime and then move on from there then that's good too |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
I think if you really, really, really wanted to date then you would, no doubts or hesitations.
So enjoy yourself for now and if/when you want to dip your toes in dating, then that pull would be more than the pull to Fab.
There’s no rush. The dating scene will still be there waiting for you when you’re ready.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions
yes, you'll need someone trustworthy and caring after that. but if you can find gentle here in the meantime and then move on from there then that's good too"
that’s a good idea really thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think if you really, really, really wanted to date then you would, no doubts or hesitations.
So enjoy yourself for now and if/when you want to dip your toes in dating, then that pull would be more than the pull to Fab.
There’s no rush. The dating scene will still be there waiting for you when you’re ready.
"
thank you you’re right of course I’m still on my path of getting over the last 20 years I know it will take time x |
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions
yes, you'll need someone trustworthy and caring after that. but if you can find gentle here in the meantime and then move on from there then that's good too that’s a good idea really thank you x"
quite ok, that's why i tendered the advice x |
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions "
I think you already know the answer to this. If you were ready for a relationship then you wouldn't have asked for opinions.
I'm in a very similar position and I'm feeling the same way as you. I know it's just lockdown talking for me though. If I was out and about meeting and mingling then I wouldn't feel like this. It's the endless nights alone that makes me wish I had company.
Hang in there, don't rush any decisions until after lockdown. My inbox is open if you want to chat  |
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"Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy. Thank you for this I feel so torn I love being wanted and lusted after but I miss cuddles dates exc"
It's not impossible to find those things on here - I like doing all those things, too, but haven't got the head space for a "traditional" relationship right now.
It largely depends on the people you're meeting on here, I suppose. There aren't any easy answers, but you sound like you know the kind of thing you're looking for so that should help
Good luck, and keep us posted |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions
I think you already know the answer to this. If you were ready for a relationship then you wouldn't have asked for opinions.
I'm in a very similar position and I'm feeling the same way as you. I know it's just lockdown talking for me though. If I was out and about meeting and mingling then I wouldn't feel like this. It's the endless nights alone that makes me wish I had company.
Hang in there, don't rush any decisions until after lockdown. My inbox is open if you want to chat "
you’re probably right if I had my normal routine I would be feeling better I think and thank you so much I hope you find what you’re looking for too xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Clearly (to me anyway) that this is going to take some time. I think you may need to get out and about meeting people whether from this site or others to rebuild what seems to be destroyed. Build up your confidence with new people, try and find the trust that you've lost and work on from that. Before you are posting about this it seems you are ready to get out there and do it babysteps at first and maybe you'll find what you deserve and what makes you happy. Thank you for this I feel so torn I love being wanted and lusted after but I miss cuddles dates exc
It's not impossible to find those things on here - I like doing all those things, too, but haven't got the head space for a "traditional" relationship right now.
It largely depends on the people you're meeting on here, I suppose. There aren't any easy answers, but you sound like you know the kind of thing you're looking for so that should help
Good luck, and keep us posted "
. Yeah I think I’m just to scared at the minute but I guess I will know when I’m ready |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just don’t go looking as that’s usually when you just stumble across someone and there’s no pressure or awkwardness  "
good advice thank you I’ve been out of the dating game for 22 years so I need to relearn it |
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You'll know when your ready, Ive been Divorced now over 3 years, I tried dating and I wasn't ready, I've not met anyone I feel that spark to want to spend the rest of my days with yet either, nor do I seem to the type anyone is looking for either, life is strange. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i am divorced twice. I had two really bad marriages. Now i have major trust issues.last partner i had was 6 years ago.am happy on fab at the min,that might change if i met a nice guy (yeah right) am almost 60 and i think nice guy's dont exist for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else."
I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You'll know when your ready, Ive been Divorced now over 3 years, I tried dating and I wasn't ready, I've not met anyone I feel that spark to want to spend the rest of my days with yet either, nor do I seem to the type anyone is looking for either, life is strange. "
so true I’ve been on a cpl of dates but not felt it but sometimes after a meet I feel empty so confusing
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions "
I have no experience of abusive relationships, but I do know how incredible it is to be completely in love. Every should have that feeling.
I can imagine it would be really hard to allow someone to get close to you after being in a bad relationship, but the good stuff requires the risk.
I hope you find the right person at the right time.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"i am divorced twice. I had two really bad marriages. Now i have major trust issues.last partner i had was 6 years ago.am happy on fab at the min,that might change if i met a nice guy (yeah right) am almost 60 and i think nice guy's dont exist for me. "
I’m sure they do hun we have to just be open I guess
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions
I have no experience of abusive relationships, but I do know how incredible it is to be completely in love. Every should have that feeling.
I can imagine it would be really hard to allow someone to get close to you after being in a bad relationship, but the good stuff requires the risk.
I hope you find the right person at the right time.
