FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Lifestyle choice versus lamens perception
Lifestyle choice versus lamens perception
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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after crossed wires and expectations not being managed I feel I need to explain some things about swinging and the swinging scene.
Swinging is primarily a lifestyle CHOICE for some couples. Single men and single women do not choose to adopt the swinger lifestyle, if anything, they are merely participants in someone else’s lifestyle choice. Of course there are a few exceptions to this however swinging is managed by couples.
Therefore Fab is primarily a tool for couples to find other couples, single men and single women and temporarily bring them into their swinging lifestyle.
As has been the case on many many occasions, many single men treat it as a dating website and many single women treat it as a way of relieving sexual tension. Very few single men and single women fully understand the lifestyle or the different factions of the lifestyle and the safety nets, rules and guidelines associated with the lifestyle, scene and scenarios.
Today we had a nice gentleman, through no fault of his own assume that a “meet” meant he could be in and out relatively quickly having just turned up to fuck Mrs. When I’m fact what we wanted was a guy to turn up, have a relaxing, non pressurised meet which progresses to each level naturally. This would have been explained in detail when the Male turned up, but as he asked no questions about what we wanted and was in a rush to spend an excessive amount of money on a taxi to take him from one side of Dublin to the other, the scenario was not set. We were happy to discuss this when he arrived, however that never happened, as the Male decided not to come over after appearing pushy in requesting full body pics while Mrs was scantily dressed. He held no thought for Mrs self consciousness and when we stated that Mrs didn’t do body pics, he said that we had 6 minutes until the taxi arrived and if we didn’t send them then he would cancel the taxi.
After pointing out quite politely that Mrs felt pressured and that we prefer “relaxed, non pressured meets”, MR then preceded to say that we wanted company and laughter, confusing what we actually said with an assumption that we weren’t going to “play”.
Has anybody else who is immersed in the scene had these types of problems? |
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Swinging has evolved to include single men and women. This site has not been a purely swingers site for years. When I was a single fem I classed myself as a swinger, so don't agree that singles are not part of the scene. As for not sending a picture to the single man, but expecting him to meet you you are coming across as entitled. He said no. Good on him. Just cos you are a couple do not expect people to be queuing up to meet you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you send any pics? If you didnt, probably it was more like he decided not to risk losing money and time on a possible wind up! 
If you did, there still could be loads of other reasons.
But pics do help.
Still, summer weather is lovely TG and there's plenty more fish in the sea so have a lovely day. |
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You need to be very up front as to your expectations of a meet. Same goes for any men you might meet. Some people expect to get down and dirty straight away and see this as JUST sex, others like to get to know people a little first. The confusion here seems to be due to a lack of communication. Also, as a cuckold couple, it's not unusual for a bull to be seen as a purely sexual 'fuck and go' type scenario. It also involves some kind of domination aspect. This single male was probably acting 'Dom' in making demands of you, which for many cuckold couples is a major part of this type of meet. If you are clearer in your expectations going forward then you can hopefully avoid this in future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like both sides tried to rush a meet and force their own scenario on the other, when clearly ye were just a poor match.
Tge site has evolved well past it just being a tool for couples and I am afrais the singles are here to stay, but most couples are still very haopy to treat singles as more than just an additional sex toy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The lifestyle may have changed but respect for each other stays the same. No pressure means exactly that... go with the flow and see what happens.
"
This was exactly my point, thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It seems more like there wasnt enough communication between on how yee both like ur meets and how u prefer it go.everyone works the site a different way to suit themselves and u have to respect that and find someone that suits yer requirements
More often than not ur not going to connect with someone but u move on in the search.
As for single males and females not adopting to swinging world and they are chosen by the couples.its 2019 a swingers site is not controlled by couples.couples ,single men ,single women choose each other.its a mutual thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like both sides tried to rush a meet and force their own scenario on the other, when clearly ye were just a poor match.
