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Finding Strength
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like. |
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"Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like. "
Hello lovely 
There is definitely courage in admitting weakness.
When I lost my husband people kept telling me how strong I was - stay strong - keep your chin up - stay strong for the kids, but I just wanted to scream.
I did t feel strong, I just got on with it. What choice did I have?
I came across this quote a while back and it stuck with me, so I’ll share
‘’ They say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"....I don't agree. Some things that didn't kill me, came so close that they're still damaging. They didn't make me better. Some things made me worse. And can't that be okay too? Can't some things just break you? This whole fucking world wants you to believe that admitting defeat makes you weak. For God's sake, bleed. And bleed openly. There can be pride in vulnerability. Honesty is maturity. And really, it's the things that did kill me, that made me.’’
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Putting on a "brave face" might work short term to get you through a shit time, but it's ok to vent, to cry and to ask for help.
I think vulnerablility is a strength not a weakness. It takes courage to show your vulnerability.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like.
Hello lovely
There is definitely courage in admitting weakness.
When I lost my husband people kept telling me how strong I was - stay strong - keep your chin up - stay strong for the kids, but I just wanted to scream.
I did t feel strong, I just got on with it. What choice did I have?
I came across this quote a while back and it stuck with me, so I’ll share
‘’ They say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"....I don't agree. Some things that didn't kill me, came so close that they're still damaging. They didn't make me better. Some things made me worse. And can't that be okay too? Can't some things just break you? This whole fucking world wants you to believe that admitting defeat makes you weak. For God's sake, bleed. And bleed openly. There can be pride in vulnerability. Honesty is maturity. And really, it's the things that did kill me, that made me.’’
"
This reminds me of another quote which said something along the lines of strength not being a choice. Its just what you do to get through.. to keep it all together when everyone 'expects' you to fail. I definitely found that. The more you try to beat me down the more strength i find. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if I'm strong, definitely resilient
How would you describe the difference between the two?"
I would say I can build a resilience to something with determination ...is that not an inner strength maybe ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some mornings I do wake with a dread of the day to come and what may happen in work .
I just take a few minutes out to sit and try to concentrate on just my breathing, using it as an anchor to keep me just present in the moment.
I do the same when I get home from work .
Then I'm just the same splendid happy go lucky positive chap |
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I like to think I have amassed enormous inner strength since Oct 17 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, lost my mam to pancreatic cancer a month after my mastectomy then 5mnths after that, found out my husband was having a long term serious affair.
Its amazing how you manage to keep going through hard times.
Its ok to vent, have a whinge, cry etc. Life just isnt fair sometimes. But what you go through makes you a fighter and an amazing person. Life is beautiful and you have to be grateful for what you have. Things dont stay shit forever.
MsD xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Putting on a "brave face" might work short term to get you through a shit time, but it's ok to vent, to cry and to ask for help.
I think vulnerablility is a strength not a weakness. It takes courage to show your vulnerability.
"
I think it's interesting. Do you fake it until you make it by putting a brave face.. and convincing yourself you are ok.. or do you admit you are falling apart and need to start climbing out of the sorrow pit? Do you tell people you are weak and show it bravely. Or do you show you are strong even if crumbling so others can be inspired. Or there is a middle way.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a natural loner so being on my own isn’t an issue! I don’t feel I’ve used my inner strength yet ! Just waiting for covid to hit my work place and then it will be all hands on deck! People passing away and families devastated! Then my inner strength will kick in to see that these people are treated properly! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure if I'm strong, definitely resilient
How would you describe the difference between the two?I would say I can build a resilience to something with determination ...is that not an inner strength maybe ?"
I do wonder if they are synonymous but maybe its just a small technicality glad you are happy in the world of your own. That's a great strength. |
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"Putting on a "brave face" might work short term to get you through a shit time, but it's ok to vent, to cry and to ask for help.
I think vulnerablility is a strength not a weakness. It takes courage to show your vulnerability.
I think it's interesting. Do you fake it until you make it by putting a brave face.. and convincing yourself you are ok.. or do you admit you are falling apart and need to start climbing out of the sorrow pit? Do you tell people you are weak and show it bravely. Or do you show you are strong even if crumbling so others can be inspired. Or there is a middle way.. "
You tell and show your weakness to certain people who you trust. I stopped showing my weakness and vulnerability to my ex. He thrived on it.
I cried to only a select few people. Otherwise it was the brave face. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Some mornings I do wake with a dread of the day to come and what may happen in work .
I just take a few minutes out to sit and try to concentrate on just my breathing, using it as an anchor to keep me just present in the moment.
I do the same when I get home from work .
Then I'm just the same splendid happy go lucky positive chap "
I'm crap at meditating. Too many racing thoughts. But breathing techniques definitely worked for my anxiety and during birthing! it's a great skill to have. Definitely a strength. A one you developed. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's not so much "strength" for me as maintaining a positive outlook and taking each day as it comes - when I hit problems or am feeling blue I usually "know" in myself that they'll soon pass, so try not to let them consume me and if I need to have an "off" day or two, I allow myself to.
