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Entertain me please :-D

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

Bored senseless here...tell me a story, a joke, whatever!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Knock Knock

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By *oeDolansBrotherMan over a year ago

South county

"Bored senseless here...tell me a story, a joke, whatever!"

You hear the one about the three blondes that walked into a building? You’d think one of them would have seen.

Any blondes around?

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

"Knock Knock"

Who’s there?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Me Put the Kettle on i brought the Biscuits lol x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jaffa.... Are you a cake or a biscuit?

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

A cake unless you work for revenue

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

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By *ealitybitesMan over a year ago

Belfast

It's a 5 minute walk from here to the pub but a 40 minute walk from the pub to here. The difference is staggering!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love the Jelly off A Jaffa

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By *atherjackhackettMan over a year ago

Tipperary

"Bored senseless here...tell me a story, a joke, whatever!"

What's the difference between an egg and a wank...?

You can beat an egg

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

Wow! Every fab day is a school day!

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By *umpkinnMan over a year ago

Dublin

I'm just watching "Living with yourself" on netflix, it's very funny. Maybe give it a go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

Mrs here ... love your cakes! Bring one up to Greystones some weekend and you won't be bored

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My joke is - I'm in bed already and have to get up 1am

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

Mrs here ... love your cakes! Bring one up to Greystones some weekend and you won't be bored

I’ll have to keep that in mind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Your definitely an accountant

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

Mrs here ... love your cakes! Bring one up to Greystones some weekend and you won't be bored

I’ll have to keep that in mind

Please do... Sir would love an extra sub to play with...

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By *attooYouMan over a year ago

just about northside

The Irish team were like the man that fell out of the hot air balloon, they just weren't in it.

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

One I saw earlier.

How much calcium is in a french kiss?

Enough to make a bone grow 6 inches

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

I was sexually active at 12.

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me!

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By *outh_of_EdenMan over a year ago

fota

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

Really?

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

The DUP have pulled out at the last minute.

Ironically, very much in line with the Catholic church's teachings

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Aer lingus" was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Aer Lingus?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to me .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Aer Lingus's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to Premier Class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a multi million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said "Who fucked up your hair?"

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

A Woman Was out Golfing One Day when She Hit the Ball into the Woods:

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her. "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said. "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes."

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said. "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her. "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."

The woman replied. "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said. "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said. "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, ABRA-KADA-BRA-KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers:

Please scroll down!

...

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen! Now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love....????

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Sean Connery was interviewed by Parkinson, and bragged that despite his elderly years, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with you. Let’s go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that wash good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I’m shleeping, hold my ballsh in your left hand and my cock in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that wash wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my ballsh in your left hand, and my cock in your right hand." Cilla is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your cock in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I slept with a shcouser, she shtole ma wallet." ????????????????????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

The opposite

Jaffa cakes are a cake

13.5% vat rather than 21%

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.

The lady nurse asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

My wife says that I only have two faults.

That I don't listen and some other shite that she was rattling on about

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By *affa31 OP Woman over a year ago

Galway

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

The opposite

Jaffa cakes are a cake

13.5% vat rather than 21%

Oops. They’re definitely cakes though...they go hard when stale while biscuits go soft when stale.

And now to wait for all the puns

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By *ohndunboyneMan over a year ago

Dunboyne & Dublin

"A cake unless you work for revenue

Why? Do the revenue not like cakes?

Jaffa’s are classified as a biscuit as there’s no tax on biscuits but there is on cakes

The opposite

Jaffa cakes are a cake

13.5% vat rather than 21%

Oops. They’re definitely cakes though...they go hard when stale while biscuits go soft when stale.

And now to wait for all the puns"

Wishing I'd gone hard once I passed 50

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bored senseless here...tell me a story, a joke, whatever!"

What do you get if you cross a hippopotamous with a frog?

...a BIG splash.....!

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By *hechapMan over a year ago

Derry

A farmer sent his son out to the milking parlour to do the milking.

A while later the farmer goes into the parlour and catches the son standing naked in a wheel barrow having sex with one of the cows.

The farmer was embarrased and didnt know what to do so he just gave a loud cough and said how are you getting on son? Is there anything i can do to help?

The son replied yes dad it would be great if you can wheel me down to the next cow... thanks

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