FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Putting others down
Putting others down
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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(I made a thread about this a while ago but I can’t remember the name of it so I do apologise)
Why do *some* people think that it’s a compliment to put others down?
For example; ‘you have a real woman’s body, not some skinny Minnie’.
Why?
You see it on profiles as well...‘I want a real man’ then goes off to describe what a ‘real’ man is...
Why? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People using these type of "compliments", either have very little grasp of what they are actually saying, or are very clever (think they are anyways) in nlp. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Agreed, I hate phrases like
"real men like curves not bones" and things like that. I just avoid them. I have no time for body shaming "
“Only a dog likes a bone”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Agreed, I hate phrases like
"real men like curves not bones" and things like that. I just avoid them. I have no time for body shaming
“Only a dog likes a bone” "
That one as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its the passive aggressive types you have to watch for.
they will tag something on to a conversation just to slap you down.
I find the best policy here is to walk away from them.
but I also don't see why you should have to play the popularity game.
if someone says something you dislike why stand for it? go after them or everyone else will see you as an easy target.
fuck their feelings. sorry if that hurts but im not sorry  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It works the other way around as well ‘you’re lovely for a big lass’ as someone said to my friend.
This thread isn’t about shape and size though is it? "
It’s about everything
I hate that as well
‘You’re still sexy even with stretch marks’  thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed? "
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better |
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Not sure whether it's intentional but sometimes in their effort to impress one, they end up putting down others.
"XYZ you are the only hot one in the chat room" - what does that say about the rest?
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Those types of compliments are genuine sometimes though, they really don't fancy skinny people, but cannot see how you could take that compliment as a negative am I fat comment, no insults were actually intended.
Swings and roundabouts indeed |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
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"It works the other way around as well ‘you’re lovely for a big lass’ as someone said to my friend.
This thread isn’t about shape and size though is it?
It’s about everything
I hate that as well
‘You’re still sexy even with stretch marks’ thanks"
‘I like an older woman even if she has grey hair’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It works the other way around as well ‘you’re lovely for a big lass’ as someone said to my friend.
This thread isn’t about shape and size though is it?
It’s about everything
I hate that as well
‘You’re still sexy even with stretch marks’ thanks
‘I like an older woman even if she has grey hair’ "
what about men with grey beards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Backhanded compliments suck.
I’m not a fan when men put other women down when messaging me. “You’re not like the other women” “finally, someone’s who’s XYZ”
 I don’t think sounding like an arsehole is an attractive quality so I immediately delete without replying to messages that bash others |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Backhanded compliments suck.
I’m not a fan when men put other women down when messaging me. “You’re not like the other women” “finally, someone’s who’s XYZ”
I don’t think sounding like an arsehole is an attractive quality so I immediately delete without replying to messages that bash others "
  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I told someone they were the hottest girl on fab.... feel guilty now 
should have said you’re hotter than a very hot thing on a hot day or something ...."
But...I’m the hottest woman on fab.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed?
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better "
But you're looking for positive opinions. If someone was to give a negative opinion, would you happily accept that? Would others jump in and fight your corner or would the negative opinionated person be praised for speaking his or her mind? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed?
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better
But you're looking for positive opinions. If someone was to give a negative opinion, would you happily accept that? Would others jump in and fight your corner or would the negative opinionated person be praised for speaking his or her mind?"
I think they're 2 very seperate things, asking for an opinion is opening yourself up to positive and negative ones, not everyone likes everyone and you can't expect them all to be positive.
Queenie was talking about when you don't ask for opinions but get them anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed?
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better
But you're looking for positive opinions. If someone was to give a negative opinion, would you happily accept that? Would others jump in and fight your corner or would the negative opinionated person be praised for speaking his or her mind?"
If I asked for opinions, then yes I’d accept negative ones. If you’re making that type of thread you need to be able to accept negative comments |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed?
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better
But you're looking for positive opinions. If someone was to give a negative opinion, would you happily accept that? Would others jump in and fight your corner or would the negative opinionated person be praised for speaking his or her mind?
I think they're 2 very seperate things, asking for an opinion is opening yourself up to positive and negative ones, not everyone likes everyone and you can't expect them all to be positive.
Queenie was talking about when you don't ask for opinions but get them anyway. "
Yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think most people aren't actually aware they're putting others down when they do it, I think they're looking to the "norms" of attractiveness and assuming that you think you're not attractive because of the part of you that doesn't fit that.
