FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Asking your wife to join fab!
Asking your wife to join fab!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you need to ask yourself how open she is to this kind of thing.
And decide on yoir approch are you going to tell her you have been on here playing as a single male?
If not what if she says yes and someone makes a silly good to see you here with the wife comment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you need to ask yourself how open she is to this kind of thing.
And decide on yoir approch are you going to tell her you have been on here playing as a single male?
If not what if she says yes and someone makes a silly good to see you here with the wife comment?"
Good point. If she agreed I would have to come clean about being on here as a single male.
That wouldn't go down too well! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice."
Thank you, good advice  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging to "save a marriage" is unlikely to work. It requires a lot of trust and honest communication. I would advise that you address the problems first (assuming you both wish to) and then it might be time to raise the subject of bringing others into your sex life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Swinging to "save a marriage" is unlikely to work. It requires a lot of trust and honest communication. I would advise that you address the problems first (assuming you both wish to) and then it might be time to raise the subject of bringing others into your sex life. "
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Definitely think that the full disclosure approach would be hard to take! Couples normally take a while to adjust to the swinging mentality with lots of communication and trust building along the way. From your starting point I would say that being open with your feelings is a good place to begin and reassure her that she is still your number 1. Vanilla folks can find it hard to separate sex with emotions tho so dont expect it to be easy. Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely think that the full disclosure approach would be hard to take! Couples normally take a while to adjust to the swinging mentality with lots of communication and trust building along the way. From your starting point I would say that being open with your feelings is a good place to begin and reassure her that she is still your number 1. Vanilla folks can find it hard to separate sex with emotions tho so dont expect it to be easy. Good luck!"
Thank you. Baby steps is definitely the best approach.
I have booked a midweek hotel break for us next week. It might be a good time to drop a subtle hint and see what she says. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You cant really be Discreet if you display easily identifiable marks...."
True. But I wanted to add some full body shots, didn't want all dick pics as profile pics. I suppose I could try to cover or scribble over them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Off topic but can I point out OP that your profile name may be a misnomer due to your very visible tattoos in your pics....
Misnomer?
'a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term'"
I get you know, my bad. |
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"Definitely think that the full disclosure approach would be hard to take! Couples normally take a while to adjust to the swinging mentality with lots of communication and trust building along the way. From your starting point I would say that being open with your feelings is a good place to begin and reassure her that she is still your number 1. Vanilla folks can find it hard to separate sex with emotions tho so dont expect it to be easy. Good luck!"
Very good advice ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Definitely think that the full disclosure approach would be hard to take! Couples normally take a while to adjust to the swinging mentality with lots of communication and trust building along the way. From your starting point I would say that being open with your feelings is a good place to begin and reassure her that she is still your number 1. Vanilla folks can find it hard to separate sex with emotions tho so dont expect it to be easy. Good luck!
Very good advice !"
Yes I appreciate every comment, cheers guys!
If you dont hear from me after Wednesday I have been murdered by the wife  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For what it's worth, OP, I know I'm neither married or have been part of an open relationship but as has been said if you see swinging as a means to "save your marriage" then it may be best to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Again, I can't speak as a partner or from a couple's point of view but I have always gathered from those I've met and spoken to that swinging isn't an 'olive branch' but an extension of their relationship; that being that it's not what's keeping them together.
Taking sex out of the equation and discussing what problems or issues there may be, without wanting to sound presumptuous or rude  may be more beneficial and, in fact, create a foundation to introduce such an idea.
Then, above all, if you do wish to introduce the topic of your sex life together then you'll need to be completely honest with her otherwise how could she trust you from that point on.
I hope you're able to find what you're looking for, on and off here, OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For what it's worth, OP, I know I'm neither married or have been part of an open relationship but as has been said if you see swinging as a means to "save your marriage" then it may be best to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Again, I can't speak as a partner or from a couple's point of view but I have always gathered from those I've met and spoken to that swinging isn't an 'olive branch' but an extension of their relationship; that being that it's not what's keeping them together.
