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Finding someone with similar turn ons
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference |
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"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference"
If there was a like button on this site Gemini man, I’d sit there and like all your comments.
Definitely this  |
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"Why’s it hard to start a convo let alone meet people who genuinely have same kinks. What’s your kink?"
Find someone who has the same turnoffs as you, were a nation of moaners, so much more fun to complain about things to other people who agree with your complaints  lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference"
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks. "
What behaviour have you found to be disgusting?
Can you elaborate a little? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You could just start a thread about your kink in Swingers chat..  you could relate to others on other posts. Then quite naturally it would give you a reason to message and voila. Things hopefully rolling! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks. "
There is plenty of great conversation going on in the forums but, you seem to have quite a confrontational way of getting people to talk. Calling people disgusting is never going to encourage people to open up and share with you.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks. "
Not sure what you mean by "disgusting"? And what is a "so called swinger"? Just because someone is a "swinger" doesn't mean anything other than they are open to sexual activities with multiple partners (and even that is open to debate) it doesn't mean any of the usual rules of attraction, connection and chemistry go out the window or that they should be any different from the average person in the street when it comes to how they behave.
I wouldn't call not wanting to converse disgusting - as I said there needs to be a reason for them to want to converse in the first place, and one that goes beyond a shared interest - so I'm confused as to what it is you find disgusting.
That said I like the idea of your thread and anything that promotes the idea of finding likeminded people to talk to, if they're interested in talking too |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"You could just start a thread about your kink in Swingers chat.. you could relate to others on other posts. Then quite naturally it would give you a reason to message and voila. Things hopefully rolling!"
It looks (checking the green arrow) like he's tried, but not with much success.
I suspect it's because his posts are mostly 'who else likes $sepcificFantasy' and no actual discussion about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks.
What behaviour have you found to be disgusting?
Can you elaborate a little?"
I’m not saying everyone when I say disgusting behaviour just to clarify but the majority either ignore or lay down demands. I understand it’s frustrating for all involved, ladies need secretaries for their inbox. Couples all have different fantasies which they struggle finding the last piece of jigsaw. And guys are passing up a rope.
Personally I believe the culture is wrong. Guys spam out messages hoping for a reply. To only look desperate.
Couples are on edge as they’re not fully clued up about each other’s insecurities and inhibitions.
And ladies get fed up dealing with the ton of keyboard worriers.
I reckon if ladies and couples reached out and started a convo rather than picking the best in their inbox things would be very different. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You could just start a thread about your kink in Swingers chat.. you could relate to others on other posts. Then quite naturally it would give you a reason to message and voila. Things hopefully rolling!"
I could of but I reckon this will get quite the response and a few people talking |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks.
There is plenty of great conversation going on in the forums but, you seem to have quite a confrontational way of getting people to talk. Calling people disgusting is never going to encourage people to open up and share with you.
"
Fair point. Maybe abit of anger came out in saying “disgusting behaviour” but it’s relevant. I see what your saying. Passive aggression certainly isn’t the way forward.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks.
What behaviour have you found to be disgusting?
Can you elaborate a little?
I’m not saying everyone when I say disgusting behaviour just to clarify but the majority either ignore or lay down demands. I understand it’s frustrating for all involved, ladies need secretaries for their inbox. Couples all have different fantasies which they struggle finding the last piece of jigsaw. And guys are passing up a rope.
Personally I believe the culture is wrong. Guys spam out messages hoping for a reply. To only look desperate.
Couples are on edge as they’re not fully clued up about each other’s insecurities and inhibitions.
And ladies get fed up dealing with the ton of keyboard worriers.
I reckon if ladies and couples reached out and started a convo rather than picking the best in their inbox things would be very different."
So effectively you're saying that people should lower their standards, and not be so picky?
And 'reach out' to those they arent necessarily attracted to initially?
Have I got that right? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You could just start a thread about your kink in Swingers chat.. you could relate to others on other posts. Then quite naturally it would give you a reason to message and voila. Things hopefully rolling!
It looks (checking the green arrow) like he's tried, but not with much success.
I suspect it's because his posts are mostly 'who else likes $sepcificFantasy' and no actual discussion about it. "
You hit the nail on the head their. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You could just start a thread about your kink in Swingers chat.. you could relate to others on other posts. Then quite naturally it would give you a reason to message and voila. Things hopefully rolling!
It looks (checking the green arrow) like he's tried, but not with much success.
I suspect it's because his posts are mostly 'who else likes $sepcificFantasy' and no actual discussion about it. "
Ah I see that now.
