FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Dad jokes
Dad jokes
Jump to: Newest in thread
I'll get my coat | |||
...I get asked that all the time here  | |||
| |||
"Do you like dragons?... Yes? Cos I'm gonna be dragon my balls across your face lol" Lol that one got me blocked  | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
  | |||
| |||
| |||
He said, “But dad, your name is Tim.”
I said, “I know son, but I was named AFTER Gandhi" 
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night....I should have put it on aloha setting" did you hear about the gay Australian who couldn't get out of Sydney  | |||
| |||
| |||
" When you're out with your Dad and an ambulance goes past... "He'll never sell any feckin ice-creams going that fast!" ...ahhh, there's nothing like an Irish Dad "Confucius says he who farted in church sitting in own pew | |||
| |||
is at a magical staircase that’s 100 steps high. At the top of the stairs are untold riches, but in order to get to the top, you have to hear a joke from each individual stair and not laugh. If you laugh at any joke, you can’t go any higher. The jokes start off lame, but get progressively funnier
The first joke comes and Dizzy diva is stoic 
Second...
Third....
Not even a smile  ...
The cute Diva gets to the 99th step and before the step even tells the joke bursts out laughing
“Why are you laughing, I haven’t even told the joke!”
Dizzy D wiped away tears of laughter and replies...
“Hey, I just got the first one!” | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I was pulling my boxers off at the end of the bed and the wife says you really spoil those dogs! " Hahaha oh my god | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Two elephants fell off of a cliff... Boom boom.... " What's white and slides across the dancefloor..... Cum Dancing | |||
| |||
"Two elephants fell off of a cliff... Boom boom.... What's white and slides across the dancefloor..... Cum Dancing " I'm going to use that one
My local paper had a competition for the best pun. I sent in ten entries hoping one of them would win.
Unfortunately no pun in ten did.... | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"A store that sells new husbands has opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow." She thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me." She exclaims. "I can hardly stand it." Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. ??????" John Wayne was walking with his dog by the cliff and the fell off he said dog gone | |||
"A store that sells new husbands has opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow." She thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me." She exclaims. "I can hardly stand it." Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. ??????John Wayne was walking with his dog by the cliff and the fell off he said dog gone "My grandfather would still be swinging today as he alway made love to the sound of the Church bells , If that fucking fire engine had not gone by lol  | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
"Did you know pigeons die after sex???...... Well the ones I fucked did anyway " Aww poor pigeons | |||
"My wife told me to cheer up, it could be worse. She said I could be stuck in a hole in the ground filled with water. I know she means well. " Mickey | |||
"A store that sells new husbands has opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow." She thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me." She exclaims. "I can hardly stand it." Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. ??????" Love it! | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