I've also found it's easy to be overwhelmed by seeing problems pile up and appear insurmountable as a whole, but if you break them down into individual hurdles that you prioritise and clear one at a time - it never seems quite so daunting.
Appreciate that's a simplistic view and for some it's not quite that easy, but I have a pragmatic mind and a "glass half full" view on life mostly and count myself lucky that I do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like to think I have amassed enormous inner strength since Oct 17 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, lost my mam to pancreatic cancer a month after my mastectomy then 5mnths after that, found out my husband was having a long term serious affair.
Its amazing how you manage to keep going through hard times.
Its ok to vent, have a whinge, cry etc. Life just isnt fair sometimes. But what you go through makes you a fighter and an amazing person. Life is beautiful and you have to be grateful for what you have. Things dont stay shit forever.
MsD xx"
That's been a true stampede of horrible events and lots of stress for you surely.. and yes I do like your philosophy of everything being temporary. Glad you are on the other side of those battles. And stronger for them. |
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"
I've also found it's easy to be overwhelmed by seeing problems pile up and appear insurmountable as a whole, but if you break them down into individual hurdles that you prioritise and clear one at a time - it never seems quite so daunting.
."
This is so true.
I remember crying to my therapist, saying separating from my narcisstic husband was like climbing a huge mountain. I couldnt see how I could ever do it.
She told me to pitch a tent a bit of the way up. Stay there for a while. Then move up further on the mountain. Keep going this way.
It was a great way to look at it. Helped me alot. I am glad to say I am on the other side of that mountain now.
MsD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As you know OP I have had a crap week of it with mum's accident , losing one of my brothers and now shingles.
For a couple of days I am just going to allow myself to feel a bit meh because I think it is cathartic and then I know I have to dust myself down and just get on with it like normal. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As you know OP I have had a crap week of it with mum's accident , losing one of my brothers and now shingles.
For a couple of days I am just going to allow myself to feel a bit meh because I think it is cathartic and then I know I have to dust myself down and just get on with it like normal. "
It's all too much at once. 
And you cope incredibly.. x
Whatever gets you through. That sounds like a good strategy. Allowing yourself to take it all in and not trying to fight those feelings. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The inner strength I do have seemed linked to my perception of time. How much time I have to do something, how much time left, how much tim wasted. Time, time, time.
If I can slow down, and set things out in an order, I can handle a lot. If I lose track - which is often - then I start hearing the ticking of a clock grow louder.
With that said, being indoors most of the day and not having much of a physical barrier between my bed, my workspace and the rest of the house seems to be playing havoc with my perception of time.
Inner strength: 55% |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I find that in challenging situations, my strength is being whatever is occurring naturally in me .. no matter what it seems like to the outsider.
Finding my own way and having the courage to walk it, regardless, takes strength.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m a natural loner so being on my own isn’t an issue! I don’t feel I’ve used my inner strength yet ! Just waiting for covid to hit my work place and then it will be all hands on deck! People passing away and families devastated! Then my inner strength will kick in to see that these people are treated properly! "
As in strength in crisis? Being calm during storm and sailing through it? That's a very useful strength these days especially of you are exposed every day. Fingers crossed it doesn't come to it though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was having a bit of a meltdown recently thinking about the man I am and the man I want to be. Although I’m young, I’m proud of the things I’ve overcome and the direction I’m heading in. Just gotta reminding myself to be kind to me.
I find we grow from self reflection.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
You tell and show your weakness to certain people who you trust. I stopped showing my weakness and vulnerability to my ex. He thrived on it.
I cried to only a select few people. Otherwise it was the brave face. "
Its horrifying when people find your weakness and thrive on using them against you. But that's what narcissistic personalities do. Good coping strategy there.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve learned about strength in vulnerability over my years on this planet. I had the usual taunts as a child that because I was emotional I was weak. However when Ive gone through the really challenging moments in my life my willingness to allow my vulnerability to be visible and then take small steps to make progress has been really important. Ive also learned how in transformational moments mutual vulnerability is incredibly powerful in shifting our ways of thinking. I have always been fortunate to have good friend who both supported me and challenged me through those times. Right now I’m at the point that what ever feeling I have during this time is ok, I watch it while it passes. In the first weeks my fear and anxiety was more noticeable, I felt fear for my parents and family, friends and my own existence, but I found ways to reduce the anxieties, I also went through a stage of feeling furious which gradually reduced to a bit of grumpiness. I’ve felt moments of incredible sadness at the loss of life and the grieving families, made more acute when a family member’s life. However they have been counterbalanced by moments of hope and joy, incredible levels of support for each other, reconnecting with friends and family members that I contacted far less before the lockdown. I’ve been there for others who have been struggling more than me and I’ve started to feel inspired again. At know point have I felt the need to be strong or felt particularly weak. I have learned emotional resilience over the years and the power of dealing with them in relatively healthy ways. And so I am smiling as I write this and the sun comes out from behind a cloud and I enjoy the gift of the present moment. |
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"As you know OP I have had a crap week of it with mum's accident , losing one of my brothers and now shingles.
