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Opening up my wife
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually. "
Doesn't sound like a good "candidate" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually. "
She looked 'relaxed' on the 5th May love!  |
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Obviously the swinging world has changed in the last 10 years i dont understand why no one seems to understand the OP is it a thing now that instead of being helpful people whant a deep analitical study of the question.
Things have certainly changed here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Obviously the swinging world has changed in the last 10 years i dont understand why no one seems to understand the OP is it a thing now that instead of being helpful people whant a deep analitical study of the question.
Things have certainly changed here."
We can only help if we understand what you mean. |
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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago
Fairy Land |
"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually. "
Have you tried talking her? Have you explained that you perceive that she finds it hard to relax sexually and would like to understand why? Can you comfortably, sensitively and honestly express to her how you feel and what you would like to experience with her sexually? Is there a possibility that she has an inkling that you’re seeking thrills elsewhere and this is causing her to lack confidence or faith in the strength of her marriage? If you do want more with her and you love and respect her, I’d suggest caring, honest communication would be a more helpful starter for ten than asking strangers on a swing site forum. |
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"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually.
Have you tried talking her? Have you explained that you perceive that she finds it hard to relax sexually and would like to understand why? Can you comfortably, sensitively and honestly express to her how you feel and what you would like to experience with her sexually? Is there a possibility that she has an inkling that you’re seeking thrills elsewhere and this is causing her to lack confidence or faith in the strength of her marriage? If you do want more with her and you love and respect her, I’d suggest caring, honest communication would be a more helpful starter for ten than asking strangers on a swing site forum. "
Thanks sam for your response i thought i had posted during a dullards party!
Yes i have tried talking to her but she is very shy and doesnt like to talk about sex which is my main problem as i find myself doing a lot of guessing.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I think you need to ask her what she wants, not us.
"
Do something nice to make her relax like a nice romantic dinner , a couple glasses of wine may help them just talk openly without judging her. Make sure you listen, really, really listen, you might need to adjust your ears if this is new to you |
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"My wife is getting interested in playing had her tits felt a couple of times after parties but not let another man take her knickers off yet"
Now thats where i need to mine to that would be a great leap forward. |
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"I think you need to ask her what she wants, not us.
Do something nice to make her relax like a nice romantic dinner , a couple glasses of wine may help them just talk openly without judging her. Make sure you listen, really, really listen, you might need to adjust your ears if this is new to you "
She can loosen up with a couple of drinks but she only drinks rarely |
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"I think you need to ask her what she wants, not us.
Do something nice to make her relax like a nice romantic dinner , a couple glasses of wine may help them just talk openly without judging her. Make sure you listen, really, really listen, you might need to adjust your ears if this is new to you "
I don't offer advice on these types of threads but the above is almost word for word what I thought on reading the op. |
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"Does she want to loosen up and have some fun? By the sounds of your OP, it doesn’t sound like she does "
This is the problem she just wont enter into the conversation she just gets very shy almost as though she worries about what ill think of her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually.
Have you tried talking her? Have you explained that you perceive that she finds it hard to relax sexually and would like to understand why? Can you comfortably, sensitively and honestly express to her how you feel and what you would like to experience with her sexually? Is there a possibility that she has an inkling that you’re seeking thrills elsewhere and this is causing her to lack confidence or faith in the strength of her marriage? If you do want more with her and you love and respect her, I’d suggest caring, honest communication would be a more helpful starter for ten than asking strangers on a swing site forum.
Thanks sam for your response i thought i had posted during a dullards party!
Yes i have tried talking to her but she is very shy and doesnt like to talk about sex which is my main problem as i find myself doing a lot of guessing.
"
Maybe it's your approach that's wrong for her:
1.Sarcasm
2.Little digs about her (maybe) lack of confidence.
3.You might be piling on the pressure!
Whatever it is, allow her to go her own pace. Or else it could be perceived as mental bullying!
Good luck OP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness "
Iv just suggested something up there ^^^^^^ |
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
Iv just suggested something up there ^^^^^^"
Yeah saw that |
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"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually.
Have you tried talking her? Have you explained that you perceive that she finds it hard to relax sexually and would like to understand why? Can you comfortably, sensitively and honestly express to her how you feel and what you would like to experience with her sexually? Is there a possibility that she has an inkling that you’re seeking thrills elsewhere and this is causing her to lack confidence or faith in the strength of her marriage? If you do want more with her and you love and respect her, I’d suggest caring, honest communication would be a more helpful starter for ten than asking strangers on a swing site forum.
Thanks sam for your response i thought i had posted during a dullards party!
Yes i have tried talking to her but she is very shy and doesnt like to talk about sex which is my main problem as i find myself doing a lot of guessing.
Maybe it's your approach that's wrong for her:
1.Sarcasm
2.Little digs about her (maybe) lack of confidence.
3.You might be piling on the pressure!
Whatever it is, allow her to go her own pace. Or else it could be perceived as mental bullying!
Good luck OP! "
There are books about this, so a forum is limited. There are still a lot of people around who were brought up thinking sex and desire were dirty. They can also see expression of desire outside the vanilla as disloyal and immoral. You may see your partner as a desireable sexual being, but her background or your approach may block her 'hearing' you. Its all about joint communication. The only way you have access to help her (if we even accept she needs 'helping') is by creating an environment where she might feel comfortable discussing with you. Non-judgemental, no agenda, and 'no drugs' openness, perhaps beginning with what you enjoy, what you like and those difficult subjects about you that show you are willing to explore without fear, then - as said earlier - get your listening ears on  |
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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago
Fairy Land |
"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness "
What is it that you want from her? Can you articulate what and why? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can anyone help me with some tips on how to get my wife to loosen up and have some fun, she is a really good candidate but is a bit prim and finds it hard to relax sexually.
