FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Anxiety, confidence nerves etc
Anxiety, confidence nerves etc
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be the similar but possibly struggle more on the online or group chat situations where I always feel like I say stupid things. I'm shy in person too but reckon I'm a bit more personable. I'm hoping that by going to socials and joining groups that things will improve.
Also looking at your profile you wouldn't think you'd have any reason to lack confidence but anyone can have self doubt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not alone. My first social last year i had decided to stay in hotel room and not go but one of the other guests called and told me come down for one drink. Been to 2 since and still get anxious and nervous and think about nit going. But i have made friends and now look at the social as a night out with friends
Maybe arrange to go with someone to the social even just to have someone to walk into the venue with. At end of day everyone there to have a laugh if u end up gaving fun its a bonus.
And as a poster above said op youu come across as quite confident in yourself so just enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Id agree with the comment above, about a high percentage of people having issues with confidence on sites such as fab...im not suggesting there is anything wrong with this, as long as you get up, get out, and get active. I have always believed that just turning up is half the battle.. it also has helped me to have a super power, which just so happens to be my cock  i focus on that during moments of uncertainty and insecurity  |
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I don't think ur alone at all. Im sure we all experience similar at some point. Seeming confident on the outside and feeling it inside are very different altogether. There are many reasons for this. Figuring out if it occurs from a previous negative experience or if it stems from just negative thoughts are key. These are things u can change by taking small steps like putting urself out there making comments or asking questions in small situations in shops or in ur everyday life. Questioning negative thoughts like are they really true and fact or just a passing thought. Hope this helps.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Both you men should be oozing confidence.... your both very sexy. Whats to be shy about .. you both fot it  "
Thanks for the kind words, from my time on the forum here it is clear to see you are a class act along with being incredibly sexy. |
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"Id agree with the comment above, about a high percentage of people having issues with confidence on sites such as fab...im not suggesting there is anything wrong with this, as long as you get up, get out, and get active. I have always believed that just turning up is half the battle.. it also has helped me to have a super power, which just so happens to be my cock i focus on that during moments of uncertainty and insecurity "
Of course i went and had a look |
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"Id agree with the comment above, about a high percentage of people having issues with confidence on sites such as fab...im not suggesting there is anything wrong with this, as long as you get up, get out, and get active. I have always believed that just turning up is half the battle.. it also has helped me to have a super power, which just so happens to be my cock i focus on that during moments of uncertainty and insecurity
Of course i went and had a look
my cock noticed you, quite a while back im just trying to learn the social skills to put his drive into a more acceptable language "
Im sure your ready ... social skills are finely tuned |
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Before joining Fab 6 years ago, I was being treated for social phobia, I dreaded the thought of going out incase I met people, and then I found Fab.. it looked like a fun place with a lot of like minded people so slowly but surely I plucked up the courage to go on a few meets and 6 years on I’ve been to quite a few M&Gs and parties and met lots of amazing people, so in a way Fab saved me.. the more you get yourself out there OP, the more your confidence will grow, jus relax and don’t overthink the situation xx |
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
Thanks for all the possitive words peeps . I am
Probly more confident than i think . And yea i definitaly have more negative thoughts and do alot of self judgeing off other people . Its the inital ice breaker i find the hard part and then i just think im the akward one standing out from the crowd . I have secured two socials for next few weeks so hopefuly i pluck up the courage to make my self get out there i find the kik groups are great to get initial chats before meet ups . But it still doesnt solve my problem in a normal night club situation .
Probly hard to believe but i have never had the courage or the know who to say to pull anyone from a night out hard to believe but easier get it on here . Or at parties socials iv been at |
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I find public speaking unbearable which is like the social enxiety but on a more larger scale. Looking to join Toastmasters in September. Have seen amazing results with some members attending as a guest before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the possitive words peeps . I am
Probly more confident than i think . And yea i definitaly have more negative thoughts and do alot of self judgeing off other people . Its the inital ice breaker i find the hard part and then i just think im the akward one standing out from the crowd . I have secured two socials for next few weeks so hopefuly i pluck up the courage to make my self get out there i find the kik groups are great to get initial chats before meet ups . But it still doesnt solve my problem in a normal night club situation .
