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Father Ted quote-a-thon
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Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!
Yous know yous want to  |
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im owen mclove i can have you killed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Down with that sort of thing |
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kick bishop Brennan up the arse  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Down with that kinda thing !!!"
Careful now  |
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"Down with that sort of thing "
Careful now |
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But that’s an ecumenical matter |
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I'm so gorrrgeous they want to put me under arrest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!
Yous know yous want to "
Fucking hell |
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By *ean299Man
over a year ago
Lucan |
That money was just resting in my account |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Those are fake hands! |
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These are small Dougall, these are far away! |
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"Go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!
Yous know yous want to
Fucking hell"
Fargo Boyle! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests......more drink? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hear you’re a racist now father... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hear you’re a racist now father..."
The Chinese.... a great bunch of lads |
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Get them feckin Crunchies outta the car |
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"I hear you’re a racist now father..."
What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it? |
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"I love my brick  "
Fed up with briiiick! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuck lads Im off to have a Fr. Ted marathon..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesnt Mary have a lovely bottom!!
Careful there ted, you might offend the girls...
Dont they all have lovely bottoms |
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You have now used 2cms of tape, god bless you |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
Don’t forget about ‘my lovely horse’ |
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"I hear you’re a racist now father...
What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it? "
Feckin Greeks! They invented gayness! |
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He taught Elvis Pressley to play Karate.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm so so sorry!! |
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wait a minute these are fake arms! |
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Is there anything to be said for another mass .... lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Near........far away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah come on ted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God Ted, do you remember that fella who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get those feckin Crunchies out of the car! |
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"God Ted, do you remember that fella who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?"
comical stuff  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hear you're a racist now Father" |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal
Dougal: oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight. |
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By *abKenMan
over a year ago
Dundalk |
"Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box." |
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By *abKenMan
over a year ago
Dundalk |
"Those women where in the nip!!!"
"Yeah yeah, I stole it. So wha'? It's only a bleedin' whistle."
But my fave is...
"A child has been lodged in the tunnel of goats, while a goat and a child have now become lodged together and the nurse has become involved in the incident and another nurse is now required to release the nurse we asked for previously.” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell you what, I'll make the tea and you take your bra of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it? What do I mean now? The little things... raisins!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sure I wouldn't know, I'm from Donegal |
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Dougal: Didn’t you once tell me that Jack had a trial for Liverpool?
Ted: No he was on trial in Liverpool. |
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Father Jack:I'm a happy camper
Father Jack:who are you supposed to be
Father Jack, Where are the other two, Fr Ted the other two? ah I see the old vision has come back to normal no father it's just the two of us, Fr Jack:and what do two do then, Fr Ted: we're priests, Fr Jack:What Priests don't tell me I'm still on that fecking island
Absolute classic
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This cow small.
That cow, far away. |
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Those protestants are at it again |
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Ceiling.
Yes Father that's a ceiling.
Floor.
Yes Father, well done, that's a floor.
Gobshite!
Nan.
No father.
Nan.
No father that's a nun.
Nun????? Agghhh. |
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If you say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Now I'm having to yank meself off because I'm not getting any proper sex with women
Sounds like this site for some |
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It's the biggest lingerie section in Ireland so I've heard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looks like rain ted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahhhh, lovely fags |
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"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases "
Would that make you Fr Red |
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Well mine's got to be
Chair.Curtains.Floor.GOBSHITE
I love my brick
Sick of brrrick
Honourable mention to..
Nuns are women too Dougal
I've no willy
Go away you crowd of old Biddys
I don't want to catch the menopause
Jack isn't good around strangers...or people he knows
He gives good mass
You know the bit where God died for us all and then he rose again to save us all. Well that's the bit I've the problem with
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Is there anything to be said for another mass? |
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"I have no willy "
But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning  |
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If you lie to me again Crilly, I'll rip your arms off |
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By *aidbare5Couple
over a year ago
down the road |
Imagine your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself! Oh get a good mental picture of it now father.... can you see him there?? Ready to do the business?!
Doorbell!
