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Mental health opening up
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok this isnt a me thing looking for nice messages..this is me saying how it can feel and how understanding and being aware are very different things. How best to put it? Reet ok, things major happened when I was a child.these things led to scars upon my body..scars I used to hide bit now dont as to me they remind me what I came through. The mental side got blocked out over time til 3 years ago when all was revealed leaving me a total wreck. This is summarised. I got through it and did it without meds, nature is my healer. Anyways the few friends I have know how close it came to termination and they re aware intelligent people. But to this day they believe that its all over..as a friend said yesterday thought you d finished with all tgat silliness. I refer to my friends as my jury as they are quick to ridicule and lambast my actions...i started aerial silks. My good friend, who I only saw because I d isolated completely recently immediately reffered to it as for women and silly for me to do..like my dance. So all Im asking is please if you have a friend like me treat their different past, their issues with respect and understanding...most of it we learn to deal with it but rately are we "cured"...that shit happens..so judge them only by who they ar and not by who you are. If this helps one person then Im happy. If you want to know more or understand more ask me. Thanks for reading you lovely people.  x |
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I totally get you, most people expect you to get over childhood trauma as though it never happened. I've dealt with occured but I still carry the scars and I always will. We all find our ways of dealing with what we've been through. If it's dance that keeps you sane then that is amazing. I think it's hard for people to understand the breaking of a person unless they've been through it themselves.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What many don't understand is that childhood is the foundation to adulthood. Trauma in childhood is like erecting a building on sand, not the stability we all deserve.
I have had to rebuild my foundations but still experience the odd subsidence occasionally. I never rely on others' support but rather "and this too shall pass". In the past writing was my therapy. Learning to love the child in me was a vital step.
I hope everyone with childhood demons can move forward with strategies they have found useful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do what makes you happy, who cares what someone else thinks.
You're strong and you've overcome the worst of it by the sounds of things but it will always be a part of you and that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's sad that your friend passed such a hurtful comment, but some people are clueless as to how some things can really impact our mental health and stay with us, but more fool them for being naive. I hope they're more understanding in the future.  |
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It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge  Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge Xx"
Lovely post.
Just to add therapy can help. It simply isn't a cure though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge Xx"
This is a beautiful post..I tried to summarise mine in case it was too long. Thanks for adding this..my goal of this thread wasn t to receive help, I ve battled with it for decades, the reason, or hope was maybe just to reach out and make some think and maybe see it from a personal angle. A problem I find and probably many others is that being aware amonst many is treat like its a good thing to say but not necessarily understand, like its cool to just say it. If that makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge Xx
Lovely post.
Just to add therapy can help. It simply isn't a cure though. "
On a personal only level I found the timed sessions with a therapist often ended with so much revealed but nothing solved and no speed dial when it hit the fan as I spent the next 7 days battling with the revelations. My answer was to leave the life I led and live with nature, homeless and to incorporate my military discipline to do stuff..hygiene, health etc. I found because I was busy finding wood for a fire, lighting the fire, laundry on the fite, cooking and full shaves to stop the nasties nesting lol...that constant business of doing left no room for thinking.I suspect I was the cleanest most hygienic healthy homeless person around...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do what makes you happy, who cares what someone else thinks.
You're strong and you've overcome the worst of it by the sounds of things but it will always be a part of you and that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's sad that your friend passed such a hurtful comment, but some people are clueless as to how some things can really impact our mental health and stay with us, but more fool them for being naive. I hope they're more understanding in the future. "
Thank you and hugs as you word it in such a way that suggests you have things to deal with. My friend base you can count on one hand and the regularity of seeing them is even less than their number. I ve found I prefer my own and my gfs company and nature...the latter two are my healing. The biggest reason I love this site and many of the people on here is that I ve no need to tiptoe..my profile is honest..have chatted with some great people on here and chatted such diverse topics as well as the obvious  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do what makes you happy, who cares what someone else thinks.