Probly hard to believe but i have never had the courage or the know who to say to pull anyone from a night out hard to believe but easier get it on here . Or at parties socials iv been at "
Fair play for being so honest, and best of luck at the socials. |
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"Thanks for all the possitive words peeps . I am
Probly more confident than i think . And yea i definitaly have more negative thoughts and do alot of self judgeing off other people . Its the inital ice breaker i find the hard part and then i just think im the akward one standing out from the crowd . I have secured two socials for next few weeks so hopefuly i pluck up the courage to make my self get out there i find the kik groups are great to get initial chats before meet ups . But it still doesnt solve my problem in a normal night club situation .
Probly hard to believe but i have never had the courage or the know who to say to pull anyone from a night out hard to believe but easier get it on here . Or at parties socials iv been at "
Bee I get where you are coming from. I’m actually a very nervous person going to anything. I find the striking conversation difficult. I’ve found having Sweets to go to everything is the best and only way I’d go. Knowing someone is there to have till you settle. It’s funny because I come across as a confident person and a chatterbox! When you are going to the socials take a deep breath and walk in. You’ll always find someone who is in the same boat as you!! Even hang around the bar or near a group, people will talk to you |
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
Bee as you know if we ever attend the same socials I'm willing to meet you before hand and go in together and stay in you company till you relax.. then you could find a friend to go to all of them with you.. the hardest part is at first step through the door. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
I’m same but god your so hot _eebaw and should be so confident. Your a lovely person and can’t wait to catch up in person again. |
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
Im actually worse than you. I really struggle with social situations  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definately lacking confidence after everything that's went on in the last year.
I get close to a woman and just can't seem to get over that commitment line. And most girls don't go after guys with a dad bod, ginger beard and a couple of tattoos. They are looking guys from Love Island.
Gets you down at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the possitive words peeps . I am
Probly more confident than i think . And yea i definitaly have more negative thoughts and do alot of self judgeing off other people . Its the inital ice breaker i find the hard part and then i just think im the akward one standing out from the crowd . I have secured two socials for next few weeks so hopefuly i pluck up the courage to make my self get out there i find the kik groups are great to get initial chats before meet ups . But it still doesnt solve my problem in a normal night club situation .
Probly hard to believe but i have never had the courage or the know who to say to pull anyone from a night out hard to believe but easier get it on here . Or at parties socials iv been at "
Hey man it sounds like there may be some self esteem issues here. My two cents is that nsa sex with randomers and the pressure of a meet is not going to help that long term. You should consider altering your expectations of yourself (no pressure to pull all the time yout know) and maybe change how you meet people. Boozing isn't necessarily the only way to meet people (although Ireland does have a heavy emphasis on it), try exploring your hobbies and people who have common interests too. It might just happen. But you should definitely be able to put yourself out there in some capacity. I would consider talking professionally to someone about your worries if they are coming on a lot and holding you back in a debilitating way. Best wishes. |
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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago
C'est moi Boudoir |
Brilliant open honest responses to a brave thread op.
The pre drinks for socials are set up for anyone attending who is nervous. They are designed to break the ice with introductions and by welcoming people so that you are more relaxed going into the bigger social setting and feel like you are among friends. Perhaps having a friend/wingman could make a difference in a vanilla setting. I don't suffer from being nervous and am confident in social settings. Confidence is about self belief, it's not about how you look but what you believe about yourself. This as suggested above is more about changing your self belief system and habit's than your setting. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is fantastic for over coming lifelong habits and beliefs that no longer serve a purpose in your life. Best of luck op |
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
"Thanks for all the possitive words peeps . I am
Probly more confident than i think . And yea i definitaly have more negative thoughts and do alot of self judgeing off other people . Its the inital ice breaker i find the hard part and then i just think im the akward one standing out from the crowd . I have secured two socials for next few weeks so hopefuly i pluck up the courage to make my self get out there i find the kik groups are great to get initial chats before meet ups . But it still doesnt solve my problem in a normal night club situation .
