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Ethical non-monogamy
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
Where do you think you are / would like to be on this spectrum? Most of society doesn’t even realise that the last 6 even exist.
1 Monogamy
2 Monogamish (occasional attractions and encounters that don’t threaten the mainly-monogamous relationship)
3 Swinging (sex with others mainly together or for the sexual enjoyment of both)
4 Open relationship (permission to have sex outside the relationship)
5 Hierarchical polyamory (a primary loving/sexual relationship, with other secondary emotionally-connected sexual relationships)
6 Non-hierarchical polyamory (multiple equally-valued sexual/loving relationships).
7 Something else.
I wonder how different things would be if people were educated about the existence and possible benefits of all these. Happier homes perhaps? |
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Number 3.
Human nature means that homes probably wouldn't be happier. It's jealousy and feelings of ownership that cause a lot of problems along with the main problem inability to communicate. Being aware that certain types of relationship are possible doesn't prevent those problems |
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By *arksxMan
over a year ago
Leicester / London |
How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.
Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?
I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......
Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model"
Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.
Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?
I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money"
Maybe that’s the other important thing - accepting that people can change.
However right now if someone changes the “accepted” way is either cheat, be miserable, split or change you / the other partner.
Perhaps saying “we’ve changed, now we can move from number x to number y” would help |
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By *arksxMan
over a year ago
Leicester / London |
"How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.
Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?
I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money
Maybe that’s the other important thing - accepting that people can change.
However right now if someone changes the “accepted” way is either cheat, be miserable, split or change you / the other partner.
Perhaps saying “we’ve changed, now we can move from number x to number y” would help"
Having that conversation can be hard enough with new people on here
Let alone in a relationship or marriage
Not to say everyone is... But Britain is very sexually repressed compared to most of the world espically to most of our European cousins.
I think better to just say what you want and be prepared to HEAR what your partner wants too.
Who knows.. In a few years your marriage could be something else.
Better to accept partnership are built on fluid feelings rather than rigid rules |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If people were to be educated about the possible benefits, then education about the possible pitfalls of such a range of relationship types would add balance.
I like the concept of serial monogamy, although not quite sure how that would work in relation to having children |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
7 - relationship anarchist . I've never been 1 but I've had various stages of all the others. I'm definitely poly but it doesn't mean I don't want or enjoy less emotional connections with others that are probably closer to swinging. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I have just finished a book called 'Sex at Dawn.
The review describes it as:
"A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you (think you) know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family. In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”
The problems may be that society is clinging to the modern idea of monogamy and female sexuality that is rooted on religious requirements rather than the real needs of humans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where do you think you are / would like to be on this spectrum? Most of society doesn’t even realise that the last 6 even exist.
1 Monogamy
2 Monogamish (occasional attractions and encounters that don’t threaten the mainly-monogamous relationship)
3 Swinging (sex with others mainly together or for the sexual enjoyment of both)
4 Open relationship (permission to have sex outside the relationship)
5 Hierarchical polyamory (a primary loving/sexual relationship, with other secondary emotionally-connected sexual relationships)
6 Non-hierarchical polyamory (multiple equally-valued sexual/loving relationships).
7 Something else.
I wonder how different things would be if people were educated about the existence and possible benefits of all these. Happier homes perhaps?"
I would like to be in a 3/4 relationship |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
In School in Sociology it was mostly the nuclear family that you were force fed and i think that and my upbringing has focused me very much on one man one woman.
However, since being on here, i’d be quite happy to try the woman and many lovers and the man has none scenario. Is that the hotwife scenario? I wouldn’t want one fella regularly, just a few men i could call up and sex and then go home to hubby and tease him with my sexploits.
So that, i think. Whatever that is.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In School in Sociology it was mostly the nuclear family that you were force fed and i think that and my upbringing has focused me very much on one man one woman.
However, since being on here, i’d be quite happy to try the woman and many lovers and the man has none scenario. Is that the hotwife scenario? I wouldn’t want one fella regularly, just a few men i could call up and sex and then go home to hubby and tease him with my sexploits.
So that, i think. Whatever that is.
"
Or this. It sounds fun  |
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"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......
Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model
Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with "
Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model. |
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"I have just finished a book called 'Sex at Dawn.
The review describes it as:
"A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you (think you) know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family. In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”
The problems may be that society is clinging to the modern idea of monogamy and female sexuality that is rooted on religious requirements rather than the real needs of humans."
I have that book. Read it several years ago ..... good book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......
Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model
Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with
Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model."
"Freudulantly" love it! |
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Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally."
I find this interesting. I’d say I was a 1 although currently single, as that suits me and my emotional needs/wants at this time. There’s nothing to say that won’t change as I change so I always try to keep an open mind.
I’m probably stuck in my team 1 mindset so my initial worries would be, things like living arrangements etc. All the mundane and ultimately immaterial stuff.
How would you navigate that? |
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"Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally.
I find this interesting. I’d say I was a 1 although currently single, as that suits me and my emotional needs/wants at this time. There’s nothing to say that won’t change as I change so I always try to keep an open mind.
I’m probably stuck in my team 1 mindset so my initial worries would be, things like living arrangements etc. All the mundane and ultimately immaterial stuff.
How would you navigate that? "
However you want to. I know some poly people who split living between households with two partners. I know others (like myself) who primarily live with one partner so dating others is a bit like dating prior to moving in together. I seem to mostly date others who have a preference for not living with a patner so that works for me. If I met someone who did though I don't think I could do fully splitting my time 50/50 between two homes. I think the most I could do would be staying over a few nights a week which is kind of how I was when I dated people I didn't live with anyway. |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......
Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model
Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with
Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model."
Actually no, I’m just recounting what I was told and that was the example given.
I’ll probably just find the woman I want to sleep with the most and copy her answer  |
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"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......
Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model
Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with
Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model.
Actually no, I’m just recounting what I was told and that was the example given.
I’ll probably just find the woman I want to sleep with the most and copy her answer "
I can't find the bit where you repeated me Adam ............. |
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Wouldn't consider anything but number 1 if in a relationship. Anything outside that they can hit the curb. If I'm not enough sexually then I'm not enough emotionally so get the fuck out my mansion and take your stank ass too. |
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. I am a 7! 
