FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > What is swinging to you?
What is swinging to you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? |
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Trying a new adventure and a trill seeker with a kick and I've learned a thing or 2 here that's hot asf.
It has opened me up on trying to things
But i don't hold my hole life on or around it that's my limit..  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Trying a new adventure and a trill seeker with a kick and I've learned a thing or 2 here that's hot asf.
It has opened me up on trying to things
But i don't hold my hole life on or around it that's my limit.. "
What if you were in a couple? What your limits would be then? |
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"Trying a new adventure and a trill seeker with a kick and I've learned a thing or 2 here that's hot asf.
It has opened me up on trying to things
But i don't hold my hole life on or around it that's my limit..
What if you were in a couple? What your limits would be then? "
Our definition of swinging is sharing experiences, together. The idea of one of us playing withoutthe other present is the antithesis of what swinging is for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our relationship takes priority over swinging, of course we are all free to do as we want, but this tends to become a negative if pursued without regard to the potential consequences. We both have the right to veto any person or activity. |
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"Trying a new adventure and a trill seeker with a kick and I've learned a thing or 2 here that's hot asf.
It has opened me up on trying to things
But i don't hold my hole life on or around it that's my limit..
What if you were in a couple? What your limits would be then? "
it would have ground rules like all couples do so both parties are happy and safe. |
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"Our relationship takes priority over swinging, of course we are all free to do as we want, but this tends to become a negative if pursued without regard to the potential consequences. We both have the right to veto any person or activity. "
this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far it looks like I'm not some crazy controlling person lol that's reassuring...
Bonus question:
Would you take one for the team? "
Nope never no way |
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"So far it looks like I'm not some crazy controlling person lol that's reassuring...
Bonus question:
Would you take one for the team? "
Nope. If I felt for an instant that MrP was not 100% happy with a play partner then that interaction would have Zero meaning for me, we feed of eachothers horniness if that makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee"
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far it looks like I'm not some crazy controlling person lol that's reassuring...
Bonus question:
Would you take one for the team? "
No, the idea is repugnant from either perspective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us it's experiences explored and shared together. It's the togetherness that makes it for us. We plan together and if either of us has any doubts or concerns we'll discuss it, but ultimately we both have to be in agreement or it doesn't happen |
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee"
We honestly see ourselves as highly monogamous. Our play partners are simply extras in the movie of our fantasy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...) "
I would define it as any intimacy with another which you either hide altogether from your partner or deny its significance. Generally men tend to deny the concept of emotional infidelity I've noticed.
Casey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...) "
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
I would define it as any intimacy with another which you either hide altogether from your partner or deny its significance. Generally men tend to deny the concept of emotional infidelity I've noticed.
Casey"
Yes, that's usually written off as "oh, I'm just a natural flirt" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L"
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ? |
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For us there's nothing more important than our relationship ,sure meeting like minded people and having the occasional meet is fun but that's all it is .If either of us isn't comfortable with what the other is persuing etc then that line is never crossed .Anything that would threaten our relationship isn't worth it .
In relation to your question on taking one for the team -Honestly we both did on two different occasions when we first started this journey -Never to be repeated ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ? "
Ah well there's a doomed relationship for sure.
We're away from each tonight so there's no coaching from the other on comments, lol
Lee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ? "
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully. |
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By *etite_RosyWoman
over a year ago
Now in MALAGA (SPAIN) |
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully. "
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
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"And some relationships are just not going to last..... "
If this lifestyle doesn't add something to a relationship then it must ultimately deminish it. "taking one for the team" can only lead to resentment. The only way a relationship can flourish is with utter trust and acceptance, and the world of swinging is the ultimate test of that trust and acceptance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And some relationships are just not going to last.....
If this lifestyle doesn't add something to a relationship then it must ultimately deminish it. "taking one for the team" can only lead to resentment. The only way a relationship can flourish is with utter trust and acceptance, and the world of swinging is the ultimate test of that trust and acceptance."
Absolutely agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
"
For me honesty is implicit in "respect" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully. "
It is constantly developing, changing and shifting.
I find myself being okay with certain things one month and completely not okay the next, it all also depends on people who are involved too.
I will say a strict no to something, then after I thought it through I'd be like "well okay it's kinda hot", so there are a lot of blurred lines and changes at all times...
Fundamental beliefs are a subject to change too and Yes, communication is 100% key.
Other halfs limits - should it be classed as restriction? |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? "
Swinging is what you make of
Yes we have limits ...
Yes we have rules ...
Yes for us we do what we are both comfortable with ....
And 100% if doing somethings behind the others back , that's cheating 
Mr dirty xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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...a Godsend 
No, seriously, I think my opinion has largely been expressed already by others.
I wouldn't say that swinging allows a person or people to "do what they want". I think it differs from other forms of open relationships by not only having that separation of physical and intimate connections but that there are, to whatever extent, "rules" that each other set for themselves and their partner.
Be it transparency, soft swap only etc I think that separates it from say a polyamorous or other non-monogamous relationship.
That and that it doesn't define the relationship like the other aforementioned types may do. It's an added dynamic, to each person and jointly, but should said dynamic no longer exist the relationship still does! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
It is constantly developing, changing and shifting.
I find myself being okay with certain things one month and completely not okay the next, it all also depends on people who are involved too.
I will say a strict no to something, then after I thought it through I'd be like "well okay it's kinda hot", so there are a lot of blurred lines and changes at all times...
Fundamental beliefs are a subject to change too and Yes, communication is 100% key.