For a couple of days I am just going to allow myself to feel a bit meh because I think it is cathartic and then I know I have to dust myself down and just get on with it like normal. "
I’m sorry to hear that sending huge love your way x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As you know OP I have had a crap week of it with mum's accident , losing one of my brothers and now shingles.
For a couple of days I am just going to allow myself to feel a bit meh because I think it is cathartic and then I know I have to dust myself down and just get on with it like normal.
I’m sorry to hear that sending huge love your way x"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a natural loner so being on my own isn’t an issue! I don’t feel I’ve used my inner strength yet ! Just waiting for covid to hit my work place and then it will be all hands on deck! People passing away and families devastated! Then my inner strength will kick in to see that these people are treated properly!
As in strength in crisis? Being calm during storm and sailing through it? That's a very useful strength these days especially of you are exposed every day. Fingers crossed it doesn't come to it though. "
Yes we have purposely been put on red alert! So I’m already immersed in stressful situations! It’s taking each situation and breaking it up so it’s not so hard to deal with! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's not so much "strength" for me as maintaining a positive outlook and taking each day as it comes - when I hit problems or am feeling blue I usually "know" in myself that they'll soon pass, so try not to let them consume me and if I need to have an "off" day or two, I allow myself to.
I've also found it's easy to be overwhelmed by seeing problems pile up and appear insurmountable as a whole, but if you break them down into individual hurdles that you prioritise and clear one at a time - it never seems quite so daunting.
Appreciate that's a simplistic view and for some it's not quite that easy, but I have a pragmatic mind and a "glass half full" view on life mostly and count myself lucky that I do."
I dont think its simplistic. Its simplifying but that is what needed when faced with avalanche of challenges. Taking them one by one not fighting all windmills at once and running out of strength. A mindful to do list helps to see them more clearly too I guess? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I've also found it's easy to be overwhelmed by seeing problems pile up and appear insurmountable as a whole, but if you break them down into individual hurdles that you prioritise and clear one at a time - it never seems quite so daunting.
.
This is so true.
I remember crying to my therapist, saying separating from my narcisstic husband was like climbing a huge mountain. I couldnt see how I could ever do it.
She told me to pitch a tent a bit of the way up. Stay there for a while. Then move up further on the mountain. Keep going this way.
It was a great way to look at it. Helped me alot. I am glad to say I am on the other side of that mountain now.
MsD"
Thank you for sharing mountaineering metaphor.. I shall add it to my inner tool box |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like.
Hello lovely
There is definitely courage in admitting weakness.
When I lost my husband people kept telling me how strong I was - stay strong - keep your chin up - stay strong for the kids, but I just wanted to scream.
I did t feel strong, I just got on with it. What choice did I have?
I came across this quote a while back and it stuck with me, so I’ll share
‘’ They say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"....I don't agree. Some things that didn't kill me, came so close that they're still damaging. They didn't make me better. Some things made me worse. And can't that be okay too? Can't some things just break you? This whole fucking world wants you to believe that admitting defeat makes you weak. For God's sake, bleed. And bleed openly. There can be pride in vulnerability. Honesty is maturity. And really, it's the things that did kill me, that made me.’’
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
be more selfish. you don't need energy vampires or others you run around after.
you will only be happy when you put yourself first! its not selfish its the right thing to do for you!
and if this gets peoples backs up tough, they weren't right for you in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The inner strength I do have seemed linked to my perception of time. How much time I have to do something, how much time left, how much tim wasted. Time, time, time.
If I can slow down, and set things out in an order, I can handle a lot. If I lose track - which is often - then I start hearing the ticking of a clock grow louder.
With that said, being indoors most of the day and not having much of a physical barrier between my bed, my workspace and the rest of the house seems to be playing havoc with my perception of time.
Inner strength: 55%"
Locked in 4 walls and clocking in hours.. it's ok to feel a bit of a time puppet. But it's your time. You have control. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find that in challenging situations, my strength is being whatever is occurring naturally in me .. no matter what it seems like to the outsider.
Finding my own way and having the courage to walk it, regardless, takes strength.
"
Because you have a great natural insight.. as far as I can notice listening to your own voice can be a skill.. especially with so much outer noise.. advice from other people, media, etc. |
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I'm channelling energy into keeping our businesses running.
I'm lucky our kids have been brilliant and they are pretty self sufficient
I spend long days at the laptop working and learning, hubby is out at work
A few times I've felt myself slipping but managed to drag myself back out of the hole.
I know people far worse off than us so I feel quite lucky in that respect, and also since the virus has not touched any of my nearest and dearest up to now, please let that continue.
Jo x  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was having a bit of a meltdown recently thinking about the man I am and the man I want to be. Although I’m young, I’m proud of the things I’ve overcome and the direction I’m heading in. Just gotta reminding myself to be kind to me.
I find we grow from self reflection. "
Every day you reflect on your pathway and goals is a progress in itself isnt it? Wishing you strength and self love to get through that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a hard time lately and have given myself a bit of a kicking the last couple of weeks. Some friends from here have made me feel good again.