You're strong and you've overcome the worst of it by the sounds of things but it will always be a part of you and that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's sad that your friend passed such a hurtful comment, but some people are clueless as to how some things can really impact our mental health and stay with us, but more fool them for being naive. I hope they're more understanding in the future. "
Thank you and hugs as you word it in such a way that suggests you have things to deal with. My friend base you can count on one hand and the regularity of seeing them is even less than their number. I ve found I prefer my own and my gfs company and nature...the latter two are my healing. The biggest reason I love this site and many of the people on here is that I ve no need to tiptoe..my profile is honest..have chatted with some great people on here and chatted such diverse topics as well as the obvious |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What many don't understand is that childhood is the foundation to adulthood. Trauma in childhood is like erecting a building on sand, not the stability we all deserve.
I have had to rebuild my foundations but still experience the odd subsidence occasionally. I never rely on others' support but rather "and this too shall pass". In the past writing was my therapy. Learning to love the child in me was a vital step.
I hope everyone with childhood demons can move forward with strategies they have found useful. "
Trust! How can a child that cant trust family, friends or teachers
mature into a trusting adult? Those are the corner stones as tou say..the foundations. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I totally get you, most people expect you to get over childhood trauma as though it never happened. I've dealt with occured but I still carry the scars and I always will. We all find our ways of dealing with what we've been through. If it's dance that keeps you sane then that is amazing. I think it's hard for people to understand the breaking of a person unless they've been through it themselves.
"
My hugs to you and you re right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have many demons from my childhood into my adult life all given to me by someone who should have loved me the most , not physical but emotionally which has left me with a continuous feeling of never being good enough, I can’t see that ever changing now but mostly I manage it and my beautiful kids and D know how to ‘handle’ my emotions if I have a bad day . I send you healing hugs and love to any that struggles |
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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
A great thread OP and I admire your ability to get back to nature even though I could never do so myself.
Like you and others have said, it never goes away. I manage to live with it quite well but occasionally something will happen that lifts the lid and then I struggle again for a bit.
Friends can be careless with their language without meaning to cause any harm. If they really love you then they’ll want to understand and will stick around.
Wishing all posters peace x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I just wanna say to you all out there...all the very best from my heart and soul and the same very much to those that help and love those that suffer the strains and trauma..we know we re not always easy to love..to see someone broken, that feeling of helplessness sometimes..that in itself can be hard but know this..we love you sooo very much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just wanna say to you all out there...all the very best from my heart and soul and the same very much to those that help and love those that suffer the strains and trauma..we know we re not always easy to love..to see someone broken, that feeling of helplessness sometimes..that in itself can be hard but know this..we love you sooo very much."
You’re such a lovely soul |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge Xx
Lovely post.
Just to add therapy can help. It simply isn't a cure though.
On a personal only level I found the timed sessions with a therapist often ended with so much revealed but nothing solved and no speed dial when it hit the fan as I spent the next 7 days battling with the revelations. My answer was to leave the life I led and live with nature, homeless and to incorporate my military discipline to do stuff..hygiene, health etc. I found because I was busy finding wood for a fire, lighting the fire, laundry on the fite, cooking and full shaves to stop the nasties nesting lol...that constant business of doing left no room for thinking.I suspect I was the cleanest most hygienic healthy homeless person around...
"
You make it sound idyllic.
Group therapy can be good - people's experiences differ but the emotional after-effects are similar. Just don't want people to discount it if they get the opportunity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What many don't understand is that childhood is the foundation to adulthood. Trauma in childhood is like erecting a building on sand, not the stability we all deserve.
I have had to rebuild my foundations but still experience the odd subsidence occasionally. I never rely on others' support but rather "and this too shall pass". In the past writing was my therapy. Learning to love the child in me was a vital step.
I hope everyone with childhood demons can move forward with strategies they have found useful.
Trust! How can a child that cant trust family, friends or teachers
mature into a trusting adult? Those are the corner stones as tou say..the foundations."