Other halfs limits - should it be classed as restriction? "
If my partner called it restriction, it would suggest to me that a resentment is involved. We all have to make compromises in relationships, but when resentment creeps in, there's a problem somewhere. Whether it's that the "restrictions" are unreasonable and of a controlling nature, or the party feeling restricted is being selfish in pursuit of their desires, how can anyone objectively determine that? Every couple has to negotiate their own boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
"
What if honesty sometimes hurts a little? |
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
What if honesty sometimes hurts a little? "
The repercussions of not being honest will hurt much more |
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By *etite_RosyWoman
over a year ago
Now in MALAGA (SPAIN) |
"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
What if honesty sometimes hurts a little? "
More to discuss then and find the way it will work for both of us.
Healthy relationship must be built on honesty. It hurts sometimes but also we learn how to improve, how to make something better that everybody will be happy, not only one of us.
My granny said to me a long time ago before my wedding that marriage is an institution of compromises and good relationship is like a garden - if you water the plants, they will grow. If you will be lazy, plants in your garden will die.
Same like with feelings. No respect, no honesty, no open communication and goodbye.
People who are in long relationships know there are ups and downs but when they talk about the problems and trying to resolve them together, then their relationship is stronger. And it needs two to the tango.
Goodnight
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? "
Well swinging is a single person's paradise no rules no being locked down you set your own limits if any making friends along the way for couples I tip my hat to ye that trust between you just can't be measured but of course feel free to put me in my place if I'm wrong lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
I have to add honesty to your list.
We never done anything that one of us was unhappy or uncomfy. And talking about it honestly with partner is most important for us.
Living in a poly relationship for 12 years, swingers for over 15 years. We love sex, we want to realise our fantasies but no pressure.
If there is a pressure and stress, there wouldnt be great experience for anyone.
What if honesty sometimes hurts a little?
The repercussions of not being honest will hurt much more"
If you can be honest with someone, what have you really got? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm single so don't class myself as a swinger even tho Fab is classed as a swingers site
But say I met someone from Fab and it developed into a relationship
I think entering the swinging scene as a couple could only happen once I felt we were secure enough with each other to enter the scene
I suppose feeling secure enough to me is about not feeling jealous if your partner is attracted to someone else and for me that would take time to have that level of trust in your relationship to overcome feeling insecure and jealous
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"
What if honesty sometimes hurts a little?
More to discuss then and find the way it will work for both of us.
Healthy relationship must be built on honesty. It hurts sometimes but also we learn how to improve, how to make something better that everybody will be happy, not only one of us.
My granny said to me a long time ago before my wedding that marriage is an institution of compromises and good relationship is like a garden - if you water the plants, they will grow. If you will be lazy, plants in your garden will die.
Same like with feelings. No respect, no honesty, no open communication and goodbye.
People who are in long relationships know there are ups and downs but when they talk about the problems and trying to resolve them together, then their relationship is stronger. And it needs two to the tango.
Goodnight
"
Couldn't have put it better and your granny is 100% right
Life is one big long road that will always have bad spots and curves to throw at you .
Butt if you can work together you can ride it out .
And in speaking from experience as myself and my beautiful wife are 20+ years together xx 
Mr dirty xx |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? "
Swinging as a couple DOES NOT mean doing whatever you want. Being in a couple means a partner needs to be 100& completely comfortable with who their parrenr is seeing and what they are doing. It's not wrong to veto something you dont like. Your partner should understand your feelings and learn what's generally ok, and to stop asking for stuff that you're clearly not liking. Time for a serious chat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm single, but I think swinging as a couple means both parties are consenting to involving other people in their sex life. Beyond that, every single couple I've met has had their own boundaries and found what works for them.
If both parties are consenting, it's cheating. End of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm single so don't class myself as a swinger even tho Fab is classed as a swingers site
But say I met someone from Fab and it developed into a relationship
I think entering the swinging scene as a couple could only happen once I felt we were secure enough with each other to enter the scene
I suppose feeling secure enough to me is about not feeling jealous if your partner is attracted to someone else and for me that would take time to have that level of trust in your relationship to overcome feeling insecure and jealous
"
Summed up well. It follows that you need to know what you bring to a relationship too. Many take from it happily but forget about the most important, the giving side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Are you saying that a partner should be ok with everything that the other half wants to do because they shouldnt be be insecure or jealous?"
Ah, it is complex, is it not?
Some people want it open, and assume absolute security (but what is security in a relationship?) some actually get turned on by the thought, visage, act of their partner with someone else... For some it is just a call for a group kind of activity...
And each of these have a name of its own... So maybe swinging is really spicing things up outside of an established routine a couple has? |
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"Are you saying that a partner should be ok with everything that the other half wants to do because they shouldnt be be insecure or jealous?"
Thats a relationship that is frankly doomed. Swinging can only work if both partners are 100% happy with what is happening. And to be honest, if one partner feels their needs are more important than their partners comfort and contentment, then that's a poor basis for a relationship in the first place |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? "
We agree
To us, it means we are more open about everything, nothing needs to be hidden from one another, whether it’s perving on here or out and about in ‘VanillaWorld’™? Or flirting to wanting sex with others.
Anything done behind someone’s back is being deceptive and that’s one line we won’t or need to cross |
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"Are you saying that a partner should be ok with everything that the other half wants to do because they shouldnt be be insecure or jealous?
Ah, it is complex, is it not?
Some people want it open, and assume absolute security (but what is security in a relationship?) some actually get turned on by the thought, visage, act of their partner with someone else... For some it is just a call for a group kind of activity...