Taking sex out of the equation and discussing what problems or issues there may be, without wanting to sound presumptuous or rude may be more beneficial and, in fact, create a foundation to introduce such an idea.
Then, above all, if you do wish to introduce the topic of your sex life together then you'll need to be completely honest with her otherwise how could she trust you from that point on.
I hope you're able to find what you're looking for, on and off here, OP "
Thanks bud. I should have said "save our sex life" instead of marriage. The marriage is ok, sex life sucks! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Off topic but can I point out OP that your profile name may be a misnomer due to your very visible tattoos in your pics....
Misnomer?
'a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term'"
Ps....... I took your advice regarding my profile pics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For what it's worth, OP, I know I'm neither married or have been part of an open relationship but as has been said if you see swinging as a means to "save your marriage" then it may be best to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Again, I can't speak as a partner or from a couple's point of view but I have always gathered from those I've met and spoken to that swinging isn't an 'olive branch' but an extension of their relationship; that being that it's not what's keeping them together.
Taking sex out of the equation and discussing what problems or issues there may be, without wanting to sound presumptuous or rude may be more beneficial and, in fact, create a foundation to introduce such an idea.
Then, above all, if you do wish to introduce the topic of your sex life together then you'll need to be completely honest with her otherwise how could she trust you from that point on.
I hope you're able to find what you're looking for, on and off here, OP
Thanks bud. I should have said "save our sex life" instead of marriage. The marriage is ok, sex life sucks!"
Sex issues often stem from other problems in the relationship |
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"Off topic but can I point out OP that your profile name may be a misnomer due to your very visible tattoos in your pics....
Misnomer?
'a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term'
Ps....... I took your advice regarding my profile pics "
Dont like your new profile pic  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Off topic but can I point out OP that your profile name may be a misnomer due to your very visible tattoos in your pics....
Misnomer?
'a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term'
Ps....... I took your advice regarding my profile pics
Dont like your new profile pic "
 leave it with me. |
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By *ucianpoundCouple
over a year ago
Cap d’Agde, France |
In virtually every meet we've ever had it's the guy that has introduced/encouraged his wife into swinging.
On our first meet my wife clung to me for dear life and was ready to bolt home at the first opportunity.
Now she loves the whole scene, the socialising, the dressing up, the teasing even though the sex is rarely as good as it is between the two of us.
She says that the guys she meets are polite, respectful, complimentary and smell good!
If your relationship is strong, swinging will make it stronger and a strong relationship is one where you can, and should be, totally honest with each other. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In virtually every meet we've ever had it's the guy that has introduced/encouraged his wife into swinging.
On our first meet my wife clung to me for dear life and was ready to bolt home at the first opportunity.
Now she loves the whole scene, the socialising, the dressing up, the teasing even though the sex is rarely as good as it is between the two of us.
She says that the guys she meets are polite, respectful, complimentary and smell good!
If your relationship is strong, swinging will make it stronger and a strong relationship is one where you can, and should be, totally honest with each other."
Thank you, good advice. Nice to hear that other people have been in the same situation and it worked out ok for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Off topic but can I point out OP that your profile name may be a misnomer due to your very visible tattoos in your pics....
Misnomer?
'a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term'"
Some may say it's discrete! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice "
What brought you on here in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice
What brought you on here in the first place. "
Sex life gone to shit, thats why I joined fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In virtually every meet we've ever had it's the guy that has introduced/encouraged his wife into swinging.
On our first meet my wife clung to me for dear life and was ready to bolt home at the first opportunity.
Now she loves the whole scene, the socialising, the dressing up, the teasing even though the sex is rarely as good as it is between the two of us.
She says that the guys she meets are polite, respectful, complimentary and smell good!
If your relationship is strong, swinging will make it stronger and a strong relationship is one where you can, and should be, totally honest with each other."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D"
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
"
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx"
In the end it could be a blessing in disguise for you Guys.
