FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How is everyone ACTUALLY doing?
How is everyone ACTUALLY doing?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now, I know don’t really know many of you guys on here (not that it’s actually possible) but how is everyone ACTUALLY doing?
On the face of it, many seem to be coping well and plodding along whilst there’s others putting on a brave face when in fact, they’re struggling a lot.
I’ve found myself to be the kind of ‘agony aunt/uncle’ to many on here and off the site but I’ve been getting messages from a fair few saying they are struggling with ‘life’.
So, my question is two folds:
1) How are you actually doing?
2) What advice would you give to others and to yourself
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Mostly fine. Ups and downs, but we're in a global trauma, that's inevitable.
You're allowed to be weak, you're allowed to be scared. There's no right way to be. Be true to yourself and your feelings, take care, stay connected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1. In a word, Crap.
2. Happy to talks and listen for anyone else that needs it and I'm pretty good at giving advice but I'm really shit at taking it.
Hugs to everyone that needs them   |
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I'm genuinely doing perfectly well.
Yes, there's things I miss, I am exercising less than I should be based on what I'm eating.
But, I'm getting more time with hubby and as such we are having a bit more sex.
Have also had the chance to take some nice photos when out on walks near my home and experiment with hair colour.
I suppose my advice for those struggling would be - try to focus on the positives and keep occupied. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that I haven’t cried today and thought about launching myself out a window, is a good day for me"
Glad your having a good day, this is so hard
I feel like crying today |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Hello dear Popeye! I genuinely hope you're keeping well.
So I'm really good right now. I have times when I feel lonely and miss having loved ones with me or hearing from them because life is busy. But overall today is a good day. I'm a bit tired but that'll pass. I'm excited for the future and things planned and I'm grateful for those in my life.
Advice I'd give myself? Be kind. To myself and to others. We're all doing the best we can and sometimes a random act of kindness or a few well meaning words can make all the difference. Even checking in on someone can make a day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep I’m doing alright!
Advice ooh well...... take each day as it comes and look at the things you have done well during the day, week and month! Also note down what you want to improve upon and learn! Remember it’s ok not to be ok! Can’t be sparkly and happy everyday! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that I haven’t cried today and thought about launching myself out a window, is a good day for me
Glad your having a good day, this is so hard
I feel like crying today "
Crying is cathartic sometimes. Hugs lovely xx |
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Doing well but have moments
Need to keep bringing it back to the present (mindfulness), practice meditation, slow breathing and understand everything we have to be grateful for. Help others that are struggling.
Has anyone noticed the air smells pure with less pollution and human activity  amazing, I think the world will change for the better forever when we get through this which we will.
Love xx |
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I feel a bit of a fraud because both of us are genuinely OK. We miss swimming, we should be in Spain at the moment, we miss and worry about our kids and I miss my parents. However this has affected us minimally.
The advice I'd give other people is to cope with this the best way you can and it doesn't matter if that's differently to other people. I wouldn't give myself any advice because I wouldn't listen anyway  |
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"1. In a word, Crap.
2. Happy to talks and listen for anyone else that needs it and I'm pretty good at giving advice but I'm really shit at taking it.
Hugs to everyone that needs them "
Oh dear, hugs lovely. Always here if you need to talk xx |
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By *ustme1820Woman
over a year ago
Southcoast Gosport |
I’m broken. I’m helping so many people with shopping, getting meds to them, cooking meals and delivering them and working FT, albeit from home as a teacher. I’m executor of a relatives will so sorting out his funeral and things.
I’ve no advise to give others sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m broken. I’m helping so many people with shopping, getting meds to them, cooking meals and delivering them and working FT, albeit from home as a teacher. I’m executor of a relatives will so sorting out his funeral and things.
I’ve no advise to give others sorry "
Sounds like you need a bit of self care xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1) one of my brothers passed away of a massive heart attack on Monday and I have been hit with shingles. So have had no energy this week and been fairly crap.
2) it is ok to feel down, it is ok to feel upbeat, it is ok to hate the person next to you for feeling ok when you don't as they will be doing the same to you the next day.
There is no end date to this at the moment so pace yourself and take each day as it comes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I’ve been lucky enough to have been able to go to work so I’ve been kept busy and not really had time to overthink things.
