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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This was written long ago when man was free to roam the land and slake his thirst at his favourite watering hole. My oasis of choice was called "The Smiling Mule" I based it on an old joke and was going to perform it at an upcoming open mic night. That never happened and as there are no guarantees the UK lockdown may never end, or all the pubs may be financially crippled or Covid 19 will come and get me, I thought I'd put it up here....
Piggin' Hell. ..
The last time I was in the Smiling Mule
I had seven or eight pints I think
And I broke the golden rule
To not drive when I'd had too much to drink
Then I had this bright idea
That I did not need my headlights to see
Because the beer goggles obscured my vision
And I could not avoid a collision
When the creature leapt from behind the tree
Frantically I wrenched the wheel
But it was too late for that
Then I heard it squeal
And felt the splat
When I got out to see what I did
And realised I was in the shit
I got on the phone to our kid
To tell him what I'd hit
I said I'm fucked, they are going to throw the book at me
They will lock me up and throw away the key
He told me not to worry
It happens around here all the time
But that I should hurry
And cover up my crime
He said I had to use my loaf
By listening to everything he had to say
And that I should hide the pigs body in the undergrowth
Or I had no chance to get away
He promised to be my alibi
Saying we had been watching TV all night
Then he asked what was making me cry
I said I don't know what to do with his motorbike....
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