There is always folk to turn to and rely on where you least expect it.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The inner strength I do have seemed linked to my perception of time. How much time I have to do something, how much time left, how much tim wasted. Time, time, time.
If I can slow down, and set things out in an order, I can handle a lot. If I lose track - which is often - then I start hearing the ticking of a clock grow louder.
With that said, being indoors most of the day and not having much of a physical barrier between my bed, my workspace and the rest of the house seems to be playing havoc with my perception of time.
Inner strength: 55%
Locked in 4 walls and clocking in hours.. it's ok to feel a bit of a time puppet. But it's your time. You have control. "
Thanks. The comment and moment to reflect are really appreciated  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My friends have always said I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. And looking back yes I do have an inner strength that I draw on to get me through the rough times.
I’m not sure how it manifests in me I just get on with things and wonder after how I managed it. But I have my sons I’ve had to be strong for, I can’t let them down. Even my sons psychiatrist said she can see I won’t sort myself out until I know my kids are ok. Not sure if that’s a good thing x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve learned about strength in vulnerability over my years on this planet. I had the usual taunts as a child that because I was emotional I was weak. However when Ive gone through the really challenging moments in my life my willingness to allow my vulnerability to be visible and then take small steps to make progress has been really important. Ive also learned how in transformational moments mutual vulnerability is incredibly powerful in shifting our ways of thinking. I have always been fortunate to have good friend who both supported me and challenged me through those times. Right now I’m at the point that what ever feeling I have during this time is ok, I watch it while it passes. In the first weeks my fear and anxiety was more noticeable, I felt fear for my parents and family, friends and my own existence, but I found ways to reduce the anxieties, I also went through a stage of feeling furious which gradually reduced to a bit of grumpiness. I’ve felt moments of incredible sadness at the loss of life and the grieving families, made more acute when a family member’s life. However they have been counterbalanced by moments of hope and joy, incredible levels of support for each other, reconnecting with friends and family members that I contacted far less before the lockdown. I’ve been there for others who have been struggling more than me and I’ve started to feel inspired again. At know point have I felt the need to be strong or felt particularly weak. I have learned emotional resilience over the years and the power of dealing with them in relatively healthy ways. And so I am smiling as I write this and the sun comes out from behind a cloud and I enjoy the gift of the present moment."
Thank your keeping my space when I had a little wobble another day I always enjoying reading your life observations Doc. Particularly something what resonates nicely with what Freya said: whatever feeling you have right now.. you watch it as it passes. You dont let it become what defines you and your actions. You take from it and adapt. I wish I had that skill. Not sink into emotions. Have a healthy distance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
be more selfish. you don't need energy vampires or others you run around after.
you will only be happy when you put yourself first! its not selfish its the right thing to do for you!
and if this gets peoples backs up tough, they weren't right for you in the first place."
Toxicity of people can drain you indeed and make you feel you are the weak one. Whilst its them sho are needing your strength to feed off. However it can be difficult to find wisdom when you are feeling exposed already to protect yourself. Glad you feel you can spot those unhealthy relationships and surround yourself with these who nourish you rather than suck your good energy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"i'm not doing much different from what i would in a usual day anyway
usually just sit in the house anyway
"
As long as you feel you have it all together and life is just as normal then it's all good isnt it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My world was over before covid. I'm not talking to anyone about it and trying not to think about it.
."
I'm sorry if this post triggered some painful memories. Hope you are getting your world puzzles back together little by little ? |
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"I've had a hard time lately and have given myself a bit of a kicking the last couple of weeks. Some friends from here have made me feel good again.
There is always folk to turn to and rely on where you least expect it.x"
I’ll second that. During my lowest points I’ve lost friends, but it’s led me to an amazing bunch of people who I couldn’t be without x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve learned about strength in vulnerability over my years on this planet. I had the usual taunts as a child that because I was emotional I was weak. However when Ive gone through the really challenging moments in my life my willingness to allow my vulnerability to be visible and then take small steps to make progress has been really important. Ive also learned how in transformational moments mutual vulnerability is incredibly powerful in shifting our ways of thinking. I have always been fortunate to have good friend who both supported me and challenged me through those times. Right now I’m at the point that what ever feeling I have during this time is ok, I watch it while it passes. In the first weeks my fear and anxiety was more noticeable, I felt fear for my parents and family, friends and my own existence, but I found ways to reduce the anxieties, I also went through a stage of feeling furious which gradually reduced to a bit of grumpiness. I’ve felt moments of incredible sadness at the loss of life and the grieving families, made more acute when a family member’s life. However they have been counterbalanced by moments of hope and joy, incredible levels of support for each other, reconnecting with friends and family members that I contacted far less before the lockdown. I’ve been there for others who have been struggling more than me and I’ve started to feel inspired again. At know point have I felt the need to be strong or felt particularly weak. I have learned emotional resilience over the years and the power of dealing with them in relatively healthy ways. And so I am smiling as I write this and the sun comes out from behind a cloud and I enjoy the gift of the present moment.
