FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Is cheating inevitable?

Is cheating inevitable?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What do you guys think about cheating?

Pyschology says we are pretty much programmed to have multiple partners. It's human nature to find multiple people sexually attractive and its human instinct to 'mate' with multiple partners.

This obviously suggests that we are not wired / programmed to only have one partner.

What are your thoughts?

Are people that cheat a victim of human nature? Or are they just assholes.

Can a person genuinely want to have sex with one person and never ever want to have sex with another?

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

I never understand cheating. If you want to play with others don't cheat. Simple. Don't hurt others for your own gratification. Couples who play with others is different. They play with their partners knowledge. The hurt you cause by cheating can damage beyond repair .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

But what if its just human instinct? You can love someone but still cheat because its just human nature to find others sexually attractive. You don't suddenly lose interest in everyone you found sexually attractive just because you found love for example

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheating is a big no no.I know there are lots of reasons for and against.But believe on the end someone aleays gets hurt.This is just my opinion.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them. "

Yes you can. Cheating is NOTHING to do with love. The same way you don't fuck a guy because you love him. We all want to believe we are good people and that we wouldn't intentionally to bad things etc

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

My opinion and yours are completely different. We'll leave it at that.

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By *oghunter33Woman over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else than your partner is regarded as cheating because of the morals deriving from the norm 'monogamy'.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My opinion and yours are completely different. We'll leave it at that. "

Are you living in a bubble? Iam talking about psychology not just my opinion. Studies have been done in relation to this. This isn't just an opinion.

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By *osyMan over a year ago

athlone

It only sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??"

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else than your partner is regarded as cheating because of the morals deriving from the norm 'monogamy'. "

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves"

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop"

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can I ask you OP, have you ever loved anyone with all your heart, with evey fibre of your being?? Only to find out they cheated on you.Would you accept that they werent cheating on you, they just fucked around behind your back!!.Trust me on this as I have been there and it hurts more than you will ever know.The feeling of inadequasy, the loneliness of not having the trust of your partner.No one and I dont care if they have umpteen letters after their name can tell me its ok.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love "

You've NEVER been in love. Sorry to hear that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. "
its because some want their cake and to eat it...

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. its because some want their cake and to eat it..."

What kinda cake???

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. "

To me if you cheat on the person you say you love u are a arse hole and lack respect for that person

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Can I ask you OP, have you ever loved anyone with all your heart, with evey fibre of your being?? Only to find out they cheated on you.Would you accept that they werent cheating on you, they just fucked around behind your back!!.Trust me on this as I have been there and it hurts more than you will ever know.The feeling of inadequasy, the loneliness of not having the trust of your partner.No one and I dont care if they have umpteen letters after their name can tell me its ok."

Iam not suggesting it's ok. Iam just putting it out there that it's not all about love. Research / study of human behaviour proves its nothing to do with love. People genuinely love their partners yet still cheat.

It's more to do with an individual being selfish then it is about love. Not everyone that cheats is an asshole btw. We want to label them as such because its hurtful and wrong etc but the reality is that good people sometimes cheat to.

The question is why do people do it? And iam merely pointing out that psychology suggests that its simply human nature. If you go back thousands of years for example, we were basically animals. We mated then moved on to the next partner and mated again and so on. We were never supposed to find a partner and just stay with them for ever. It's society that has imposed on us that belief.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. its because some want their cake and to eat it...

What kinda cake???

Cake...who where when???

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By *ustforfun90777Man over a year ago

Enfield

I think the op is make a valid point, if human beings were all the same. The animal kingdom(for the most part) works on instinct i.e. mate with as many as possible. But humans aren’t that way, for the most part. We have an emotional connection, we are jealous creatures. While the psychology might point that we are meant to cheat, the use of the word cheat is already suggestive of lying. Humans are prob meant to mate with many for reproductive reason. But not the reasons you stated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love

You've NEVER been in love. Sorry to hear that. "

Iam sorry you can't grasp the simplicity of what iam saying.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love

You've NEVER been in love. Sorry to hear that.

Iam sorry you can't grasp the simplicity of what iam saying. "

Oh I do understand where you're coming from.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love

You've NEVER been in love. Sorry to hear that.

Iam sorry you can't grasp the simplicity of what iam saying.

Oh I do understand where you're coming from. "

So why have i never been in love?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Our instincts are inevitable, our actions are choices. If you love and respect someone who would be hurt by you cheating, then you don't cheat. There are other options for those who feel monogamy isn't for them. If you don't love or respect your partner, you will find ways to justify your actions.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

"Let me get this straight.Are you saying its ok to cheat so long as you dont love the person you are cheating with??

Iam simply saying cheating has nothing to do with love. To say it is is to imply that everyone will cheat. It just depends on wether they love you or not. It has absolutely nothing to do with love

You've NEVER been in love. Sorry to hear that.

Iam sorry you can't grasp the simplicity of what iam saying.

Oh I do understand where you're coming from.

So why have i never been in love? "

Not for me to say.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Our instincts are inevitable, our actions are choices. If you love and respect someone who would be hurt by you cheating, then you don't cheat. There are other options for those who feel monogamy isn't for them. If you don't love or respect your partner, you will find ways to justify your actions. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Good response, well wrote. I agree, but if something is instinctive then what if it happens so quickly before you even realise you had a choice..... If that makes sense. Iam with you on what your saying btw. Iam just wondering if it's possible that our instincts make us react subconsciously? We all would like to think we are in control of these things but what if we are not. Our minds control us for example. We don't control our minds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that's a little simplistic, it's not as though the irresistible urge to cheat comes upon us while walking around a shop - assuming absence of mental illness. People pretend stuff is harmless while knowing quite well where it is likely to lead if continued.