Tge site has evolved well past it just being a tool for couples and I am afrais the singles are here to stay, but most couples are still very haopy to treat singles as more than just an additional sex toy "
We always treat every single Male, couple and single female with the utmost respect, and as we usually meet in our own home, we try and make the visitors as relaxed and comfortable as possible. Equal respect for each person involved is paramount |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not sure of the circumstances so I don’t know if pix of any sort were exchanged but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for some sort of a pic or a vid chat in advance of any type of meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Contrary to that oft-quoted banality "we're all here for the same thing", we're not. Every meet requires discussion of expectations, unless you really are "fuck and go". You weren't a match, most of the time it's not, move on to the next profile of interest. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It seems more like there wasnt enough communication between on how yee both like ur meets and how u prefer it go.everyone works the site a different way to suit themselves and u have to respect that and find someone that suits yer requirements
More often than not ur not going to connect with someone but u move on in the search.
As for single males and females not adopting to swinging world and they are chosen by the couples.its 2019 a swingers site is not controlled by couples.couples ,single men ,single women choose each other.its a mutual thing."
You again missed my point, without couples there would be no “Swinger Scene”, it is a coalition between 2 partners with a unique bond, a level of trust, praise and respect for each other that no one will understand. That trust and respect has to be extended to those being brought into assist in the fantasy, scenario or lifestyle choice.but also that respect loyalty and trust should be returned Without the couples, swinging would just be lots of single people sleeping with each other and labelled as free love. |
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But without singles, the scene coupe just be couples fucking couples. No threesomes, no gangbangs, no cuckolding, no hotwife. It would be a lot more limited. I would even sgo so far as to say MOST couples are looking for singles rather than other couples. Couples are not more important than singles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems more like there wasnt enough communication between on how yee both like ur meets and how u prefer it go.everyone works the site a different way to suit themselves and u have to respect that and find someone that suits yer requirements
More often than not ur not going to connect with someone but u move on in the search.
As for single males and females not adopting to swinging world and they are chosen by the couples.its 2019 a swingers site is not controlled by couples.couples ,single men ,single women choose each other.its a mutual thing.
You again missed my point, without couples there would be no “Swinger Scene”, it is a coalition between 2 partners with a unique bond, a level of trust, praise and respect for each other that no one will understand. That trust and respect has to be extended to those being brought into assist in the fantasy, scenario or lifestyle choice.but also that respect loyalty and trust should be returned Without the couples, swinging would just be lots of single people sleeping with each other and labelled as free love."
Without singles here them scenarios would never happen for couples.the trust respect loyalty works both ways. |
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By *aid backMan
over a year ago
by a lake with my rod out |
So single guys can't adopted the lifestyle ? What a load of bollox I adopted it a long long time ago I've forsaken many vanilla relationships/potential relationships because they didn't fit with my lifestyle. Just because you want to think of singles as just something to be used by cpls for their enjoyment doesn't mean singles are any less swingers than you. In fact it takes a more bottle for a single guy/girl do to it, cpls have it easy they are a unit and will have each other if things get out of hand. |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
What a selfish view you have op that swinging is primarly a couples retreat where singles should wait to be chosen from up on high to partacipate in your life
Swinging has moved on to embrace a more libertine lifestyle that can be adopted by singles couples and polyamorous cpls alike
Trust is earned
Respect is given freely between people till kne or the other abuse that resoect or build on it
Coumunication is key to any sucessfull relstionship wheather its a few hrs meet or a lifetime adaventure
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There is a definite one sided outlook to the OPs post although I feel it might be unintentional. The swinging scene you describe might have looked like that in the 70's but it has evolved hugely.
As far as I can see the single males only fault was not stating his need for a body photo before getting in a taxi. Again fab is a modern way of delivering swinging to the masses and showing ones self through photo's is the excepted method of establishing if you are attracted attracted or not. Being self conscious is so difficult but we all get that. That said it is much easier on all concerned if you know what you are walking into which also avoid the embarresing scenario of Some one walking out when they see you because you wouldn't share photos. OP can I ask if you would meet someone who had no photos ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But without singles, the scene coupe just be couples fucking couples. No threesomes, no gangbangs, no cuckolding, no hotwife. It would be a lot more limited. I would even sgo so far as to say MOST couples are looking for singles rather than other couples. Couples are not more important than singles. "
100% agree, that's the added spice  |
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As someone who has met and swung both as a single and as a couple, regardless of what happened on your non-meet, I find your opening statement both highly offensive and ignorant.