Classic Mrs Doyle! |
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Look for the English boats with the nuclear signs. They come close to the island when they're dumping the old glow in the dark. |
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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago
carryduff |
They say it's as big as four cats and it's got a retractable leg so's it can leap up at you better. |
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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago
carryduff |
it lights up at night and it's got four ears, two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive just heard theyve taken the roads in!"
"Theyve taken the roads in?"
"Yes. When the weather is bad they store them in a big warehouse" |
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By *iesel74Man
over a year ago
carryduff |
And instead of a mouth it’s got 4 arses!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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These are small, those are far away |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
"I have no willy
But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning "
Maybe  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no willy
But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning
Maybe "
Careful now! |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
"I have no willy
But I bet you'd like one this Saturday morning
Maybe
Careful now!"
Down with this sort of thing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll tell you what. I'll make the tea. You take off your bra.
DOUGAL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ye diiirty fecker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ye diiirty fecker"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That money was just resting in my account... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You got me sacked so now I'm having to yank myself off round the clock because I can't have proper sex with girls! |
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hello father i hear you have some rabbits for me |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
It's Ireland's biggest lingerie section, I understand.
Really?
Yeah, I read that... Somewhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases
Would that make you Fr Red"
Fr Red is available for funerals christenings and Communions |
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Cowboys Ted there all cowboys Ted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did, Father. I brought the travel Scrabble and the ordinary Scrabble."
"Actually, come to think of it, I didn't bring either of them!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests......more drink?"
Haha love this
Great feckin thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there anything to be said for another mass .... lol "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No father.its my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms |
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"This thread is very useful as I am dressing up as Fr Ted in the local St Patrick's Day Parade and I needed some phrases
Would that make you Fr Red
Fr Red is available for funerals christenings and Communions "
Church of the immaculate contraception |
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Call me by my proper title, you little bollix |
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Fr Fintan Stack:What are we watching? , fellas running around in shorts?, altho I bet your trying to visualise what they'd look like without shorts wouldn't ya? Ya dirty feckers
One of the priests responds: I think your a very rude man
Fr Fintan Stack:if you say that to me again I'll put your head through the wall
The 2 priests start to leave, Fr Fintan Stack :bye girls, pair of wankers
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mrs Doyle: "Now come on Father, what would you say to a nice cup of tea?"
Father Jack: "FECK OFF CUP!" |
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That would be an ecumenical matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When Fr. Jack broke the TV . And Dougal picked up the front " How did that gobshite get on the telly ? " |
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So what are we doing today then Ted? Confessions and mass and things like that I suppose? |
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Ted!!! My tank top has turned into some weird women's bra!!! |
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Mary: You've a face on ye like a pair of tits.
John: Well at least that's one pair between us |
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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago
otherside of nowhere |
Mrs doyle....ride me sideways... |
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Each C'mon Ted,,Bishops love syfi |
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Is it a type of nudie thing Father? |
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By *og2018Man
over a year ago
Letterkenny |
Sure I wouldn't know I'm from Donegal. |
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By *og2018Man
over a year ago
Letterkenny |
How dare you bring shame.... ON THIS CELEBRATION OF SHEEP! |
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The day a drop of sherry does any harm will be the day Ireland doesn't win the Eurovision song contest. |
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By *og2018Man
over a year ago
Letterkenny |
IIIIII DONT BELIEEEEEEVE IT! |
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By *P_80Man
over a year ago
Waterford |
Hairy Japanese Bastards!!! |
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Fr Noel Furlong “well I've never, never in my life been so insulted, Tony I'm putting you on my list of enemies. there you're in front now Tony ha only joking” |
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"Is it a type of nudie thing Father? "
Oh yes. How have we all forgotten this one. I can still see Jim with his inquisitive face
Also
And he got his lad out
Billy's is rounder at the top
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By *ac147Man
over a year ago
Belfast East |
"Don’t forget about ‘my lovely horse’ "
Or taking him to the horse..... dentist |
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You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning |
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My favourite thread ever. Over 90 different quotes. All class |
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Hey Dougal... fancy a blow job? |
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By *ac147Man
over a year ago
Belfast East |
I'm soooo soooo sorrrrryyyyy....