It goes so much deeper than that if the perps are within the immediate family. |
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"I totally get you, most people expect you to get over childhood trauma as though it never happened. I've dealt with occured but I still carry the scars and I always will. We all find our ways of dealing with what we've been through. If it's dance that keeps you sane then that is amazing. I think it's hard for people to understand the breaking of a person unless they've been through it themselves.
My hugs to you and you re right."
Sending you peace and happiness |
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Do what is right for you and works for you.
Some friends wonder why you don’t talk to them or tell them anymore, it’s because of stupid comments like ‘that was ages ago’ or ‘aren’t you done with that’, so it’s just easier not to talk about things.
You don’t get over trauma, you just learn to live with it the best you can |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Beautiful post OP.
Trauma stays with us, sometimes buried, sometimes triggered, sometimes transformed and gilded with layers of treasure for our pathway through existence.
Clever psyche knows healing doesn't just happen..we have to wait until we are ready or until we are safe or indeed given experiences which nudge us into remembering there is still work to be done and release to come. It's not always smooth or painless .. and often not how or when we imagine.
Friends or not, we are all teachers and healers to eachother in some way.
Surround yourself with the ones who can easily say 'my light is next to your light, your heart is held in mine'.
X
|
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"Beautiful post OP.
Trauma stays with us, sometimes buried, sometimes triggered, sometimes transformed and gilded with layers of treasure for our pathway through existence.
Clever psyche knows healing doesn't just happen..we have to wait until we are ready or until we are safe or indeed given experiences which nudge us into remembering there is still work to be done and release to come. It's not always smooth or painless .. and often not how or when we imagine.
Friends or not, we are all teachers and healers to eachother in some way.
Surround yourself with the ones who can easily say 'my light is next to your light, your heart is held in mine'.
X
"
Your words are always so beautiful Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What many don't understand is that childhood is the foundation to adulthood. Trauma in childhood is like erecting a building on sand, not the stability we all deserve.
I have had to rebuild my foundations but still experience the odd subsidence occasionally. I never rely on others' support but rather "and this too shall pass". In the past writing was my therapy. Learning to love the child in me was a vital step.
I hope everyone with childhood demons can move forward with strategies they have found useful.
Trust! How can a child that cant trust family, friends or teachers
mature into a trusting adult? Those are the corner stones as tou say..the foundations.
It goes so much deeper than that if the perps are within the immediate family. "
It certainly does..im living testimony at my ripe age and still dealing with it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I just wanna say to you all out there...all the very best from my heart and soul and the same very much to those that help and love those that suffer the strains and trauma..we know we re not always easy to love..to see someone broken, that feeling of helplessness sometimes..that in itself can be hard but know this..we love you sooo very much.
You’re such a lovely soul "
Thank you..but wish I could believe that...thats certainly hit a cord..oooh heck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Keep doing what you do. People just aren’t used to seeing free spirits so need time to adjust their thinking...."
Thank you but after 3 years of knowing me its doubtful they ll change....how are you this fine day?x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have many demons from my childhood into my adult life all given to me by someone who should have loved me the most , not physical but emotionally which has left me with a continuous feeling of never being good enough, I can’t see that ever changing now but mostly I manage it and my beautiful kids and D know how to ‘handle’ my emotions if I have a bad day . I send you healing hugs and love to any that struggles "
I understand this sentiment completely..I guess even for a loner like myself as humans we still need to know we did good but then do we have the ability to accept it when its heard. Im a championship level dancer..I ve got into national finals and no matter what the ladies tell me I still dont see myself as middle level if that..acceptance for many of us I guess will always be hard. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It’s natural for people to believe that trauma has a shelf life. You are hurt, you struggle, and then the hurt fades and you’re okay. This is not how it works. The hurt remains. What happens is that life continues (if you don’t try to stop it), and layer by layer experience accumulates around the hurt. So bit by bit the hurt is buried. But it’s still there. It doesn’t go away. And from time to time something will happen that drills down into those layers, and all of that hurt will come bubbling back up to the surface. Trauma is something you learn to live with. You battle shame and guilt and feelings of failure, as well as anger and frustration and pain. You cope with memories, flashbacks and triggers. Sometimes those things are distant and manageable and sometimes they are close and debilitating. And for the most part, you carry all of this alone. People who don’t know will hurt you in ways they don’t understand. People who do know may still hurt you because they’re insensitive and don’t actually care very much. Other people will support you and show compassion and kindness. You never know who will be there for you and who will abandon you until it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in yourself. Survive each day. Reach for things that make you smile. Devote yourself to the things that help you cope. No matter what it is, if it helps you, it’s not for others to judge Xx
Lovely post.