'Swinging' was a general term coined in the 1960's (the swinging sixties) and had nothing to do with being married or a couple (swapping was and still is the term for couples who switch partners). It was a time of 'free love' where it was socially acceptable for individuals to openly share affections with multiple partners, and to express those affections sexually either on a one-to-one basis, moving from partner to partner, or within group settings. This included, but certainly wasn't exclusive to, individuals who were married or in relationships. The spirit of swinging and free love, was and still is the freedom to enjoy your sexuality on your own terms, with as few or many partners as you wish, and many swingers do still hold true to those ideals, forming connections and affections (whether temporary or lasting) with multiple people.
While a single, from your point of view, may just be someone you decide on the spur of a moment to find in order to participate in your fantasy as a couple, I can very much assure you that they are individuals with fantasies and desires of their own, have friendships, connections, and relationships of their own, and are not performing seals.
Alas, I think in your post, as most likely with your non-meet, your communication skills have let you down, and likely alienated many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"after crossed wires and expectations not being managed I feel I need to explain some things about swinging and the swinging scene.
Swinging is primarily a lifestyle CHOICE for some couples. Single men and single women do not choose to adopt the swinger lifestyle, if anything, they are merely participants in someone else’s lifestyle choice. Of course there are a few exceptions to this however swinging is managed by couples.
Therefore Fab is primarily a tool for couples to find other couples, single men and single women and temporarily bring them into their swinging lifestyle.
As has been the case on many many occasions, many single men treat it as a dating website and many single women treat it as a way of relieving sexual tension. Very few single men and single women fully understand the lifestyle or the different factions of the lifestyle and the safety nets, rules and guidelines associated with the lifestyle, scene and scenarios.
Today we had a nice gentleman, through no fault of his own assume that a “meet” meant he could be in and out relatively quickly having just turned up to fuck Mrs. When I’m fact what we wanted was a guy to turn up, have a relaxing, non pressurised meet which progresses to each level naturally. This would have been explained in detail when the Male turned up, but as he asked no questions about what we wanted and was in a rush to spend an excessive amount of money on a taxi to take him from one side of Dublin to the other, the scenario was not set. We were happy to discuss this when he arrived, however that never happened, as the Male decided not to come over after appearing pushy in requesting full body pics while Mrs was scantily dressed. He held no thought for Mrs self consciousness and when we stated that Mrs didn’t do body pics, he said that we had 6 minutes until the taxi arrived and if we didn’t send them then he would cancel the taxi.
After pointing out quite politely that Mrs felt pressured and that we prefer “relaxed, non pressured meets”, MR then preceded to say that we wanted company and laughter, confusing what we actually said with an assumption that we weren’t going to “play”.
Has anybody else who is immersed in the scene had these types of problems?"
That opening statement saying singles don't adopt the lifestyle and are merely participants is complete and utter rubbish.. I'm not going to say anymore on it.
The part about the interaction between the three of you is all over the place; "he assumed", "he asked no questions" and "when in fact what we wanted". You're just as much as fault as he is, he may not have communicated what he wanted but neither did you. Discussing what you want when he arrives at your door is too late.
As for him requesting body pictures, I'd want to know what you looked like and if I was attracted to you. We aren't models ourselves but we have no problem sending face and full length photos. You don't need to send one in lingerie, you could have sent a photo of you clothed. I'm sure you have a few of you the two of you on your phone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"after crossed wires and expectations not being managed I feel I need to explain some things about swinging and the swinging scene.
Swinging is primarily a lifestyle CHOICE for some couples. Single men and single women do not choose to adopt the swinger lifestyle, if anything, they are merely participants in someone else’s lifestyle choice. Of course there are a few exceptions to this however swinging is managed by couples.
Therefore Fab is primarily a tool for couples to find other couples, single men and single women and temporarily bring them into their swinging lifestyle.
As has been the case on many many occasions, many single men treat it as a dating website and many single women treat it as a way of relieving sexual tension. Very few single men and single women fully understand the lifestyle or the different factions of the lifestyle and the safety nets, rules and guidelines associated with the lifestyle, scene and scenarios.