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By *igBlondeDommeWoman over a year ago

middle of nowhere

If you react to your instincts that quickly you're thinking only of yourself and not your partner. That's where options come in .

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By *unlinguyMan over a year ago

South Dublin

Some animals mate for life... but when you commit to someone and they commit to you well if they cheat on you then be they a good or bad person does not matter for that act they are an asshole and simply cant be trusted no more, same for you if you cheat then you're the asshole and cant be trusted. Here is a question.. if 2 different people are in 2 different relationships and meet ea h other and cheat with ea h other.. then leave their respective partners and star a relationship themselfs .. can they ever really trust ea h other? Is it ok for them to cheat on each other? Will it actually be cheating if they did do it?

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By *he rover returnedWoman over a year ago

xxx

Cheating and havi g sex with others with your partners knowledge are very different beasts. I agree we're not hardwired to be monogamous but that doesn't mean you've a free pass to fuck anything with a pulse. I you love someone and in a committed relationship respect for that person comes before everything else. If you cant respect someone its nothing to do with evaluation it just means your a bit of an arsehole

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you react to your instincts that quickly you're thinking only of yourself and not your partner. That's where options come in ."

The inability to consider the probable consequences of our actions is of course indicative of a brain that isn't fully developed a.k.a.immaturity.

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By *unlinguyMan over a year ago

South Dublin

Some animals mate for life, as for "society" there are tribes still in brasil rain forests that are nothing to do with outside ways of life and cultures and they pick a mate for life. I think people use the excuse that people were ment to not pair for life as an excuse to cheat.. see what you would say if caught your partner in bed with someone and they say.. but honey.. we are not ment be with just 1 person..

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By *unlinguyMan over a year ago

South Dublin

Just makin excuses, if that one doesnt work it will be the old faithful" honey i was d*unk"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What if your partner is no longer sexually active in any form,and has told their partner to go on ahead and get sex elsewhere as long as its not a lady of the night and condom is used, ref to it being either M/F

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By *unlinguyMan over a year ago

South Dublin

"What if your partner is no longer sexually active in any form,and has told their partner to go on ahead and get sex elsewhere as long as its not a lady of the night and condom is used, ref to it being either M/F"

Not cheating, partner knows and gave consent. Nothing like cheating at all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then that's between them, cheating implies deceit, of course the issue for a third party is that they have no way of knowing if it is true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you react to your instincts that quickly you're thinking only of yourself and not your partner. That's where options come in .

The inability to consider the probable consequences of our actions is of course indicative of a brain that isn't fully developed a.k.a.immaturity."

Hmmm very well put. You would definetly think that a large % of people that cheat are indeed immature perhaps. But i guess you could also dig deeper and wonder is it really only immature people that cheat? If its human nature then perhaps immature people are more exposed to it as opposed to actually consciously pursuing it in the same way that depression isn't a choice but rather some peoples minds just work against them for various reasons.

Either way. It's an interesting subject imo and i don't think anyone is necessarily right or wrong. I think it's complex goes way beyond just simply saying that it's to do with love or that they are assholes etc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree OP and think it’s very complex. I’ve been on both sides and neither is nice.

I recommend watching Esther Perel’s Ted Talk about this - she’s a counselor and sex therapist who has written extensively on the subject.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. its because some want their cake and to eat it...

What kinda cake???

"
What ever type of cake you want it to be

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I agree OP and think it’s very complex. I’ve been on both sides and neither is nice.

I recommend watching Esther Perel’s Ted Talk about this - she’s a counselor and sex therapist who has written extensively on the subject."

I know people who have cheated and pretty much just don't particularly care nor regret it. I know others who totally loved their partners and they don't even know why they cheated. They can't explain or understand it themselves. They almost feel like it just happened subconsciously. I know for a fact this person loved their partner dearly but they were sadly unable to control their emotions when sexual attraction was combined with the perfect circumstances. It's a horrible thing but it's definetly more complex then people think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you react to your instincts that quickly you're thinking only of yourself and not your partner. That's where options come in .

The inability to consider the probable consequences of our actions is of course indicative of a brain that isn't fully developed a.k.a.immaturity.

Indeed it is complex, however I don't think you can separate the act of sex with another party from the potential negative effects, on yourself, on your partner if they find out, or on the relationship itself (irrespective of whether or not the partner is aware). As adults, we should own our choices and actions. Disingenuity isn't plausible in people above a certain age.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree OP and think it’s very complex. I’ve been on both sides and neither is nice.

I recommend watching Esther Perel’s Ted Talk about this - she’s a counselor and sex therapist who has written extensively on the subject.

Guilt is sometimes a reflection of how our actions failed to meet with the image we have of ourselves. It can be difficult for people to face up to this and accept themselves.

Cheating is often a symptom of issues within a relationship rather than the cause (possibly even a passive-aggressive revenge on a partner), or it may be triggered by a need within the person themselves - for attention, excitement, validation for example. This could arise as a result of their partner's behaviour or it might be unrelated.

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By *P_80Man over a year ago

Waterford

[Removed by poster at 01/11/18 12:48:00]

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By *P_80Man over a year ago

Waterford

Cheating is essentially a breaking of trust, or bond, regardless of biology.

You can't choose to not be attracted to someone else, but you sure can choose to not act on it.

It comes down to discipline.

If you want multiple partners then don't commit to one person. Simple.

