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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful. |
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By *attooYouMan
over a year ago
just about northside |
"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful."
Well said.  |
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"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful."
Same over the last 15 years I've lost 10 friend to suicide. It's never easy. But when someone is in that dark place few notice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful.
Same over the last 15 years I've lost 10 friend to suicide. It's never easy. But when someone is in that dark place few notice. "
10 is a huge number of mates..condolances to you. |
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"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful.
Same over the last 15 years I've lost 10 friend to suicide. It's never easy. But when someone is in that dark place few notice.
10 is a huge number of mates..condolances to you."
Sadly it is. I've talked a few off the edge so could have been more.
Some had sought professional help which failed them. Going to a hospital for help just to be told you'll be ok. Call this number and talk to them. No follow up no support just left to go to their own devices. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful."
Sometimes they so long hiding the struggle, it's hard to open that door and ask for help, it's get to the stage where they think they are a burden and don't want to ask for help. And the response of sure there is people worse off than you or what have you got to be depressed about only leads to more shame.
The services aren't equipped to deal with the crisis this country is in, but hopefully with all the openness that social media has created people will ask for help. |
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"Few do notice, how do we change this?? Men and outspoken feeling are like oil and water "
The next generation of men seem to be more open about feeling, but our generation and older were always told men don't do this. bottle up them feeling and show no weakness. Which is a load of bolloxs. |
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"It's been an issue for many years with only lip service being paid to it up to a year or two ago. Lost two close reletives to it...its horrendous..loved ones left to wonder what they could have done..no chance to say goodbye..awful awful thing to experience. Start talking...keep talking...open the door and let the demons out. Life is beautiful.
Sometimes they so long hiding the struggle, it's hard to open that door and ask for help, it's get to the stage where they think they are a burden and don't want to ask for help. And the response of sure there is people worse off than you or what have you got to be depressed about only leads to more shame.
The services aren't equipped to deal with the crisis this country is in, but hopefully with all the openness that social media has created people will ask for help."
When people are at that dark place that's how it feels. That the only way is to end it. Because who wants to be a burden? It's sadly how people see themselves at that point.
The country can't deal with it and the health services can't either as there is a lack of properly trained staff in hospitals to deal with these matters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is definitely not enough done, and despite they saying otherwise there is still the stigma there sadly.
The mental health service in this country is a disgrace."
Ya massive stigma, and the attitudes to mental health issues of all kinds and those that suffer from it in this country is still very closed minded....
Just look at the comments about Sinead O Connor on the late late thread this weekend |
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I've never been great at talking about emotions or feelings and always bottled it up.
I've never been at the end of my tether or contemplated self harm but I've had some dark times like so many others.
I've been lucky to find various outlets which have helped including fab and a love of the great outdoors.
If I'd relied on the NHS up here who knows where I'd be now. |
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Its true the newer generation men are more open about stuff. But its not helping them.
The simple fact is, life for men is a massive struggle.
Most are struggling as hard as they can to rent a bedroom somewhere, or to live with their parents. Never mind having down time to work on whatever demons are in them. |
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"Its true the newer generation men are more open about stuff. But its not helping them.
The simple fact is, life for men is a massive struggle.
Most are struggling as hard as they can to rent a bedroom somewhere, or to live with their parents. Never mind having down time to work on whatever demons are in them."
Not trying to belittle anyone with mental health problems, but as someone with ongoing depression and anxiety the fact is that people have to make treatment a priority. Get to the GP, get on meds, do therapy once a week, eat well, sleep well, exercise, make the changes you are being asked to make, do the work. Is it hard? Yes, extremely. Battling your own brain is one of the hardest things on earth to do. But nobody can help if they don't take the first step to helping themselves.
I know several men who suffer from the same mental health issues I do but don't or won't access the help that is available to them, or if they do, they sack it off after a few weeks because they're not instantly cured. It's sad but also frustrating, as someone who's done and is still doing the work.
