FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Taking one for the Team
Taking one for the Team
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Following an interesting discussion with some former Fabbers recently where some (both men and women) mentioned occasionally having played with someone they didn't really fancy because their partner really fancied their OH, it got me wondering... What if you were the one being taken for the team? If you got the impression that someone was meeting you reluctantly or wasn't really into you, would you call a halt to proceedings completely, or bow out yourself and let your partner have all the fun, or suck it up and have sex anyway because you're already there?
Obviously this one is for couples or anyone who may have swung as a couple in the past... And some honest experiences (good or bad) would be refreshing to read  |
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In the past, I've met the occasional couple where he was very enthusiastic and she appeared less so. I'd hate to think that she might be coerced into having sex with me. So, I wait till he goes to the loo and I ask her what she really wants. Any hint of her taking one for the team, and I walk away. I've never regretted it. |
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Most men here part of a couple, would hope that the other half would take one for the team , just to get "some" pussy!
We had this debate ourselves so many times, where I was willing to play with the other woman but my wife wasn't interested in the other man.
But, I am glad now that she was more mature than I was at the time and she did not accept to meet someone whom she didn't like.
We are still hoping to find that elusive couple, where everybody likes everybody  ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In the past, I've met the occasional couple where he was very enthusiastic and she appeared less so. I'd hate to think that she might be coerced into having sex with me. So, I wait till he goes to the loo and I ask her what she really wants. Any hint of her taking one for the team, and I walk away. I've never regretted it. "
That's awful to think that happens!
Taking one for the team for me would be having to fuck an ugly bloke..puke  |
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"In the past, I've met the occasional couple where he was very enthusiastic and she appeared less so. I'd hate to think that she might be coerced into having sex with me. So, I wait till he goes to the loo and I ask her what she really wants. Any hint of her taking one for the team, and I walk away. I've never regretted it.
That's awful to think that happens!
Taking one for the team for me would be having to fuck an ugly bloke..puke "
But what if you were meeting a couple, but got the impression that one of them was just going along with it, that they didn't really fancy you? How would that make you feel? |
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"Most men here part of a couple, would hope that the other half would take one for the team , just to get "some" pussy!
We had this debate ourselves so many times, where I was willing to play with the other woman but my wife wasn't interested in the other man.
But, I am glad now that she was more mature than I was at the time and she did not accept to meet someone whom she didn't like.
We are still hoping to find that elusive couple, where everybody likes everybody ! "
How about if you find a couple you both fancy and are looking forward to playing with, but when the time comes you realise the husband or wife of the other couple doesn't fancy one of you, but is still willing to go ahead? |
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"In the past, I've met the occasional couple where he was very enthusiastic and she appeared less so. I'd hate to think that she might be coerced into having sex with me. So, I wait till he goes to the loo and I ask her what she really wants. Any hint of her taking one for the team, and I walk away. I've never regretted it.
That's awful to think that happens!
Taking one for the team for me would be having to fuck an ugly bloke..puke
But what if you were meeting a couple, but got the impression that one of them was just going along with it, that they didn't really fancy you? How would that make you feel? "
That has happened to me the odd time. I'm OK with that. If she doesn't really fancy me, then I wouldn't enjoy any sex with her. I need to find her fanciable too, so the thought that she doesn't fancy me is a passion killer. While I might be disappointed, I'll get over it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always said to any couple I've meet that if, at any point, it doesn't feel right for one of them then it won't be right for either of them.
Or all of us, even.
I'd hate to be the person to put someone in such a position just as much I'd hate to be the "one" a "team" is taking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive just my opinion but I'd imagine I would find it difficult to get a hardon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On 2 different occasions, over the last few years ago, I met other couples with 2 different fbs.
First one, I just did not fancy the other guy but my fb was getting it on with the other woman. I just said 'im sorry but this isnt working for me'. All were ok and I got dressed as did my fb and we left. At the lift I said he didnt need to leave if he didnt want to so....back in he went lol
Needless to say he was an ex fb then lol
2nd time with another fb. He clearly wasnt having fun as he coukdnt get an erection so I told the other couple I wasnt feeling well, apologised and they were fine with it and left.
I wouldn't take one for the team nor expect a partner to either. |
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"Can't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive just my opinion but I'd imagine I would find it difficult to get a hardon"
1-1 it might be a difficulty, but if your partner, who you do fancy, was having sex in the same room I can see how you could use that visual stimulus. You've wanked haven't you? You know how using other stimulus works  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive just my opinion but I'd imagine I would find it difficult to get a hardon
1-1 it might be a difficulty, but if your partner, who you do fancy, was having sex in the same room I can see how you could use that visual stimulus. You've wanked haven't you? You know how using other stimulus works "
yea so basically stick a bag over her head ya mean lol |
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"How about if you find a couple you both fancy and are looking forward to playing with, but when the time comes you realise the husband or wife of the other couple doesn't fancy one of you, but is still willing to go ahead? "
We haven't been in that situation yet and we'll decide then, before crossing that bridge .