And each of these have a name of its own... So maybe swinging is really spicing things up outside of an established routine a couple has? "
A partner who is turned on by someone playing away is a different thing. In thay case there should be lots of discussion in advance on the parameters of how this should happen and what everyone is happy with. That way nobody gets hurt. That's a different thing to one partner who thinks they can do anything they want... which in my opinion is definitely destructive. |
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I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
"
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
"
Unless that is the kink in that particular case. |
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Unless that is the kink in that particular case. "
I guess so.. but in that case there is some kind of implied consent to the cheating. |
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it! "
That's interesting. Is there nothing you wouldnt let your partner do? Does jealousy never ever come up?
I think most couples have some kind or ruleset. |
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it! "
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it!
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship "
Of course, however, there is always more than one perspective as to what are reasonable boundaries and what constitutes controlling behaviour. Some people are simply not compatible. |
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it!
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship
Of course, however, there is always more than one perspective as to what are reasonable boundaries and what constitutes controlling behaviour. Some people are simply not compatible. "
The chances of 2 people being absolutely compatible are slim, there will always be compromise, and just how much compromise one is prepared to make depends on how important the relationship is to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it!
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship
Of course, however, there is always more than one perspective as to what are reasonable boundaries and what constitutes controlling behaviour. Some people are simply not compatible.
The chances of 2 people being absolutely compatible are slim, there will always be compromise, and just how much compromise one is prepared to make depends on how important the relationship is to them. "
To the point where one is denying one's true nature? To me that's the point where its better to end the relationship. Some thíngs are worth compromising on, others aren't, and that's very much a personal decision. |
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"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it!
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship
Of course, however, there is always more than one perspective as to what are reasonable boundaries and what constitutes controlling behaviour. Some people are simply not compatible.
The chances of 2 people being absolutely compatible are slim, there will always be compromise, and just how much compromise one is prepared to make depends on how important the relationship is to them.
To the point where one is denying one's true nature? To me that's the point where its better to end the relationship. Some thíngs are worth compromising on, others aren't, and that's very much a personal decision. "
Exactly my point, one must decide what is most important |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would contend that everyone has bad days and might sometimes be insecure or jealous. It's the discussion and talking through and agreeing limits that makes it work.
It's not allowing 1 person to do whatever they like anytime they like
Well, we can do whatever we like, but the other person can also choose to end the relationship because of it!
In that case you must choose which is more important, doing what you like and risking your partner ending the relationship, or playing within set boundaries and keeping a stable relationship. It's about priorities, and an individuals priorities can tell alot about how they actually feel about a relationship "
It's about what's important, what value individuals place upon things and about self. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules? "
Well where do i start really.
I have read the entire thread although since my partner wrote this while i slept and i have subsequently been at work all day, i haven't had the opportunity to comment.
A very fair point made by Missus indeed and yes, since the day we started going out a year ago today it has been a much discussed topic.
When we started going out we were happy meeting other people although we didn't as we were finding ourselves and our new dynamic. I always made it very clear from day one that i desired other women, be that with missus or on my own. I never hid that fact at all and was always honest. After some time however she decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me meeting other people on my own.
I am totally against cheating and for that reason i have stayed faithful and restricted my interactions with other women to messaging only with the hope that eventually missus would some day feel comfortable enough to let me meet them. It is now a year and recently i have really been feeling down and my self esteem is getting low and I know that is because i have a need and a desire to meet people and to be the flirtatious man i have always been. Its what makes me, me. Its what gives me that buzz. It does not mean for one second that i disrespect my woman or love her any less. We are talking about a sexual encounter that feeds the animal within and not something or someone who is going to lead me away from the woman I love as that just wouldn't happen.
As always, I welcome any feedback and criticism. Dirk |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules?
Well where do i start really.
I have read the entire thread although since my partner wrote this while i slept and i have subsequently been at work all day, i haven't had the opportunity to comment.
A very fair point made by Missus indeed and yes, since the day we started going out a year ago today it has been a much discussed topic.
When we started going out we were happy meeting other people although we didn't as we were finding ourselves and our new dynamic. I always made it very clear from day one that i desired other women, be that with missus or on my own. I never hid that fact at all and was always honest. After some time however she decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me meeting other people on my own.
I am totally against cheating and for that reason i have stayed faithful and restricted my interactions with other women to messaging only with the hope that eventually missus would some day feel comfortable enough to let me meet them. It is now a year and recently i have really been feeling down and my self esteem is getting low and I know that is because i have a need and a desire to meet people and to be the flirtatious man i have always been. Its what makes me, me. Its what gives me that buzz. It does not mean for one second that i disrespect my woman or love her any less. We are talking about a sexual encounter that feeds the animal within and not something or someone who is going to lead me away from the woman I love as that just wouldn't happen.
As always, I welcome any feedback and criticism. Dirk "
Is feeding that animal within worth risking the relationship that you have? It's a simple question that only you can answer |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules?
Well where do i start really.
I have read the entire thread although since my partner wrote this while i slept and i have subsequently been at work all day, i haven't had the opportunity to comment.
A very fair point made by Missus indeed and yes, since the day we started going out a year ago today it has been a much discussed topic.
When we started going out we were happy meeting other people although we didn't as we were finding ourselves and our new dynamic. I always made it very clear from day one that i desired other women, be that with missus or on my own. I never hid that fact at all and was always honest. After some time however she decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me meeting other people on my own.
I am totally against cheating and for that reason i have stayed faithful and restricted my interactions with other women to messaging only with the hope that eventually missus would some day feel comfortable enough to let me meet them. It is now a year and recently i have really been feeling down and my self esteem is getting low and I know that is because i have a need and a desire to meet people and to be the flirtatious man i have always been. Its what makes me, me. Its what gives me that buzz. It does not mean for one second that i disrespect my woman or love her any less. We are talking about a sexual encounter that feeds the animal within and not something or someone who is going to lead me away from the woman I love as that just wouldn't happen.