OP. Maybe try asking open questions rather than just these which can be answered by yes or no? And tell a bit more what you like about your kink in your op.. give people something to grasp onto? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not everyone wants to talk about their fantasies or kinks so openly. Maybe they’re more interested in only discussing it with someone they’re interested in rather than anyone reading the forums. I know in the past I’ve made comments about likes and dislikes and I can get a load of messages off the back of it which I don’t want. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to interact on the forums as long as you’re respectful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thing is just because you share a kink with someone doesn't automatically mean they're going to want to share it with you - there still has to be an attraction and an appeal and if that's not there then a shared kink isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference
I understand this as you could put people into stereotypes by personality and lifestyle but then stereotype with the kinks which will totally repel.
The point I’m making is as a community of so called swingers the way people conduct themselves is disgusting. No one seems to converse at all.
So the idea of this thread is to get people talking and hopefully find a true friend both in terms of personalities and kinks.
What behaviour have you found to be disgusting?
Can you elaborate a little?
I’m not saying everyone when I say disgusting behaviour just to clarify but the majority either ignore or lay down demands. I understand it’s frustrating for all involved, ladies need secretaries for their inbox. Couples all have different fantasies which they struggle finding the last piece of jigsaw. And guys are passing up a rope.
Personally I believe the culture is wrong. Guys spam out messages hoping for a reply. To only look desperate.
Couples are on edge as they’re not fully clued up about each other’s insecurities and inhibitions.
And ladies get fed up dealing with the ton of keyboard worriers.
I reckon if ladies and couples reached out and started a convo rather than picking the best in their inbox things would be very different.
So effectively you're saying that people should lower their standards, and not be so picky?
And 'reach out' to those they arent necessarily attracted to initially?
Have I got that right?"
Wow.... errrr. Not really the way I was thinking about all this.
Think the thing I’m getting at is in all aspects of life there are communities. Like football enthusiasts or fashion etc. So this is our community. I personally feel that a lot of people are tarnishing the website.
Maybe I’m just dealing with the wrong people in normal day to day chatting. But this is why I’m putting my point across. Hope this makes abit more sense as get the impression I’m not paying my opinions down the way I’m intending. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"$sepcificFantasy
Wow... I'm dyslexic so my spelling isn't great at the best of times. But when I'm tired and have d*unk a large amount of red wine. It's spectacular! "
I worked it out;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"$sepcificFantasy
Wow... I'm dyslexic so my spelling isn't great at the best of times. But when I'm tired and have d*unk a large amount of red wine. It's spectacular! "
Personally, I prefer this spelling. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Wow.... errrr. Not really the way I was thinking about all this.
Think the thing I’m getting at is in all aspects of life there are communities. Like football enthusiasts or fashion etc. So this is our community. I personally feel that a lot of people are tarnishing the website.
Maybe I’m just dealing with the wrong people in normal day to day chatting. But this is why I’m putting my point across. Hope this makes abit more sense as get the impression I’m not paying my opinions down the way I’m intending. "
If your none forum messages have followed similar veins to on here, then I'm honestly not surprised you're not getting the responses you would like... You are still coming across as pretty agressive, If not even a little entitled.
As others have mentioned. Just sharing one kink in common doesn't actually mean you have enough to sustain a conversation let alone any more.
I've been a member of the BDSM community for 20 years. The swinging community for over 12.
Just because someone likes (lets use my history as a background) shibari. It doesn't mean I have anything else in common. In fact I've known people who love shibari but have social and political views that are in direct opposition to mine. That, for me, often means it's difficult to hold sustained conversation with them.
I mean, we all have family right, they are blood. Doesn't mean we like them. Why would swinging be any different? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I’m not saying everyone when I say disgusting behaviour just to clarify but the majority either ignore or lay down demands. I understand it’s frustrating for all involved, ladies need secretaries for their inbox. Couples all have different fantasies which they struggle finding the last piece of jigsaw. And guys are passing up a rope.
Personally I believe the culture is wrong. Guys spam out messages hoping for a reply. To only look desperate.
Couples are on edge as they’re not fully clued up about each other’s insecurities and inhibitions.
And ladies get fed up dealing with the ton of keyboard worriers.
I reckon if ladies and couples reached out and started a convo rather than picking the best in their inbox things would be very different."
I'm still not clear what it is that is "disgusting" to be honest - people are entitled to run their profile how they like, that's not disgusting it's called personal choice.
And you say that things could be different if ladies and couples "reached out" but how do you know they don't? In fact I know plenty do, and those that don't choose from those that they like the look of that approach them. Again nothing disgusting in that.
There's nothing wrong with the culture at all for the vast majority of users - who just go about their Fab business and find what they are looking for.
Yes it can be difficult for *some* users and difficult in different ways based on gender, locality and other factors but most of the time it comes down to getting individual approach, expectation and attitude right. |
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