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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Benching is when you're not into someone enough to commit to officially dating them, but you don't want them to move on and find someone else either, so you string them along juuuust enough to keep them waiting on the sidelines for you.
Etymology: You know when you're on a sports team but not actually playing, just waiting on the bench until the coach needs you? Yeah, it's the dating version of that.
"Rachel only ever seems to text me after I've given up on hearing from her. She's definitely benching me."
Breadcrumbing is when you send flirty but non-committal messages to a person when you're not really interested in dating them but don't have the guts to break things off with them completely. The breadcrumbee is strung along for the sake of sparing the breadcrumber a confrontation.
Etymology: Think of the phenomenon of getting a small creature to follow you by laying a trail of breadcrumbs here, and you've got the right idea.
"Renée replies to every second or third message I send her but never wants to meet IRL. I think she's breadcrumbing me."
Cuffing season is the period between early fall and late winter when everyone starts to shack up with the nearest half-decent single person to ward off loneliness and cold during the cooler months. Cuffing season typically implied a short term, mutually beneficial arrangement that's strictly seasonal, and it ends as soon as the leaves start turning green again. The term is African American Vernacular English (AAVE) and has been around at least since the early 2010s.
Etymology: Cuffing, as in "handcuffing", because you're chaining yourself to someone else — at least until winter's over.
"Starbucks just brought back the pumpkin spice latte, it must be cuffing season!"
Cushioning is the process of staying in contact with one or more romantic prospects as a backup in case things don't go smoothly with your main squeeze. The "cushions" are usually kept on the periphery, eg. texting rather than full blown cheating.
Etymology: Cushioning, as in, keeping a person or several people around to "cushion" the blow if your main relationship doesn't work out.
"I do really like Priya, but I'm still texting Sian just in case. Yeah, I guess I'm cushioning."
Fire-dooring
This is the dating version of the one-way fire door — on rare occasions, someone will come out of their shell to contact you, but won't respond if you attempt to get in touch. It's a setup that only works in deeply unequal situations — if you're getting firedoored, you're constantly feeling frustrated and only occasionally satisfied. If this is happening to you, get out and close the door behind you. There are tons of people out there who won't do this to you!
Etymology: A fire door is a one-way door — it allows you to exit (on rare occasions) but never allows anyone to enter.
"She never responds to my messages, but texts me 'u up' at 1 a.m.? What's the deal?" "Sounds like you're getting firedoored, bud."
Ghosting is when you disappear out of someone's life because you're no longer interested in them, instead of telling them directly. It's more abrupt than breadcrumbing: the ghoster will suddenly stop replying to texts and won't answer calls, and the ghostee is usually left hurt and confused.
Etymology: You know the disappearing act ghosts are known for? That, but it's your crush instead of a poltergeist.
"I'm not really feeling Melissa anymore, but she's really into me. I think I'm just gonna ghost her."
Haunting occurs when you think you have finished things with a date that didn't work out — or even a serious relationship — but then you notice signs that your ex is lurking your social media feeds, eg. they randomly like old Instagram pics or watch your daily stories. Often the notifications are a deliberate attempt to remind you that they exist.
Etymology: This is another supernatural dating metaphor but the meaning is almost the opposite of ghosting: in this case the offender lingers around rather than disappearing.
"Guess who watched my Instagram story today, of all people!? John! He's haunting me, and it's really creepy."
Kittenfishing is when you portray yourself in an unrealistically positive light in your online dating profiles. We all do this to some extent, but kittenfishing crosses the border into dishonest territory: think photoshopped or very outdated profile pics, or listing "lawyer" as your occupation when you're really a first year law student.
Etymology: You already know about catfishing, when a person pretends to be someone they're not online. Well, kittenfishing is the lite version of that.
"Remember that girl I was messaging on Tinder? Well, we met IRL, and she was definitely kittenfishing."
Love bombing is when a new partner shows extreme amounts of affection early on and expends serious energy in a deliberate attempt to woo you. However, once you've committed to a relationship with them, the love bomber will withdraw all that affection and let their true, ugly colours shine through, leaving you stuck in a nightmare relationship. This one's really not cute: love bombing is manipulative and abusive.
Etymology: Like its literal counterpart, a love bomb is awesome and spectacular at first, but ultimately very destructive.
"Graeme was so sweet at first, but now he's manipulative and jealous all the time. I guess he love bombed me."
Pie hunting is an unsavory dating phenomenon in which a person (the "hunter") deliberately dates "pies", or heartbroken, vulnerable people with messy dating histories, who are perceived to be easier and lower-maintenance.
Etymology: A "pie" is a person with a disastrous dating history familiar with rejection and heartbreak. It comes from "pied off", British slang for being stood up or dumped.
"Dave only ever dates divorcees. He's a real pie-hunter."
The Slow Fade is the process of ending a lackluster relationship or fling by gradually reducing contact and response times. Like a smoother version of breadcrumbing, the person doing the fading will taper off contact, like gradually turning down the volume on a song and starting a new one without anyone noticing.
Etymology: Similar to breadcrumbing, the slow fade is letting someone down gently… without actually saying so.
The slow fade is the process of ending a lackluster relationship or fling by gradually reducing contact and response times. Like a smoother version of breadcrumbing, the person doing the fading will taper off contact, like gradually turning down the volume on a song and starting a new one without anyone noticing.
Etymology: Similar to breadcrumbing, the slow fade is letting someone down gently… without actually saying so.
"I want to end things with Lee, but I can't stand the idea of hurting him. I think I'm gonna do the slow fade."
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