As always, I welcome any feedback and criticism. Dirk "
That sounds like a fairly fundamental difference unfortunately. Kudos for not cheating as many would.
What you DONT want is your partner to allow you to do go and do something she is really hurt by deep down.. but that she allows because she values your relationship.
This means it comes down to you.. and whether you value your non-monogamy over your relationship. |
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You made it clear from day 1..... There was no disussion about putting this thread up... (Done while sleeping) (sneaky) What else is being done while you sleep.. Jealousy insecurities fuck up everything.....  |
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My husband and I am have been together since we were teenagers , when we joined fab over 3 years ago it was to meet couples together but I had the desire to meet men on my own , mr B wasn’t keen but as a couple we decided that the only way to see how we felt was for both of us to try separate meets , a few years on and a few separate meets later we are as strong as ever , we both love the buzz we get from telling each other everything that we done and sending the odd wee cheeky pic or video whilst with the other person drives us wild and the sex after it is unbelievable , it’s all about finding the right person so that u feel comfortable and trust . Mrs B xxxx |
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"You made it clear from day 1..... There was no disussion about putting this thread up... (Done while sleeping) (sneaky) What else is being done while you sleep.. Jealousy insecurities fuck up everything..... "
Relationships and feelings can change over time. Someone who used to be ok with non-monogamy is allowed to change over time. Many couples settle down to monogamy eventually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well where do i start really.
I have read the entire thread although since my partner wrote this while i slept and i have subsequently been at work all day, i haven't had the opportunity to comment.
A very fair point made by Missus indeed and yes, since the day we started going out a year ago today it has been a much discussed topic.
When we started going out we were happy meeting other people although we didn't as we were finding ourselves and our new dynamic. I always made it very clear from day one that i desired other women, be that with missus or on my own. I never hid that fact at all and was always honest. After some time however she decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me meeting other people on my own.
I am totally against cheating and for that reason i have stayed faithful and restricted my interactions with other women to messaging only with the hope that eventually missus would some day feel comfortable enough to let me meet them. It is now a year and recently i have really been feeling down and my self esteem is getting low and I know that is because i have a need and a desire to meet people and to be the flirtatious man i have always been. Its what makes me, me. Its what gives me that buzz. It does not mean for one second that i disrespect my woman or love her any less. We are talking about a sexual encounter that feeds the animal within and not something or someone who is going to lead me away from the woman I love as that just wouldn't happen.
As always, I welcome any feedback and criticism. Dirk "
I think that not only have those discussions in the beginning but the two of you engaging in and discussing such things now, seeking advice and being so open, can only be a positive thing.
Something that, regardless of which way you lean on the subject, allows you to hold your head up; there's many a person/couple who wouldn't address such feelings, at least not so openly and with the vulnerability you've shown above.
Do you feel that your "need" for physical connection transcends that of what you currently share? To the extent that it's making you feel down I think it's something you both have to address and tackle, together.
I would say though that such things like you mention don't define anyone. Nobody should wish to change themselves for the sake of anything or anyone but moreso open your own eyes and mind to realise that what makes you "you" is far more than anything akin to flirting and the like; You have a gorgeous woman, inside and out, by your side for a reason!
I'd be remiss if I didn't wish you both a happy anniversary today too!  |
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"Totally get that...however after reading both sides off the story... This is sneaky and unfair... "
Sneaky maybe.. but there is nothing unfair about changing what you're looking from a relationship. Noone should have to deal with unhappiness in their relationship. Sometimes changes just mean incompatibility. Its noones fault. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We never had a honeymoon period. Sadly Fab has always played a huge part in our relationship.
I never said I was not okay with either of us having sex with other people.
My current limit is sitting at exploring together and meeting other people together, having sex with other people together.
No, am not polyamorous and never will be. Meeting other people separately isn't swinging. It's polyamory.
I also never said this is a set in stone rule. I asked to give me time.
I am asked every other week about this and if there's enough time passed now.
It's like "are we there yet" scene from shrek.
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Polyamory is more than that.. its about having a loving relationship with more than 1 person. It sounds like he is just looking for sex. That's not polyamory.
Dont string him along. If you know you're not gonna be happy with him meeting separately then be up front and tell him. By suggesting that your feelings about this might change you are running that risk.
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Wow this is intense....You guys really need to open up and talk to each other not trying to score points on fab in front off everybody. WHERE'S THE LOVE 1year together today you guys should be celebrating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Polyamory is more than that.. its about having a loving relationship with more than 1 person. It sounds like he is just looking for sex. That's not polyamory.
Dont string him along. If you know you're not gonna be happy with him meeting separately then be up front and tell him. By suggesting that your feelings about this might change you are running that risk.
"
Was going to say something similar. Many do misunderstand what poly means. It's the capacity and interest in 'loving' more than one and having that additional relationship. Can be with both parties or just one of the couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is something we do obviously need to discuss in private but i do hope this thread has if anything served as a platform for people who maybe are going through the same thing to be able to open up a discussion.
I love missus very much indeed and would do anything for her but anyone in a situation like this one must ask the question....... at what cost? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would also like to hear from couples who do meet separately as there are so many who do. I would be interested in knowing how it works for them and do they understand what is going on in my head |
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"This is something we do obviously need to discuss in private but i do hope this thread has if anything served as a platform for people who maybe are going through the same thing to be able to open up a discussion.
I love missus very much indeed and would do anything for her but anyone in a situation like this one must ask the question....... at what cost?"
An admirable attitude. The problem with continuing at any cost is resentment that can grow. That goes for both sides. You could resent denying yourself what you feel you need. She could resent letting you do stuff you're uncomfortable with.