I know this is all part of toxic masculinity and the fear of being seen as weak - but recognising that isn't enough, you have to break out of that mindset and make the change. |
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Toxic men do not exist.
Proven by the fact that the 15-19 men age range is 5 times more likely to kill themselves. But they are the ones more open and talking more.
Guys are told they are toxic when they dont feel like talking. When truth is they are just normal men with their testosterone running high.
Its impossible to explain to women, but some men just dont see much point in talking. This is 100% their natural state and not a state of being toxic.
These are the guys who forget to say they love you, but sit outside your job in the rain to meet you after work, or walk a mile in the rain to meet you.
I would be classed as toxic, but I am okay with that, the last girl I went on a date with told me to keep being who I am, and not to hold it against her that some women in America burned their bras.
But she wasn't Irish, she was Italian.
Last Irish girl i talked to about going on a date, told me she couldnt date a guy who killed a fish.
Anyway, my point is, if you're feeling depressed and dont want to talk, then go do something and try talk at least a little, cause the talk might lead to actions. And if you try real hard you might be able to turn their advice into actions. But dont feel like youre toxic or a shithead for not wanting to talk. |
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Would it not be society's fault for this so called toxic masculine behavior? Where men are told boys don't cry, Don't show weakness, or man up!.
These are all things that are said to men.
Is it any wonder men are afraid to express themselves.
I agree men do need to open up and get help when needed. But the main issue in this country is getting the help. As many who try are turned away. Told they aren't depressed enough, because they can smile, and that it will pass.
As the saying goes. No one sees the tears of a clown. Many men hide their depression behind humor. But because of this they are seen as not needing help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Younger generation definitely seem more clued in about expressing themselves and their feelings which is good. However thats definitely offset by the pressure put on them by social media to be something or someone they never can.
Also think too many people use the word depression too loosely. Depression is more than just being under stress or having a bad day. As an earlier poster said, there are ways and means available to battle genuine depression if the will is there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been through 12-18 months of not wanting to see the next morning in my life due to huge medical complications which triggered the release of a subconcious depression I had for a long time for me personally managing depression isn't a one stoo shop where a magic cure is available.
I'm of the mindset now I have no shame in the journey I have been through and while struggling a lot again of late I know this is an unspecified time period and it will pass .
Yes... talking is great... but the issue with talking for some folks is that the majority in society are not able to effectively listen and empathise. Listeners are often uncomfortable with the pain of someone else's darkness hence the conditioned linguistics of "man up"... "it could be worse".. "it's not all bad" etc. All of these type sentiments leave the person opening up in no doubt that who they've opened up aren't capable of listening and just want to make them "feel better" rather than making them better at feeling.
Ask not why the addiction but ask why the pain.. what is the trauma that makes your heart heave and eyes flood. What is the pain that is crushing you ? Tell me how you feel honestly and earnestly... let me sit with you in your darkness and whilst I may not be able to solve your problems.. I assure you that you will not face them alone...
For some folks.. there is also strength in silence as they may not be able to make that step to talk or be able to articulate what they are feeling.
If people were better at listening the pressure to make people talk wouldn't be a thing at all..
Buried under social conditoning.. false conclusions and others "opinions" lays the real identity of people. Things like social media are an addictive dopamine hit for many especially the youth who have not yet developed their frontal lobe which is responsible for amongst other things.. emotional expression. If we need a developed frontal lobe to be able to be at optimal performance it certainly doesn't take a genius to work out why there is so many youths suffering with mental health issues.
Ease of access to addictive substances and peer pressure aligned with parents who are trying their best to work their arse off to provide for their kids yet cannot provide the one thing they often need... quality time...to be able to listen.
There are myriad factors what causes depression and a thread on fab won't sort it but it is very healthy to be open about it 100%.
One thing I have learned since the realisation of my own mental health issues is the difference that it makes to peoples lives when someone they don't know reaches out to them.