Today we had a nice gentleman, through no fault of his own assume that a “meet” meant he could be in and out relatively quickly having just turned up to fuck Mrs. When I’m fact what we wanted was a guy to turn up, have a relaxing, non pressurised meet which progresses to each level naturally. This would have been explained in detail when the Male turned up, but as he asked no questions about what we wanted and was in a rush to spend an excessive amount of money on a taxi to take him from one side of Dublin to the other, the scenario was not set. We were happy to discuss this when he arrived, however that never happened, as the Male decided not to come over after appearing pushy in requesting full body pics while Mrs was scantily dressed. He held no thought for Mrs self consciousness and when we stated that Mrs didn’t do body pics, he said that we had 6 minutes until the taxi arrived and if we didn’t send them then he would cancel the taxi.
After pointing out quite politely that Mrs felt pressured and that we prefer “relaxed, non pressured meets”, MR then preceded to say that we wanted company and laughter, confusing what we actually said with an assumption that we weren’t going to “play”.
Has anybody else who is immersed in the scene had these types of problems?
That opening statement saying singles don't adopt the lifestyle and are merely participants is complete and utter rubbish.. I'm not going to say anymore on it.
The part about the interaction between the three of you is all over the place; "he assumed", "he asked no questions" and "when in fact what we wanted". You're just as much as fault as he is, he may not have communicated what he wanted but neither did you. Discussing what you want when he arrives at your door is too late.
As for him requesting body pictures, I'd want to know what you looked like and if I was attracted to you. We aren't models ourselves but we have no problem sending face and full length photos. You don't need to send one in lingerie, you could have sent a photo of you clothed. I'm sure you have a few of you the two of you on your phone."
The wicklow mountains would have been enough to turn me off... |
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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago
South Dublin Area |
"But without singles, the scene coupe just be couples fucking couples. No threesomes, no gangbangs, no cuckolding, no hotwife. It would be a lot more limited. I would even sgo so far as to say MOST couples are looking for singles rather than other couples. Couples are not more important than singles. "
That's pretty much it! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just to clarify, we did exchange face pics and he sent his too. It only got pressurising when he requested a photo of me wearing my skimpy pjs which showed off my body and legs. And I explained that I am self conscious and that I was unhappy sending revealing photos of myself that he gave the Ultimatum. “Send the skimpy pics or I’m not coming”. This was out of order.
Secondly, people have taken me up wrong my my original post with regards to single men and single women. Yes single people are also on the scene and may class it as their lifestyle, but as a single person, they form part of someone else’s scene. A single man meeting a single woman is not really “swinging” in the full sense of the scene, but a single man or woman joining a couple means that the single is joining someone else’s scene. As a couple, we actually have it harder than single people as we have more at stake. We have a loving partner, and a family, we have to not only trust our partners. But also trust the incomers. We also have jealousy, nerves, loyalty, faithfulness and the risk that if it goes wrong we risk losing our partner, our home, our family and a whole lot more. Single people don’t have these risks.
Couples have many things to consider when meeting outsiders or even inviting them into our home. I’m not sure single people quite realise this. I know single people have risks, but their risks tend to be more about physical assault or having a bad meet, which couples still have to be weary of, but single people don’t risk their partner, family, home etc by meeting people for sex. |
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By *aid backMan
over a year ago
by a lake with my rod out |
"Just to clarify, we did exchange face pics and he sent his too. It only got pressurising when he requested a photo of me wearing my skimpy pjs which showed off my body and legs. And I explained that I am self conscious and that I was unhappy sending revealing photos of myself that he gave the Ultimatum. “Send the skimpy pics or I’m not coming”. This was out of order.
Secondly, people have taken me up wrong my my original post with regards to single men and single women. Yes single people are also on the scene and may class it as their lifestyle, but as a single person, they form part of someone else’s scene. A single man meeting a single woman is not really “swinging” in the full sense of the scene, but a single man or woman joining a couple means that the single is joining someone else’s scene. As a couple, we actually have it harder than single people as we have more at stake. We have a loving partner, and a family, we have to not only trust our partners. But also trust the incomers. We also have jealousy, nerves, loyalty, faithfulness and the risk that if it goes wrong we risk losing our partner, our home, our family and a whole lot more. Single people don’t have these risks.
