FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Initiating or not?
Initiating or not?
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So my question is simply, do you guys and gals prefer initiating the conversation or letting others do that? Both on FAB and elsehwere as vanilla dating sites and FAB are obviously vastly different! I'm very intruiged by this as I do a lot of initating on sites I use a lot off, but was wondering ig the opposite sex prefer to seek guys out or if it works visa versa |
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" women like the attention here to boost their egos 
Saying that, i do get women messaging me, so I guess it happens  "
There are a lot of people like that on any site/app that involves dating! And lets be fair, the attention is always nice regardless of what sex you are haha! |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I've got everyone blocked, so I do all the messaging myself.
Is that due to any reason since joining or just because thats how you prefer it"
It just suits me at the moment. Saves me trawling through messages from lots of people I'm not interested in, now I just message someone if they catch my eye. |
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"If i like the look of someone im not bothered about initiating a conversation.. If you like what you see why wouldn't you..  "
Exactly my thought process, shame I don't get many responses  not just on here but everywhere, not saying that for sympathy either lol |
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"I've got everyone blocked, so I do all the messaging myself.
Is that due to any reason since joining or just because thats how you prefer it
It just suits me at the moment. Saves me trawling through messages from lots of people I'm not interested in, now I just message someone if they catch my eye. "
Thats fair enough! Suppose it allows you to get what you want that bit quicker! |
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Very interesting to see! Think it will vary depending on everyones comfort levels or what they want! Next question then for those who do, if you see a profile you really like the look off and then get bo response or a no thank you, does that ever put you off? I'm used too it a bit with online dating in general, but there is an awful lot of people that seem too not be able to cope with that |
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I'm unlikely to start conversations at the moment, unless it's to continue a discussion related to a forum thread.
Under normal circumstances, I do make the first move, if a lady takes my fancy and doesn't live too far away. |
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"If you want to fuck the sexhole, you'll need to engage with the owner. At least a bit gosh such a way with words  "
I wish I had the ability to like a comment because that is possibly the best comment I've seen! |
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"I have messaged first several times in the past, it just seems easier to do that than try to find a common interest with people who just randomly message you.  "
Interesting, but obviously on that situation will happen on the other foot if that makes sence, so I'm interested to know like what makes people tick and catches peoples eye, I'm in a very phylisphical mood so I'm enjoying trying to understand peoples way of thinking today!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m generally approached rather than initiating. I find it a much better investment of my time. I have initiated some contact that has led to friends but the vast majority has come from them contacting me. Invariably it is on the back of forum posts or from pictures I’ve posted from time to time.
I’m not passive once contact is made, but I find that particularly for women that if they have contacted me there is at least something about me that has interested them. My early years on Fab I used chat rooms in a similar way although I was more proactive and less successful in finding people I really liked.
However I’m much better at creating online friendships and acquaintances than I am in finding sexual partners. That said if finding sexual partners was a still a primary aim of me being here, I would have left years ago. |
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"I’m generally approached rather than initiating. I find it a much better investment of my time. I have initiated some contact that has led to friends but the vast majority has come from them contacting me. Invariably it is on the back of forum posts or from pictures I’ve posted from time to time.
I’m not passive once contact is made, but I find that particularly for women that if they have contacted me there is at least something about me that has interested them. My early years on Fab I used chat rooms in a similar way although I was more proactive and less successful in finding people I really liked.
However I’m much better at creating online friendships and acquaintances than I am in finding sexual partners. That said if finding sexual partners was a still a primary aim of me being here, I would have left years ago."
I think that may be the opposite of a lot of gentlemem on here and where it goes wrong for them! For a lot of guys in perticular it's a sex site first and get put out by no one fucking them after being around for a week, i enjoy the forums just because it allows me to vent out my feelings any given time and just ask questions and get conversations going with multiple people, if someone contacts me away from that the great but if not thats fine by me! But as someone elgantly put it earlier, you have to be engaging if you want to fuck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I usually initiate but only to people I know from last time or to be friendly to those who have communicated here.
I generally block messages unless I'm feeling reckless |
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We’re half and half, we are still quite new and quite choosy. Therefore, we prefer others to initiate conversation. However, when people have really taken our fancy, we have happily introduced ourselves and we absolutely love a good perv and fabbing photos xx  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I tend not to overthink it in any respect - if I have something to say to someone I'll initiate a conversation plain and simple and likewise find the same happens in return.
That said I'm not a "hunter" who trawls profiles looking for people to message either, I've found a way of using the site that works for me and seems to work for those that I talk to - in fact I've sent precisely 6 "blind" messages in my time here and 5 of those got replies |
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"I've only ever met one person where I didn't initiate contact - although he was already on my radar, he just beat me to it
I know this varies but what would you say gets someone on that radar?"
Looks initially, then if there are no red flags on their profile I'll message. Even better if it's someone on the forums as I can see glimpses of their intelligence and personality...plus it's a great opening if you message off of the back of a thread they've posted on |
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"I've only ever met one person where I didn't initiate contact - although he was already on my radar, he just beat me to it
I know this varies but what would you say gets someone on that radar?
Looks initially, then if there are no red flags on their profile I'll message. Even better if it's someone on the forums as I can see glimpses of their intelligence and personality...plus it's a great opening if you message off of the back of a thread they've posted on "
Fair enough! Very interesting to hear everyones opinion on this! One of my issues is I find attraction for me is very varied so there are a lot of people I tend to like the look off |
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We are more than happy to initiate conversation on the site. It's simple and easy, and to be fair if it's going nowhere you aren't stuck with one another.
However, in real life it can be very different. If we were meeting up with a person on their own then there generally is not problem either way. However, in group socials Mr tends to be a social butterfly and talks to everyone and anyone (can't shut him up sometimes), whereas Mrs tends to stick with those she knows, and therefore it's most likely that she won't initiate conversation with someone new. |
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"We are more than happy to initiate conversation on the site. It's simple and easy, and to be fair if it's going nowhere you aren't stuck with one another.
However, in real life it can be very different. If we were meeting up with a person on their own then there generally is not problem either way. However, in group socials Mr tends to be a social butterfly and talks to everyone and anyone (can't shut him up sometimes), whereas Mrs tends to stick with those she knows, and therefore it's most likely that she won't initiate conversation with someone new."
Im very similar in the sence that I'll talk to anyone about anything! But in person such as bars or clubs, I really struggling just dropping in and chatting to total strangers, onviously online like you say can be very different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I rarely initiate a message nowadays, given that most messages are deleted irrespective of message content. I prefer to receive a message and I reply to all even if it’s a no thank you. I fully respect and understand the volumes received by females so this wasn’t a go at anyone about replies........ just my personal experience  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On fab I'm 50 50 and happy to initiate. On dating sites too, though my enthusiasm is lesser. In the real world I'm much less likely to approach someone first. |
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"Bit of both for me, if I really like someone and get the balls to then I message first. But I’m actually quite shy to begin with!!  "
Whats the worst that could happen eh! Especially with pictures are nice as yours, I imagine you'd clean up |
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