I find it a bit insulting that they focus on it anyway, I'd rather just be told they like my body not that they like my fat body. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think most people aren't actually aware they're putting others down when they do it, I think they're looking to the "norms" of attractiveness and assuming that you think you're not attractive because of the part of you that doesn't fit that.
I find it a bit insulting that they focus on it anyway, I'd rather just be told they like my body not that they like my fat body. "
Yes!!!!!
No need to point out my ‘flaws’ just to make me feel better because you like me anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isnt it the same for the "rate my" threads though? Everyone comes on and rates highly then it takes one person to be nasty or just honest about something and then they could be ridiculed?
Not really...there’s a difference between asking for opinions on yourself, and between putting others down to make you/someone else feel better
But you're looking for positive opinions. If someone was to give a negative opinion, would you happily accept that? Would others jump in and fight your corner or would the negative opinionated person be praised for speaking his or her mind?
I think they're 2 very seperate things, asking for an opinion is opening yourself up to positive and negative ones, not everyone likes everyone and you can't expect them all to be positive.
Queenie was talking about when you don't ask for opinions but get them anyway.
Yes "
Ok |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"It works the other way around as well ‘you’re lovely for a big lass’ as someone said to my friend.
This thread isn’t about shape and size though is it?
It’s about everything
I hate that as well
‘You’re still sexy even with stretch marks’ thanks
‘I like an older woman even if she has grey hair’
what about men with grey beards"
I like grey beards |
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"Don't know why anybody can put others down no one is perfect look at yourself before putting others down"
Agreed we all think we have faults with ourselves ... some just can’t handle it and deflect by being nasty |
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It's an age old trick. Win favour with one person by insulting another. The people who do it attract the people who fall for it so it's all good.
love from "you look so much better than all these young women" |
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"I think most people aren't actually aware they're putting others down when they do it, I think they're looking to the "norms" of attractiveness and assuming that you think you're not attractive because of the part of you that doesn't fit that.
I find it a bit insulting that they focus on it anyway, I'd rather just be told they like my body not that they like my fat body.
Yes!!!!!
No need to point out my ‘flaws’ just to make me feel better because you like me anyway "
How about if your lovely fat body is being described in a positive way, ie the admirer finds fat people sexy. Then it’s just a description of what they find attract I’ve about you. A bit like your beautiful blue eyes or lovely chunky dick or even big bouncing boobs?
It’s sounds like it’s the recipient who is finding the negative in the comment sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's an age old trick. Win favour with one person by insulting another. The people who do it attract the people who fall for it so it's all good.
love from "you look so much better than all these young women" "
‘God you still look sexy bald’ |
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If someone said to me ‘I like your curves, the fact everything wobbles’ in a PM I wouldn’t see that as a put down of other women as it’s a private comment aimed at me, my body and what they like about it.
Even if said in an open forum responding to a message of mine I wouldn’t think any differently
Taking it away from looks... if someone said your humour makes me laugh because......., would you question that someone else’s humour doesn’t make them laugh and be offended by it
Everyone has what they like about someone and if you can’t voice that truthfully without having to think ‘oh might that offend someone else not part of this conversation’ I find that a sad state of affairs. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I've probably been guilty of it in the past. I hope I've grown up a little since then.
I think is meant as a compliment, but it's a clumsy one that forgets that there are more people in the world than the complimenter and complimentee. And perhaps a reflection of a zero-sum mindset - for the complimentee to 'win', there must be someone who loses.
There's a lot of unthinking copying of our peers too. If you've seen others say this sort of thing, it's easy to believe that this is the sort of thing that it's appropriate to say.
I try to think the best of people, so I'm sure there's any malicious intent behind it (most of the time). If confronted with the logical consequence of what they've said, they will feel bad about it, because that's not what they meant. From there it's easy to get defensive and dig yourself in even further, sadly. A thread like this, generic and not aimed at a particular person, is a good way of doing it. |
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"It's an age old trick. Win favour with one person by insulting another. The people who do it attract the people who fall for it so it's all good.
love from "you look so much better than all these young women"
‘God you still look sexy bald’"
Probably better worded as “God i find your bald head sexy” ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's an age old trick. Win favour with one person by insulting another. The people who do it attract the people who fall for it so it's all good.
love from "you look so much better than all these young women"
‘God you still look sexy bald’
Probably better worded as “God i find your bald head sexy” ... "
Been told my bald head sexy few times, beauty in eye of the beholder I guess |
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