Best of luck guys. You wont be the first or the last in this situation |
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"I would also like to hear from couples who do meet separately as there are so many who do. I would be interested in knowing how it works for them and do they understand what is going on in my head "
I used to. We arent together any more. I'm now in a relationship with someone I fell in love with.
I/we dont meet separately now
It's a risk. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wow this is intense....You guys really need to open up and talk to each other not trying to score points on fab in front off everybody. WHERE'S THE LOVE 1year together today you guys should be celebrating. "
You seem to have an issue with my approach.
Posting this while he's asleep sneaky?
I have insomnia. I post most of my things when he's asleep.
Jealous? Yes, I am a human being and I have feelings and am not afraid to express them- bite me.
Also reason I made this post in a first place is to try to figure out what makes most people tick.
I never had a swinging relationship and neither has Dirk. We are very new to this and altough sometimes we are struggling to find the right balance - we somehow always manage to find a solution.
This post isn't about scoring points or bashing each other.
It's a disagreement of two strong opinions (going back to the very first question about couples exploring as both together or complete freedom).
And call out for genuine advice from seasoned swinging couples who I'm more than certain have had their own disagreements at some point too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single on fab and knowing but the op and her partner I think this is a very brave thread and asking and discussing all options is brill as it opens up discussion about relationships on fab. Am friends with a good few couples and we often chat about the Dynamics of couples meeting together or singly.
Fair play guys xx much love to you both xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow this is intense....You guys really need to open up and talk to each other not trying to score points on fab in front off everybody. WHERE'S THE LOVE 1year together today you guys should be celebrating.
You seem to have an issue with my approach.
Posting this while he's asleep sneaky?
I have insomnia. I post most of my things when he's asleep.
Jealous? Yes, I am a human being and I have feelings and am not afraid to express them- bite me.
Also reason I made this post in a first place is to try to figure out what makes most people tick.
I never had a swinging relationship and neither has Dirk. We are very new to this and altough sometimes we are struggling to find the right balance - we somehow always manage to find a solution.
This post isn't about scoring points or bashing each other.
It's a disagreement of two strong opinions (going back to the very first question about couples exploring as both together or complete freedom).
And call out for genuine advice from seasoned swinging couples who I'm more than certain have had their own disagreements at some point too. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am single and have never been in a swinging relationship so this is my opinion only. Swinging to me would be a couple meeting another couple or single together and getting pleasure in seeing their partner with someone else. But the partner would be there/involved at all time's.I would imagine that the sexual connection between the couple at that time is the turn on for most. Meeting alone male or female suggest's an open relationship rather than swinging no? Again I don't have much experience but that would be my interpretation |
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My husband and I mostly meet alone on here as due to family/time etc its what suits us best. We have and do meet on our couples profile when we feel like it.
We discuss potential meets with each other and never put ourselves above each other. If one of us is unhappy about something with potential meets then we talk it out or walk away from it. It should never interfere in our own relationship.
We've had some bumps along the way of course like most have Im sure but ultimately no one is or ever will be as important to me as him |
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I honestly don't think you can dase any decision or discussion on what works for other couples, you are not those couples. It's up to both of you to work out what's acceptable and wgat isn't and if you can't reach agreement then walk away, it's a hard choice, but best for you both in the long run if you simply aren't compatible.
I would also add that your relationship is a little differant than most, it was founded on swinging, and therefore defined by swinging. MrsP and I both had experiences before we met, but that's not how we met. Our relationship was solid before we entered this lifestyle together, we have clearly defined boundaries that may or may not change. But we are lucky, if you take swinging away we still have a solid realationship and share many other interests |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly don't think you can dase any decision or discussion on what works for other couples, you are not those couples. It's up to both of you to work out what's acceptable and wgat isn't and if you can't reach agreement then walk away, it's a hard choice, but best for you both in the long run if you simply aren't compatible.
I would also add that your relationship is a little differant than most, it was founded on swinging, and therefore defined by swinging. MrsP and I both had experiences before we met, but that's not how we met. Our relationship was solid before we entered this lifestyle together, we have clearly defined boundaries that may or may not change. But we are lucky, if you take swinging away we still have a solid realationship and share many other interests"
Agree wholeheartedly with this,especially the "you may not be compatible" part. Sometimes there just is no compromise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband and I mostly meet alone on here as due to family/time etc its what suits us best. We have and do meet on our couples profile when we feel like it.
We discuss potential meets with each other and never put ourselves above each other. If one of us is unhappy about something with potential meets then we talk it out or walk away from it. It should never interfere in our own relationship.
We've had some bumps along the way of course like most have Im sure but ultimately no one is or ever will be as important to me as him"
This is exactly how i feel. Missus and i have very different work schedules in particular at the weekends and if she was working late sometimes i would love to go on a wee meet. It doesn't mean that i think of her any less or love her any less. She will always be my number one. She is my princess and no one will come close to that. Thankyou for your comment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband and I mostly meet alone on here as due to family/time etc its what suits us best. We have and do meet on our couples profile when we feel like it.
We discuss potential meets with each other and never put ourselves above each other. If one of us is unhappy about something with potential meets then we talk it out or walk away from it. It should never interfere in our own relationship.
We've had some bumps along the way of course like most have Im sure but ultimately no one is or ever will be as important to me as him
This is exactly how i feel. Missus and i have very different work schedules in particular at the weekends and if she was working late sometimes i would love to go on a wee meet. It doesn't mean that i think of her any less or love her any less. She will always be my number one. She is my princess and no one will come close to that. Thankyou for your comment "
Maybe you need a hobby |
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"My husband and I mostly meet alone on here as due to family/time etc its what suits us best. We have and do meet on our couples profile when we feel like it.