Cal"
I live being in live that’s why I stayed so long I was utterly in love with him so just kept hiding the abuse and lying for him hoping one day he would change but I’m hoping to find love again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have similar trust issues, though not from an abusive marriage and also a similar time frame.
I’m not ready and nor do I want a relationship, I think when I’m ready I will know and won’t need to question myself.
You can still find someone in a FWB type thing. Socialise, have dinner and drinks or whatever and with the added bonus of sexual needs being met too, just without any expectations of anything more. |
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"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing "
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have similar trust issues, though not from an abusive marriage and also a similar time frame.
I’m not ready and nor do I want a relationship, I think when I’m ready I will know and won’t need to question myself.
You can still find someone in a FWB type thing. Socialise, have dinner and drinks or whatever and with the added bonus of sexual needs being met too, just without any expectations of anything more. "
yeah that’s true I’ve not met anyone yet whose done any of those things it’s just been sex really but I know they are out there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first!"
Wow you’re so right! I am stronger for it thank you you’ve put perspective on it I will continue doing what I want for now as it’s quite freeing doing what and who I want with no consequences |
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"I have similar trust issues, though not from an abusive marriage and also a similar time frame.
I’m not ready and nor do I want a relationship, I think when I’m ready I will know and won’t need to question myself.
You can still find someone in a FWB type thing. Socialise, have dinner and drinks or whatever and with the added bonus of sexual needs being met too, just without any expectations of anything more. yeah that’s true I’ve not met anyone yet whose done any of those things it’s just been sex really but I know they are out there "
the right one's are there for a (hate how this sounds) full service date, they just take some rooting out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have similar trust issues, though not from an abusive marriage and also a similar time frame.
I’m not ready and nor do I want a relationship, I think when I’m ready I will know and won’t need to question myself.
You can still find someone in a FWB type thing. Socialise, have dinner and drinks or whatever and with the added bonus of sexual needs being met too, just without any expectations of anything more. yeah that’s true I’ve not met anyone yet whose done any of those things it’s just been sex really but I know they are out there
the right one's are there for a (hate how this sounds) full service date, they just take some rooting out"
I will keep digging |
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"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first!
Wow you’re so right! I am stronger for it thank you you’ve put perspective on it I will continue doing what I want for now as it’s quite freeing doing what and who I want with no consequences "
I agree, you're stronger and it's very freeing.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first!
Wow you’re so right! I am stronger for it thank you you’ve put perspective on it I will continue doing what I want for now as it’s quite freeing doing what and who I want with no consequences
I agree, you're stronger and it's very freeing. "
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"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first!
Wow you’re so right! I am stronger for it thank you you’ve put perspective on it I will continue doing what I want for now as it’s quite freeing doing what and who I want with no consequences
I agree, you're stronger and it's very freeing.
"
Haha! Nice lashes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a sensitive subject which I feel strongly about.
But basically, don't tell yourself that you have issues. Be yourself, look after yourself (and kids), and fuck everyone else. I’m trying to be babe. I’m fiercely loyal caring loving and I think a great partner but it’s just undoing the years of being told your basically nothing
I'm no stranger to abusive behaviour myself.
This might sound mad, right... But stop caring about other people, because a lot of people will take the piss out of you.
I understand "you're nothing". I know about stepping on eggshells. I know about being screamed at every day. I know about being spoken to like shit. I know about everything being "wrong". I know about standing inbetween people in order to protect one party from another. I'm very familiar with it all.
In reality though, who is the one with the mental health issues? It's not you, it's him!
He's stuck with his mental health problems, but you're not.
The abusive behaviour would have made you stronger. You out up with shit and just took it. Your brain and body absorbed it for years. You're strong.
Look up, be yourself, and fuck everyone else. Don't care for them. Put yourself first!
Wow you’re so right! I am stronger for it thank you you’ve put perspective on it I will continue doing what I want for now as it’s quite freeing doing what and who I want with no consequences
I agree, you're stronger and it's very freeing.
Haha! Nice lashes."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions "
Firstly I didnt read other comments..
Secondly, I have no real advice apart from wishing you strength and patience that the bad memories of past abuse will fade away.. with some work and support. You showed you are reflecting which is only a great sign that you are aware of the danger of repeating same patterns.. be kind to yourself. You are survivor and happy times are ahead.. and freedom is here and now. Rest will come.. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m so torn over wether I want a boyfriend or I’m still happy just having meets! I’ve been separated (divorce in progress) for 18 months now but I think I’m going have major trust issues due to my marriage being abusive help I need opinions
Firstly I didnt read other comments..
Secondly, I have no real advice apart from wishing you strength and patience that the bad memories of past abuse will fade away.. with some work and support. You showed you are reflecting which is only a great sign that you are aware of the danger of repeating same patterns.. be kind to yourself. You are survivor and happy times are ahead.. and freedom is here and now. Rest will come.. x"
So true thank you x |
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