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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No its not another thread about the person above.....I am going on a date tonight Yipee, Now my question is this,if things go well and we take it further should i tell her about being a swinger???? your thoughts please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seriously I think there are far more things to discuss on a first date than this .... Im sure she /he would appreciate you asking about them there lives etc etc ..
too soon  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"not on the first date. Come on do you really need to ask "
And why not? Honesty is a big part of any potential relationship is it not or am i just being dumb |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i always think its best to get that kind of thing out the way as soon as possible, the longer you leave it the harder it will be to bring up
Id pop it into the conversation tonight to be honest, its done then and if she dont want to see you again because of it at least you know now rather than a few weeks down the line when you may have fallen for her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think yes you should, maybe not on the first date though.
Unless you want to risk it coming back and biting you in the bum at a later date. Or are not planning a honest - trusting relationship
Ask yourself if she wasn't honest with you? would you be impressed?
You dont have to go into detail or numbers, just be honest and say, you're open minded and enjoy(ed) safe swinging previously.
That way you can discuss swinging with her in the future if you were both inclined to do it maybe.
Just my pennies worth |
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Not on the first date as we all have lots of first dates that dont go any further.
But if you are planning on seeing her again i would say second date then its out in the open and if shes not happy with it nothing lost before feelings get involved.
Also if your not honest, could you really keep it a secret and is a secret a good way to start a relationship.
Have a nice date. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Seriously I think there are far more things to discuss on a first date than this .... Im sure she /he would appreciate you asking about them there lives etc etc ..
too soon "
I can understand where you are coming from however if things go well and i dont say anything, would it not sour things later on if i waited |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id say yes,think if i was going on a date and was getting on with a guy and thought ohhh potential second date ,yes i would mention swinging,as said previously not in detail but better to get it out now rather than further down the line.
Good luck on the date and enjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the first date you dont know her well enough, if you told her and she was horrified whats to stop her blabbing your bussiness to everyone - anyone?
When I met my now ex husband, we had been dating a few weeks, he said he thinks we shouldn't see other people so I told him.
It was basically a yes we can date and in your words 'get more serious' however I enjoy swinging and do not intend to give it up.
I remember telling him it's like having to pick 1 type of breakfast for the rest of your life, I fancy different things at different times.
He loved the idea of a free rein to sleep with whom he wants and was excited about me with other women, however when it came to me and other men 
That was him and his issues though, since I have 'dated' others but they were already swingers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no not untill you would like it to be more then a date , lol and you get feelings for her ... and then i think you have to be turthfull about yourself and how things are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The question you should be asking is not of her, but of yourself, and that is:
If you like this lady that much could you give up swinging?
Obviously you'll have to gauge how she views such things without blurting it out that you're into the scene, but if you tread carefully and see if she likes a bit of variety in bed she may well be receptive to exploring it with you.
If you charge in like a bull in a china shop you could well scare the life out of her and she'll run for the hills, even if she is open-minded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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twisting it entirely around ............ if you weren't/hadnt been on a swinging site and she had - when do you think it would have been good for you to find out about her ?????????? Hope that helps xxxx and hope u have a fab time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It has already been said but do you swing because its part of who you are, or do you do it for the fun and social..
If you had someone in your life, would you want to engage in that lifestyle with them.. If you do.. then I would say yes...
but then I would tell someone anyway as its just who I am
Cali |
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If she's a modern woman and planning on going dutch, i'd drop it in as your sipping your drinks once she's paid for her half of the bill.....
Joking aside though, this was recently raised by a woman. She had been "dating" a guy for a little while, but hadn't slept with him and wanted to know when/if she should drop in that she enjoyed swinging, or whether to simply give up swinging.
She was given various answers, but in the end she decided that her feelings for this guy was too strong, she'd now slpet with him and was dropping out of swinging all together, though she may at some future time test the waters with her new man.
The key to me is what you wish to happen. If you want to continue swinging, then tell her when your ready too, not first date, but before having sex with her, and if you decide that you don't want to continue swinging while your with her, then keep your past to yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not on the first date. Come on do you really need to ask
And why not? Honesty is a big part of any potential relationship is it not or am i just being dumb"
Agree with you totally about being honest, however, like some other things you may not wish to mention them so soon? You could perhaps initially just indicate that you are a liberated man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think the big question is is the OP planning on trying to get this women to swing with him? because if not i dont see why it needs to be mentioned at all if so id say it should be mentioned as soon as possible, it may put her off but isnt it better she does a runner now rather than when you have gotten to know her a bit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say not on first date if she don't know a lot about it she will run a mile I would have. If you plan on seeing each other then test the water by talking about some of the finer sides to swinging lol xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't really think its something to bring up on a first date.
Saying that one of my exs way to bring it up was to strip me off on cam on another site.
Not exactly the best way either. |
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You will know your self if the moment feels right. I think it depends on how the dialogue goes and whether you think she will be open minded about it. If not, will you risk it or keep is secret?
What ever happens, good luck and hope it works out...maybe a joint profile on the horizon? lol |
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Why would you approach a subject which shouldn't even be brought up on the majority of first dates?
I would tell her when the relationship is about to turn sexual. You don't want her to feel like she is just another "fuck" so i reckon you should tell her before you have sex.
If you are lucky enough to get to that stage. Good luck bro. |
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"The question you should be asking is not of her, but of yourself, and that is:
If you like this lady that much could you give up swinging?
Obviously you'll have to gauge how she views such things without blurting it out that you're into the scene, but if you tread carefully and see if she likes a bit of variety in bed she may well be receptive to exploring it with you.
If you charge in like a bull in a china shop you could well scare the life out of her and she'll run for the hills, even if she is open-minded."
agree.
would you want to hear that she has no strings sex with other people while you sit down with your glass of wine and lasagne? lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously I think there are far more things to discuss on a first date than this .... Im sure she /he would appreciate you asking about them there lives etc etc ..
too soon
I can understand where you are coming from however if things go well and i dont say anything, would it not sour things later on if i waited"
First date should be the opportunity to see how well you get along and also for you to work out if she might be open to the idea? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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first date went well, second date arranged, so tonight i was honest with her about swinging.....Result......told me to fuck off and not contact her again
so much for honesty |
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"first date went well, second date arranged, so tonight i was honest with her about swinging.....Result......told me to fuck off and not contact her again
so much for honesty"
Sorry to hear that but at least your conscience is clear. Maybe when she's had chance to absorbe it she may be in touch. Fingers crossed |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"first date went well, second date arranged, so tonight i was honest with her about swinging.....Result......told me to fuck off and not contact her again
so much for honesty"
Sorry to hear that, but agree with Femme and Elkie's posts - better luck next time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"first date went well, second date arranged, so tonight i was honest with her about swinging.....Result......told me to fuck off and not contact her again
so much for honesty"
Well to be honest I am not surprised at the reaction after disclosing this early. Many have a view swingers aren't the faithful type and she will have judged you on what little she knew about you and her preconceptions. The reality is there is a time and place for everything and in the early stages of a relationship disclosing too many personal details is best not done. There are more fish in the sea though so better luck with the next one. |
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