It's a very selfish thing to get into a relationship with someone knowing that you will actively deceive them and have sex with others. I've done it over the years but looking back now with an older and wiser head I've realized it's a shitty thing to do. It's the reason I don't bother with relationships anymore. I've realized they're not for me and I'm done hurting people because of it.

I do believe 100% that sex and love can be two different things and if both partners are on that page then great.

But using biology as an excuse for a lack of respect for someone is only kidding yourself.

I'm not judging anyone, this is just my view on it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But u are getting consent to sleep with other people so therefore it isn't classed as cheating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. its because some want their cake and to eat it...

What kinda cake???

What ever type of cake you want it to be

"
Nom Nom....yes please

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

I have often felt a primal urge to st..ngle people that have annoyed me...but guess what i don't do it because its just not the right thing to do no matter how attractive it might seem at the time...mrs _avie t

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

My ex cheated on me with multiple women during our marriage

I have never cheated in my life

I don't see the point or reason to want to cheat when I'm happy and in love with the man I have in my life

In my opinion, if you cheat, or have the urge to cheat then you're not really in love with the person you're in a relationship with

But maybe I'm just wired wrong

Tina

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By *ilderMan over a year ago

dublin

The only thing inevitable about life is death

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The only thing inevitable about life is death

And paying your tax

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By *ortobello SionnachWoman over a year ago

Dublin

"Cheating is essentially a breaking of trust, or bond, regardless of biology.

You can't choose to not be attracted to someone else, but you sure can choose to not act on it.

It comes down to discipline.

If you want multiple partners then don't commit to one person. Simple.

I do believe 100% that sex and love can be two different things and if both partners are on that page then great.

But using biology as an excuse for a lack of respect for someone is only kidding yourself.

I'm not judging anyone, this is just my view on it."

I wouldn't go totally with that but most of it makes a lot of seance and its hard to disagree with the sentiment.

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By *willfindyouWoman over a year ago

Not looking to meet new peeps.

I was cheated on.. its terrible and wouldn't wish it on anyone.. haven't been able to move on since. Hense why I am here.

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By *lay2018Couple over a year ago

westmeath & roscommon.

Cheated on is devastating. Getting lied to till their blue in the face is even worse! Even when you know, people can still look you in the face and lie about their dirty deeds.

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By *P_80Man over a year ago

Waterford

"Cheating is essentially a breaking of trust, or bond, regardless of biology.

You can't choose to not be attracted to someone else, but you sure can choose to not act on it.

It comes down to discipline.

If you want multiple partners then don't commit to one person. Simple.

I do believe 100% that sex and love can be two different things and if both partners are on that page then great.

But using biology as an excuse for a lack of respect for someone is only kidding yourself.

I'm not judging anyone, this is just my view on it.

I wouldn't go totally with that but most of it makes a lot of seance and its hard to disagree with the sentiment. "

I perhaps should have made it clearer that I don't view sleeping with other partners while in a relationship as cheating if both parties are on board.

To me, cheating is being deceitful; like getting into a relationship with someone who expects monogamy and actively seeking sex elsewhere behind their back.

But I say again, I'm not judging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My opinion and yours are completely different. We'll leave it at that.

Are you living in a bubble? Iam talking about psychology not just my opinion. Studies have been done in relation to this. This isn't just an opinion. "

'Studies' ? What 'studies' ? If you are just referring to outside sources for your argument, then you have no real opinion on the subject.

If you call it 'cheating', then you ARE cheating - right ? If one person cheats, then they are either not happy with the relationship, greedy or bored or feel trapped or dissatisfied or any other number of reasons why people cheat.

You can't just cheat and then say, "oh well, it wasn't my fault - blame human nature". That's a major cop out. You are in a relationship by choice. That choice means that you choose to be in a sexual relationship with that person and that person only - as in, you both agree to sacrifice that urge to stray and fuck other people every chance you get. It's a sacrifice you both make for the ideal of the relationship. Unless you both agree otherwise and negotiate different terms.

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By *m389Man over a year ago

Bromley

Just want to complicate the thread a bit more.

What if the person is hiring a hooker?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are designed to be sexually attracted to others regardless of our relationship status.

But society says we have to be faithful to 1 person.

Nature tends to out trump society, hence the reason why most marriages fail is due to cheating.

Monogamy doesn't work due to nature's "roving eye!"

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By *evil_u_knowMan over a year ago

city

We are not animals working at a base instinct level. If being with one girl is not for you fine dont do it, if you are "programmed" to stick your dick in everything, say it loud, say it proud, dont mess girls/guys around telling them they are the one while you believe its impossible to do so, that you are physically and psychologically incapable of even attempting to do so.

Me personally, I think its natural for highly evolved animals to mate up and try make it work with one other.

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By *lassicpMan over a year ago

Kerry

"Monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else than your partner is regarded as cheating because of the morals deriving from the norm 'monogamy'. "

Very true,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Class! That’s the first time I’ve heard someone refer to a Ted Talk on fab.. love it

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By *oghunter33Woman over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

It's kinda funny we're all here to indulge in non-monogamic sex yet the morals based on monogamy dictated how we judge someone who seeks extra-relationship sex.

It shows how deeply we have engrained the monogamy principles, the sense of partner ownership and sex as the holy grail of the relationship.