Yesterday evening for example I spent 40 mins sitting with a romanian homeless guy.. maybe he fed me a load of waffle but his tone and often teary eyes suggested otherwise. I sat with him as somewhat of a social experiment to see how people reacted or not with him.. In the time I spoke with him.. the only others who came near him were other homeless to check in on him. All Irish guys too actually. I know my life could have easily taken that turn and it could have been me permanently on the streets but it isn't which is figuritively speaking why I crossed the bridge to be sit with him. We had a bite to eat and I also bought him a coffee .
My philosophy is that things don't happen for a reason. I don't believe in an anthropomorphic sky daddy dictating what should or should not happen to individuals on a daily basis however with the right support, attitude and determination we are very often able to make the best of unfortunate sutuations.
To anyone reading who may need a chat feel free to shoot me a pm .
Kind regards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lads - please Google the term "toxic masculinity" because you have all misinterpreted it completely.
Great thread though. As someone who was very much suicidal and sought help 4 years ago, I love to see mental health chats here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lads - please Google the term "toxic masculinity" because you have all misinterpreted it completely.
Great thread though. As someone who was very much suicidal and sought help 4 years ago, I love to see mental health chats here."
Wiki link for those unsure/uneducated about it . Every day is a school day.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity |
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By *ransBoiTV/TS
over a year ago
Somewhere |
"Having been through 12-18 months of not wanting to see the next morning in my life due to huge medical complications which triggered the release of a subconcious depression I had for a long time for me personally managing depression isn't a one stoo shop where a magic cure is available.
I'm of the mindset now I have no shame in the journey I have been through and while struggling a lot again of late I know this is an unspecified time period and it will pass .
Yes... talking is great... but the issue with talking for some folks is that the majority in society are not able to effectively listen and empathise. Listeners are often uncomfortable with the pain of someone else's darkness hence the conditioned linguistics of "man up"... "it could be worse".. "it's not all bad" etc. All of these type sentiments leave the person opening up in no doubt that who they've opened up aren't capable of listening and just want to make them "feel better" rather than making them better at feeling.
Ask not why the addiction but ask why the pain.. what is the trauma that makes your heart heave and eyes flood. What is the pain that is crushing you ? Tell me how you feel honestly and earnestly... let me sit with you in your darkness and whilst I may not be able to solve your problems.. I assure you that you will not face them alone...
For some folks.. there is also strength in silence as they may not be able to make that step to talk or be able to articulate what they are feeling.
If people were better at listening the pressure to make people talk wouldn't be a thing at all..
Buried under social conditoning.. false conclusions and others "opinions" lays the real identity of people. Things like social media are an addictive dopamine hit for many especially the youth who have not yet developed their frontal lobe which is responsible for amongst other things.. emotional expression. If we need a developed frontal lobe to be able to be at optimal performance it certainly doesn't take a genius to work out why there is so many youths suffering with mental health issues.
Ease of access to addictive substances and peer pressure aligned with parents who are trying their best to work their arse off to provide for their kids yet cannot provide the one thing they often need... quality time...to be able to listen.
There are myriad factors what causes depression and a thread on fab won't sort it but it is very healthy to be open about it 100%.
One thing I have learned since the realisation of my own mental health issues is the difference that it makes to peoples lives when someone they don't know reaches out to them.
Yesterday evening for example I spent 40 mins sitting with a romanian homeless guy.. maybe he fed me a load of waffle but his tone and often teary eyes suggested otherwise. I sat with him as somewhat of a social experiment to see how people reacted or not with him.. In the time I spoke with him.. the only others who came near him were other homeless to check in on him. All Irish guys too actually. I know my life could have easily taken that turn and it could have been me permanently on the streets but it isn't which is figuritively speaking why I crossed the bridge to be sit with him. We had a bite to eat and I also bought him a coffee .
My philosophy is that things don't happen for a reason. I don't believe in an anthropomorphic sky daddy dictating what should or should not happen to individuals on a daily basis however with the right support, attitude and determination we are very often able to make the best of unfortunate sutuations.
To anyone reading who may need a chat feel free to shoot me a pm .
Kind regards"
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