FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Real Doms.

Real Doms.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi guys, are there any Real Doms on here or are they all guys who think they are Doms, how do I tell the two apart. I wanting to look into finding a Dom to help me push my boundaries in a safe manner, but it seems I am getting messages from guys who say they are going to fuck me good.

I am on that other site, but no luck with local Doms. I am very much a Virgin so to speak in this world. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi guys, are there any Real Doms on here or are they all guys who think they are Doms, how do I tell the two apart. I wanting to look into finding a Dom to help me push my boundaries in a safe manner, but it seems I am getting messages from guys who say they are going to fuck me good.

I am on that other site, but no luck with local Doms. I am very much a Virgin so to speak in this world. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. "

There are a few authentic Doms on here. I know of 1 genuine Master too. You might have more luck on Fet though.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would also recommend fet more. A lot more BDSM and fetish orientated. Or there is a good app called Kinkd

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Every Dom is a "real" Dom but not every Dom is either a good one, a knowledgeable one or the right one for you - there are certainly dominants on here of both genders the key is finding ones that match what you are looking for and want OP and that search starts with understanding yourself and your wants and needs.

Once you have that understanding it will help you identify those that are likely to be a good match for you. Being able to clearly express what you are looking for and able to question a potential dominant to see how good a match they are likely to be are good traits to have - and don't be scared to ask questions, just because you're a submissive doesn't mean you can't have a mind or voice of your own or have to comply with everything a dominant demands.

In fact any dominant that demands anything is, in my mind, to be avoided.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Every Dom is a "real" Dom but not every Dom is either a good one, a knowledgeable one or the right one for you - there are certainly dominants on here of both genders the key is finding ones that match what you are looking for and want OP and that search starts with understanding yourself and your wants and needs.

In fact any dominant that demands anything is, in my mind, to be avoided."

Thank you, that makes perfect sense. I am wanting to explore and see what my limits are. Its not all just about the sex for me, I want to see if I can be submissive, learn things about my self that I didn't know before, I'm finding a lot of the guys just telling me what they will do to me but nothing more. I'm not getting an insight into what happens during and after a session. Any guy can tie you up and spank your bum, that's not all I am looking for.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would also recommend fet more. A lot more BDSM and fetish orientated. Or there is a good app called Kinkd"

Thank you, I will have a look on there as well.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am on that other site, but no luck with local Doms. I am very much a Virgin so to speak in this world. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

There are a few authentic Doms on here. I know of 1 genuine Master too. You might have more luck on Fet though."

Thank you, I will keep looking and hope the right one comes along, the guy that's speaking to me now, wants to know if he is the one, I don't know the answer to that as we've never met and he isn't having a conversation, only telling me how he is going to leave marks on me

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *DreamOfGenieWoman over a year ago

London

I feel bad for the the number of messages from self proclaimed 'Real Dom's' you're going to get flooding your inbox off that back of this thread.

I hope you find what you're looking for OP - it's a needle/haystack situation, and I can pretty much guarantee you that any that DO message you off the back of this are not the Dom you seek.

The other website might be more successful for you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am on that other site, but no luck with local Doms. I am very much a Virgin so to speak in this world. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

There are a few authentic Doms on here. I know of 1 genuine Master too. You might have more luck on Fet though.

That doesn't sound good to me. What if you don't want marks

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I feel bad for the the number of messages from self proclaimed 'Real Dom's' you're going to get flooding your inbox off that back of this thread.

I hope you find what you're looking for OP - it's a needle/haystack situation, and I can pretty much guarantee you that any that DO message you off the back of this are not the Dom you seek.

The other website might be more successful for you."

Thank you, I think you might be right. This isn't a easy process to embark on which I think some of these guys who are messing are missing the point

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am on that other site, but no luck with local Doms. I am very much a Virgin so to speak in this world. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

There are a few authentic Doms on here. I know of 1 genuine Master too. You might have more luck on Fet though.

That doesn't sound good to me. What if you don't want marks

Very true.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

My advice would be to try and find a local munch you can go to with your partner.

There are so many aspects to submission that you need to find someone that is on the same page as you, which can be hard.

Communication, trust and consent are key. Without those you leave yourself open to abuse even if its not readily apparent.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *edHeadedFunWoman over a year ago

Didsbury

"I would also recommend fet more. A lot more BDSM and fetish orientated. Or there is a good app called Kinkd"

Definitely agree with this

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Thank you, I will keep looking and hope the right one comes along, the guy that's speaking to me now, wants to know if he is the one, I don't know the answer to that as we've never met and he isn't having a conversation, only telling me how he is going to leave marks on me

Sorry to be the serious one, but considering the potential for permanent injury, in our opinion anyone talking to you should be talking about limits, boundaries, your medical history, triggers, how you respond to or want after care to be given etc. before talking about play and marks.