That was just my one bad experiences with it. As I also had a lot of learning to do about myself and my boundaries and comforts. Hence why I am back on here and I am enjoying it,and I have a Great Fuck Buddy to go on the Journey together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice
What brought you on here in the first place.
Sex life gone to shit, thats why I joined fab. "
So the solution was to join here ! Did you ever sit down and talk to her about your sex life?
Sorry but no one else has addressed the elephant in the room. Your married on a sex site as a single guy obviously getting ur cake and eating it whilst your wife is oblivious to the fact. How long you married? Personally I'd be livid if my husband turned around and told me he was on a sex site.
But best of luck op |
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"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx"
As well as all that, have you also considered that even if you communicate things with her and let's say she is open to the idea and tries it; would you really be ok with your wife doing things with others?
A lot of people like the ideas of these things in their heads but then when they go to try them the reality can be different. There can be a lot of teething errors at the beginning as things can go wrong as you keep learning and adjusting your rules and boundaries. Communication is always key. I learned all this from experience. And the thing is if you are on here without your wife's knowledge or your sex life has went downhill, that suggests to me that there is a lack of communication between you both.
Honesty, trust and communication are all very important things in a swinging relationship and how can she trust you of she finds out you have been on here behind her back?
As well as that, how would you feel if say your wife liked it so much but you decided you wanted to stop yet she didn't want to?
Or what if she were to meet someone else and leave you?
You need to be prepared for any and all eventualities.
A lot of people think about all the pros with swinging and what's in it for them but so many never consider the possible ill effects or consequences.
Just some food for thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx
As well as all that, have you also considered that even if you communicate things with her and let's say she is open to the idea and tries it; would you really be ok with your wife doing things with others?
A lot of people like the ideas of these things in their heads but then when they go to try them the reality can be different. There can be a lot of teething errors at the beginning as things can go wrong as you keep learning and adjusting your rules and boundaries. Communication is always key. I learned all this from experience. And the thing is if you are on here without your wife's knowledge or your sex life has went downhill, that suggests to me that there is a lack of communication between you both.
Honesty, trust and communication are all very important things in a swinging relationship and how can she trust you of she finds out you have been on here behind her back?
As well as that, how would you feel if say your wife liked it so much but you decided you wanted to stop yet she didn't want to?
Or what if she were to meet someone else and leave you?
You need to be prepared for any and all eventualities.
A lot of people think about all the pros with swinging and what's in it for them but so many never consider the possible ill effects or consequences.
Just some food for thought"
So, so true |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx
As well as all that, have you also considered that even if you communicate things with her and let's say she is open to the idea and tries it; would you really be ok with your wife doing things with others?
A lot of people like the ideas of these things in their heads but then when they go to try them the reality can be different. There can be a lot of teething errors at the beginning as things can go wrong as you keep learning and adjusting your rules and boundaries. Communication is always key. I learned all this from experience. And the thing is if you are on here without your wife's knowledge or your sex life has went downhill, that suggests to me that there is a lack of communication between you both.
Honesty, trust and communication are all very important things in a swinging relationship and how can she trust you of she finds out you have been on here behind her back?
As well as that, how would you feel if say your wife liked it so much but you decided you wanted to stop yet she didn't want to?
Or what if she were to meet someone else and leave you?
You need to be prepared for any and all eventualities.
A lot of people think about all the pros with swinging and what's in it for them but so many never consider the possible ill effects or consequences.
Just some food for thought"
Alot of good points here. A lot to think about. Thanks bud! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice
What brought you on here in the first place.
Sex life gone to shit, thats why I joined fab.
So the solution was to join here ! Did you ever sit down and talk to her about your sex life?
Sorry but no one else has addressed the elephant in the room. Your married on a sex site as a single guy obviously getting ur cake and eating it whilst your wife is oblivious to the fact. How long you married? Personally I'd be livid if my husband turned around and told me he was on a sex site.