Thank your keeping my space when I had a little wobble another day I always enjoying reading your life observations Doc. Particularly something what resonates nicely with what Freya said: whatever feeling you have right now.. you watch it as it passes. You dont let it become what defines you and your actions. You take from it and adapt. I wish I had that skill. Not sink into emotions. Have a healthy distance. "
You’re welcome,
It took a lot of practice and I don’t deal with anger as well as other emotions, but compared to when I was younger I handle it significantly better. However I did receive excellent training in dealing with emotion healthily. I’ve got better at it throughout this lockdown as my emotions have been more volatile so I had to practise more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like. "
During any crisis our courage, 'in it together' and kindness will see us through the challenges! We need to embrace those three values! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought.
I have been struggling with my depression and PTSD but this lockdown has pushed me to do a weights session at home.
I'm then starting crossfit workouts tomorrow
I'm smashing it and using fitness as a therapy |
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I've never forgotten about my inner strength. It feels like my life has been a constant battle and I've had to be a fucking toughie to make it this far. Between acting as a parent to my own parents as a child, a marriage guidance counsellor to my parents from an early age, being a mum myself at 16, starting A levels with a 2 week old baby, uni with a 3 year old, acquiring disability at the age of 31 as a result of pregnancy, back to work when she was 4 months (on crutches) while continuing to breastfeed, adapting to using a wheelchair out and about and now working FT at home with another 3yo at my knee, I've had plenty of opportunity to discover that I'm made of an amalgam of Teflon, Kevlar and diamond.
The problem with all the above is that people assume that you are indestructible. That you can cope with absolutely anything life throws at you and they forget that you also need support and that you will have wobbles. I've found it incredibly hard to get emotional support from anyone over the years, whilst being the person everyone else expects to receive advice and support from.
As I discussed with an NHS pain counsellor at the start of the lockdown, I think I have a never ending pool of fortitude and strength that I can keep digging deeper and deeper into, but part of me realises that probably not true. At the moment, I'm OK, and who knows what the straw that breaks me will be? Probably something very trivial, ironically. However, each day, I ease myself out of bed, pop my neuropathic pain pill and give myself a massive (metaphorical) kick up the arse to keep trucking along. And I do. Keep on swimming....... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm channelling energy into keeping our businesses running.
I'm lucky our kids have been brilliant and they are pretty self sufficient
I spend long days at the laptop working and learning, hubby is out at work
A few times I've felt myself slipping but managed to drag myself back out of the hole.
I know people far worse off than us so I feel quite lucky in that respect, and also since the virus has not touched any of my nearest and dearest up to now, please let that continue.
Jo x "
Perseverance and gratitude are great strengths to have
May your good luck continues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've never forgotten about my inner strength. It feels like my life has been a constant battle and I've had to be a fucking toughie to make it this far. Between acting as a parent to my own parents as a child, a marriage guidance counsellor to my parents from an early age, being a mum myself at 16, starting A levels with a 2 week old baby, uni with a 3 year old, acquiring disability at the age of 31 as a result of pregnancy, back to work when she was 4 months (on crutches) while continuing to breastfeed, adapting to using a wheelchair out and about and now working FT at home with another 3yo at my knee, I've had plenty of opportunity to discover that I'm made of an amalgam of Teflon, Kevlar and diamond.
The problem with all the above is that people assume that you are indestructible. That you can cope with absolutely anything life throws at you and they forget that you also need support and that you will have wobbles. I've found it incredibly hard to get emotional support from anyone over the years, whilst being the person everyone else expects to receive advice and support from.
As I discussed with an NHS pain counsellor at the start of the lockdown, I think I have a never ending pool of fortitude and strength that I can keep digging deeper and deeper into, but part of me realises that probably not true. At the moment, I'm OK, and who knows what the straw that breaks me will be? Probably something very trivial, ironically. However, each day, I ease myself out of bed, pop my neuropathic pain pill and give myself a massive (metaphorical) kick up the arse to keep trucking along. And I do. Keep on swimming....... "
You are an inspiration |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I learnt my inner strength a while ago.....I am strong as a bloody ox now cos I am a survivor and have survived some terrible things in my childhood and into my adult life too.....I would never be broken and I won’t ever be broken by anyone or anything thrown my way ...we all have inner strength some just haven’t realised yet |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've had a hard time lately and have given myself a bit of a kicking the last couple of weeks. Some friends from here have made me feel good again.
There is always folk to turn to and rely on where you least expect it.x"
I hope it wasnt a sort of kicking a cruel person will apply to someone who already fell down? I hope it was a good luck/friendly/kind to yourself kick in the butt.
And glad you made fantastic friends who remind you of your courage to deal with any dark days. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was having a bit of a meltdown recently thinking about the man I am and the man I want to be. Although I’m young, I’m proud of the things I’ve overcome and the direction I’m heading in. Just gotta reminding myself to be kind to me.
I find we grow from self reflection.
Every day you reflect on your pathway and goals is a progress in itself isnt it? Wishing you strength and self love to get through that. "
True!
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My world was over before covid. I'm not talking to anyone about it and trying not to think about it.
.
