FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Rock. Hard Place. Is there a way out?
Rock. Hard Place. Is there a way out?
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Is this an unsolvable problem?
Here's the scenario:
Was chatting to a girl on fab. We agreed we were attracted to each other. During the conversation it became known that there was another girl on my hotlist that girl number 1 knew.
Girl number 1 messages girl number 2 to let her know (unknown to me). Girl number 2 messages me as I'm still chatting to girl number 1 to inform me that I have her on my hotlist.
Suddenly second conversation starts with girl number 2. Before long it's apparent that there is mutual attraction there too.
Dilemma: what do I do..? They are both attractive. I'd like to meet both. But it feels like I'd be "betraying" girl number 1 by going any further with girl 2, although to then snub her would be rude and potentially limiting to my chances with girl 1 as they obviously talk to each other - maybe even as I'm talking with them both right now.
So conscience takes over and I spill to each that I am talking to the other and I find them both attractive but I was talking to girl 1 first. I admit that selfishly it would be great to meet them both individually but that I am in a dilemma and don't want to offend either.
Both stop messaging. Terminal. Flat line.
What did I do wrong and how should this have been handled?? |
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"Have you ever heard about 3sum MFF?
Cause... As per what you said... It seems that's what girl number 1 prepared for you 
"
Would you believe she did actually make a joke about that...? At least, I thought it was a joke... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You probably did nothing wrong OP. As a matter of fact you probably saved yourself a lot of time, as they both seem to have been playing a game at your experience and basically wasting your time for their own amusement. |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Is this an unsolvable problem?
Here's the scenario:
Was chatting to a girl on fab. We agreed we were attracted to each other. During the conversation it became known that there was another girl on my hotlist that girl number 1 knew.
Girl number 1 messages girl number 2 to let her know (unknown to me). Girl number 2 messages me as I'm still chatting to girl number 1 to inform me that I have her on my hotlist.
Suddenly second conversation starts with girl number 2. Before long it's apparent that there is mutual attraction there too.
Dilemma: what do I do..? They are both attractive. I'd like to meet both. But it feels like I'd be "betraying" girl number 1 by going any further with girl 2, although to then snub her would be rude and potentially limiting to my chances with girl 1 as they obviously talk to each other - maybe even as I'm talking with them both right now.
So conscience takes over and I spill to each that I am talking to the other and I find them both attractive but I was talking to girl 1 first. I admit that selfishly it would be great to meet them both individually but that I am in a dilemma and don't want to offend either.
Both stop messaging. Terminal. Flat line.
What did I do wrong and how should this have been handled??"
Send them both to me 
Jayus joe i think u done well to consider both girls possible outlooks on this and handled it in an manner that i would have thought could only work well for all three fab as nd women will never cease to amaze Nd baffle us mere men |
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"Has happened to me twice. It’s really quite easy to explain. It’s called WOMEN!!
This reminds me of the Star Trek film where Kirk gets the no win scenario.... Kobiashi Maru  "
Kirk would do them both .
But honestly I'd say be honest with them tell girl number 1 about girl number two mailing you. It may be a case of friendly rivalry. With girl number 2 trying to usurp girl number 1. |
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"Has happened to me twice. It’s really quite easy to explain. It’s called WOMEN!!
This reminds me of the Star Trek film where Kirk gets the no win scenario.... Kobiashi Maru "
Very perceptive. KIRK would have know how to handle these 2. He didn’t take any shit from women |
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Made my head hurt reading.
I'd have asked girl 2 where she heard it, and when she told me from girl 1, I would have said thanks, then blocked them both for talking about me.
As for why they both went missing, who knows, can be as simple as a coincidence, or maybe the initial heat of the scenario fizzled out for them the next day.
I tried to guess the lotto numbers with my psychic powers and only got the bonus ball, my friend with no psychic powers got 3 numbers. So I am at a very low point with this stuff. |
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"Is this an unsolvable problem?
Here's the scenario:
Was chatting to a girl on fab. We agreed we were attracted to each other. During the conversation it became known that there was another girl on my hotlist that girl number 1 knew.
Girl number 1 messages girl number 2 to let her know (unknown to me). Girl number 2 messages me as I'm still chatting to girl number 1 to inform me that I have her on my hotlist.
Suddenly second conversation starts with girl number 2. Before long it's apparent that there is mutual attraction there too.
Dilemma: what do I do..? They are both attractive. I'd like to meet both. But it feels like I'd be "betraying" girl number 1 by going any further with girl 2, although to then snub her would be rude and potentially limiting to my chances with girl 1 as they obviously talk to each other - maybe even as I'm talking with them both right now.