As a man, I would probably be less picky and go ahead, but my wife would probably say .. fuck this, let's go home and fuck the brains out of each other !
Casual sex with random people, is not what we are looking for in general, regardless of how good looking they are.
We were hoping to meet interesting people (singles/couples) and improve and enhance our sex life, it might take a while as the day to day outside Fab life, takes priority. |
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"On 2 different occasions, over the last few years ago, I met other couples with 2 different fbs.
First one, I just did not fancy the other guy but my fb was getting it on with the other woman. I just said 'im sorry but this isnt working for me'. All were ok and I got dressed as did my fb and we left. At the lift I said he didnt need to leave if he didnt want to so....back in he went lol
Needless to say he was an ex fb then lol
2nd time with another fb. He clearly wasnt having fun as he coukdnt get an erection so I told the other couple I wasnt feeling well, apologised and they were fine with it and left.
I wouldn't take one for the team nor expect a partner to either."
I agree and would be the same in either circumstance, but let's not forget here that just because a partner wouldn't expect their husband/wife to take one, doesn't mean that they don't do it anyway just to please them.
One half of a couple might actually be horrified to learn that their husband/wife had compromised their own standards or desires in order to fulfil a fantasy. People don't need to have these expectations, or make demands, their partners may just make a unilateral decision to do it without ever admitting that it had been an issue. |
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"Can't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive just my opinion but I'd imagine I would find it difficult to get a hardon"
I agree. That's why I prefer repeat meets with someone I fancy, rather than repeat new, one off, meets with all the pressure that's involved. |
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"Can't understand how you can have sex with someone you don't find sexually attractive just my opinion but I'd imagine I would find it difficult to get a hardon
1-1 it might be a difficulty, but if your partner, who you do fancy, was having sex in the same room I can see how you could use that visual stimulus. You've wanked haven't you? You know how using other stimulus works
yea so basically stick a bag over her head ya mean lol"
'Lie back and think of England', I believe was the motto of courtesans in historic times 
But you see my point, it would theoretically be possible to 'get on with the job' if push came to shove and you didn't want to spoil the mood for your partner by backing out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know you said only for couples, but couldn't resist my initial respect of OPs request 
Taking one for the team can be seen as faking orgasms too, or even as Phoenix mentioned, she gave an excuse for her FB as she noticed he was not feeling it. She in a sense took one for the team. Maybe it's not as bad a thing as some may think.
It may be more complicated with a couple, but for me as a single guy, if I feel I'm plan B then Ive said no thanks to the offer even though I may have been very into her in the lead up. That was taking one for my team in a sense. |
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"One half of a couple might actually be horrified to learn that their husband/wife had compromised their own standards or desires in order to fulfil a fantasy."
Slightly different situation, to the one presented by the OP, but I've met someone that required a lot of compromising from my part, in order to fulfil few sexual fantasies of mine.
I did it and I wasn't easy for me, as I am sure it wasn't easy for the other woman either.
But we are grown adults and some of us make compromises every day, some minor... but some are very significant ones.
Life is made of a long string of compromises.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know you said only for couples, but couldn't resist my initial respect of OPs request
Taking one for the team can be seen as faking orgasms too, or even as Phoenix mentioned, she gave an excuse for her FB as she noticed he was not feeling it. She in a sense took one for the team. Maybe it's not as bad a thing as some may think.
It may be more complicated with a couple, but for me as a single guy, if I feel I'm plan B then Ive said no thanks to the offer even though I may have been very into her in the lead up. That was taking one for my team in a sense."
If I felt I was plan B I would go for plan C....go home lol |
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"One half of a couple might actually be horrified to learn that their husband/wife had compromised their own standards or desires in order to fulfil a fantasy.
Slightly different situation, to the one presented by the OP, but I've met someone that required a lot of compromising from my part, in order to fulfil few sexual fantasies of mine.
I did it and I wasn't easy for me, as I am sure it wasn't easy for the other woman either.
But we are grown adults and some of us make compromises every day, some minor... but some are very significant ones.
Life is made of a long string of compromises.. "
You compromised to fulfil your own fantasies... Not to fulfil someone else's |
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"I wouldnt be with someone who was lowering their standards for me."