But best of luck op "
I wouldn't blame you for being livid. Married 8 years |
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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago
City Centre |
OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes? "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice
What brought you on here in the first place.
Sex life gone to shit, thats why I joined fab.
So the solution was to join here ! Did you ever sit down and talk to her about your sex life?
Sorry but no one else has addressed the elephant in the room. Your married on a sex site as a single guy obviously getting ur cake and eating it whilst your wife is oblivious to the fact. How long you married? Personally I'd be livid if my husband turned around and told me he was on a sex site.
But best of luck op
I wouldn't blame you for being livid. Married 8 years"
I'm not livid with you lol but if I was in your situation, there could be reasons why your sex life sucks, not all women enjoy sex and we are extremely emotional creatures. At least by talking to her you might discover the issue. |
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"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D"
You left out number (3) she agrees starts having mind blowing sex with other men and realises you’re not enough for her and leaves you for another man |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Without kmowing your wife it is impossible to predict her specific reaction.
Have you ever discussed the topic of swinging in general without a personal wish in the convo ?
If not.. maybe try bring up that way and ease yourself into the question without directly saying..
"Hey babezzzz. Wot aboot me and u fuck some randomers off da intanets" lol.
You know your wife. See how she responds to general questions about it before asking her to get involved would be my advice.
Thank you, good advice
What brought you on here in the first place.
Sex life gone to shit, thats why I joined fab.
So the solution was to join here ! Did you ever sit down and talk to her about your sex life?
Sorry but no one else has addressed the elephant in the room. Your married on a sex site as a single guy obviously getting ur cake and eating it whilst your wife is oblivious to the fact. How long you married? Personally I'd be livid if my husband turned around and told me he was on a sex site.
But best of luck op
I wouldn't blame you for being livid. Married 8 years
I'm not livid with you lol but if I was in your situation, there could be reasons why your sex life sucks, not all women enjoy sex and we are extremely emotional creatures. At least by talking to her you might discover the issue."
Very true, thank you, good advice |
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By *eijaWoman
over a year ago
City Centre |
"OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes? "
That's your reply 
So it's really you want your cake and eat it... |
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"OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes? "
You think he should try crossdressing with his wife ?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes?
That's your reply
So it's really you want your cake and eat it..."
LOL.... working at the moment and doing my best to reply to everyone. I appreciate every comment. Alot of great advice here, I am glad I started the forum |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP the swinging lifestyle is about trust, respect and openness...
You are on the scene without your wife's knowledge and have stated your sex life sucks how do you think that swinging is going to 'fix' that?
Have your ever put yourself in your wife's shoes?
You think he should try crossdressing with his wife ?? "
They wouldn't fit, im a size 10 |
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First of all u need to take time for urself and ur wife... To enjoy each other's company and have fun together... Explore and experiment... If shes happy too... Been honest and open with her about what u wld like to try... No point introducing fab or swinging to her until ye are on the same page... And ye need alot of trust in a marriage or a relationship before that can happen... Good luck... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"First of all u need to take time for urself and ur wife... To enjoy each other's company and have fun together... Explore and experiment... If shes happy too... Been honest and open with her about what u wld like to try... No point introducing fab or swinging to her until ye are on the same page... And ye need alot of trust in a marriage or a relationship before that can happen... Good luck... "
Honesty and trust seems to be the best way forward. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"First of all u need to take time for urself and ur wife... To enjoy each other's company and have fun together... Explore and experiment... If shes happy too... Been honest and open with her about what u wld like to try... No point introducing fab or swinging to her until ye are on the same page... And ye need alot of trust in a marriage or a relationship before that can happen... Good luck... "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D
I was on here years ago with my Ex. We discussed open relationship, I tired iT out,but was very content with Us,So swinging was suggested on his part, I agree but truth be told it was pure out of the fear of losing him. Not for what it is really for.
We had other things going on.so it didn't work out for us,After 13yrs and two kids.Because basically There was No Thurst No Respect No Honest Communication .and I didn't like who I became in the relationship towards the end.