Would we feel so much hurt when our partner has some extra fun if we were able to properly free ourselfs from those restrictions of monogamy?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would we feel so much hurt when our partner has some extra fun if we were able to properly free ourselfs from those restrictions of monogamy? "

How would you feel if you came home one night after an awful day - you got some bad news or had a terrible day at work. And the partner you live with has left a note saying that she/he is spending the night (or longer) at someone else's place - pretty much in order to have sex with them. Reckon you'd feel hurt much ?

My point is, we tend to separate sex from intimacy. That's why monogamy is important in relationships. It's a commitment based around intimacy and sex is a massively integrated part of that.

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By *angtasticallyMan over a year ago

Drogheda

Instincts,are not it about

Be responsible and if your action are,hurting others well it selfish...so no to cheating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/11/18 10:50:38]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/11/18 10:55:31]

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

For most ppl its not the having sex thats the problem its the dishonesty...if that weren't the case this lifestyle wouldn't work for couples..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheating is a choice.

We are meant to procreate.

Monogamy is also a choice.

Being in a relationship were both partners swing,either together or separately is a way to less hurt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just wondering how people in a supposed loving relationship can have sex with other people even with their partners consent.And is it ok to have sex with someone else as long as you tell your partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't personal get why would you cheat , if you love and care for your partner that much you wouldn't cheat .

"To say it's programed into us to cheat" is something that needs some facts to back your statement up .Because it comes across to me as something made up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For most ppl its not the having sex thats the problem its the dishonesty...if that weren't the case this lifestyle wouldn't work for couples.."
So it's ok too have sex with anyone as long as you tell your partner your going to do it.

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By *ocforuMan over a year ago

Cork City

I think people should think before saying stuff my friend is with this woman for 17 years married for 7 years he's always talking about there relationship and they have two kid's he tells me that she goes out nearly every second week and he's at home with the kids he's never out and their sex life is Crap they might have sex 3 or 4 times a year but he still loves her I wouldn't blame him for having sex with another woman

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

"For most ppl its not the having sex thats the problem its the dishonesty...if that weren't the case this lifestyle wouldn't work for couples.. So it's ok too have sex with anyone as long as you tell your partner your going to do it."

Its not telling them its a 2 way discussion

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you guys think about cheating?

Pyschology says we are pretty much programmed to have multiple partners. It's human nature to find multiple people sexually attractive and its human instinct to 'mate' with multiple partners.

This obviously suggests that we are not wired / programmed to only have one partner.

What are your thoughts?

Are people that cheat a victim of human nature? Or are they just assholes.

Can a person genuinely want to have sex with one person and never ever want to have sex with another? "

You are implying or simply trying to justify that becos you are MALE that you are entitled to cheat BUT that is not the truth you are an ADULT which makes you capable of knowing right from wrong and if you cheat just becos you feel you can or becos you are male or becos you want the good wifey at home witht eh bita burger on the side then yes you are an asshole.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think people should think before saying stuff my friend is with this woman for 17 years married for 7 years he's always talking about there relationship and they have two kid's he tells me that she goes out nearly every second week and he's at home with the kids he's never out and their sex life is Crap they might have sex 3 or 4 times a year but he still loves her I wouldn't blame him for having sex with another woman"

No excuse for cheating. Two wrongs dont make a right. Ive had guys tell me shes not givning me sex but i lov her I cant leave her just becos theres no sex. If sex is so important why is he looking somewhere else for it. YAWN leave her simples!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheating is essentially a breaking of trust, or bond, regardless of biology.

You can't choose to not be attracted to someone else, but you sure can choose to not act on it.

It comes down to discipline.

If you want multiple partners then don't commit to one person. Simple.

I do believe 100% that sex and love can be two different things and if both partners are on that page then great.

But using biology as an excuse for a lack of respect for someone is only kidding yourself.

I'm not judging anyone, this is just my view on it."

My judgement on a cheater is simple.........Of course i judge you..........you are lying and cheating on the person you claim to love or what ever but yet here you are trying to find someone else to have sex with.........so I judge you as being a liar and a cheat..........therefore why would i wana meet someone like that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We are all responsible for our own actions full stop

Of course but the question wasn't "who's responsible"

There is a reason people cheat and its not because they are all bad people or because they didn't love the person. "

Who are you trying to justify cheating too? Most post about this subject is about justifying their conscience. And though society may impose regulations it doesn't control your conscience. That's far deeper in our database. Imo.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic."

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/11/18 00:03:02]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong. "

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it."

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

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By *ixpackCouple over a year ago

South

"It's kinda funny we're all here to indulge in non-monogamic sex yet the morals based on monogamy dictated how we judge someone who seeks extra-relationship sex.

It shows how deeply we have engrained the monogamy principles, the sense of partner ownership and sex as the holy grail of the relationship.

Would we feel so much hurt when our partner has some extra fun if we were able to properly free ourselfs from those restrictions of monogamy? "

I don't think relationships are just about monogomy..its much more than that..its about respect for each other and trust. For instance if I lied and said I had to work the weekend but went on the piss with my mates that would be deceitful and disrespectful. Doesnt have anything to do with sex.

To me this seems pretty straightforward. If you wish to do something, be it sex related or otherwise, your other half should know and be comfortable with your actions. They are supposed to be the most important person in your life and you are theirs. Your actions could destroy them and turn there world upside down. There is no excuse to justify that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not telling them its a 2 way discussion"
Should you have a partner if you need others to be totally satisfied.What happens when one decides they don't want this (lifestyle) anymore and the other doesn't want to give up the bit on the side.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic."

so ok lets turn this around ask your wife or girlfriend or whomever you are attached to what they think of you lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not telling them its a 2 way discussion Should you have a partner if you need others to be totally satisfied.What happens when one decides they don't want this (lifestyle) anymore and the other doesn't want to give up the bit on the side."