I’m not one for going out much anyway so staying in is no bother to me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of people will pretend, because it's also a coping strategy for sure. Dont show your weakness, dont let others burst your bubble.
I am up and down. I dont like offloading on others. I'd rather not anyone else lick my wounds. Like Sparkle said, I prefer to be a shoulder for others. Having been in dark places makes you want to forget them, not dwell on them. Just carrying on. Fighting each day. Not guilty about how I do it or what I need to get through it. This lockdown crap won't change my strength, my view of the world isn't affected greatly by it.
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"I’m broken. I’m helping so many people with shopping, getting meds to them, cooking meals and delivering them and working FT, albeit from home as a teacher. I’m executor of a relatives will so sorting out his funeral and things.
I’ve no advise to give others sorry "
It’s easy to lose yourself caring for others, especially during a time of crisis. But you must also try to look after yourself, otherwise it won’t be possible to continue being compassionate. Perhaps try to carve a little time out of your day just for you. Hugs lovely Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There’s a lot of us here who share similar characteristics. Many of us like to be the shoulders for other people and help others with their struggle without dealing or managing our own difficulties first.
It’s great to be there for other people but one thing we need to realise (including myself) is that no matter how selfless you are, at the end of the day, you need to look after yourself too.
You won’t be doing yourself any favours by putting others first and before you realise it, you’ve placed yourself in a difficult position - you won’t be able to help anyone else once that happens.
So, look after yourself and your own well-being too.
I’m not a fan of people saying this site is just a sex site and certain topics shouldn’t be discussed. I’m sorry, this is a platform for for us all - many have made friends and formed various relationships on here.
It’s time to keep an eye out for each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"1) one of my brothers passed away of a massive heart attack on Monday and I have been hit with shingles. So have had no energy this week and been fairly crap.
2) it is ok to feel down, it is ok to feel upbeat, it is ok to hate the person next to you for feeling ok when you don't as they will be doing the same to you the next day.
There is no end date to this at the moment so pace yourself and take each day as it comes "
I'm so sorry lovely.
That's really awful  .
Sending you huge hugs |
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I'm a big fan of the expression "you need to put on your own oxygen mask first". If you have big unmet needs, you're less help to others. Self care means you can be stronger for others.
I'm a shoulder for plenty of people, but if it's not a symbiotic in some cases, I'll collapse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There’s a lot of us here who share similar characteristics. Many of us like to be the shoulders for other people and help others with their struggle without dealing or managing our own difficulties first.
It’s great to be there for other people but one thing we need to realise (including myself) is that no matter how selfless you are, at the end of the day, you need to look after yourself too.
You won’t be doing yourself any favours by putting others first and before you realise it, you’ve placed yourself in a difficult position - you won’t be able to help anyone else once that happens.
So, look after yourself and your own well-being too.
I’m not a fan of people saying this site is just a sex site and certain topics shouldn’t be discussed. I’m sorry, this is a platform for for us all - many have made friends and formed various relationships on here.
It’s time to keep an eye out for each other.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a big fan of the expression "you need to put on your own oxygen mask first". If you have big unmet needs, you're less help to others. Self care means you can be stronger for others.
I'm a shoulder for plenty of people, but if it's not a symbiotic in some cases, I'll collapse."
If they only take then they are just energy parasites;-)
There is I guess hierarchy of needs. And no you cannot pour from empty. Unless the pouring itself is the act which recharges you? It's not as simple as it may seem. |
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"I'm a big fan of the expression "you need to put on your own oxygen mask first". If you have big unmet needs, you're less help to others. Self care means you can be stronger for others.
I'm a shoulder for plenty of people, but if it's not a symbiotic in some cases, I'll collapse.
If they only take then they are just energy parasites;-)
There is I guess hierarchy of needs. And no you cannot pour from empty. Unless the pouring itself is the act which recharges you? It's not as simple as it may seem. "
For sure x
I can have relationships where I just give. As long as I'm not just a giver and it's not just on my terms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of people will pretend, because it's also a coping strategy for sure. Dont show your weakness, dont let others burst your bubble.