Plus You really need to address why you found yourself been on here,As chances are in reality She has a feeling things are not as they Seem. Best of luck with it whatever happens Hopefully we will see you both on here.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate you sharing your story. I would hate to think that I am forcing her to do something she really doesn't want to do. I have a lot to consider.
Thanks everyone for the advice xx
As well as all that, have you also considered that even if you communicate things with her and let's say she is open to the idea and tries it; would you really be ok with your wife doing things with others?
A lot of people like the ideas of these things in their heads but then when they go to try them the reality can be different. There can be a lot of teething errors at the beginning as things can go wrong as you keep learning and adjusting your rules and boundaries. Communication is always key. I learned all this from experience. And the thing is if you are on here without your wife's knowledge or your sex life has went downhill, that suggests to me that there is a lack of communication between you both.
Honesty, trust and communication are all very important things in a swinging relationship and how can she trust you of she finds out you have been on here behind her back?
As well as that, how would you feel if say your wife liked it so much but you decided you wanted to stop yet she didn't want to?
Or what if she were to meet someone else and leave you?
You need to be prepared for any and all eventualities.
A lot of people think about all the pros with swinging and what's in it for them but so many never consider the possible ill effects or consequences.
Just some food for thought"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you can't fix your sex life yourself, what makes you think that adding other people into it is going to fix it?
Try making her feel good about herself, cook her dinner, run her a bath, give her a massage. Show her that she is the sexiest woman in your eyes & that no other woman comes close. She needs to trust you & obviously she can't.
Get off your phone & spend time with her, really with her, not just sitting on separate sofas watching tv.
Sexual issues stem from relationship issues. Working out what that is, is key. |
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" To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
"
What makes you think, that she would swing with you?
She might decide to have fun on her own, with the guys she decides, now that she and you are free to swing! 
You do realise, that women on Fab are a minority and she would be inundated with messages from a lot of guys and you've no way to stop it?  |
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This is a great point and one that most guys fail to consider. As a couple who sometimes play separately, giving control to your partner is a tough thing to do and needs total trust and confidence in your relationship. Also needs the guy not to see his wife/partner as an object that he “owns”. |
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This may have been posted above but if I were your wife I would be deeply hurt to find out you had been sleeping with people behind my back and the conversation wouldn't progress much beyond that.
This is not a judgement on you. I don't care what you do.
Swinging and sleeping with other people are two very different things and having discussed this in our relationship we realised that the betrayal is worse than the act.
I cannot emphasise enough how much this is not a judgement on anyone who is married on here. |
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By *aidbare5Couple
over a year ago
down the road |
"Married 8 years, my wife does not know that I sometimes have fun on this site.
To be honest I would love for the two of us to be on it, meeting up with other couples and going to social events.
If I bring it up it could go one of two ways:
(1) She agrees and it saves our marriage
(2) She has the mother of all hissy fits!!
I would love to hear from people that have been in this situation??
And any honest advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D"
The way I see it it will only go one way and that will be with you packing your bags. You have been cheating on her. Trust is everything especially for a couple entering the lifestyle. If she does consider it as for improving your sex life, if one doesn't already exist swinging won't make it any better.
Probably best to stay quiet unless you want to clear your conscience! |
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"As a couple who sometimes play separately, giving control to your partner is a tough thing to do and needs total trust and confidence in your relationship. "
Trust, is the hardest thing to hold on to and the easiest thing to lose.
If you still have feelings for your wife and if you want her sexualy, have a honest discussion about you two.
Keep Fab, swinging, casual sex and you cheating on her, out of your initial discussion.
Try to find out if there is any hope for the two of you and see if she still wants you.
If you both still want each other and both of you are willing to work on it, then your sex life will improve too.
If she starts feeling wanted and appreciated again, you will be amazed what she will be willing to try with you sexualy.
Casual sex and swinging is not always as rewarding as many might think, but a strong loving relationship it always is.