Any time we play with someone new we want them to feel safe above all, and anyone who gives us a strange vibe we keep clear from.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its incredibly hard to find a genuine Dom on here. Ive met only a handful and sadly a few of them turned into Narcissistic control freaks lol

Im on the other site where every good genuine Dom is taken.

Ask them what BDSM experience they have have. See if theres anything on their profiles or in veries.

There are some good ones but fire loads of questions at them first. PM me if you need more help xx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's quite easy to tell. Ask for their birth certificate, if it says anything other than "Dominic" or "Dom" then they aren't a real one

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Didn’t he live with Dick in “da” bungalow?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Any time we play with someone new we want them to feel safe above all, and anyone who gives us a strange vibe we keep clear from.

Sound advice and absolutely nothing to apologise for - it's a serious subject when someone is placing themselves in the control of another - as a submissive myself I wouldn't consider going before more than a handful of messages with someone that didn't cover all that and a lot more and definitely not someone who immediately started from the angle of what they were going to "do" to me.

However you approach BDSM - underpinning it all is basic trust and respect in *both* directions and that can only come with time and clear communication and boundaries and limits being discussed and taken note of.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Any time we play with someone new we want them to feel safe above all, and anyone who gives us a strange vibe we keep clear from.

This is exactly the kind of conversation I was hoping to get. I want to know that they take my mental health, health and safety into consideration. I know it's a long process but that it needs to be taken in steps and onto just diving in so to speak.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its incredibly hard to find a genuine Dom on here. Ive met only a handful and sadly a few of them turned into Narcissistic control freaks lol

Im on the other site where every good genuine Dom is taken.

Ask them what BDSM experience they have have. See if theres anything on their profiles or in veries.

There are some good ones but fire loads of questions at them first. PM me if you need more help xx"

Thank you, I will do that. I don't know what I want or expect in a Dom yet so talking to people and getting help or being guided sure does help.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's quite easy to tell. Ask for their birth certificate, if it says anything other than "Dominic" or "Dom" then they aren't a real one

brilliant

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Any time we play with someone new we want them to feel safe above all, and anyone who gives us a strange vibe we keep clear from.

That's a good way to look at it, thank you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"PM me if you need more help xx

Thank you, I will do that. I don't know what I want or expect in a Dom yet so talking to people and getting help or being guided sure does help.

Similar, if you want to talk, ask questions or bounce ideas then I am happy to chat and give you my opinion.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"PM me if you need more help xx

Thank you, I will do that. I don't know what I want or expect in a Dom yet so talking to people and getting help or being guided sure does help.

Similar, if you want to talk, ask questions or bounce ideas then I am happy to chat and give you my opinion.

That would be fabulous, would it be OK to send a friend request/message so that I can keep in contact?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Couple of other things that might help you OP - try completing an on-line questionnaire or two - not the usual one that tells you what percentage sub, masochistic, rope bunny etc you are - which is quite generic - but search for one that lists hundreds of different activities/elements of BDSM that you rate 0-5 (with 0 being "No way" and 5 being "Oh god yes") - they're a useful guide in two ways - firstly they help you learn about yourself and your interests and trust me there will be things you've not thought of on there but think "Oooh"

The second and more important use is it's a useful tool to compare potential dominants against if they fill one out and send it to you (and you them) to see how well matched you might be.

It's not an absolute of course, just another tool in the box

Then there are a couple of books worth reading to help frame your mind- Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101

As others have said, and understand totally if you'd prefer not to, but feel free to message me if you want to ask anything more that you don't feel you can ask here.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"PM me if you need more help xx

Thank you, I will do that. I don't know what I want or expect in a Dom yet so talking to people and getting help or being guided sure does help.

Similar, if you want to talk, ask questions or bounce ideas then I am happy to chat and give you my opinion.

That would be fabulous, would it be OK to send a friend request/message so that I can keep in contact? "

Certainly

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Any female Dom’s/mistresses?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *aiseaneyebrowMan over a year ago

Fylde

Pushing the wannabe doms aside there are several of us around on here. Tho as suggested other sites may be more appropriate.

When finding your Dom I’d suggest the route is not dissimilar to how I find a sub. A great deal of soul searching. Understanding what you want and need and just as importantly what you don’t. Then when you find a potential playmate, talk. Lots of talk. Watch out for warning signs. Don’t be pushed out of comfort zones too far. And talk some more.

Then explore. Gently and learn each other together.

And yet more talk.

Domination and submission are as much psychological as physical.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Pushing the wannabe doms aside there are several of us around on here. Tho as suggested other sites may be more appropriate.

Then explore. Gently and learn each other together.

And yet more talk.

Domination and submission are as much psychological as physical. "

Thank you so much,lots of good points to consider.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic