FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > People with partners
People with partners
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So what is everyone's opinion on men/women who have partners, married or just a relationship, but they come on here looking for some extra fun that they aren't getting at home? Would that put you off meeting someone or would it matter to you? |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I think everyone has their own reasons for being on here and I understand everything isn't black and white. So I don't judge anyone for being in here.If I like someone and get on with them then I will meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll always remember a very wise Fabber once said "Not my circus, not my monkeys"
We're all adults on here and capable of making our own decisions. So long, I suppose, as a person is upfront about being in that situation.
You can never truly know what goes on inside another's relationship and it's not anyone's place to judge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry, but it is not for anyone to judge why people are on here and, just to put the record straight, not every person who has a partner and who uses FAB isn’t not “getting it at home”..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you Justbo. I'm have a partner but there is no sex in the relationship. When there is it's only when it suits her. When I ask for sex I'm told that's all I want her for. It seems the other way around to me. That's just my personal situation. I'm not expecting everyone to agree. |
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Great thread, here's my tuppence worth, based on personal experience...
Im attached, she doesnt know Im here. Setting aside the "Why?" as its 100% my own business, I joined Fab a while ago to explore the scene. I have been to Vanilla once, as a single male, which was an incredible experience and I made it to a few M&G socials which were nerve wracking but enjoyable overall. I mixed and mingled with some absolutely lovely people, all experienced Fabbers who picked up on my Newbie status and made me feel very welcome. I will be forever thankful to all of them, they know who they are xxx
I was open about my "attached-ness" and mostly the reaction was "I don't meet attached men" which was cool, understood and respected... each to their own, which is how it should be... This was never a deal breaker and the chats and banter would continue and everyone knew where they stood. Perfect
However, what took me by surprise was the handful of people I met who took serious issue with my attached status and treated me like shite on their shoe within seconds of my disclosing it. The public verbal venom I received from the female half of one couple I chatted to almost had me in tears. So much for an open minded, liberal thinking, non judgemental social scene... lesson learned. That incident left me shook and I withdrew from Fab until very recently.
Anyway, my point is this...
I learned there is a natural hierarchy of "desirability" on the Fab scene and an attached male with an unknowing partner is at the very very bottom of the pile...!! |
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By *askia_1TV/TS
over a year ago
From Dublin living in Amsterdam |
It's a swingers site so the vast majority of members are attached to each other, FB's, playmates etc so both parties are obviously aware of what's going on in their relationship and more than happy with the set-up / situation.
However, I can't stand people who sneak around behind their "wife's, partner's or other half back and cheat on them.
If you are not happy in a relationship, then just end it, otherwise it will cause no end of trouble, pain and hurt for the other person, their families and friends and more than likely a huge amount of strife for the person who's cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm not at all judging anyone,never would. Was just wondering what everyone's opinion on the matter was. Personally it doesn't matter to me, we all have reasons for been here, even ones who have partners that don't know they're here.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't meet anyone who is cheating it's just our preference. We don't want to cause problems for another couples relationship, if they are aware then it's all good.
As someone mentioned above, if you're not happy in your relationship then end it. There are people who have their partners permission to fulfil their sexual needs and I believe whatever makes your relationship work is the right thing for each individual couple.
If you're here cheating "just for fun", I'm more focused on the fact that there is another person in your life who is unaware you're here. That to me shows you don't have respect for your partner and you're wasting their time even being with them. |
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Not judging anyone’s decision or situation, but we wouldn’t meet with an attached person.
Just not our thing.
We can do without the bad karma, the possible negative repercussions (if the partner were to find out), and the logistical barriers. For clarity, logistical barriers are that they are restricted on when they can chat or meet, or the fact that drinks or a hotel play may not suit because they’d be worried about the bank statement.
Just our view
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"Not judging anyone’s decision or situation, but we wouldn’t meet with an attached person.
Just not our thing.
We can do without the bad karma, the possible negative repercussions (if the partner were to find out), and the logistical barriers. For clarity, logistical barriers are that they are restricted on when they can chat or meet, or the fact that drinks or a hotel play may not suit because they’d be worried about the bank statement.
Just our view
"
This 
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Everyone is on here for different reasons but we never ask anyone personal questions as their private life is THEIR private life so once we get along and enjoy somebody's company that's enough for us |
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This is a sticky subject on the Irish forum. It comes up a lot. I can see people have strong opinions, and often are taking a moral standpoint and judging others who don't share the same moral view of the world. On the UK and France forums it's debated differently, laid back, with no moralising, so it's easier to have an open discussion about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally outside of fab we all have private lives that we keep separate. No one should judge others whether they are here single or attached. Each to their own x |
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Wouldnt knowingly meet someone cheating and would absolutely make judgements about them in my mind. They are disrespecting the person in their life that they should be cherishing. Be honest to your partner. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I understand there are lots of different reasons for people looking for extra things out of their relationship, I don't judge, but if I can avoid a person who is playing away I would. Obviously not everybody is honest, but I wouldn't knowingly enable somebody to cheat even though their reasons are not my business.
I just don't want to be part of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great thread, here's my tuppence worth, based on personal experience...
Im attached, she doesnt know Im here. Setting aside the "Why?" as its 100% my own business, I joined Fab a while ago to explore the scene. I have been to Vanilla once, as a single male, which was an incredible experience and I made it to a few M&G socials which were nerve wracking but enjoyable overall. I mixed and mingled with some absolutely lovely people, all experienced Fabbers who picked up on my Newbie status and made me feel very welcome. I will be forever thankful to all of them, they know who they are xxx
I was open about my "attached-ness" and mostly the reaction was "I don't meet attached men" which was cool, understood and respected... each to their own, which is how it should be... This was never a deal breaker and the chats and banter would continue and everyone knew where they stood. Perfect
However, what took me by surprise was the handful of people I met who took serious issue with my attached status and treated me like shite on their shoe within seconds of my disclosing it. The public verbal venom I received from the female half of one couple I chatted to almost had me in tears. So much for an open minded, liberal thinking, non judgemental social scene... lesson learned. That incident left me shook and I withdrew from Fab until very recently.
Anyway, my point is this...
I learned there is a natural hierarchy of "desirability" on the Fab scene and an attached male with an unknowing partner is at the very very bottom of the pile...!!"
Yes and they always will be at the bottom of the pile. Because the very two fundamental things that keep swinging a happy experience are honesty and trust and cheating on an unsuspecting partner are both of them things broken straight up there. If you are happy enough to to be dishonest and cheat on a person, who should matter the most - how can a person you've barely ever met trust you? And why should they?
Also as others expressed - logistical reasons. When you're living a lie you tend to dissapear off radar, cancel last minute a lot more often.
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By *ussieGMan
over a year ago
Ireland |
This subject seems to come up on a monthly basis I’ll give you a different perspective . Firstly , I am here without my partners knowledge . I have tried absolutely everything to reignite the physical interaction we have . We have been for counselling , breaks away , lots of one on one time , anything you can think of to no avail , she has broken down on several occasions citing that she just doesn’t know what’s wrong with her . I then feel guilty for even attempting to bring it up , especially after learning some information from before we met which has had a huge influence on our situation.
For my own mental health I’ve decided to go down this route. I,for a long time felt there was something wrong with me .
Anyways for anyone who thinks it’s as easy as having a conversation with your other half , it’s not . I understand many will judge and that’s fine .There are plenty of both sexes who are playing without their partners knowledge . Many of them just don’t interact with the forums . Every situation is different .
It’s a short life we live , I’ve decided I’d rather try find someone who understands the situation rather than condemns it . I’ve had plenty of abuse but I’ve also met some really nice people who themselves are in similar situations .
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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago
South Dublin Area |
We use to have no issue with it, then having talked to a few people and become more experienced, we realized it was most definitely not for us.
But Missus explained it best in her last post and if you happened to listen to Dermot Whelan on Today Fm a few back he described being on the lifestyle perfectly.
The level of Trust required in a relationship to do this is beyond most relationships, thats why the majority of couples we have met are so close. Cheating on your other half no matter what the situation goes against everything that makes the majority of couples explore the scene in the first place.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not judging anyone’s decision or situation, but we wouldn’t meet with an attached person.
Just not our thing.
We can do without the bad karma, the possible negative repercussions (if the partner were to find out), and the logistical barriers. For clarity, logistical barriers are that they are restricted on when they can chat or meet, or the fact that drinks or a hotel play may not suit because they’d be worried about the bank statement.
Just our view
"
perfectly stated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some times I play on my own it helps because if I can't get satisfaction at home but do somewhere else I won't leave, at this point of my life sex is important but I love her but it works for us |
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"It's a swingers site so the vast majority of members are attached to each other, FB's, playmates etc so both parties are obviously aware of what's going on in their relationship and more than happy with the set-up / situation.
However, I can't stand people who sneak around behind their "wife's, partner's or other half back and cheat on them.
If you are not happy in a relationship, then just end it, otherwise it will cause no end of trouble, pain and hurt for the other person, their families and friends and more than likely a huge amount of strife for the person who's cheating."
Well said |
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attached guy or FWB couple whose partner's do not know about it is not for us. Beyond that its your own business and happy to chat and conversation just nothing further.
Its good to have manners at the end of the day. |
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Holy Moly... this thread is as divisive as asking "Who else LOVES Donald Trump..?" 
I too swear by Karma... be nice to others, pay it forward, live and let live... its all good.
I'm here for reasons way too complex for a public forum but yet, here I am.
Look, maybe my partner knows Im here but I let on she doesn't because I get my kicks from the haters judging me... who knows? Fabbers certainly don't... Fabbers know what I let them know... that is 100% my choice.
"Each to their own" should never be followed with a "but..." |
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"Everyone is on here for different reasons but we never ask anyone personal questions as their private life is THEIR private life so once we get along and enjoy somebody's company that's enough for us "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Holy Moly... this thread is as divisive as asking "Who else LOVES Donald Trump..?"
I too swear by Karma... be nice to others, pay it forward, live and let live... its all good.
I'm here for reasons way too complex for a public forum but yet, here I am.
Look, maybe my partner knows Im here but I let on she doesn't because I get my kicks from the haters judging me... who knows? Fabbers certainly don't... Fabbers know what I let them know... that is 100% my choice.
"Each to their own" should never be followed with a "but...""
"Fabbers know what I let them know"
"I get my kicks from people who judge me"
"Wow this thread is divisive"
Now reading this I pictured a scenario:
If I were to confess that I'm secretly stealing money from a pensioner (just an example of a thing that is generally morally wrong). Everybody would start judging me, but they don't know my situation. They don't know that the pensioner in question may be a horrible human being and stolen money is donated to some noble, selfless cause, so I get my kicks out of seeing how judgemental everyone is by withholding information that technically makes me kind of a decent human again.
And yes, Some will say "well, I don't know your story, so I'm not here to judge" while others will treat me like shit on a shoe.
You are who you are OP and you do what you want to do. We are all grown ups here.
Certain actions get certain reactions. There's no need to get upset about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So what is everyone's opinion on men/women who have partners, married or just a relationship, but they come on here looking for some extra fun that they aren't getting at home? Would that put you off meeting someone or would it matter to you? "
Yes. I don't ever meet attached or married peeps for many reasons, never have & never will.
. firstly I don't want to part-take in a cheating game
. An attached guys time is very limited, they seem to be only able to meet during the day
. I definitely don't want a crazy jealous wife or GF on my back
If a marriage or relationship has become sexless, I really don't understand why the hubby or partner cannot openly discuss & request an open relationship, we all have needs that need to be met.
I so also think a person who forbids their partner from having sexual fun & fulfillment outside of a sexless relationship are very selfish, narrow-minded & being totally unreasonable. It's fked up in my opinion. |
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"Holy Moly... this thread is as divisive as asking "Who else LOVES Donald Trump..?"
I too swear by Karma... be nice to others, pay it forward, live and let live... its all good.
I'm here for reasons way too complex for a public forum but yet, here I am.
Look, maybe my partner knows Im here but I let on she doesn't because I get my kicks from the haters judging me... who knows? Fabbers certainly don't... Fabbers know what I let them know... that is 100% my choice.
"Each to their own" should never be followed with a "but...""
Lol Karma doesnt mean live and let live. It means doing the right thing, treating people kindly and fairly, and doing what you say you will do... and if you do that then good things will happen to you in return. Thats kind of the opposite of what youre doing when you cheat on your partner.
"Each to their own" is also incompatible with the idea of Karma where you are encouraged to do good deeds for others rather than thinking always about yourself.
Your philosophy is rather flawed. |
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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago
South Dublin Area |
"Holy Moly... this thread is as divisive as asking "Who else LOVES Donald Trump..?"
I too swear by Karma... be nice to others, pay it forward, live and let live... its all good.
I'm here for reasons way too complex for a public forum but yet, here I am.
Look, maybe my partner knows Im here but I let on she doesn't because I get my kicks from the haters judging me... who knows? Fabbers certainly don't... Fabbers know what I let them know... that is 100% my choice.
"Each to their own" should never be followed with a "but..."
Lol Karma doesnt mean live and let live. It means doing the right thing, treating people kindly and fairly, and doing what you say you will do... and if you do that then good things will happen to you in return. Thats kind of the opposite of what youre doing when you cheat on your partner.
"Each to their own" is also incompatible with the idea of Karma where you are encouraged to do good deeds for others rather than thinking always about yourself.
Your philosophy is rather flawed."
Spot on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So what is everyone's opinion on men/women who have partners, married or just a relationship, but they come on here looking for some extra fun that they aren't getting at home? Would that put you off meeting someone or would it matter to you? "
I don't have an opinion,I don't care tbh who fucks who,I don't care what anyone's situation is, I came here for fun,it's swing. That's basically what anyone should be really thinking about "having fun" I just decided to post cos I felt left out in given a big spiel on an opinion that really should not matter and no one will give a fuck in the end. Everyone should just enjoy and have fun an fuck what anyone thinks, including my comment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has a reason to be here....some are cheating, some are playing with permission. But too many people turn into Jeremy Kyle and rush to judgement. Be honest, if its not for just say "no thanks" and part on good terms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding."
Gotta agree with you there. You either piss in a swimming pool or you don't. And you're either okay with a person pissing in a swimming pool and you swim along or you're not okay and walk away. Reasons are irrelevant.
Nobody owes anybody an explanation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding.
Gotta agree with you there. You either piss in a swimming pool or you don't. And you're either okay with a person pissing in a swimming pool and you swim along or you're not okay and walk away. Reasons are irrelevant.
Nobody owes anybody an explanation. "
Interesting analogy.
Never thought you were into water sports Missus...  |
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"Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding.
Gotta agree with you there. You either piss in a swimming pool or you don't. And you're either okay with a person pissing in a swimming pool and you swim along or you're not okay and walk away. Reasons are irrelevant.
Nobody owes anybody an explanation. "
Is anyone ever happy to swim in a pissy pool?  |
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"Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding.
Gotta agree with you there. You either piss in a swimming pool or you don't. And you're either okay with a person pissing in a swimming pool and you swim along or you're not okay and walk away. Reasons are irrelevant.
Nobody owes anybody an explanation.
Is anyone ever happy to swim in a pissy pool? "
Well I like the auld saying "Out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to swimming in a swimming pool. Best not think about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most will say they won't judge and it's because it'll effect them if they do, either by not getting it or others snapping back. We also say it's not black and white, but yes some aspects are black and white, for example cheating is. You're either cheating or you're not, the reasons might be acceptable by some and not by others, but it's still cheating and the consequences can be deviation. Those who hide behind the 'its not my problem' are just being naïve as they end up being part of it and making it theirs by indulging themselves too. They may not get caught but as the officer said, "you're getting 6 points and a fine because you got caught speeding, not because you were speeding.
Gotta agree with you there. You either piss in a swimming pool or you don't. And you're either okay with a person pissing in a swimming pool and you swim along or you're not okay and walk away. Reasons are irrelevant.
Nobody owes anybody an explanation.
Interesting analogy.
Never thought you were into water sports Missus... "
I'm into a lot of things  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm going off topic here but think it's important as it's so often misquoted, misunderstood and has been twisted to fit our culture to imply people get what they deserve.
It has little if anything to do with “fate”, which is how it's often perceived in the west. This is largely due to a misguided idea that we need something outside ourselves in order to be happy.
If you do something negative, it doesn’t mean that something negative has to happen to you to “even it all out”.
Karma is actually based on your actions and thoughts through every single moment of your life. It's quite simply an ENERGY, created by our intentional thoughts and actions. (Which makes it very hard to control and avoid) I can't Tate this enough, it has nothing to do with reward or punishment. Karma is unbiased but we can control it.
So it's about us not about others, though many if us wish it were, its an action not a result, which is what many hope for.
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This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest."
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest.
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences."