Then as with any other issues of possible incompatibility they discuss it like adults and decide on the way forward. We all change throughout life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then as with any other issues of possible incompatibility they discuss it like adults and decide on the way forward. We all change throughout life. "
But what if I'm not prepared to give up our bit on the side for you of course I still love you but I need the sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then as with any other issues of possible incompatibility they discuss it like adults and decide on the way forward. We all change throughout life. But what if I'm not prepared to give up our bit on the side for you of course I still love you but I need the sex."

Then have the spine to leave and let the other party find someone they are suited to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then have the spine to leave and let the other party find someone they are suited to. "
Would you think that happens quite a bit in that kind of lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then have the spine to leave and let the other party find someone they are suited to. Would you think that happens quite a bit in that kind of lifestyle."

I have no idea.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinger are just people, no doubt they are as capable as anyone else of lying to get what they want. Even in an active non-monogamous relationship, deceit and cheating can stoll happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless. "
Yes sex with others is very important to me but you knew that from the beginning.So why aren't you into it anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless. Yes sex with others is very important to me but you knew that from the beginning.So why aren't you into it anymore."

People change all the time. If you are no longer compatible then you renegotiate or you move on. No need for lies.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless. Yes sex with others is very important to me but you knew that from the beginning.So why aren't you into it anymore.

People change all the time. If you are no longer compatible then you renegotiate or you move on. No need for lies. "
Ok so I would think this lifestyle causes a lot of couples to eventually brake up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless. Yes sex with others is very important to me but you knew that from the beginning.So why aren't you into it anymore.

People change all the time. If you are no longer compatible then you renegotiate or you move on. No need for lies. Ok so I would think this lifestyle causes a lot of couples to eventually brake up.

Relationship breakdown is common throughout society. I imagine swinging will expose existing issues rather than be the cause a lot of the time.

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

so ok lets turn this around ask your wife or girlfriend or whomever you are attached to what they think of you lol"

Why would I do that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you prioritise sex with others over your partner's needs and wishes, then clearly you shouldn't be with them. Talk of love without the actions to back it up is pretty meaningless. Yes sex with others is very important to me but you knew that from the beginning.So why aren't you into it anymore.

People change all the time. If you are no longer compatible then you renegotiate or you move on. No need for lies. Ok so I would think this lifestyle causes a lot of couples to eventually brake up.

Relationship breakdown is common throughout society. I imagine swinging will expose existing issues rather than be the cause a lot of the time. "
Would have thought swinging cause more problems than it solves.But I believe people will always find a way or an excuse to cheat or what ever you want to call it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Would have thought swinging cause more problems than it solves.But I believe people will always find a way or an excuse to cheat or what ever you want to call it."

I doubt it will cause problems that aren't already there, honest communication and trust are the bedrock of successful relationships. But I do agree with your latter comment

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

I have been married to the same man for 30 years..so yes i think i should be with him....i don't need others to be totally satisfied i just want them as does he...sex is a pretty insignificant element in the overall relationship...its more of a hobby...and if at any time its not suiting either one of us it will end...hopefully some day you will get to experience a completely committed relationship

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

so ok lets turn this around ask your wife or girlfriend or whomever you are attached to what they think of you lol

Why would I do that? "

Cos you said you shouldnt be judged but if you ask whom your attached to what they think but oh wait u cant cos they dont know your here lol

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By *m389Man over a year ago

Bromley

I think it all depends on how you measure right or wrong. What her that is based on simply your own personally pleasure or happiness of the couple.

A company can do whatever it takes to maximaise profit, use cheap labour, use child labour, exploit tax holes. Is it right? If maximising profit is the measurement then absolutely.

However if ethics is part of the company’s measurement (and PR) then there would be some “wrong” to it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it."

GODDAMMIT i was guna ask instigator on a date but hes too goddam far away

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself. "

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

GODDAMMIT i was guna ask instigator on a date but hes too goddam far away "

Thanks and a lovely thought... I'm far too old for most on here but occasionally a few see beyond age and stereotypes of us oldies.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it all depends on how you measure right or wrong. What her that is based on simply your own personally pleasure or happiness of the couple.

A company can do whatever it takes to maximaise profit, use cheap labour, use child labour, exploit tax holes. Is it right? If maximising profit is the measurement then absolutely.

However if ethics is part of the company’s measurement (and PR) then there would be some “wrong” to it."

There really is no comparison. By actively hiding their actions from their partner, the person is acknowledging that those actions are "wrong" in the context of their relationship, regardless of what they like to tell themselves about societal constructs and blah blah blah.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it all depends on how you measure right or wrong. What her that is based on simply your own personally pleasure or happiness of the couple.

A company can do whatever it takes to maximaise profit, use cheap labour, use child labour, exploit tax holes. Is it right? If maximising profit is the measurement then absolutely.

However if ethics is part of the company’s measurement (and PR) then there would be some “wrong” to it.

Let's put it this way... if your partner spent €5000 on a fur coat and told you "well, I'm genetically programmed to want to feel warm & sexy, so what?" and you had to take a second mortgage to afford her newfound 'natural tendencies'... would you accept it?

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By *oo32Man over a year ago

tipperary

Love..or not.....its about respecting the person your with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it all depends on how you measure right or wrong. What her that is based on simply your own personally pleasure or happiness of the couple.

A company can do whatever it takes to maximaise profit, use cheap labour, use child labour, exploit tax holes. Is it right? If maximising profit is the measurement then absolutely.