I'm not sure that 'lowering standards' is the expression any of us really means in this context. It could be that the person is drop dead gorgeous, has a brilliant personality, and everything going for them, but for some reason there's something missing, that one thing that makes you want to get jiggy with someone. It's no reflection on them. It's just a lack of chemistry between you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about if you find a couple you both fancy and are looking forward to playing with, but when the time comes you realise the husband or wife of the other couple doesn't fancy one of you, but is still willing to go ahead?
We haven't been in that situation yet and we'll decide then, before crossing that bridge .
As a man, I would probably be less picky and go ahead, but my wife would probably say .. fuck this, let's go home and fuck the brains out of each other !
Casual sex with random people, is not what we are looking for in general, regardless of how good looking they are.
We were hoping to meet interesting people (singles/couples) and improve and enhance our sex life, it might take a while as the day to day outside Fab life, takes priority. "
Exactly this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise??? |
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"I know you said only for couples, but couldn't resist my initial respect of OPs request
Taking one for the team can be seen as faking orgasms too, or even as Phoenix mentioned, she gave an excuse for her FB as she noticed he was not feeling it. She in a sense took one for the team. Maybe it's not as bad a thing as some may think.
It may be more complicated with a couple, but for me as a single guy, if I feel I'm plan B then Ive said no thanks to the offer even though I may have been very into her in the lead up. That was taking one for my team in a sense.
If I felt I was plan B I would go for plan C....go home lol "
Yup. Plan B for me is nobody else and I'd hate to think I was someone's Plan B either. But then... What makes someone Plan A? And if Plan A keeps cancelling or can't meet for some time, do you put your needs on hold indefinitely or do you eventually make plans with a Plan B? Is it ok to be/have a Plan B as long as its not a last minute Plan B? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is this in a couple scenario or single or both.
If it's single then yah I hate having sex with someone just for sex it's boring and the sex doesn't have a meaning to it.
Couple I haven't any experience!. |
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"I wouldnt be with someone who was lowering their standards for me.
I'm not sure that 'lowering standards' is the expression any of us really means in this context. It could be that the person is drop dead gorgeous, has a brilliant personality, and everything going for them, but for some reason there's something missing, that one thing that makes you want to get jiggy with someone. It's no reflection on them. It's just a lack of chemistry between you. "
Well said and let's not put ourselves on a pedestal.
Almost everyone has something different to offer, be it sexual or not.
What someone finds attractive or interesting in another person, others can consider it to be just normal. |
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"Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise??? "
I'm not necessarily talking about expectations here. People who love each other will often make little sacrifices for each other without the other ever realising it even was a sacrifice or a compromise, so coercion or expectation doesn't have to come into it. Your partner could simply say to themself, 'he/she really wants this person, so I'll play along, because I want him/her to fulfil this wish/fantasy', and you may never even be aware that they'd had reservations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise??? "
nail on the head I agree with you a million percent
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"Is this in a couple scenario or single or both.
If it's single then yah I hate having sex with someone just for sex it's boring and the sex doesn't have a meaning to it.
Couple I haven't any experience!. "
Couples... It says it in the opening post. Singles decide who to have sex with based on their own attraction and needs, but for couples it's a little more complicated. If a single has regrets about having sex with someone, they just have to put on their big girl/boy pants and deal with it. For couples though it can mean bottling things up so they don't disappoint or hurt their partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise???
I'm not necessarily talking about expectations here. People who love each other will often make little sacrifices for each other without the other ever realising it even was a sacrifice or a compromise, so coercion or expectation doesn't have to come into it. Your partner could simply say to themself, 'he/she really wants this person, so I'll play along, because I want him/her to fulfil this wish/fantasy', and you may never even be aware that they'd had reservations. "
Eh no, because we discuss things in advance. Shagging someone you don't want to isn't exactly on the same level as being the one who gets up to make the coffee. |
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"Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise???
I'm not necessarily talking about expectations here. People who love each other will often make little sacrifices for each other without the other ever realising it even was a sacrifice or a compromise, so coercion or expectation doesn't have to come into it. Your partner could simply say to themself, 'he/she really wants this person, so I'll play along, because I want him/her to fulfil this wish/fantasy', and you may never even be aware that they'd had reservations.
Eh no, because we discuss things in advance. Shagging someone you don't want to isn't exactly on the same level as being the one who gets up to make the coffee. "
I didn't mean you... I was referring to people in general. Some do make those calls. I found the topic interesting when it came up in conversation, and thought it merited discussion. Something a bit meatier and more thought provoking than favorite songs or celebrity crushes for those who like a little variety |
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"I found the topic interesting when it came up in conversation, and thought it merited discussion. Something a bit meatier and more thought provoking than favorite songs or celebrity crushes for those who like a little variety "
.. and you were right to do so, keep posting interesting stuff  ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our relationship is our priority, neither of us expects the other to do anything we are not comfortable with. Why on earth would you be with someone who expected otherwise???