If you look around Fab on both profiles and forum comments, the majority of women here, want a little bit more than sex and hard pounding.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is a dilemma for lots of people. They still love or at least have feelings for their partners. But want more sexual variety.
Can you cheat and still maintain the relationship?
Or will coming clean and inviting your partner to participate be terrific?
I would suggest being very confident that your partner will answer positvely before you ask.
And of course you should still do all the good things to enhance your emotional and sexual relationship ... time, consideration, massage, spontaneity, etc.
Id love if I could invite my wife onto Fab but I know it would devastate her.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is a dilemma for lots of people. They still love or at least have feelings for their partners. But want more sexual variety.
Can you cheat and still maintain the relationship?
Or will coming clean and inviting your partner to participate be terrific?
I would suggest being very confident that your partner will answer positvely before you ask.
And of course you should still do all the good things to enhance your emotional and sexual relationship ... time, consideration, massage, spontaneity, etc.
Id love if I could invite my wife onto Fab but I know it would devastate her.
"
Cheers! Good to hear from someone in the same boat |
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"This is a dilemma for lots of people. They still love or at least have feelings for their partners. But want more sexual variety.
Can you cheat and still maintain the relationship?
Or will coming clean and inviting your partner to participate be terrific?
I would suggest being very confident that your partner will answer positvely before you ask.
And of course you should still do all the good things to enhance your emotional and sexual relationship ... time, consideration, massage, spontaneity, etc.
Id love if I could invite my wife onto Fab but I know it would devastate her.
"
And yet here you are .......
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Some people will never understand that convincing their wife to have casual sex with other men, will never fix their marriage or sexual issues.
For a couple, it takes a very strong bond, to venture into the swinging lifestyle and still keep the couple together.
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"Yes here I am. That was my point. "
Your point is that your wife would be devastated to find you here but you’re staying here anyway ?? Not sure what you’re looking. Validation? Empathy ? Sympathy ? Drama ? Don’t start a post unless you’re prepared to listen to a range of opinions
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I think a lot of men assume their wives would be shocked if they brought up opening up their relationship. There is this perception that women don’t think about having sex with other men apart from their husbands.
It was me (fem half) who brought it up in our relationship, who found fab, set up an account etc.
The advice I would give is to watch something on tv or Netflix about non-monogamy together, then talk about it afterwards. Real Life Wife Swap or something like that. Gauge her reaction from that.
She might think that you would get jealous at the idea of her with someone else.
It’s about communication ultimately. |
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Do you really think...yes love I've been fucking other women from a swingers site behind your back....now lets join as a couple so I can fuck them in front of you' will go down well? More than likely you will be back as a genuine single man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you really think...yes love I've been fucking other women from a swingers site behind your back....now lets join as a couple so I can fuck them in front of you' will go down well? More than likely you will be back as a genuine single man. "
If you're going to do it, test the waters. Work up to it. If you think there's going to be a negative reaction ... abandon! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Quick update.......
We sat down over the weekend with a bottle of wine and I told her that a friend at work was telling me about swinging with his wife, attending socials, meeting up with other couples for nights out. Her reply was " thats disgusting, he must be some creep!"  
Think it might be time to get off this site and make more of an effort with my relationship.
Appreciate every comment I received. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Quick update.......
We sat down over the weekend with a bottle of wine and I told her that a friend at work was telling me about swinging with his wife, attending socials, meeting up with other couples for nights out. Her reply was " thats disgusting, he must be some creep!"
Think it might be time to get off this site and make more of an effort with my relationship.
Appreciate every comment I received. "
For the sake of your marriage, that sounds like the right choice. Good luck to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Quick update.......
We sat down over the weekend with a bottle of wine and I told her that a friend at work was telling me about swinging with his wife, attending socials, meeting up with other couples for nights out. Her reply was " thats disgusting, he must be some creep!"
Think it might be time to get off this site and make more of an effort with my relationship.
Appreciate every comment I received. "
Good luck. Now you know what she thinks. |
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