Probly hard to believe but i have never had the courage or the know who to say to pull anyone from a night out hard to believe but easier get it on here . Or at parties socials iv been at
Hey man it sounds like there may be some self esteem issues here. My two cents is that nsa sex with randomers and the pressure of a meet is not going to help that long term. You should consider altering your expectations of yourself (no pressure to pull all the time yout know) and maybe change how you meet people. Boozing isn't necessarily the only way to meet people (although Ireland does have a heavy emphasis on it), try exploring your hobbies and people who have common interests too. It might just happen. But you should definitely be able to put yourself out there in some capacity. I would consider talking professionally to someone about your worries if they are coming on a lot and holding you back in a debilitating way. Best wishes. "
Cheers for that bud i think you hit the nail on the head . Before the social side and the meets and all from here got me a little more shal we say out there so maby it will help to get back in the game |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve only met you once OP it was the start of your social days. But you came across confident and mannerly hopefully the social anxiety goes as you have a lot to offer the females on the scene  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
Bee u r one of the nicest and hottest guys I know on here, I get what ur saying we all have that fear of not been good enough my advice love u for u and don't thinks about what others think if they r that much up their own asses then they r not worth ur time. Remember it's ok not to be ok hope to see u out and about babe love u after all u changed my life for the better just know that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be the similar but possibly struggle more on the online or group chat situations where I always feel like I say stupid things. I'm shy in person too but reckon I'm a bit more personable. I'm hoping that by going to socials and joining groups that things will improve.
Also looking at your profile you wouldn't think you'd have any reason to lack confidence but anyone can have self doubt. "
Hugs xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
Bee u r one of the nicest and hottest guys I know on here, I get what ur saying we all have that fear of not been good enough my advice love u for u and don't thinks about what others think if they r that much up their own asses then they r not worth ur time. Remember it's ok not to be ok hope to see u out and about babe love u after all u changed my life for the better just know that "
awh, thats sweet, the lucky guy, id be happy enough just to change your knickers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think most of us would be nervous walking into a room full of strangers at a social or house party thats why kik groups are great as u can arrange to meet up with one or two beforehand and go in together after chatting.swinging folk in general are very friendly and helpful if you tell somebody u are shy they generally make an effort to include u in the chat |
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By *-ManMan
over a year ago
Kark |
Great thread
I heard some advice years ago that just clicked with me, I hope helps someone else.
In your 20's and 30's, you worry about what other people think about you.
In you 40's and 50's you don't care what other people think about you.
And in your 60's you realize they weren't thinking about you at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be fair I'd say a lot on here have been nervous about first meet or social.. That's why I think chat groups before the event can make people relax that little bit more... Even arriving for that first coffee can be daunting. But in the end ur adults if it doesn't go well. Just leave and carry on as normal. And op uve a great profile so should have confidence galore |
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I was nervous at the start but even tho I'm an outgoing person and can't shut up at times it was still quite daunting..But being one of the lucky ones to have a great sexy person beside me from the start certainly helped.But the more socials and M&Gs I went to increased my confidence.Hope all gets better OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"4 yes into this and I'm still a nervous wreck before an event sick to my stomach even "
you don't come across on camera like that you just look like stunning lady |
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
Bee u r one of the nicest and hottest guys I know on here, I get what ur saying we all have that fear of not been good enough my advice love u for u and don't thinks about what others think if they r that much up their own asses then they r not worth ur time. Remember it's ok not to be ok hope to see u out and about babe love u after all u changed my life for the better just know that "
Awww thanks for the lovely words ye i usen to be as bad i think since i took a bit of a break when things happened in my personal life i just got busy with work and left my social life and now im regreting it .
Hopefully after a few outings il be back in the ‘swing’ of things . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"4 yes into this and I'm still a nervous wreck before an event sick to my stomach even you don't come across on camera like that you just look like stunning lady "
Not everything is as it appears on camera I take my own pic dont like pics taken of me by others and thank u x |
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
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For years, I would have been the quiet one on a night out, reluctantly engaging in conversations, sitting in a corner, shy but I guess a combination of a few things has helped me over the years...
- I listened to a few Hypnosis tapes to help me with my confidence. really helpful!
- I read some popular psychology & even used a few NLP techniques like "anchoring" to help me deal with anxiety because let's face it nerves and anxiety arises for everyone at the most unexpected time 
- Like most guys, I used to drink for dutch courage  so I decided to take a few dance classes meaning I can now go out, socialise (while sober  ) & drive home
...and hopefully give someone a lift
- Exercise is also great for developing a positive mindset
- Also instead of "chatting someone up" or "looking to pull" (which equals pressure ) Consider just going over and paying a woman a genuine compliment, making an observation or
"Can I ask your opinion on something?"
Women love giving an opinion (FACT)...which I'm about to find out after making that last comment!
Anyway Op, hope that helped in some way |
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
I know the feeling. I don't know what to say and I'm in constant fear that if I say something it will be the wrong something. I am socially awkward and it has taken me a long time to admit to that but I am. I've been told I come across as a dumb blonde (not that I think that blondes are dumb) or that I've nothing to say. All I can say to you OP is hang in there your not alone. |
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
-------------
For years, I would have been the quiet one on a night out, reluctantly engaging in conversations, sitting in a corner, shy but I guess a combination of a few things has helped me over the years...