I am up and down. I dont like offloading on others. I'd rather not anyone else lick my wounds. Like Sparkle said, I prefer to be a shoulder for others. Having been in dark places makes you want to forget them, not dwell on them. Just carrying on. Fighting each day. Not guilty about how I do it or what I need to get through it. This lockdown crap won't change my strength, my view of the world isn't affected greatly by it.
"
xx |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I'm ok so long as my kids are. I asked them each individually how they feel they are coping and they all said 7/10.
The advice take each day as it comes is as much as anyone can do atm.
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1) How are you actually doing? - I’ve cried most days under the additional stress of work and have panic attacks about leaving the house! Mrs. Hubby is on furlough and has up and down days. There’s only so much diy you can do. I’m just glad I’m married to my best mate so we’re doing better than a lot!
2) What advice would you give to others and to yourself. - Stay strong. Re prioritise and know there will be light at the end of the tunnel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great post mate.
1) doing well (I mean that)
2) break down each day into hour blocks and try to accomplish at least one thing per day (even if as simple as doing the laundry). Exercise every day - it makes you feel better without fail |
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"I'm ok so long as my kids are. I asked them each individually how they feel they are coping and they all said 7/10.
The advice take each day as it comes is as much as anyone can do atm.
"
I think some kids are actually missing school now |
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By *akbearMan
over a year ago
Newbury |
1 every day is different, some up, some down.
2 don't assume that you are coping well today that everyone is, if they aren't they may want to talk, they may just want to scream or hide under the duvet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"1) one of my brothers passed away of a massive heart attack on Monday and I have been hit with shingles. So have had no energy this week and been fairly crap.
2) it is ok to feel down, it is ok to feel upbeat, it is ok to hate the person next to you for feeling ok when you don't as they will be doing the same to you the next day.
There is no end date to this at the moment so pace yourself and take each day as it comes
I'm so sorry lovely.
That's really awful .
Sending you huge hugs "
Thank you xx |
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"1) one of my brothers passed away of a massive heart attack on Monday and I have been hit with shingles. So have had no energy this week and been fairly crap.
2) it is ok to feel down, it is ok to feel upbeat, it is ok to hate the person next to you for feeling ok when you don't as they will be doing the same to you the next day.
There is no end date to this at the moment so pace yourself and take each day as it comes "
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry xx |
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"1 every day is different, some up, some down.
2 don't assume that you are coping well today that everyone is, if they aren't they may want to talk, they may just want to scream or hide under the duvet."
Totally agree if you know someone who is on there own give them a call or message them especially if you haven't heard from them in a while that bit of contact can mean the world to them if there having a bad day |
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Im good thankyou, always someone worse off x
Try and take time out for a little exercise, it does help, take care everyone thats struggling it will improve, thankyou to everyone who has given sound advice, it shows we all care xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1. I am ok, coping well. Thanks
2. Watch only news from reliable sources and keep it to a minimum, Have some daily routine, Find stuff to fill your day, keep in touch with friends and family by any means possible, Get some exercise daily and try not to overload on junk food.
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I'm ok so long as my kids are. I asked them each individually how they feel they are coping and they all said 7/10.
The advice take each day as it comes is as much as anyone can do atm.
I think some kids are actually missing school now "
Oh yes, my daughter is but not to point it's upsetting her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im good thankyou, always someone worse off x
Try and take time out for a little exercise, it does help, take care everyone thats struggling it will improve, thankyou to everyone who has given sound advice, it shows we all care xx"
For me, exercise in the form of going for a walk is my idea of hell.
I absolutely fucking hate it and it makes me so fucking angry.
So,I don’t do it. I find just staying in and reading a book makes me feel better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks to a friend, better than I would have been.
Have had some down days, missing my children as visits have been reduced (my flats are not safe enough for them due to the virus) so a few trips to them instead.
Bit of boredom, but mostly mentally ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great thread! I like the 'ACTUALLY'- it's easy to be told what to do to make things better and OK - yet there are so many intricate little variations for people in the current climate that the word 'ACTUALLY' is very apt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm fine. Other than not being able to go places for my fun activities and shopping is logistically more tricky it's not any different.
I am saving money, I've lost weight, I'm getting home jobs done that I've been meaning to for years. I'm still working full time, so I get out and see people.
Apart from a couple of big negatives I see more positives bizarrely.. |
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