Just to add therapy can help. It simply isn't a cure though.
On a personal only level I found the timed sessions with a therapist often ended with so much revealed but nothing solved and no speed dial when it hit the fan as I spent the next 7 days battling with the revelations. My answer was to leave the life I led and live with nature, homeless and to incorporate my military discipline to do stuff..hygiene, health etc. I found because I was busy finding wood for a fire, lighting the fire, laundry on the fite, cooking and full shaves to stop the nasties nesting lol...that constant business of doing left no room for thinking.I suspect I was the cleanest most hygienic healthy homeless person around...
You make it sound idyllic.
Group therapy can be good - people's experiences differ but the emotional after-effects are similar. Just don't want people to discount it if they get the opportunity. "
I wouldn t suggest others don t try..I have always relied on myself alone...dont trust doctors etc..I have a quite brutal coping mechanism and discipline which is unique to my background. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Beautiful post OP.
Trauma stays with us, sometimes buried, sometimes triggered, sometimes transformed and gilded with layers of treasure for our pathway through existence.
Clever psyche knows healing doesn't just happen..we have to wait until we are ready or until we are safe or indeed given experiences which nudge us into remembering there is still work to be done and release to come. It's not always smooth or painless .. and often not how or when we imagine.
Friends or not, we are all teachers and healers to eachother in some way.
Surround yourself with the ones who can easily say 'my light is next to your light, your heart is held in mine'.
X
"
Hey freedom girl beautiful words...hope you are good xx |
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Cracking post.
Many more people suffer similar without ever admitting it.
I have many demons that I battle with from childhood but also adulthood.
I have been through pretty much every therapy out there. I don’t believe you ever heal, more so you learn to live with it.
My way now is very few people know my history and I’m happy to keep it that way. Even those you hold dearest can use it against you. |
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So much great advice and love here. As has been said, trauma doesn’t just disappear, you just find your coping mechanisms. If friends are passing comment or judgement on what you’re doing, are they really friends? It’s your life. You’ve fought hard to get to where you are, keep in doing whatever makes you happy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Cracking post.
Many more people suffer similar without ever admitting it.
I have many demons that I battle with from childhood but also adulthood.
I have been through pretty much every therapy out there. I don’t believe you ever heal, more so you learn to live with it.
My way now is very few people know my history and I’m happy to keep it that way. Even those you hold dearest can use it against you. "
I understand this. My way is to keep it within the two of us and one very close friend and avoid everyone else. As I ve said, Im a lone woodsman by day so that sits with me easy. You look after yourself, stay strong and like the rest of us, keep battling through to a new dawn. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So much great advice and love here. As has been said, trauma doesn’t just disappear, you just find your coping mechanisms. If friends are passing comment or judgement on what you’re doing, are they really friends? It’s your life. You’ve fought hard to get to where you are, keep in doing whatever makes you happy "
I intend to...and that for me is mother nature. I understand her far better than people. |
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I will never get over what I went through when I was younger.
I thought I was using it as an excuse but I genuinely can’t shift the load. I’ve tried everything I know but it seems like it will stay with me always. It’s moulded me and it’s not going to change I fear.
I just carry the weight and do the best I can.
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