Couples have many things to consider when meeting outsiders or even inviting them into our home. I’m not sure single people quite realise this. I know single people have risks, but their risks tend to be more about physical assault or having a bad meet, which couples still have to be weary of, but single people don’t risk their partner, family, home etc by meeting people for sex."
But what about singles that meet groups for fun are they not swingers?
Also if you think swinging is a threat or a risk to losing your partner then I think that says more about your relationship than about swinging.... |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Op, it's good to see that you broadened a bit your original post. Like others mentioned swinging started with couples meeting couples, but it has long advanced and changed over the time. It isn't exclusive to couples, it's a livestyle that can be embraced by couples and singles and even a one on one meet by two singles can qualify for swinging if they're both into it. From my point of view sexual opemindedness in terma of swinging isn't limited to couple involvement.
As for the risks, I have to say I differ with you. Any single person has no partner they can rely on when they meet or when something doesn't go to plan. While yes you have the trust issue as a couple, but that's something between you and your partner, it doesn't really compare to the risk meeting on your own. They're two different things. Maybe just do once the brain gymnastics how you would feel meeting on your own or going to a party. Also there's plenty if singles on here who have kids too, male and female, so the argument of family doesn't apply to couples only.  |
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"after crossed wires and expectations not being managed I feel I need to explain some things about swinging and the swinging scene.
Swinging is primarily a lifestyle CHOICE for some couples. Single men and single women do not choose to adopt the swinger lifestyle, if anything, they are merely participants in someone else’s lifestyle choice. Of course there are a few exceptions to this however swinging is managed by couples.
Therefore Fab is primarily a tool for couples to find other couples, single men and single women and temporarily bring them into their swinging lifestyle.
As has been the case on many many occasions, many single men treat it as a dating website and many single women treat it as a way of relieving sexual tension. Very few single men and single women fully understand the lifestyle or the different factions of the lifestyle and the safety nets, rules and guidelines associated with the lifestyle, scene and scenarios.
Today we had a nice gentleman, through no fault of his own assume that a “meet” meant he could be in and out relatively quickly having just turned up to fuck Mrs. When I’m fact what we wanted was a guy to turn up, have a relaxing, non pressurised meet which progresses to each level naturally. This would have been explained in detail when the Male turned up, but as he asked no questions about what we wanted and was in a rush to spend an excessive amount of money on a taxi to take him from one side of Dublin to the other, the scenario was not set. We were happy to discuss this when he arrived, however that never happened, as the Male decided not to come over after appearing pushy in requesting full body pics while Mrs was scantily dressed. He held no thought for Mrs self consciousness and when we stated that Mrs didn’t do body pics, he said that we had 6 minutes until the taxi arrived and if we didn’t send them then he would cancel the taxi.
After pointing out quite politely that Mrs felt pressured and that we prefer “relaxed, non pressured meets”, MR then preceded to say that we wanted company and laughter, confusing what we actually said with an assumption that we weren’t going to “play”.
Has anybody else who is immersed in the scene had these types of problems?"
So you were planning a meet and it didn’t work out.. Well it’s unfortunate but happens..
You think that only couples can be swingers?
Wrong, but interesting view..
I hope that’s everything cleared up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do not agree with the views outlined by the OP re swinging, but in their defence of the "failed" meet, their profile is quite clear in that they are a cuckhold couple, the meet is in their house & is initially social, no guarantee of fun, only face photos are shared and that all messages are from the woman.
if their "meet" was unhappy with what is clear in the profile then he should not have agreed to meeting.
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"But without singles, the scene coupe just be couples fucking couples. No threesomes, no gangbangs, no cuckolding, no hotwife. It would be a lot more limited. I would even sgo so far as to say MOST couples are looking for singles rather than other couples. Couples are not more important than singles. "
This is a very good point. I just looked up the definition of ‘swinging’ and I was surprised the word ‘couple’ wasn’t even mentioned in it
“The practice of engaging in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners within a group, especially on a habitual basis.”
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