We discuss potential meets with each other and never put ourselves above each other. If one of us is unhappy about something with potential meets then we talk it out or walk away from it. It should never interfere in our own relationship.
We've had some bumps along the way of course like most have Im sure but ultimately no one is or ever will be as important to me as him
This is exactly how i feel. Missus and i have very different work schedules in particular at the weekends and if she was working late sometimes i would love to go on a wee meet. It doesn't mean that i think of her any less or love her any less. She will always be my number one. She is my princess and no one will come close to that. Thankyou for your comment "
But it means you have less respect for her needs and feelings than you do for your own. That is not a solid base for a relationship, and dare I say it, selfish. I'm not attacking you here, I'm simply saying, if you don't instinctively feel the need to prioritise your partners feelings then it maybe says something about your true feelings for this relationship. ALL relationships take compromise, if you are not willing to compromise then this may not be the relationship for you. |
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We’ve been living this since very early in our relationship.
For us, its about an openness and honesty about our sexual desires and fantasies.
Whilst happy to play and meet alone on occasions, We don’t and won’t do anything without the other knowing. It’s this element of truth that opens all the possibilities in front of us.
It’s not always easy, but we always talk things through if one had a concern or is uncomfortable about something.
We’ve also learnt that there’s no definition of what swinging is. It’s very different for everyone.
Happy fabbing
Xx |
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"Me and my better half have been having this discussion for a while now.
He's convinced that swinging as a couple means being free to do what you want.
I say swinging is doing what BOTH partners are comfortable and okay with, everything else, if done behind ones back is cheating.
What is your definition of swinging?
What are your limits?
Do you have set rules?
Well where do i start really.
I have read the entire thread although since my partner wrote this while i slept and i have subsequently been at work all day, i haven't had the opportunity to comment.
A very fair point made by Missus indeed and yes, since the day we started going out a year ago today it has been a much discussed topic.
When we started going out we were happy meeting other people although we didn't as we were finding ourselves and our new dynamic. I always made it very clear from day one that i desired other women, be that with missus or on my own. I never hid that fact at all and was always honest. After some time however she decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable with me meeting other people on my own.
I am totally against cheating and for that reason i have stayed faithful and restricted my interactions with other women to messaging only with the hope that eventually missus would some day feel comfortable enough to let me meet them. It is now a year and recently i have really been feeling down and my self esteem is getting low and I know that is because i have a need and a desire to meet people and to be the flirtatious man i have always been. Its what makes me, me. Its what gives me that buzz. It does not mean for one second that i disrespect my woman or love her any less. We are talking about a sexual encounter that feeds the animal within and not something or someone who is going to lead me away from the woman I love as that just wouldn't happen.
As always, I welcome any feedback and criticism. Dirk "
Dirk it is funny that you mention "feeling down and your self esteem going down"
More than a year ago I felt the same.
Swinging and playing as a couple is harder than doing it as a single person, but if you really love each other, you both need to help each other out, or one of you will get "hurt".
I still remember Bee's reaction after my first two meets and my own reaction after Bee's first solo meets, it was extremely hard for both of us.
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"My husband and I mostly meet alone on here as due to family/time etc its what suits us best. We have and do meet on our couples profile when we feel like it.
We discuss potential meets with each other and never put ourselves above each other. If one of us is unhappy about something with potential meets then we talk it out or walk away from it. It should never interfere in our own relationship.
We've had some bumps along the way of course like most have Im sure but ultimately no one is or ever will be as important to me as him"
We totally agree and feel exactly the same as u guys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well after a nice anniversary meal for two and a mindblowing fuck as always i believe we can agree to disagree for another wee while "
Love sometimes gets complicated. It's only natural to have those kinds of discussions. Them sometimes being in public too as good friends from vanilla world tend to be useless with that kind of advice (shrug) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well after a nice anniversary meal for two and a mindblowing fuck as always i believe we can agree to disagree for another wee while
Love sometimes gets complicated. It's only natural to have those kinds of discussions. Them sometimes being in public too as good friends from vanilla world tend to be useless with that kind of advice (shrug) "
Look I think the important thing is....what did ye have for dinner? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well after a nice anniversary meal for two and a mindblowing fuck as always i believe we can agree to disagree for another wee while
Love sometimes gets complicated. It's only natural to have those kinds of discussions. Them sometimes being in public too as good friends from vanilla world tend to be useless with that kind of advice (shrug)
Look I think the important thing is....what did ye have for dinner?"
Short Rib of Beef Brisket and Missus had a platter of Ribs. Absolutely outstanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well after a nice anniversary meal for two and a mindblowing fuck as always i believe we can agree to disagree for another wee while
Love sometimes gets complicated. It's only natural to have those kinds of discussions. Them sometimes being in public too as good friends from vanilla world tend to be useless with that kind of advice (shrug)
Look I think the important thing is....what did ye have for dinner?
Short Rib of Beef Brisket and Missus had a platter of Ribs. Absolutely outstanding. "
Slow cooked meat...the soution to all of lifes problems apparently |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its refreshing to see a post about what questions come up for couples in the swinging lifestyle.
For us it's about doing it together, if that be playing together, separate rooms or meeting alone. Its knowing what the other is enjoying that makes its swinging or if the other half doesn't know then possibly the mindset is how you've worked it out as a single and rethinking from the couples point of view.
Saying all that with the more experience my thinking changes more often than I ever thought it would |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well after a nice anniversary meal for two and a mindblowing fuck as always i believe we can agree to disagree for another wee while
Love sometimes gets complicated. It's only natural to have those kinds of discussions. Them sometimes being in public too as good friends from vanilla world tend to be useless with that kind of advice (shrug) "
You're now both on very different chapters. Looks like you both need to reread each others pages again as it seems you're each starting to write a new story. |
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On a more serious note and in my opinion, Dirk, lay off the weekly "are you ready yet". If missus wants to change her stance on the matter, give her time. The more you bring the subject up the more resistant missus will be. The points both of you make are valid to each of you but badgering on a weekly or fortnightly basis, some would see as a pressure. Personally speaking, getting to swing with a partner who enjoys watching you with others is the icing on the cake, anything else is the cherry or strawberry (as I hate cherry's). |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
There's no absolute definition for swinging, it is what you make of it.
Your relationship boundaries define your swinging boundaries and not the other way around.
If you live a very open relationship Dirk's idea of swinging might apply, if you live a more traditional relationship the boundaries will be much more confined respectively your (op) point of view might apply. |
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"On a more serious note and in my opinion, Dirk, lay off the weekly "are you ready yet". If missus wants to change her stance on the matter, give her time. The more you bring the subject up the more resistant missus will be. The points both of you make are valid to each of you but badgering on a weekly or fortnightly basis, some would see as a pressure. Personally speaking, getting to swing with a partner who enjoys watching you with others is the icing on the cake, anything else is the cherry or strawberry (as I hate cherry's)."
This..
The chances of finding someone you love and who loves you back, and who also shares an interest in the world of swinging is a rare gift.. Risking that gift because not every single one of you boxes is getting ticked seems misguided to say the least.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We will meet socially alone but play together, we view fab as an extension of our relationship and not a defining facet of it.
We decide together which couples we will play with, she has final say on females and I have final say on males.
What works for us may not work for others and you just need to follow your own path |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly don't think you can dase any decision or discussion on what works for other couples, you are not those couples. It's up to both of you to work out what's acceptable and wgat isn't and if you can't reach agreement then walk away, it's a hard choice, but best for you both in the long run if you simply aren't compatible.
I would also add that your relationship is a little differant than most, it was founded on swinging, and therefore defined by swinging. MrsP and I both had experiences before we met, but that's not how we met. Our relationship was solid before we entered this lifestyle together, we have clearly defined boundaries that may or may not change. But we are lucky, if you take swinging away we still have a solid realationship and share many other interests"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why was my question removed from this thread??
It was a civilised honest question and I would have thought there would be no need to remove it, strange  "
A good portion of comments were removed after some not so civilised posts.. probably just got culled with them by mistake |
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"Why was my question removed from this thread??
It was a civilised honest question and I would have thought there would be no need to remove it, strange
A good portion of comments were removed after some not so civilised posts.. probably just got culled with them by mistake"
Ah ok, thank you ???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would like to thank everyone for their advice. We will both be taking everything on board as we move forward. Our swinging relationship may differ to alot of people as we met through swinging whereby so many couples had a solid foundation (pre swinging) relationship already established. We absolutely love the swinging life style and have no problem meeting and playing with people together. I guess compromise is key on both parts and it will take baby steps as time goes on. Missus did not post this thread to in any way air dirty washing in public. She wanted advice that we both appreciate, from people who have gone through similar hurdles in their relationships. We are not afraid as a couple to admit that we have problems behind closed door and I know alot of you think that this issue should have stayed behind closed doors. Had we done that we wouldn't have seen the good advice that so many of you gave us.
Much love to all our fab friends and future fab friends. Dirk xx |
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"I would like to thank everyone for their advice. We will both be taking everything on board as we move forward. Our swinging relationship may differ to alot of people as we met through swinging whereby so many couples had a solid foundation (pre swinging) relationship already established. We absolutely love the swinging life style and have no problem meeting and playing with people together. I guess compromise is key on both parts and it will take baby steps as time goes on. Missus did not post this thread to in any way air dirty washing in public. She wanted advice that we both appreciate, from people who have gone through similar hurdles in their relationships. We are not afraid as a couple to admit that we have problems behind closed door and I know alot of you think that this issue should have stayed behind closed doors. Had we done that we wouldn't have seen the good advice that so many of you gave us.
Much love to all our fab friends and future fab friends. Dirk xx"
I think it was very brave from both of you to share your story and engage in the discussion further than anyone here would have had the balls to do.
I loved the entire thread and to me is a break from the "I spy", "Fuck or slap" and other similar threads, very often seen on the Irish Fab forum.
There was a time when Missus used to post more often and I miss that, to be honest.
Keep them coming and give the Irish forum a more interesting and more relevant to Fab life subjects, than I've seen in the last good few months, almost a year I would say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would like to thank everyone for their advice. We will both be taking everything on board as we move forward. Our swinging relationship may differ to alot of people as we met through swinging whereby so many couples had a solid foundation (pre swinging) relationship already established. We absolutely love the swinging life style and have no problem meeting and playing with people together. I guess compromise is key on both parts and it will take baby steps as time goes on. Missus did not post this thread to in any way air dirty washing in public. She wanted advice that we both appreciate, from people who have gone through similar hurdles in their relationships. We are not afraid as a couple to admit that we have problems behind closed door and I know alot of you think that this issue should have stayed behind closed doors. Had we done that we wouldn't have seen the good advice that so many of you gave us.
Much love to all our fab friends and future fab friends. Dirk xx
I think it was very brave from both of you to share your story and engage in the discussion further than anyone here would have had the balls to do.
I loved the entire thread and to me is a break from the "I spy", "Fuck or slap" and other similar threads, very often seen on the Irish Fab forum.
There was a time when Missus used to post more often and I miss that, to be honest.
Keep them coming and give the Irish forum a more interesting and more relevant to Fab life subjects, than I've seen in the last good few months, almost a year I would say."
I totally agree a very open and honest post and it's could to see, discuss and get opinions. I've had plenty of chats with fab friends about the dynamic of relationships etc on fab, before fab and after fab.
I've spent time in both of your company and ye are perfect for each other, and at end of day every relationship has ups and downs, the fact ye can be so open about them is what makes yours a pretty good relationship.
And that's from am eternally single gal who someday hopes to find a pea for my pod |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would like to thank everyone for their advice. We will both be taking everything on board as we move forward. Our swinging relationship may differ to alot of people as we met through swinging whereby so many couples had a solid foundation (pre swinging) relationship already established. We absolutely love the swinging life style and have no problem meeting and playing with people together. I guess compromise is key on both parts and it will take baby steps as time goes on. Missus did not post this thread to in any way air dirty washing in public. She wanted advice that we both appreciate, from people who have gone through similar hurdles in their relationships. We are not afraid as a couple to admit that we have problems behind closed door and I know alot of you think that this issue should have stayed behind closed doors. Had we done that we wouldn't have seen the good advice that so many of you gave us.
Much love to all our fab friends and future fab friends. Dirk xx
I think it was very brave from both of you to share your story and engage in the discussion further than anyone here would have had the balls to do.
I loved the entire thread and to me is a break from the "I spy", "Fuck or slap" and other similar threads, very often seen on the Irish Fab forum.
There was a time when Missus used to post more often and I miss that, to be honest.
Keep them coming and give the Irish forum a more interesting and more relevant to Fab life subjects, than I've seen in the last good few months, almost a year I would say."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you for starting this thread. I am new here and this conversation was highly enlightening. It opened up a lot of conversation topics for myself and my husband. It was so useful to read all the many, varied, opinions from people with lots of experience. |
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"For us as a couple swinging is exploring our fantasies together and sharing in the experience. It's a choice for non monogamy for whatever time we are interested in partaking in the lifestyle. It involves discussion between both of us and a mutual consensus on anything that may or may not happen.
Cheating occurs when one is playing away without the knowledge of the other, which essentially has nothing to do with what swinging is about, imo.
Lee
See I wouldn't necessarily go as far as playing. Sometimes it's enough to get someone's number and have a full on affair over the text.. (I know, I've done it before...)
Well, yes that's a fair point. I suppose if you are involved in an activity that you are not comfortable sharing with your partner then the lines are crossed.
L
I love how both of you are involved in this discussion, good to see both points of view.
What if the involved part doesn't genuinely see it as crossing the line? As they don't see it as a line to begin with ?
Even if you don't see something as crossing the line, once your partner has expressed unhappiness with it, then there is clearly an issue which needs to be discussed and compromised upon. Issues will inevitably come up in a relationship from time to time - it's not as though you can foresee all eventualities at the start, nor do things remain static, communication and respect are essential if the relationship is to continue successfully.
It is constantly developing, changing and shifting.
I find myself being okay with certain things one month and completely not okay the next, it all also depends on people who are involved too.
I will say a strict no to something, then after I thought it through I'd be like "well okay it's kinda hot", so there are a lot of blurred lines and changes at all times...
Fundamental beliefs are a subject to change too and Yes, communication is 100% key.
Other halfs limits - should it be classed as restriction? "
And herein lies the problem!
Women constantly changing their feckin minds   
How's a man expected to cope with this? We're simple creatures that like things in black and white. Grey confuses the hell out of us
Haven't read whole thread, unusually, so apologies if that's been pointed out already |
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I disagree a little. It's not happened with us yet but I know now for sure I would take one for the team if I knew my partner would fulfil a fantasy or was extremely attracted to a lady. Obviously if it was everytime then it would get old...but swinging is exploring fantasies together,safely and in doing so showing unselfish love for one another. If my home relationship was in a good place and in our swinging experience my boyfriend wanted to meet a couple that I wasn't keen on, I'd still go along. But of course it only works as an act of unselfishness if my partner is constantly reminded of it. And it goes both ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I disagree a little. It's not happened with us yet but I know now for sure I would take one for the team if I knew my partner would fulfil a fantasy or was extremely attracted to a lady. Obviously if it was everytime then it would get old...but swinging is exploring fantasies together,safely and in doing so showing unselfish love for one another. If my home relationship was in a good place and in our swinging experience my boyfriend wanted to meet a couple that I wasn't keen on, I'd still go along. But of course it only works as an act of unselfishness if my partner is constantly reminded of it. And it goes both ways. "
best girlfriend ever .
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By *P_80Man
over a year ago
Waterford |
I always associated the term 'Swinging' with freedom, or liberation.
To me it's not being afraid of going after what makes you tick, and not having to restrict yourself to please someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That is swinging as a single for sure. However no matter how free u are and how much you do what you want... If u meet a girl who is part of a couple and want to play... Then respecting rules will have to be done! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That is swinging as a single for sure. However no matter how free u are and how much you do what you want... If u meet a girl who is part of a couple and want to play... Then respecting rules will have to be done! "
and it works both ways |
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"I would like to thank everyone for their advice. We will both be taking everything on board as we move forward. Our swinging relationship may differ to alot of people as we met through swinging whereby so many couples had a solid foundation (pre swinging) relationship already established. We absolutely love the swinging life style and have no problem meeting and playing with people together. I guess compromise is key on both parts and it will take baby steps as time goes on. Missus did not post this thread to in any way air dirty washing in public. She wanted advice that we both appreciate, from people who have gone through similar hurdles in their relationships. We are not afraid as a couple to admit that we have problems behind closed door and I know alot of you think that this issue should have stayed behind closed doors. Had we done that we wouldn't have seen the good advice that so many of you gave us.
Much love to all our fab friends and future fab friends. Dirk xx"
Well done to both of you for having the courage to post this. Hope it all works out for you both.
F&J x |
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