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What is the unwritten contract between
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I suspect there'll be a more or less binary gendered divide on broad expectations (although it'd be fascinating to what extent queer including trans/ non binary people fit in). But that each arrangement would work out differently in practice |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My thoughts: a fuck buddy is someone you just scratch a sexual itch with more than once.
FWB is a friendship that incudes sex - FBs may develop to FWBs but there's no commitment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fuck buddy and friends with benefits, and, fwb and a girl-boyfriend relationship? "
My interpretation is as follows
I’m a FWB person. To me that’s sex plus more. friendship, fun, weekends away, chatting a lot etc but not mixing with “normal life” (exclusive or not) Fuck buddy to me just means meet for sex and that’s it, not for me. Boyfriend and girlfriend means a proper relationship, exclusive (unless otherwise agreed) Again, not for me  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think there's less divide between FWB and a romantic relationship as both are relationships, and exclusivity can be agreed upon. In others words, one might expect Fwbs not to be exclusive but is so in a romantic relationship. However as is seen in the swinging community, relationships aren't exclusive regarding sex, but may have criteria attached.
In relationships we can make the rules up as we go along. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fuck buddy and friends with benefits, and, fwb and a girl-boyfriend relationship? "
Inse it like this.
Fwb. Actual friends who if the desire takes, fuck.
Fuck buddies. People who meet up simply for sex.
Girl-boyfriend a couple where other people recognise and respect their relationship as a couple, though not married. The potential for marriage is there. |
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"Too confusing! 
It's simply asking how you would define these labels. "
I guess, in a very rare act of seriousness... I would never use those labels. Everyone's different and would have preconceptions of said labels.
I just figure it out as the human comes along, I guess? |
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The word "relationship" means something different now than it used to. To me if you know someone you have a relationship with them but in Facebook terms if you're "in a relationship" it means romantically exclusive.
So to me fuck buddies are people who have sex with each other, aren't exclusive and wouldn't invite each other to their birthday drinks.
Friends with benefits as above but might consider birthday drinks and might exchange cards.
Boyfriend/girlfriend as above but would definitely attend birthday drinks and exchange cards and presents. If not exclusive the terms of that would be negotiated.
I've said before that the first two wouldn't be options for me if I was single. |
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Until recently I was in an amazing two and a half year FWBs relationship with a lady on here. She did her own thing and I did mine in the time between seeing each other.
We were as honest with each other as we could be. We would anonymise names and the exact details of who else we were seeing but we would have an outline of what the other was doing.
I met her family a few times and she’d met my daughter and most of my friends. When we got together about every fourth weekend we were close like any other couple. We did a lot of talking about our feelings.
We did some amazing things together over two and a half years. Some naughty and some nice. I’d say the split was 75% nice and 15% naughty.
When it’s good it can be very good. You need lots of talking and honesty to make it work. |
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"This is why I find it so much easier not to be too worried about labelling things. As long as whatever the arrangement is makes everyone happy it's all good  "
I think labels help as long as they're helpful. Take it, leave it, and respect other people's. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"This is why I find it so much easier not to be too worried about labelling things. As long as whatever the arrangement is makes everyone happy it's all good "
Very much this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Too confusing!
It's simply asking how you would define these labels.
I guess, in a very rare act of seriousness... I would never use those labels. Everyone's different and would have preconceptions of said labels.
I just figure it out as the human comes along, I guess?"
It's good to know another's thoughts to see if they align. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Until recently I was in an amazing two and a half year FWBs relationship with a lady on here. She did her own thing and I did mine in the time between seeing each other.
We were as honest with each other as we could be. We would anonymise names and the exact details of who else we were seeing but we would have an outline of what the other was doing.
I met her family a few times and she’d met my daughter and most of my friends. When we got together about every fourth weekend we were close like any other couple. We did a lot of talking about our feelings.
We did some amazing things together over two and a half years. Some naughty and some nice. I’d say the split was 75% nice and 15% naughty.
When it’s good it can be very good. You need lots of talking and honesty to make it work. "
Honesty, yes! |
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I don't think you can have a set definition for any kind of human relationship, be that FWB, marriage, or even parent/child. It all boils down to the people involved and what they want from the relationship. Honest communication is important.
Personally, I don't like to use labels for such things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once you start putting labels on to things, that’s when everything becomes challenging.
But, I’ll say that I’m someone who prefers the former. That’s just my nature I suppose. I can’t just fuck and go (fuck buddy definition I think). I like to have a cup of tea after and spend a bit of time together.
I always tend to think fuck buddy meets are short and quick - I like taking the time (mood depending) and a weekend away.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think labels are useful when there is a consensus on what they mean like Strawberry Jam. If I pick up a jar of Strawberry Jam I’m pretty sure I’m not getting Raspberries in it and would have a right to complain if I did. However the more that definition depends on increasing degrees of subjectivity the problematic it becomes. Anything we label that has multiple possible interpretations means we have to take care in the use of the terms. I prefer just to agree with the people involved what our personal and collective psychological and social contracts are. I don’t mean in a formal sense but I do mean exploring assumptions and boundaries and clarity by what each means by them. I’ve come unstuck in the past by making assumptions and taking things on trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuck Buddy- someone you regularly meet for sexual pleasure only, no commitment at all.
FWB - Spend time together, engage in conversations about things other than sex and also have Sexual pleasure, still no commitment but sometimes exclusive.
GF/BF- All of above with commitment and loyalties to each other, mostly exclusive.
Marriage - you’re screwed!!!  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I don't think you can have a set definition for any kind of human relationship, be that FWB, marriage, or even parent/child. It all boils down to the people involved and what they want from the relationship. Honest communication is important.
Personally, I don't like to use labels for such things. "
About sums it up for me
In the context of people I meet from Fab they are all people I want to spend time with away from the bedroom, and get to know in that respect, people I can laugh and talk easily with, who I genuinely care about and have an affection for (thanks Chill for that one) without having a commitment to them beyond showing each other trust, respect and courtesy. If they happen to be meeting other people to, or I am, then it is none of my/their business so long it doesn't impact me/them.
It doesn't need a label for me - all that matters is that we're both/all happy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Too confusing!
It's simply asking how you would define these labels.
I guess, in a very rare act of seriousness... I would never use those labels. Everyone's different and would have preconceptions of said labels.
I just figure it out as the human comes along, I guess?"
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