However if ethics is part of the company’s measurement (and PR) then there would be some “wrong” to it.

Our conscience is also there for a good reason much like that gut feeling. If we continually ignore it we turn it into an ineffective blunt knife being unable to do what it was intended for, to separate cleanly and easily the good from the bad. We can dull our conscience deliberately or unintentionally without using it.

If we go along with something that is wrong then we're also complient to the wrong simply because we know about it and have done nothing about it. I think this is one of the reasons many choose not to meet married ones, it's also a reason why some speak up about it on forums. One can still say it's wrong without 'judging' the person. I've often said I can argue or disagree with a friend and it's not personal at all, I can separate the person and the argument. Many can't do that, and many take things personal, as if people are always talking about them when a comment is made.

Recently I made a couple comments, very general ones about my preferences and I suddenly got messages asking if I was talking about them. Though I tried to explain that it was a general comment if they read the context. They disagreed, took it personal and blocked me after a long message, obviously then not wanting to hear if it was true or not. My conscience was clear, I know it was nothing to do with them and so I move on in the knowledge of no wrong doing. However they now will continue to live with uncertainty and their conscience will play it's part.

I say this to show the importance of keeping a conscious sharp. It's a healthy thing and needs protected.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Love..or not.....its about respecting the person your with"

Simply put.

Sometimes we forget that others have rights and we should put others' rights before our own.

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By *oo32Man over a year ago

tipperary

"Love..or not.....its about respecting the person your with

Simply put.

Sometimes we forget that others have rights and we should put others' rights before our own."

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By *aisedByWolvesMan over a year ago

Dublin City

Love how half the propel here don't understand what you're saying and arguing back with ignorance and a closed mind! We all live within the realm of social construct, nothing is real, even our physicality is in question however.... I think, therefore I am!

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By *aisedByWolvesMan over a year ago

Dublin City

"Love how half the propel here don't understand what you're saying and arguing back with ignorance and a closed mind! We all live within the realm of social construct, nothing is real, even our physicality is in question however.... I think, therefore I am!"

*half the people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We all have our own opinions

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

I sincerely hope that happens for you....but it is always wise to see that different things suite different ppl thats how we learn how to be accepting of others.....i can't understand how a swinging site is suitable for you...but thats not concern

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By *avie tCouple over a year ago

otherside of nowhere

"Love..or not.....its about respecting the person your with"

Simply put and totally true...

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer. "

Alright, here is my one:

My partner doesn't want to appeal to me anymore and keeps the chances of sex as low as possible for years. From her point of view sex is not an essential part of life. Recently, because 8-10 years ago she had a completely different attitude. And yes, we are over some very hard conversations, and although I got promises, yet nothing changed. Maybe I've made mistakes, but I'm 1000% sure that just a very few men made that much effort that I did over the years to switch their wife back on. And still keep trying.

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong. "

If you look at our conversation, I never once said you were 'wrong' that was what you said about my comments. Secondly you're the one saying 'smartassed' comments not me so grow a set and comment in a more mature fashion. I said cheating was wrong irrespective of reasons and I've yet to hear a valid explanation from you or anyone else that would cause me to consider otherwise.

My statement obviously hit a sore point on reflection of your own agressive responses. I'm not concerned one way or another if you or anyone else agrees or disagrees. I still believe it's wrong, and as I said the actual word is reflective of that..'cheating'. It demonstrates lack of respect towards the other partner and involves lying too and probably more lies to hide it...Now tell me it's not wrong. If you felt no guilt and as you say it's not wrong why go behind your partners back. Others have asked this same question, why hide something if one doesn't feel bad. If you feel bad, ask yourself why? If you're hiding something ask why? Maybe, just maybe it is because it's wrong... But then again it may be for other reasons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong. "

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

Fourthly pull the bull by the horns take some responsibility instead of the easy way out aka cheating and tell your wife that if she doesnt make effort in your marraige (it is a marraige and that includes sex) that you will go out and get it somewhere else and for her not to come crying about it.

So no i dont buy your violin story "boo hoo oh my wife dont give me sex " - telling ya she will pull up her socks if you give her the ultimatium thats given as you say you have tried all other avenues counselling etc..

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By *orcouplesMan over a year ago

everywhere

Cheating ..... I think people have there reasons for doing everything and the cheating bit just means your not a very good partner can be down to the psychological reasons to physical to boredom ffs I know couples who swing on this site and there fella is seeing a single girl without the partner knowing !! Yes cheating on a swinger site so it shows it even happens to the people whom are most open why it does is beyond me but as I’m open minded I’d never judge each to there own ! Let’s all just get along

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

Or alternately, put up with it and shut up because otherwise your partner will claim half your estate... and all the custody. But you knew that already, didn't you, hence all the belly-aching about not enough sex?

You cheat, you get what you deserve. Cheating is a form of lying... I don't care if you're genetically pre-disposed to owning a harem... you made a promise... be a man and either stick with it or leave her. Liars are not sexy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

Now that's a potential thread killer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Complete oppose imo. Swinging as couples I'd say was always about couples having the extra together or separately. The cheating is when the rule is no play separately and one or both do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Complete oppose imo. Swinging as couples I'd say was always about couples having the extra together or separately. The cheating is when the rule is no play separately and one or both do."
It's just cheating under a different name.

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

Tbh I don't care your opinion. It's my life, and keep trying to do my best, balancing in between two bad scenarios. But it doesn't matter cause I'm the cheater and this fact write over anything.