Have you tried talking her? Have you explained that you perceive that she finds it hard to relax sexually and would like to understand why? Can you comfortably, sensitively and honestly express to her how you feel and what you would like to experience with her sexually? Is there a possibility that she has an inkling that you’re seeking thrills elsewhere and this is causing her to lack confidence or faith in the strength of her marriage? If you do want more with her and you love and respect her, I’d suggest caring, honest communication would be a more helpful starter for ten than asking strangers on a swing site forum.
Thanks sam for your response i thought i had posted during a dullards party!
Yes i have tried talking to her but she is very shy and doesnt like to talk about sex which is my main problem as i find myself doing a lot of guessing.
Maybe it's your approach that's wrong for her:
1.Sarcasm
2.Little digs about her (maybe) lack of confidence.
3.You might be piling on the pressure!
Whatever it is, allow her to go her own pace. Or else it could be perceived as mental bullying!
Good luck OP!
There are books about this, so a forum is limited. There are still a lot of people around who were brought up thinking sex and desire were dirty. They can also see expression of desire outside the vanilla as disloyal and immoral. You may see your partner as a desireable sexual being, but her background or your approach may block her 'hearing' you. Its all about joint communication. The only way you have access to help her (if we even accept she needs 'helping') is by creating an environment where she might feel comfortable discussing with you. Non-judgemental, no agenda, and 'no drugs' openness, perhaps beginning with what you enjoy, what you like and those difficult subjects about you that show you are willing to explore without fear, then - as said earlier - get your listening ears on "
Nicely put....
But, I was thinking the lady might be menopausal and with some females, that changes everything...
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
What is it that you want from her? Can you articulate what and why? "
I certainly can and have but again her shyness steps in and it really is shyness nothing else and it puts up a big barrier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
What is it that you want from her? Can you articulate what and why?
I certainly can and have but again her shyness steps in and it really is shyness nothing else and it puts up a big barrier."
That sounds like an assumption more than something you know for certain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not trying to be judgemental so please don't take it that way but does your wife want to swing? Just because it's what you do and what you want her to do, doesn't mean she does?
If she wants to do it and you know that for a fact without any shred of doubt and you are trying to help her with her shyness so she can do something she wants then it's different of course and there's lost of helpful advice already been suggested.
Does she know you are on here OP? |
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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago
Fairy Land |
"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
What is it that you want from her? Can you articulate what and why?
I certainly can and have but again her shyness steps in and it really is shyness nothing else and it puts up a big barrier."
I think it’s time to respect her wishes then. Treat her with kindness and respect and focus on your relationship together and look at other ways that include and accommodate her wishes and desires. Sex drives for both men and women change. Peoples’ own confidence and self value change over time. Respect and be kind to her as well as yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does she want to loosen up and have some fun? By the sounds of your OP, it doesn’t sound like she does
This is the problem she just wont enter into the conversation she just gets very shy almost as though she worries about what ill think of her."
She's a grown adult. Maybe she just isn't interested? If you've let her know you're comfortable with her being in this lifestyle then there isn't much else you can do. If she is ever ready to jump in and talk about it more she will if you are open with your communication. |
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I've read quite a few posts like this and the response very much depends on how the op is expressed and the perceived intent.
I think that if the couple work together on their emotional communication then sexual communication will follow. It seems to me though that often women want the emotional communication in order to sexually communicate and men want it the other way round. A common theme also seems to be that the woman in these circumstances refuses to talk. I don't know the answer but wonder if sitting down and explaining how important this is to you, asking how you can help her to talk more openly and how she can help you discover what her emotional and sexual needs are would help. |
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"I've read quite a few posts like this and the response very much depends on how the op is expressed and the perceived intent.
I think that if the couple work together on their emotional communication then sexual communication will follow. It seems to me though that often women want the emotional communication in order to sexually communicate and men want it the other way round. A common theme also seems to be that the woman in these circumstances refuses to talk. I don't know the answer but wonder if sitting down and explaining how important this is to you, asking how you can help her to talk more openly and how she can help you discover what her emotional and sexual needs are would help. "
Totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness "
That alone is a huge pressure for her. Living up to how spicy things were with your ex. If she isn't interested in swinging then you need to respect that unless getting your end away with other people is more important to you than she is. Either way, communication is necessary to actually establish where you're at and what's expected of you and what you expect of her.
P |
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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago
Fairy Land |
"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
That alone is a huge pressure for her. Living up to how spicy things were with your ex. If she isn't interested in swinging then you need to respect that unless getting your end away with other people is more important to you than she is. Either way, communication is necessary to actually establish where you're at and what's expected of you and what you expect of her.
P"
Completely this. |
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness "
You mean you 'know how it all worked' for your ex, not your current partner who might not respond well to this lifestyle or manipulation! |
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"I was actually looking for some ideas to spice things up a bit.
My ex and i were swingers for 25 years so i know how it all works my problem is i dont know how to over come her shyness
You mean you 'know how it all worked' for your ex, not your current partner who might not respond well to this lifestyle or manipulation!"
No manipulation involved and she has a strong personality not one to be manipulated or pressuered |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe she just isn’t interested in having sexual encounters with other people. It’s not something I’d be interested in either if I was in a relationship, no amount of opening up or discussions or encouragement would make me want to sleep with anyone other than my partner. |
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Another thing to consider op is that she might have the impression that you feel she isn't enough for you. It's possible she's not articulating this for loads of possible reasons including that she doesn't consciously realise she feels that way. An ex who fully engaged with swinging a profile showing you enjoying sex with another woman, you telling her that you want more than she is currently giving will all have an effect on her.
Personally I think you probably need to start from the basics with this lady. |
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