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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it's something you learn. It comes from within. It's a desire, a need perhaps. Part of who you are.
Sure there are ways to learn new things but it's not like learning to swim |
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How does she want to move forward? There are some excellent non fiction books on the subject. Search for titles on an on line book store together. Read the reviews before buying and see what you both think. Also google the subject and see what comes up.
Good luck and enjoy |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Please could anyone help my gf learn to be a dom? "
QL is on the mark - does she want to be a Domme? If she does, what kind of a Domme does she think she'd be?
Is it you that she would be Domme-ing? If so what kind of submissive do you think you'd be, and what kind of Domme would you look for, and what dynamic would you want with them?
Whilst it's possible to learn to be dominant, and to a lesser extent submissive, the desire to take on that role has to come from within and there has to be a level of self-understanding of the interest before being able to take steps to explore.
If you and your girlfriend are looking to explore such a dynamic together perhaps sitting down and discussing what you each would like to get from it, and get a better understanding of what you each think it means to you. Consider reading as much as you can, or completing some on-line questionnaires to see if you can find common ground and ideas to try for yourselves.
Could also (when lockdown lifts) get along to a local munch (social for the kink world) to meet and talk with others with a similar interest, or maybe even attend fetish events locally just to watch and learn |
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"How does she want to move forward? There are some excellent non fiction books on the subject. Search for titles on an on line book store together. Read the reviews before buying and see what you both think. Also google the subject and see what comes up.
Good luck and enjoy"
Great, thanks |
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"Please could anyone help my gf learn to be a dom?
QL is on the mark - does she want to be a Domme? If she does, what kind of a Domme does she think she'd be?
Is it you that she would be Domme-ing? If so what kind of submissive do you think you'd be, and what kind of Domme would you look for, and what dynamic would you want with them?
Whilst it's possible to learn to be dominant, and to a lesser extent submissive, the desire to take on that role has to come from within and there has to be a level of self-understanding of the interest before being able to take steps to explore.
If you and your girlfriend are looking to explore such a dynamic together perhaps sitting down and discussing what you each would like to get from it, and get a better understanding of what you each think it means to you. Consider reading as much as you can, or completing some on-line questionnaires to see if you can find common ground and ideas to try for yourselves.
Could also (when lockdown lifts) get along to a local munch (social for the kink world) to meet and talk with others with a similar interest, or maybe even attend fetish events locally just to watch and learn"
Great thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Dom is a person who is naturally incharge. I dont think you can teach someone to be like that. Does she like controlling you? Are you submissive? D/s works if you both want to be in those roles xx |
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"A Dom is a person who is naturally incharge. I dont think you can teach someone to be like that. Does she like controlling you? Are you submissive? D/s works if you both want to be in those roles xx"
Yes but is shy and not confident. Yes I love to be submissive and she wants to be dom |
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"Like I said before, I'd teach her. Cruel Mistress Lisa, very experienced, if you and her are serious and it's not just some d*unk dreamer on a Saturday night then I can help  x "
Or Sunday even  xx |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Like I said before, I'd teach her. Cruel Mistress Lisa, very experienced, if you and her are serious and it's not just some d*unk dreamer on a Saturday night then I can help x "
Well it's not that...it's Sunday |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Like I said before, I'd teach her. Cruel Mistress Lisa, very experienced, if you and her are serious and it's not just some d*unk dreamer on a Saturday night then I can help x
Or Sunday even xx "
Damn got there before me  |
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"Like I said before, I'd teach her. Cruel Mistress Lisa, very experienced, if you and her are serious and it's not just some d*unk dreamer on a Saturday night then I can help x
Well it's not that...it's Sunday "
Yep I realised straight after I do know it is November though |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
One of my favourite podcasts back in the autumn (remember those innocent times) is a British podcast called Proud to be Kinky. One of the hosts Floss explained in one episode how she had felt she was not a natural domme and hated dominating subs. That was until she started the relationship with the other host and he allowed her to dominate him the way she wanted to dominate him. The problem was that previous subs had in their minds either an image of how a domme should look or set of behaviours that a domme should have. Whereas when she could be herself she felt comportable taking control.
Following on from the above and this is a tentative question but I wonder if the way she wants to dominate and the way you want to be dominated are the same. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"One of my favourite podcasts back in the autumn (remember those innocent times) is a British podcast called Proud to be Kinky. One of the hosts Floss explained in one episode how she had felt she was not a natural domme and hated dominating subs. That was until she started the relationship with the other host and he allowed her to dominate him the way she wanted to dominate him. The problem was that previous subs had in their minds either an image of how a domme should look or set of behaviours that a domme should have. Whereas when she could be herself she felt comportable taking control.
Following on from the above and this is a tentative question but I wonder if the way she wants to dominate and the way you want to be dominated are the same."
Wise words as ever
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One of my favourite podcasts back in the autumn (remember those innocent times) is a British podcast called Proud to be Kinky. One of the hosts Floss explained in one episode how she had felt she was not a natural domme and hated dominating subs. That was until she started the relationship with the other host and he allowed her to dominate him the way she wanted to dominate him. The problem was that previous subs had in their minds either an image of how a domme should look or set of behaviours that a domme should have. Whereas when she could be herself she felt comportable taking control.
Following on from the above and this is a tentative question but I wonder if the way she wants to dominate and the way you want to be dominated are the same."
I was like that with my ex. He loved how assertive I was, but had preconceived ideas of what he thought a Domme should be, and found that when I gave him a taste of his fantasy, he didn’t like it. He instead preferred me to be dominant in my own way. We were together over two years. A few of my friends are professional Domme’s and they are certainly far more extreme than I ever was with him, or the people I’ve been Domme for, but that is because that’s what their clients prefer, their own personalities dictate how they dominate, and they cater to the needs of the individual, so what suits one person doesn’t suit another.
Viv x
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For me, I don't want to teach a submissive as the sex for me is mentally ruined if I have to teach a guy to be submissive. You can pretend to be a domme by watching and reading about it. But you know ultimately she be faking it. I guess some people like to explore role play. But for me, I would prefer a natural submissive guy. I see right through wannabes. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"For me, I don't want to teach a submissive as the sex for me is mentally ruined if I have to teach a guy to be submissive. You can pretend to be a domme by watching and reading about it. But you know ultimately she be faking it. I guess some people like to explore role play. But for me, I would prefer a natural submissive guy. I see right through wannabes. "
It's a strange one and I may not word this quite right, but hopefully the gist of what I am trying to say will come through - but I think whilst someone can "become" a dominant through learning, perhaps to satisfy the needs of a submissive partner - I'm not sure submissiveness can be taught, it has to come from within somehow.
Now of course to be either a dominant or a submissive there has to be a desire to be so, but I just think the desire to be submissive is a lot more innate and is not something you can "do" to satisfy another for example but for a dominant the role can be assumed and learned to a degree.
That probably doesn't make a great deal of sense written down like that but it does in my head  |
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