When I said I don't judge I meant I don't judge other people for being on here if they are attached or not. It is nothing to do with me if they are or not or why they are on here. People act like relationships are black and white and its easy to just leave when in reality it is not.And yes I am single before I get crap and no I have never cheated in a relationship but I have been extremely miserable in one and it took me years to be able to make the move to leave luckily I didn't have children or a mortgage taht I wa tied into or any matter of other things I may have stayed in it.That is why I don't judge people for being on here. Not that I should have to explain my reasons to anyone.
As for judging other things of course I do. I'm not going to meet people who I have nothing in common with or who are pushy etc. So there is that honest enough for ye. |
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"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest.
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences.
When I said I don't judge I meant I don't judge other people for being on here if they are attached or not. It is nothing to do with me if they are or not or why they are on here. People act like relationships are black and white and its easy to just leave when in reality it is not.And yes I am single before I get crap and no I have never cheated in a relationship but I have been extremely miserable in one and it took me years to be able to make the move to leave luckily I didn't have children or a mortgage taht I wa tied into or any matter of other things I may have stayed in it.That is why I don't judge people for being on here. Not that I should have to explain my reasons to anyone.
As for judging other things of course I do. I'm not going to meet people who I have nothing in common with or who are pushy etc. So there is that honest enough for ye. "
Good post Bo
Nice to see some people understand that there are a lot of grey areas/circumstances. |
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Clearly you have standards that you set for yourself Bo because you chose not to cheat on your partner when you were in a very difficult situation. Personally I understand that, and I dont cheat because I hate the idea if bringing such hirt and massive breach of trust on my loved one, and potentially damaging our relationship. I also dont want to be the potential cause of that pain for someone elses partner just for a little thrill.. and I would think less of someone who didnt care about damaging other people in this way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest.
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences.
When I said I don't judge I meant I don't judge other people for being on here if they are attached or not. It is nothing to do with me if they are or not or why they are on here. People act like relationships are black and white and its easy to just leave when in reality it is not.And yes I am single before I get crap and no I have never cheated in a relationship but I have been extremely miserable in one and it took me years to be able to make the move to leave luckily I didn't have children or a mortgage taht I wa tied into or any matter of other things I may have stayed in it.That is why I don't judge people for being on here. Not that I should have to explain my reasons to anyone.
As for judging other things of course I do. I'm not going to meet people who I have nothing in common with or who are pushy etc. So there is that honest enough for ye.
Good post Bo
Nice to see some people understand that there are a lot of grey areas/circumstances. "
Please show me anyone in this post who has said their are no grey areas as in dificulties?
No has shown the dificulties, but also demonstrated that there's a difference between that and cheating.
We all know that, but if you're saying cheating is not wrong because their are grey areas then all you're doing is moving goal posts because you're not hitting the target. Once you start, then you'll always keep moving them. The posts aren't the issue.
However if cheating isn't wrong then there is no issues.
So are you saying cheating isn't wrong? Or is it only wrong is some issues and not others? I'm sure few will venture to say otherwise. There are still many grey areas in as much that it's always complicated and difficult in a sexless partnerships, and no one has said otherwise, but it's black and white as far as cheating is concerned. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest.
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences.
When I said I don't judge I meant I don't judge other people for being on here if they are attached or not. It is nothing to do with me if they are or not or why they are on here. People act like relationships are black and white and its easy to just leave when in reality it is not.And yes I am single before I get crap and no I have never cheated in a relationship but I have been extremely miserable in one and it took me years to be able to make the move to leave luckily I didn't have children or a mortgage taht I wa tied into or any matter of other things I may have stayed in it.That is why I don't judge people for being on here. Not that I should have to explain my reasons to anyone.
As for judging other things of course I do. I'm not going to meet people who I have nothing in common with or who are pushy etc. So there is that honest enough for ye.
Good post Bo
Nice to see some people understand that there are a lot of grey areas/circumstances.
Please show me anyone in this post who has said their are no grey areas as in dificulties?
No has shown the dificulties, but also demonstrated that there's a difference between that and cheating.
We all know that, but if you're saying cheating is not wrong because their are grey areas then all you're doing is moving goal posts because you're not hitting the target. Once you start, then you'll always keep moving them. The posts aren't the issue.
However if cheating isn't wrong then there is no issues.
So are you saying cheating isn't wrong? Or is it only wrong is some issues and not others? I'm sure few will venture to say otherwise. There are still many grey areas in as much that it's always complicated and difficult in a sexless partnerships, and no one has said otherwise, but it's black and white as far as cheating is concerned."