So conscience takes over and I spill to each that I am talking to the other and I find them both attractive but I was talking to girl 1 first. I admit that selfishly it would be great to meet them both individually but that I am in a dilemma and don't want to offend either.
Both stop messaging. Terminal. Flat line.
What did I do wrong and how should this have been handled??"
Ok. So I’ve solved it . I was frivolous earlier . This HAS happened to me. They are both the same woman. Checking up on you. When it happened to me, she actually made up 5 profiles and messaged me. But she had a way of messaging that was like a fingerprint. Just sheer jealousy m8 |
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"I’m confused, why does it matter you were chatting to both of them? Why would it matter who you were chatting to first?"
In my mind, because girl 1 "introduced" me to girl 2. And if they are friends would one of them not be pissed off if I chose one over the other or tried to meet them both and they would think that i'm just a greedy prick..? |
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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago
wherever |
"I’m confused, why does it matter you were chatting to both of them? Why would it matter who you were chatting to first?
In my mind, because girl 1 "introduced" me to girl 2. And if they are friends would one of them not be pissed off if I chose one over the other or tried to meet them both and they would think that i'm just a greedy prick..?"
It’s fab no such thing as being greedy. Unless you were goin to cancel an arranged meet with one to meet the other. That wouldn’t be cool |
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"I’m confused, why does it matter you were chatting to both of them? Why would it matter who you were chatting to first?
In my mind, because girl 1 "introduced" me to girl 2. And if they are friends would one of them not be pissed off if I chose one over the other or tried to meet them both and they would think that i'm just a greedy prick..?
It’s fab no such thing as being greedy. Unless you were goin to cancel an arranged meet with one to meet the other. That wouldn’t be cool"
It never got beyond the "I'm talking with your friend and think she's attractive too" admission... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you did anything wrong here. You were honest and upfront, and if more men behaved the way u did, fab would be a nicer place.
The fact is that every woman has her own boundaries when it comes to swinging. Some will "share" men with their friends happily. Others find that too close to home for comfort. The likely scenario is that the women in this case are close and decided to both step away from you to avoid any competition between them. I've done this with friends of mine lots. If that is what happened, then it's not at all a negative reflection on you. You just got unlucky this time buddy! |
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WTF?
So you were getting on well with a lady and then ye started discussing another lady?
Am I the only one going  
You talk to the lady who is actually engaging you in conversation and go with that as far as it goes.
If you separately talk to the other lady, you never mention any other lady.
If they talk between themselves, it's not something that should come up before, at the very least, for you, a coffee meet.
Or am I being stupid?
Sounds like you screwed the pooch here and end up with no fun.
Yes, it's a swinger site but at least meet and play with someone before discussing others
Or am I missing something? |
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"Made my head hurt reading.
I'd have asked girl 2 where she heard it, and when she told me from girl 1, I would have said thanks, then blocked them both for talking about me.
As for why they both went missing, who knows, can be as simple as a coincidence, or maybe the initial heat of the scenario fizzled out for them the next day.
I tried to guess the lotto numbers with my psychic powers and only got the bonus ball, my friend with no psychic powers got 3 numbers. So I am at a very low point with this stuff."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is as a swinging site so the object is to meet multiple people no??! 
If everyone only spoke to one person at a time we would have alot more poor me threads
The fact they stopped talking to you kind of suggests to me that you dodged a future bullet op!
Mrs  |
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"I don't think you did anything wrong here. You were honest and upfront, and if more men behaved the way u did, fab would be a nicer place.
The fact is that every woman has her own boundaries when it comes to swinging. Some will "share" men with their friends happily. Others find that too close to home for comfort. The likely scenario is that the women in this case are close and decided to both step away from you to avoid any competition between them. I've done this with friends of mine lots. If that is what happened, then it's not at all a negative reflection on you. You just got unlucky this time buddy! "
Thinking the same. I wouldnt share a bloke with any of my good friends. Real friends are few and far between and just wouldnt sit right with me. Acquaintance's from fab then that's different |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Sounds like a lot of fab kindergarten to me.
Joe, seriously you dodged two bullets in one go, you're a lucky man, you should play the Euro millions tonight.
It went wrong when you disclosed to woman no 1 who's on your hotlist. Not of anyone's business but yours.  |
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"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to. "
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there.. |
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"Sounds like a lot of fab kindergarten to me.
Joe, seriously you dodged two bullets in one go, you're a lucky man, you should play the Euro millions tonight.
It went wrong when you disclosed to woman no 1 who's on your hotlist. Not of anyone's business but yours. "
Can't go in to specifics but the disclosure was not completely voluntary. But you are right: after that I couldn't influence what happened between them in terms of their conversation.. |
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"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to.