It might not mean much but sending you hugs and well wishes Outsider, x"
Yes I too sending you hugs and you will be ok ..you do have inner strength x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My friends have always said I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. And looking back yes I do have an inner strength that I draw on to get me through the rough times.
I’m not sure how it manifests in me I just get on with things and wonder after how I managed it. But I have my sons I’ve had to be strong for, I can’t let them down. Even my sons psychiatrist said she can see I won’t sort myself out until I know my kids are ok. Not sure if that’s a good thing x "
You put your children first. Selfless action any mother would understand. I relate in a way. It's hard to focus on your own issues when your kids suffer with something. But also remember being told by a wise woman and a hcp.. you are the pillar of your family. If you arent strong.. it will all collapse. A bit like being on the plane and putting your oxygen mask first? Then helping the kids..
Carrying day by day despite of everything happening around you and "turning up" to deal with it all over again is an amazing strength. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When someone tells me to pick my self up and I am not ready. I'm not laying on the floor, lazing around: I'm still bloody falling. "
I like the little meme/comic which says.. -are you down? - no. - are you lying? - yes. -can I do anything to make it better? - no.. - can I just sit here with you? - yes.
Just accepting what someone is feeling sometimes means more than offers of help or advice how to fix it. When you see no end of falling. X
You are welcome to ignore above too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve learned about strength in vulnerability over my years on this planet. I had the usual taunts as a child that because I was emotional I was weak. However when Ive gone through the really challenging moments in my life my willingness to allow my vulnerability to be visible and then take small steps to make progress has been really important. Ive also learned how in transformational moments mutual vulnerability is incredibly powerful in shifting our ways of thinking. I have always been fortunate to have good friend who both supported me and challenged me through those times. Right now I’m at the point that what ever feeling I have during this time is ok, I watch it while it passes. In the first weeks my fear and anxiety was more noticeable, I felt fear for my parents and family, friends and my own existence, but I found ways to reduce the anxieties, I also went through a stage of feeling furious which gradually reduced to a bit of grumpiness. I’ve felt moments of incredible sadness at the loss of life and the grieving families, made more acute when a family member’s life. However they have been counterbalanced by moments of hope and joy, incredible levels of support for each other, reconnecting with friends and family members that I contacted far less before the lockdown. I’ve been there for others who have been struggling more than me and I’ve started to feel inspired again. At know point have I felt the need to be strong or felt particularly weak. I have learned emotional resilience over the years and the power of dealing with them in relatively healthy ways. And so I am smiling as I write this and the sun comes out from behind a cloud and I enjoy the gift of the present moment.
Thank your keeping my space when I had a little wobble another day I always enjoying reading your life observations Doc. Particularly something what resonates nicely with what Freya said: whatever feeling you have right now.. you watch it as it passes. You dont let it become what defines you and your actions. You take from it and adapt. I wish I had that skill. Not sink into emotions. Have a healthy distance.
You’re welcome,
It took a lot of practice and I don’t deal with anger as well as other emotions, but compared to when I was younger I handle it significantly better. However I did receive excellent training in dealing with emotion healthily. I’ve got better at it throughout this lockdown as my emotions have been more volatile so I had to practise more "
I shall remember that practising your work with emotions helps to dilute them. Just read an article on fear and courage.. how are emotional creatures but whatever we feel lasts really seconds.. later on is just a loop we allow ourselves in. Not sure about seconds.. but maybe the more we practice the negatives the more it becomes a habit? |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Inner strength. We all probably define it differently. And obviously are facing different challenges, but having one in common currently - social distancing & lockdown.
Have you discovered your special inner powers all over again? Have you found that strength is actually courage to admit to your weakness? Have you had time to reflect and remind yourself of what you are built of? Rather than relying on others to tell you?
Please share if you feel like.
During any crisis our courage, 'in it together' and kindness will see us through the challenges! We need to embrace those three values! "
It seems important to acknowledge fears too.. and find we arent alone in them and allow to process them. Definitely a lesson. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
be more selfish. you don't need energy vampires or others you run around after.
you will only be happy when you put yourself first! its not selfish its the right thing to do for you!
and if this gets peoples backs up tough, they weren't right for you in the first place.
Toxicity of people can drain you indeed and make you feel you are the weak one. Whilst its them sho are needing your strength to feed off. However it can be difficult to find wisdom when you are feeling exposed already to protect yourself. Glad you feel you can spot those unhealthy relationships and surround yourself with these who nourish you rather than suck your good energy. "
im consistent. I treat everyone the same until they prove worthy of my friendship.
you have to protect yourself from these attacks. everyone wants something because and this and that.
so you need to put yourself first and create an environment to keep these people out.
because a lot of people do not have the 24 hour friend they can all and talk about anything.
and if someone texts you that you honestly dislike or have no real feeling for do not reply straight away.
you are not there to jump on their orders, make them wait 3-5 days.
never lend things. you'll need it one day and not have it and little things snowball into arguments.
they will soon fuck off and bother something else for it.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought.
I have been struggling with my depression and PTSD but this lockdown has pushed me to do a weights session at home.