That's your opinion and you are entitled to it just like I am mine. I prefer to listen to what people say rather than just be sitting on a pedestal looking down on others. Yes in a perfect world people wouldn't cheat but we don't live in that world.
I think it's really simple if you don't want to meet people who are playing away don't. But there's no need to put them down either. Just the same as people with certain kinks are looked down on. Etc. Do fab your own way but don't try and make out others who do it differently are somehow below you because no one is. I'm done on this now and won't be commenting anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This idea about not judging people is bullshit. Everyone judges everyone. We constantly make decisions about how trustworthy people are. We judge who we tell personal information to, about who we let babysit our kids, about who we lend to or who we borrow from, or who we promise to be faithful to.
It's important that we judge, because otherwise we will be taken advantage of by people who will betray or take advantage of us.
Someone who didnt judge others would make terrible decisions.
Let's be a bit more honest.
Finally someone who's honest and understands. I shake my head at those who say net judge or worse still they never judge.
Our mind is wired to judge, it's how we make any decision. Some may not express it but they judge just the same.
I think this idea just comes from the idea we don't want or like the idea if others judging us, as if they do we can't do whatever we want because it'll have some consequences.
When I said I don't judge I meant I don't judge other people for being on here if they are attached or not. It is nothing to do with me if they are or not or why they are on here. People act like relationships are black and white and its easy to just leave when in reality it is not.And yes I am single before I get crap and no I have never cheated in a relationship but I have been extremely miserable in one and it took me years to be able to make the move to leave luckily I didn't have children or a mortgage taht I wa tied into or any matter of other things I may have stayed in it.That is why I don't judge people for being on here. Not that I should have to explain my reasons to anyone.
As for judging other things of course I do. I'm not going to meet people who I have nothing in common with or who are pushy etc. So there is that honest enough for ye.
Good post Bo
Nice to see some people understand that there are a lot of grey areas/circumstances.
Please show me anyone in this post who has said their are no grey areas as in dificulties?
No has shown the dificulties, but also demonstrated that there's a difference between that and cheating.
We all know that, but if you're saying cheating is not wrong because their are grey areas then all you're doing is moving goal posts because you're not hitting the target. Once you start, then you'll always keep moving them. The posts aren't the issue.
However if cheating isn't wrong then there is no issues.
So are you saying cheating isn't wrong? Or is it only wrong is some issues and not others? I'm sure few will venture to say otherwise. There are still many grey areas in as much that it's always complicated and difficult in a sexless partnerships, and no one has said otherwise, but it's black and white as far as cheating is concerned.
That's your opinion and you are entitled to it just like I am mine. I prefer to listen to what people say rather than just be sitting on a pedestal looking down on others. Yes in a perfect world people wouldn't cheat but we don't live in that world.
I think it's really simple if you don't want to meet people who are playing away don't. But there's no need to put them down either. Just the same as people with certain kinks are looked down on. Etc. Do fab your own way but don't try and make out others who do it differently are somehow below you because no one is. I'm done on this now and won't be commenting anymore. "
No pedestal here, just as yourself clarifying the confusion I'm getting on here between complicated and therefore it not cheating. The only black and white I see is what cheating is. It's just that. Some say it's ok others dont, but it hardly changes the colour of it. |
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"I think everyone has their own reasons for being on here and I understand everything isn't black and white. So I don't judge anyone for being in here.If I like someone and get on with them then I will meet them."
This |
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"I think everyone has their own reasons for being on here and I understand everything isn't black and white. So I don't judge anyone for being in here.If I like someone and get on with them then I will meet them.
This "
Of course everyone has their reasons for being here. Some would be rooted in growth and passion and love... other rooted in deceit frustration and disloyalty. Everyone needs to look at themselves and choose what they are comfortable with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So what is everyone's opinion on men/women who have partners, married or just a relationship, but they come on here looking for some extra fun that they aren't getting at home? Would that put you off meeting someone or would it matter to you? "
It matters to me yes. But each to their own. I for one was cheated on so know the feeling and wouldn't wish it on any1. And most guys will say they careful and she wont find out...but i say never underestimate the FBI skills of a woman lol. But like i say each to their own...but not for me. I dont need the complication |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree 100% no loyalty or honesty with people that stray "
.
Agree but each to their own. Plus i need _o hassle at my door r a reason for breaking up a family. |
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