"Now thats sarcasm"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I want to shower you with sugar lumps... |
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He wasn't like that last night when he crawled into bed at ten past the eleven! |
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We're all going to heaven lads waheyyyyy |
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This reminds me of Vietnam...
.....(Ted) you were in Vietnam.....no no the films like.... look at him go..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you talk to me like that again I'll put your head through the wall |
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Milk gets sour you know...unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The bastards, how dare they...sack me! Im Henry sellars!!! |
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By *iscuits8Man
over a year ago
Meath / Dublin / Birmingham |
"Say if there are 200 million priests in the world and five percent are paedophiles. That's still only 10 million." |
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Sorry Ted. I was looking at the ticket upside-down |
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I knew a woman once but she died soon afterwards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To craggy island hooray
To china hooray
More drink hooray
Im sorry the bar is closed hooray
Wait i need to go to the toilet hooray lol
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Consonant. Put your clothes back on Carol, I can't concentrate |
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By *P_80Man
over a year ago
Waterford |
Keep your hands on the side |
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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago
Doire Theas |
Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest? |
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Get them fecking Crunchies out of the car |
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By *ac147Man
over a year ago
Belfast East |
Those women were in the nip !!! |
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Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really shouldnt be here lol |
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Teresa I forgot me feckin trousers! |
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You've a face on ya like a pair of tits |
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"You've a face on ya like a pair of tits"
Well at least that's one pair between us!  |
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It's not the Greeks he's after, it's the Chinese! |
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By *scar3Man
over a year ago
navan |
Thst child was supposed to go to Lourdes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't drink that Father, it's...
FECKIN WATER!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hear you’re a racist now father...
What's the Church's stance on the oul racism Father? Should we all be doing it? "
The Farming takes up most of my time and I like to have a cup of tea in the evening's. So I don't think I'll be able to devote myself the racism full time now Father |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My favourite thread ever. Over 90 different quotes. All class "
Agreed, great feckin thread! What a great show, every damn line was a one liner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fr Noel Furlong “well I've never, never in my life been so insulted, Tony I'm putting you on my list of enemies. there you're in front now Tony ha only joking”"
Haha this one made me lol |
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By *tanonieMan
over a year ago
killorglin |
"If i had ducks they would drown" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wanna shower you with sugar cubes and take you to the horse dentist lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ted
Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter! When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers?
Ted
You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper
Dougal
Ah, Sister Assumpta! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ride me sideways. ?? |
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A new forum post made me resurrect this ...
I've had my fun ... And that's all that matters |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't they all have lovely bottoms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good luck with the book. |
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Are you going to stand there all day ye fat ould bitch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re sitting there, imagining that, with a big smile on your face... ye durty fecker |
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By *oiraTvTV/TS
over a year ago
Derry |
Ted: "Old women are closer to God than we'll ever be. They get to that age and they don't need the operator anymore. They've got the direct line." |
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"TED. THOSE WOMEN WERE IN THE NIP!"
- Dougal in Milkman episode |
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Which one do you prefer, Oasis or Blur? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you like pheasant.
I love pheasant
Great cause what your having for dinner likes pheasant too |
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Fathet Ted:Tom did you just rob the post office?
Tom: i did father, but its my money, i didnt want to fill out the paper work for it! |
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Fathet Ted:Tom did you just rob the post office?
Tom: i did father, but its my money, i didnt want to fill out the paper work for it! |
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Ah will ya not have a little cake father....
There's cocaine in them!
Oh no not cocaine em.... Raisins! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would ya like a cup of tea father??
No I'd rather die of dehydration.
Now that's sarcasm
Back to the Picnic area nothin to see here!!!
First ya shhtunn am then ya put them in the vice!!!
*was at the tedfest in the Aran islands back in February easily the best weekend of my life!!* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh right.. |
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No Dougal, someone was lured there. |
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Oh He has a very small bladder Ted. About the size of a terry’s chocolate orange
Fr Noel furlong |
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Very Small ...Far Away.
Genine Reilly, where are you off too!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I've had my fun, love that line |
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