I'm then starting crossfit workouts tomorrow
I'm smashing it and using fitness as a therapy "
Endorphins from exercise are definitely therapeutic glad you have it in you to get up and stick with your routine every day and even reach out for more. Depression and PTSD can be huge nd paralyzing weight on ones mind. Kudos for handling them to your advantage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've never forgotten about my inner strength. It feels like my life has been a constant battle and I've had to be a fucking toughie to make it this far. Between acting as a parent to my own parents as a child, a marriage guidance counsellor to my parents from an early age, being a mum myself at 16, starting A levels with a 2 week old baby, uni with a 3 year old, acquiring disability at the age of 31 as a result of pregnancy, back to work when she was 4 months (on crutches) while continuing to breastfeed, adapting to using a wheelchair out and about and now working FT at home with another 3yo at my knee, I've had plenty of opportunity to discover that I'm made of an amalgam of Teflon, Kevlar and diamond.
The problem with all the above is that people assume that you are indestructible. That you can cope with absolutely anything life throws at you and they forget that you also need support and that you will have wobbles. I've found it incredibly hard to get emotional support from anyone over the years, whilst being the person everyone else expects to receive advice and support from.
As I discussed with an NHS pain counsellor at the start of the lockdown, I think I have a never ending pool of fortitude and strength that I can keep digging deeper and deeper into, but part of me realises that probably not true. At the moment, I'm OK, and who knows what the straw that breaks me will be? Probably something very trivial, ironically. However, each day, I ease myself out of bed, pop my neuropathic pain pill and give myself a massive (metaphorical) kick up the arse to keep trucking along. And I do. Keep on swimming....... "
And you are swimming. Swiftly and with proficiency. Experienced in life pain and actual physical one .. with well of wisdom and strength to dip into. Hope it keeps replenishing for you. Hope it's not going to dry out as you take on another wave of what life has thrown at you. I dont believe it can be anything trivial, not after what you just shared. Though I do realise your slight sarcasm there. Life can be ironic. You kick its ass though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I learnt my inner strength a while ago.....I am strong as a bloody ox now cos I am a survivor and have survived some terrible things in my childhood and into my adult life too.....I would never be broken and I won’t ever be broken by anyone or anything thrown my way ...we all have inner strength some just haven’t realised yet "
Sounds like a great life mantra
Yes.. I agree.. self realisation of what our strengths are can take time. And painful experiences as well to allow it to emerge. |
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"
And you are swimming. Swiftly and with proficiency. Experienced in life pain and actual physical one .. with well of wisdom and strength to dip into. Hope it keeps replenishing for you. Hope it's not going to dry out as you take on another wave of what life has thrown at you. I dont believe it can be anything trivial, not after what you just shared. Though I do realise your slight sarcasm there. Life can be ironic. You kick its ass though "
I'm swimming, but kinda wonky and yes, I'm kicking the arse off life, but in a wobbly sort of way, because I can't get much oomph behind the kick anymore
I'm like an old wooden tennis racket. Keep mending the broken strings and I'm OK because the substance of the thing is still intact. Just don't smash me into the ground McEnroe style, because then I might be beyond repair  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
And you are swimming. Swiftly and with proficiency. Experienced in life pain and actual physical one .. with well of wisdom and strength to dip into. Hope it keeps replenishing for you. Hope it's not going to dry out as you take on another wave of what life has thrown at you. I dont believe it can be anything trivial, not after what you just shared. Though I do realise your slight sarcasm there. Life can be ironic. You kick its ass though
I'm swimming, but kinda wonky and yes, I'm kicking the arse off life, but in a wobbly sort of way, because I can't get much oomph behind the kick anymore
I'm like an old wooden tennis racket. Keep mending the broken strings and I'm OK because the substance of the thing is still intact. Just don't smash me into the ground McEnroe style, because then I might be beyond repair "
It's what holds the racket. And personally I feel you are more of a rocket. some powerful engine! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The social isolation of recent times has actually made me think about the journey I have been on.
18 months ago I felt like my world had ended. I nearly lost my life in an accident and 3 days after getting home from hospital I learnt of a betrayal that totally changed my life. I was at rock bottom.
It took a long time to get over both and the time to reflect on things recently has made me realise how much I have grown as a person, how much better life is. How I do have that inner strength and how things do get better over time. |
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"
And you are swimming. Swiftly and with proficiency. Experienced in life pain and actual physical one .. with well of wisdom and strength to dip into. Hope it keeps replenishing for you. Hope it's not going to dry out as you take on another wave of what life has thrown at you. I dont believe it can be anything trivial, not after what you just shared. Though I do realise your slight sarcasm there. Life can be ironic. You kick its ass though
I'm swimming, but kinda wonky and yes, I'm kicking the arse off life, but in a wobbly sort of way, because I can't get much oomph behind the kick anymore
I'm like an old wooden tennis racket. Keep mending the broken strings and I'm OK because the substance of the thing is still intact. Just don't smash me into the ground McEnroe style, because then I might be beyond repair
It's what holds the racket. And personally I feel you are more of a rocket. some powerful engine! "
What I am is bloody lucky to have a wonderful husband, who has been behind me every day for the 16 years+ of our relationship, to have a brilliant nearly adult son who is just the best and a very bright and cheeky little girl. My little family here are fantastic. I can't do anything but keep on swimming for them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The social isolation of recent times has actually made me think about the journey I have been on.