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there.."
Don't worry about it, multiple meets, multiple women on the go, the past week. I know you're just trying to let them both know that nothing malicious happened, that's all you can do really, and not worry about it too much, cause just chatting to two girls is better than most guys can do.
Im sure you will have another meet before I do for instance so really try not to get too down about it. |
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"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to.
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there..
Don't worry about it, multiple meets, multiple women on the go, the past week. I know you're just trying to let them both know that nothing malicious happened, that's all you can do really, and not worry about it too much, cause just chatting to two girls is better than most guys can do.
Im sure you will have another meet before I do for instance so really try not to get too down about it."
Thanks D..
Nah, I don't worry about rejections (I'm well used to them!) but was interested to learn how other she would deal with such a scenario.
Personally I get more frustrated with the people who think that fab is (1) exclusive and (2) they should talk with other people and I shouldn't.
It's exhausting. |
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That's just part and parcel of it. All the women want more than "hey let's fuck”, so you give it to them, you give them a bit of chat and get to know them a bit.
Some confuse this for the guy wanting more, when really he's just being decent and well it's a sex site and doesn't want it to go any further.
So then you end up in a place where you have to try protect their feelings, because really you don't want to hurt their feelings.
So through no one's fault it snowballs into a bit of drama. When suddenly they are reminded it's a sex site and they take it out on you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to.
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there.."
How could telling someone who's on your hotlist be unavoidable?
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to.
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there..
How could telling someone who's on your hotlist be unavoidable?
"
I'd say the op walked into a little trap set up by woman no 1 to extract information. It's not rocket science to ask a few questions in the right order to trip someone up. |
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"Easily solved by not discussing other individuals with someone you're chatting to.
I know this will sound vague and unhelpful but it was unavoidable. Then they evidentially messaged each other about me and it snowballed from there..
How could telling someone who's on your hotlist be unavoidable?
I'd say the op walked into a little trap set up by woman no 1 to extract information. It's not rocket science to ask a few questions in the right order to trip someone up. "
It’s exactly what happened to me. Woman A. Woman B. Same woman. Eventually tripped herself up when woman B started going on about stuff that only Woman A knew. Both left fab shortly after. But then Woman C, woman D and woman E appeared one after another. Same woman. Same shit. |
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Weird scenario. Why would anyone mail a third party about you in the first place? If someone mailed me like that, I would see it as lamppost pissing. A passive-aggressive attempt at warning me off chatting to or meeting someone they fancy. |
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"Weird scenario. Why would anyone mail a third party about you in the first place? If someone mailed me like that, I would see it as lamppost pissing. A passive-aggressive attempt at warning me off chatting to or meeting someone they fancy. "
Nah it could have been much more innocent, maybe a slip of the tongue, if the knew each other, maybe even excited about a possible scenario. Can't judge people that harshly without the full story.
Like you could easily twist the story in her favour. She finds out his hotlist, sees a girl she knows on it, "This guy I am chatting to has you hot listed too " the next day she gets a message "That girl messaged me and I am attracted to you both". Never meaning for this scenario to arise, she ghosts, and messages the girl "What are you playing at, I told you that in confidence". Now girl 2 thinks "oh shit, sorry, look I wont talk to him again my bad".
So maybe they are two perfectly normal, perfectly decent swingers and people in general, and they simply ghosted because of how it unfolded and it isnt how they normally do things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m confused, why does it matter you were chatting to both of them? Why would it matter who you were chatting to first?"
I agree....why? We're all here for fun...spread the love lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think you did anything wrong here. You were honest and upfront, and if more men behaved the way u did, fab would be a nicer place.
The fact is that every woman has her own boundaries when it comes to swinging. Some will "share" men with their friends happily. Others find that too close to home for comfort. The likely scenario is that the women in this case are close and decided to both step away from you to avoid any competition between them. I've done this with friends of mine lots. If that is what happened, then it's not at all a negative reflection on you. You just got unlucky this time buddy!
Thinking the same. I wouldnt share a bloke with any of my good friends. Real friends are few and far between and just wouldnt sit right with me. Acquaintance's from fab then that's different "
I totally agree. I have to laugh at everyone here saying "have these girls never heard of swinging". Anybody who's benn swinging for any length of time should have the emotional intelligence to recognise that everyone has unique boundaries that work for them. It doesn't make them non-swingers, just self aware adults.
Me and my close friends have a rule that we don't pursue the same guys at the same time. If my friend is texting a guy I'm into, I'll back off and wait til she's not interested anymore and vice versa. On the other hand, if I'm pursuing a guy and I know he's actively sleeping with other women that I don't personally know, that's no problem for me.
