I've been a lifestyle and professional dominatrix for eighteen years and for most of that, rather off scene. I'm more a player than poser so while I adore BDSM, found elements of the scene a bit cliquey where people are judged by the way they look, rather than if they're a decent person.
In my other life as a Holestar, there's plenty of drama and showing off so didn't feel it necessary to totter about like a peacock on the kink scene.
But over the last few years I've been venturing out more and have been to some marvellous events, met some wonderful people and had a jolly time. But there's a downside. The disrespectful, the loiterers, the Zombie Wanking Squad. Those who feel they can touch others without consent. It's not acceptable in any context, especially when people are dressing for pleasure. And it's not just the boys. I've seen Dolly Dommes behave appallingly towards sub men without communication or consent. When there's been no dungeon monitor around and questioned them, “Oh I'm a Domme” they'll d*unkenly slur. “No dear. You're a pissed twat with a plastic flogger”.
I want to go out, relax and enjoy myself but find I'm constantly on alert. It shouldn't bother me but it does, I take this stuff seriously. Especially when someone hasn't learnt how to use weapons of arse destruction. The basic protocol in kink is safe, sane and consensual (or RACK, depending who you're talking to) yet these rules don't seem to be enforced at some events. You shouldn't have to police grown adults but some need reminding to remember their manners.
So I thought I'd try my own event. Something chilled and fun with an emphasis on respectful and friendly kinksters. I'm pansexual, I don't care about someone's gender to be attracted to them. I like men, women and all varieties of people in-between the binaries so thought I'd aim it at those similar; pansexuals, bisexuals, queer people, trans people, cross dressers, gay and lesbian folk. Basically, anyone outside the hetronorm. Because quite frankly, they've plenty going on.
Rather than a free for all, I have a vetting process. If you want to come to the play party and don't know you, you'll need to attend a social munch first (or attend with an existing member) so I can verify you're a decent person. And it's nice for a bunch of similarly minded people to chat over a beverage.
I'm glad to say it's turned out nicely. We've over eighty members in a short space of time with a veritable buffet of activities taking place among consenting adults. The play parties haven't been packed (I'd rather a small group of lovelies than a space full of obnoxious wankers) but as we all know, club space in London is at a premium. So unfortunately, Sunday 18th March will be the last Pan People Sunday evening play party at our current venue. People don't drink much on a Sunday afternoon and venues need to make money over the bar to pay rent, bills and staff. In an ideal world this wouldn't be so but we don't live in an ideal world (mine would be something like Other World Kingdom but somewhere hot by the sea).
I'll keep the munches going (second Wednesday of the month at Her Upstairs) and currently looking at another venue that will allow me to keep the same policy of no gender pricing, no wankers, nice bi kinksters. I'm also going to try and do it on a Friday or Saturday so folk can really let their hair down.
I feel there is a space for openly sexual libertines and consensual deviants to frolic together without the hippy stuff. This isn't an end, just a potential reboot.
For current members, hope to see you for the last play party for a while on Sunday 18th March. For those who'd like to become members (£5 lifetime membership), you'll need to attend the munch (Wednesday 14th March) before attending.
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I've seen you around the forums plenty and am sorry that you're having trouble with the venue; as someone who very much indentifies on a weird, fluid spectrum of gender and sexuality, I must say I think you're doing amazing things. I'll definitely pm you and try to attend the next social to show my support 