18 months ago I felt like my world had ended. I nearly lost my life in an accident and 3 days after getting home from hospital I learnt of a betrayal that totally changed my life. I was at rock bottom.
It took a long time to get over both and the time to reflect on things recently has made me realise how much I have grown as a person, how much better life is. How I do have that inner strength and how things do get better over time."
The old truth of time being a healer.. It is not sufficient on it's own though is it.. You have came a long way and I'm guessing you have mainly yourself to thank for it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
And you are swimming. Swiftly and with proficiency. Experienced in life pain and actual physical one .. with well of wisdom and strength to dip into. Hope it keeps replenishing for you. Hope it's not going to dry out as you take on another wave of what life has thrown at you. I dont believe it can be anything trivial, not after what you just shared. Though I do realise your slight sarcasm there. Life can be ironic. You kick its ass though
I'm swimming, but kinda wonky and yes, I'm kicking the arse off life, but in a wobbly sort of way, because I can't get much oomph behind the kick anymore
I'm like an old wooden tennis racket. Keep mending the broken strings and I'm OK because the substance of the thing is still intact. Just don't smash me into the ground McEnroe style, because then I might be beyond repair
It's what holds the racket. And personally I feel you are more of a rocket. some powerful engine!
What I am is bloody lucky to have a wonderful husband, who has been behind me every day for the 16 years+ of our relationship, to have a brilliant nearly adult son who is just the best and a very bright and cheeky little girl. My little family here are fantastic. I can't do anything but keep on swimming for them. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve learned about strength in vulnerability over my years on this planet. I had the usual taunts as a child that because I was emotional I was weak. However when Ive gone through the really challenging moments in my life my willingness to allow my vulnerability to be visible and then take small steps to make progress has been really important. Ive also learned how in transformational moments mutual vulnerability is incredibly powerful in shifting our ways of thinking. I have always been fortunate to have good friend who both supported me and challenged me through those times. Right now I’m at the point that what ever feeling I have during this time is ok, I watch it while it passes. In the first weeks my fear and anxiety was more noticeable, I felt fear for my parents and family, friends and my own existence, but I found ways to reduce the anxieties, I also went through a stage of feeling furious which gradually reduced to a bit of grumpiness. I’ve felt moments of incredible sadness at the loss of life and the grieving families, made more acute when a family member’s life. However they have been counterbalanced by moments of hope and joy, incredible levels of support for each other, reconnecting with friends and family members that I contacted far less before the lockdown. I’ve been there for others who have been struggling more than me and I’ve started to feel inspired again. At know point have I felt the need to be strong or felt particularly weak. I have learned emotional resilience over the years and the power of dealing with them in relatively healthy ways. And so I am smiling as I write this and the sun comes out from behind a cloud and I enjoy the gift of the present moment.
Thank your keeping my space when I had a little wobble another day I always enjoying reading your life observations Doc. Particularly something what resonates nicely with what Freya said: whatever feeling you have right now.. you watch it as it passes. You dont let it become what defines you and your actions. You take from it and adapt. I wish I had that skill. Not sink into emotions. Have a healthy distance.
You’re welcome,
It took a lot of practice and I don’t deal with anger as well as other emotions, but compared to when I was younger I handle it significantly better. However I did receive excellent training in dealing with emotion healthily. I’ve got better at it throughout this lockdown as my emotions have been more volatile so I had to practise more
I shall remember that practising your work with emotions helps to dilute them. Just read an article on fear and courage.. how are emotional creatures but whatever we feel lasts really seconds.. later on is just a loop we allow ourselves in. Not sure about seconds.. but maybe the more we practice the negatives the more it becomes a habit? "
Yes a witnessing approach certainly helps to let them pass through quickly. However thoughts that cause it to loop do come but just witnessing them and letting them go seems to reduce them taking hold. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"When someone tells me to pick my self up and I am not ready. I'm not laying on the floor, lazing around: I'm still bloody falling.
I like the little meme/comic which says.. -are you down? - no. - are you lying? - yes. -can I do anything to make it better? - no.. - can I just sit here with you? - yes.
Just accepting what someone is feeling sometimes means more than offers of help or advice how to fix it. When you see no end of falling. X
You are welcome to ignore above too. "
Ignore it? Bollocks, I'm gona pinch that one for my self. Sounds like a Lisa Simpson meme. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Brilliant thread OP. Beautifully held too.
I'm touched reading everyone's posts.
Amazing humans!
"
I am very touched. Thank you all for sharing. I enjoyed being able to hold a safe space momentarily.. for some. X
Thank you dear Freya. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Knock knock! Anyone home?
No
I need some inner strength!
Then you are knocking on wrong door. Get in touch with your spirit. "
My spirit says you are the one! |
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