Some people here seem to think that's immature, but Id argue that it's a lot more mature than kidding yourself into thinking that just because you've chosen to swing means that you're exempt from natural human emotions like jealousy or insecurity. We're all human, and some people are just clever enough to know themselves and their limits.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is fab not a dating site. You should be able to have both. If they have an issue with it pick your favourite. "
Em... I think the women in question should also have a say... They're not just his for the picking. |
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"This is fab not a dating site. You should be able to have both. If they have an issue with it pick your favourite.
Em... I think the women in question should also have a say... They're not just his for the picking. "
Erm animals were put on this earth for us to eat and women were put on this Earth to cook them for us men before bending over - duh |
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"I don't think you did anything wrong here. You were honest and upfront, and if more men behaved the way u did, fab would be a nicer place.
The fact is that every woman has her own boundaries when it comes to swinging. Some will "share" men with their friends happily. Others find that too close to home for comfort. The likely scenario is that the women in this case are close and decided to both step away from you to avoid any competition between them. I've done this with friends of mine lots. If that is what happened, then it's not at all a negative reflection on you. You just got unlucky this time buddy!
Thinking the same. I wouldnt share a bloke with any of my good friends. Real friends are few and far between and just wouldnt sit right with me. Acquaintance's from fab then that's different
I totally agree. I have to laugh at everyone here saying "have these girls never heard of swinging". Anybody who's benn swinging for any length of time should have the emotional intelligence to recognise that everyone has unique boundaries that work for them. It doesn't make them non-swingers, just self aware adults.
Me and my close friends have a rule that we don't pursue the same guys at the same time. If my friend is texting a guy I'm into, I'll back off and wait til she's not interested anymore and vice versa. On the other hand, if I'm pursuing a guy and I know he's actively sleeping with other women that I don't personally know, that's no problem for me.
Some people here seem to think that's immature, but Id argue that it's a lot more mature than kidding yourself into thinking that just because you've chosen to swing means that you're exempt from natural human emotions like jealousy or insecurity. We're all human, and some people are just clever enough to know themselves and their limits.
"
Hey ducky, I’m not texting your friends so I’m fair game xx |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
My best mate and I are both on here. We don't meet the same guys on here. Other women I am friendly with on here I don't care if they meet them. But it's just a thing my best mate and I decided on a while ago it doesn't mean we don't understand swinging its just the way we do things. If it happens it is accidental but it hasn't happened yet lol |
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"My best mate and I are both on here. We don't meet the same guys on here. Other women I am friendly with on here I don't care if they meet them. But it's just a thing my best mate and I decided on a while ago it doesn't mean we don't understand swinging its just the way we do things. If it happens it is accidental but it hasn't happened yet lol "
Fancy a 3 some ? Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My head hurts...
I thought the phrase was, “oh what a tangled web we weave when we first start to deceive”... not “OMG, now I know you think another woman is hot I’m gonna burn you”... anyhoo, that aside WTF? My hotlist is longer than Mariah Carey’s rider requests!! It doesn't matter a flying f**k cos most of them are never gonna happen but a girl has to dream!
Dunno how Girl 1 wrangled that info outta you but once she did it could either go one of two ways and sadly it went the wrong way on this occasion. On the flip side it could have been the ultimate fmf. Thems the breaks I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My best mate and I are both on here. We don't meet the same guys on here. Other women I am friendly with on here I don't care if they meet them. But it's just a thing my best mate and I decided on a while ago it doesn't mean we don't understand swinging its just the way we do things. If it happens it is accidental but it hasn't happened yet lol "
Maybe it has and she just didn't tell you |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
My best mate and I are both on here. We don't meet the same guys on here. Other women I am friendly with on here I don't care if they meet them. But it's just a thing my best mate and I decided on a while ago it doesn't mean we don't understand swinging its just the way we do things. If it happens it is accidental but it hasn't happened yet lol
Maybe it has and she just didn't tell you
Hahaha no she'd tell me believe me just like I'd tell her. Our friendship is far more important to us than fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rodeo sex that's what's needed here, while banging girl 2 doggie style you tell her you rode "her fried" girl 1 last night then hold on for as long as you can
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"My best mate and I are both on here. We don't meet the same guys on here. Other women I am friendly with on here I don't care if they meet them. But it's just a thing my best mate and I decided on a while ago it doesn't mean we don't understand swinging its just the way we do things. If it happens it is accidental but it hasn't happened yet lol
Maybe it has and she just didn't tell you "
Ur wicked planting a seed |
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