I understand it's a good entertainment to give out people about their fucked up life, especially if you've never been even similar situation. So have fun.

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

What are talking about? What promise?

As I said I more worry about my daughter. What could I tell her if she asks why daddy doesn't sleep at home anymore? I could survive a wealth sharing, but my partner wouldn't.

So your only idea is deal with it and have sex twice a year. Thanks, really appreciate it.

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By *m389Man over a year ago

Bromley

Only a sith deals in absolutes.

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By *ickheadcuntCouple over a year ago

Cork Ireland

"Monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else than your partner is regarded as cheating because of the morals deriving from the norm 'monogamy'. "

Wow

love your way of words

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By *ustin-SiderMan over a year ago

Belfast

"Monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else than your partner is regarded as cheating because of the morals deriving from the norm 'monogamy'.

Wow

love your way of words"

I disagree. You are right when you say monogamy is a socially imposed construct. Having sex with someone else is not cheating if your partner is fully aware of it, consents and was not pressured into agreeing. Having sex behind a partner's back without their knowledge is cheating (regardless of social constructs) as it is going against the understanding and trust that was established as well as any rules that were agreed upon.

I was in a swinging relationship with my last partner. I was totally ok with her doing whatever with whoever and that wasn't cheating as we were both agreed on it.

However, even though her and I discussed it and fantasised about it it, she never got comfortable with the idea or though of me being with another woman, so through respect, even though I had opportunities and even impulses I never acted upon them.

It's not exactly our thoughts, because we all have them but more how we act upon our thoughts is what defines us as individuals regardless of social constructs and in turn defines us in relationships and on other levels, and even more so on moral levels. Morality should always overrule social construct every time.

There's my coin tossed into the penny heap. Lol.

Keep on Fabbing and best wishes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

What are talking about? What promise?

As I said I more worry about my daughter. What could I tell her if she asks why daddy doesn't sleep at home anymore? I could survive a wealth sharing, but my partner wouldn't.

So your only idea is deal with it and have sex twice a year. Thanks, really appreciate it. "

Then leave. Find someone else. Stop prolonging the misery and let go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you are a gambler and you tell your partner your going out to put on a bet and she or he gives their approval or maybe goes along with you and has a little bet themselves.You both know what's going on but at the end of the day you're still a gambler.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

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By *oghunter33Woman over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

I'll never understand why some people have this strong urge to judge others. Then again I also don't get why some people expose themselves for judgement to complete strangers.

Anyhow regarding your question, we're on fab where double standards are widespread, so I'd say the strong morals are/can easily be bend to suit their own needs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

I'll never understand why some people have this strong urge to judge others. Then again I also don't get why some people expose themselves for judgement to complete strangers.

Anyhow regarding your question, we're on fab where double standards are widespread, so I'd say the strong morals are/can easily be bend to suit their own needs. "

Thank you DH. Yes I cannot understand why anyone needs to justify why they are on fab.

If one needs to do that they shouldn't be here...in my humble opinion anyway. But its not up to my to judge anyone

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By *umPlay69Couple over a year ago

Near Dungannon

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves"

We havnt scrolled down through this thread but your obviously just thinking with your little brain instead of your big brain where the real emotions and feelings are kept..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We havnt scrolled down through this thread but your obviously just thinking with your little brain instead of your big brain where the real emotions and feelings are kept..

"
But your a couple.What brain do you think with.

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By *oreignaffairKKMan over a year ago

Between CW and KK

"Judging cheaters in general and making yeasty statements without knowing any details is pretty pathetic.

Cheating is simply wrong irrespective of details? Answer this... depending on details does it change it from anything but cheating?

Another statement. And it's wrong.

So if my statement is wrong then cheating is right? But you've failed to explain why my statement is wrong.

Maybe a look up cheating in the dictionary particularly in side a relationship and tell me it isn't. The very nature of the word implies wrong doing and guilt.

I'm genuinely interested in how my statement is wrong as you so eloquently put it.

Man, you are plain as a white plate. You only know good or bad, and black or white, don't you.

Think about this, some people have reasons to cheat. Well, some of them do it just for fun. But try to respect the fact that not everybody is such an expert in life management as yourself.

The question wasn't about the reasons. There are hundreds of them. The reason doesn't change whether its right or wrong at all.

You've yet to give an answer to the questions asked to explain your remarks though. I'm guessing you can't or you would have taken the time to try and give a resonance answer.

Alright, here is my one:

Why I'm not quit? First, because I want to raise my daughter, who I love and she love me too. Second: financial issues.

Now tell me smartass, why I'm wrong.

No need to get abusive i didnt with you! firstly

Secondly, like i said earlier two wrongs dont make a right.

Thirdly when she finds out you are cheating you will be worse off and she wont see where you tried AT ALL.

What are talking about? What promise?

As I said I more worry about my daughter. What could I tell her if she asks why daddy doesn't sleep at home anymore? I could survive a wealth sharing, but my partner wouldn't.

So your only idea is deal with it and have sex twice a year. Thanks, really appreciate it.

Then leave. Find someone else. Stop prolonging the misery and let go."

You obviously don't get or don't want to get the point.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get the point all right. You want to emotionally manipulate the situation to suit your needs. You don't really care about the needs of others as long as you're getting laid.

You say you've had the hard conversations with your partner but to no avail. You want to see your kid grow up.

Have you, perhaps thought that staying in this poisonous state might affect her too?