I'm not necessarily talking about expectations here. People who love each other will often make little sacrifices for each other without the other ever realising it even was a sacrifice or a compromise, so coercion or expectation doesn't have to come into it. Your partner could simply say to themself, 'he/she really wants this person, so I'll play along, because I want him/her to fulfil this wish/fantasy', and you may never even be aware that they'd had reservations.
Eh no, because we discuss things in advance. Shagging someone you don't want to isn't exactly on the same level as being the one who gets up to make the coffee.
I didn't mean you... I was referring to people in general. Some do make those calls. I found the topic interesting when it came up in conversation, and thought it merited discussion. Something a bit meatier and more thought provoking than favorite songs or celebrity crushes for those who like a little variety "
Each to their own, as they say, it's not something I would wish my partner to do, nor would I do it. |
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"I wouldnt be with someone who was lowering their standards for me.
I'm not sure that 'lowering standards' is the expression any of us really means in this context. It could be that the person is drop dead gorgeous, has a brilliant personality, and everything going for them, but for some reason there's something missing, that one thing that makes you want to get jiggy with someone. It's no reflection on them. It's just a lack of chemistry between you.
Well said and let's not put ourselves on a pedestal.
Almost everyone has something different to offer, be it sexual or not.
What someone finds attractive or interesting in another person, others can consider it to be just normal. "
If they normally require chemistry, then that is their standard. If they do not require chemistry to be with me, so that their husband can fuck a hottie I am with, then I would consider they are lowering their standards to be with me.
Hardly putting yourself on a pedestal by thinking people should like you, its just basic self worth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know you said only for couples, but couldn't resist my initial respect of OPs request
Taking one for the team can be seen as faking orgasms too, or even as Phoenix mentioned, she gave an excuse for her FB as she noticed he was not feeling it. She in a sense took one for the team. Maybe it's not as bad a thing as some may think.
It may be more complicated with a couple, but for me as a single guy, if I feel I'm plan B then Ive said no thanks to the offer even though I may have been very into her in the lead up. That was taking one for my team in a sense.
If I felt I was plan B I would go for plan C....go home lol
Yup. Plan B for me is nobody else and I'd hate to think I was someone's Plan B either. But then... What makes someone Plan A? And if Plan A keeps cancelling or can't meet for some time, do you put your needs on hold indefinitely or do you eventually make plans with a Plan B? Is it ok to be/have a Plan B as long as its not a last minute Plan B? "
Plan B is being a substitute a replacement if another has fallen through in my mind. Some guys may be happy with that, it's maybe the opportunity they wouldn't have otherwise had. Some go with last minute meets not thinking about this could be the case and doesn't bother them. Some couples put up status saying needing 4th to make foursome tonight for hotel meet, or lady says need male for hotel tonight, that screams someone pulled out. I've even had a direct message asking if I was free as her meet had pulled out last minute and she'd been interested in meeting me. My response is if you were interested why not arrange it with me in mind? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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would never take one for the team no manner who it was. we prefer to have the attraction there for all people concerned. otherwise whats the point in it? quality meets every time over the an hole is a goal approach so to speak  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That has happened to me when I was on here years ago with my Ex.
We were chatting away with a couple on the site and aswell as the phone, having the banter and all both exchange face pictures . So on the actual night, lovely looking couple, chatting away drink flowing,but nothing else happen after just ended up a session with plenty of laughs.
Then another time with another couple, just didn't get a good vibe from them,When us women started to play the men weren't allowed to watch us,but it was the most uncomfortable experience as soon as it started she would stop and kept asking was I really interested in doing this,I was like yes I am really interested and asked are you,as if your not than that's ok, when it came to the guys coming back in,Her husband wasn't allowed fuck me,which I didn't mind at all as he wasn't my type,but it still didn't stop him from trying to fuck me,While my ex was fucking his wife. And yes there is nothing as worse when someone doesn't want to be there,but is doing it out of fear of losing them.
That is why I had to stop swinging with my ex as I started to get turn off it altogether.
Had good experience at the start,meet amazing couples and people. But in the end I had to be true to myself and my well been. |
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that horrible both partners have to like the couple without chemistry it's no good ..i went to meet a couple with a friend but there was no chemistry between us .it was a complete waste of a meet . I could not get it up . we drove to far for the meet ..that did help either .. |
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"Most men here part of a couple, would hope that the other half would take one for the team , just to get "some" pussy!
We had this debate ourselves so many times, where I was willing to play with the other woman but my wife wasn't interested in the other man.
But, I am glad now that she was more mature than I was at the time and she did not accept to meet someone whom she didn't like.
We are still hoping to find that elusive couple, where everybody likes everybody ! "
a very sensible and sensitive approach |
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