If you have reached a stalemate then there is only one option: hire a lawyer, a good one. Get your estate and visitation rights sorted. Pay your alimony - ESPECIALLY if she took time off work to raise your kid. Being a Stay-at-Home-Mom can really suck for your career so acknowledge THAT instead of bitching about not enough sex.

It's going to be hard but if you two love each other enough (and yes, divorced couples love each too), but at least you'll have done the right thing.

And then you'll be free to pursue whomever you wish.

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By *un4tooCouple over a year ago

north cork

"You can't totally love someone if you cheat on them.

But what if its human nature? What if we subconsciously can't help ourselves

We havnt scrolled down through this thread but your obviously just thinking with your little brain instead of your big brain where the real emotions and feelings are kept..

But your a couple.What brain do you think with."
i get you, i just find hard to believe that young women would live without any sex

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By *oghunter33Woman over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Would we feel so much hurt when our partner has some extra fun if we were able to properly free ourselfs from those restrictions of monogamy?

My point is, we tend to separate sex from intimacy. That's why monogamy is important in relationships. It's a commitment based around intimacy and sex is a massively integrated part of that."

Why are you on here if you believe that strongly in monogamy?

I didn't say it's a free pass to behave like a selfish respectless prick.

Quite contrary I implied that if we were less selfish and possessive (and this has to be mutual) we probably wouldn't feel hurt nor look upon it as cheating because it's more of a zen approach to a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

I don't think anyone is saying that they haven't cheated in some way or other. Because someone may have a strong view on this doesn't mean that that they haven't cheated... It only means they accept that but can still say what they believe. Cheating isn't just a physical act of fucking someone else. It can be lusting after another, emotional involvement etc.

It seems the issue is more that there are those who are trying to justify it as if it's not wrong or its ok, that it doesn't effect others.

It's an interesting subject for debate but some find debate or discussion difficult to separate the personal and the subject.

Those who have been cheated upon with have pain which they bring to the discussion and may find it almost impossible to comment without it being personal. Some will been the cheater and so be defensive in a personal way.

Those who have been married will approach it differently from those who haven't been in a fully committed relationship.

One can have a strong opinion either way and it's not right to imply a strong opinion on it isnt their right whether they have cheated or not.

NB. There are many on here who normally dive into a controversial topic who have disappeared for the weekend.

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By *verready32Man over a year ago

omagh

"What do you guys think about cheating?

Pyschology says we are pretty much programmed to have multiple partners. It's human nature to find multiple people sexually attractive and its human instinct to 'mate' with multiple partners.

This obviously suggests that we are not wired / programmed to only have one partner.

What are your thoughts?

Are people that cheat a victim of human nature? Or are they just assholes.

Can a person genuinely want to have sex with one person and never ever want to have sex with another? "

I happened to listen to a programme on radio 4 on Friday " In my bed " or something like that, and was discussing this very topic....it turned out that most would believe that over thousands of years of evolution man has found having multiple partners was best to keep the spices alive. Thus it is built into the males DNA. Females are less likely to have multiple partners because of the risk of pregnancy, and the need to feed and care for the child, so once again it is built into the females DNA to be more selective about there partners ie she will select them on there physical ability in order to provide for her and the child.

None of this in the modern world is an excuse for cheating however it was an interesting insight.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

It seems the issue is more that there are those who are trying to justify it as if it's not wrong or its ok, that it doesn't effect others.

It's an interesting subject for debate but some find debate or discussion difficult to separate the personal and the subject.

Those who have been married will approach it differently from those who haven't been in a fully committed relationship.

One can have a strong opinion either way and it's not right to imply a strong opinion on it isnt their right whether they have cheated or not.

NB. There are many on here who normally dive into a controversial topic who have disappeared for the weekend.

I get your point and some who argue the point do seem to have been cheated on so they have their personal reasons to their strong views..fair enough. Though if a person has met a 'cheater' surely the ship has sailed for them to slag of a cheater?

Why a person even airs the subject of their marriage problems and tries to explain and expect approval on a swingers forum is beyond me as obviously they will be attacked verbally.

My personal opinion is that a fabbers personal life, whether attached or not, is their own business and as long as they are honest about their relationship to potential meets (preferably on their profile!!!), the choice to meet or not to meet them is up to the other person.

Simple really!

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By *oghunter33Woman over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

It seems the issue is more that there are those who are trying to justify it as if it's not wrong or its ok, that it doesn't effect others.

It's an interesting subject for debate but some find debate or discussion difficult to separate the personal and the subject.

Those who have been married will approach it differently from those who haven't been in a fully committed relationship.

One can have a strong opinion either way and it's not right to imply a strong opinion on it isnt their right whether they have cheated or not.

NB. There are many on here who normally dive into a controversial topic who have disappeared for the weekend.

You didn't answer the question.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just a random question.

I take it that not one of the people who have given their opinions on cheaters, some very strong opinions I might add, has never met one for fun?

This is just a simple question and not an opening for a verbal attack.

It seems the issue is more that there are those who are trying to justify it as if it's not wrong or its ok, that it doesn't effect others.

It's an interesting subject for debate but some find debate or discussion difficult to separate the personal and the subject.

Those who have been married will approach it differently from those who haven't been in a fully committed relationship.

One can have a strong opinion either way and it's not right to imply a strong opinion on it isnt their right whether they have cheated or not.

NB. There are many on here who normally dive into a controversial topic who have disappeared for the weekend.

You didn't answer the question.

You clearly skipped over my first sentence and yet again mistaken what I've actually said DH. That first sentence unless I've said it wrongly answered Phoenix by admitting we all have cheated abd further describes in one way or another how.