- I listened to a few Hypnosis tapes to help me with my confidence. really helpful!
- I read some popular psychology & even used a few NLP techniques like "anchoring" to help me deal with anxiety because let's face it nerves and anxiety arises for everyone at the most unexpected time
- Like most guys, I used to drink for dutch courage so I decided to take a few dance classes meaning I can now go out, socialise (while sober ) & drive home
...and hopefully give someone a lift
- Exercise is also great for developing a positive mindset
- Also instead of "chatting someone up" or "looking to pull" (which equals pressure ) Consider just going over and paying a woman a genuine compliment, making an observation or
"Can I ask your opinion on something?"
Women love giving an opinion (FACT)...which I'm about to find out after making that last comment!
Anyway Op, hope that helped in some way "
Cheers for that may look into some of that |
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
. Jesus they should have called you Neenaw instead of _eebaw with the size of your cock.. you’re a good looking fit guy , take that in hand and enjoy the ride |
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By *eebaw OP Man
over a year ago
. |
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle . Jesus they should have called you Neenaw instead of _eebaw with the size of your cock.. you’re a good looking fit guy , take that in hand and enjoy the ride"
Lol pending on who u talk to i could be called that . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I have been to a few parties and got the feeling that most people have to have lots of drink on board before they play . I have to be sober if I want to play . "
Chocko will u stop always on about drink still have one bottle of your non alcoholic beer in the fridgeu left behind at a party the dog would not drink it a few sociable drinks calms the nerves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cherrs for the replys and mails on here some fantastic members on here "
no, thank you _eebaw, thats a strategy i certainly might consider using in the future |
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By *igertigerCouple (MM)
over a year ago
nr Letterkenny |
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
A lot of pressure is put covertly on single guys for Fab socials from the outset. It's hard to get an invite and generally it's made known that limited numbers will only be admitted. For anyone who suffers from a social anxiety this is always going up the bar as they'll be already feeling 'will I be good enough'. The OP has opened an interesting debate maybe there should be a few more informal socials were all are welcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle "
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP the advantage of Fab & Fab M&G over trying to pull in a night club, is that on Fab there is an opportunity to chat & develop a relationship prior to the meet, so when you do meet its not really a stranger you are meeting ... the night club is a bit like an X Factor audition, in a few seconds you have to sell youtself.
work on developing the friendship before meeting & if going to a m&g try meet some of the people before hand so as not to be entering the room like "billy no mates" ... & park your doubts everyone will have the "im not good enough, who could fancy me or body issues" ... remember you are meeting friends & go with the flow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ... "
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ...
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time. "
As someone else recently said, get up, dress up, maybe show up, but above all dont give up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ...
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time.
As someone else recently said, get up, dress up, maybe show up, but above all dont give up "
Not always that easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ...
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time.
As someone else recently said, get up, dress up, maybe show up, but above all dont give up
Not always that easy "
i know its not, but your worth it im sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
As someone who suffered from GDA (GENERAL ANXIETY DISORDER) I know this feeling ... I've looked into anxiety quite a bit ... had CBT and a few other bits and pieces... and at the end of the day it just comes down to telling yourself "what's the worst that could happen" .. anxiety is your brain coming up with all sorts of scenarios that you convince yourself could happen... no matter how ridiculous... if you look into it a little more... they say anxiety can be caused by your amygdala ... it's the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response to dangerous situations ... but if you've had a situation that you didn't feel comfortable in ... this response can be triggered again when your put back in this situation ... I could go on and on about it ... but from what I've learned ... the best way to deal with it is just to take a step back ... take a few deep breaths ... and remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen ...
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time.
As someone else recently said, get up, dress up, maybe show up, but above all dont give up
Not always that easy
i know its not, but your worth it im sure "
If you try something and it doesn't work out ... your not going to remember it a month down the line ... but if you don't try something ... regret can follow you for ages ... |
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"
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time. "
At least you go to those events. I've managed to avoid most of those events which just makes it harder when you cant avoid one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I do this, I just say to myself sure go for an hour and see how it goes, if it's not good I can always leave. I get worked up before most social events, even family ones, and have let my anxiety ruin them nights, so I try to remain calm and tell myself it's okay just give it an hour.
Going to a social in less than 2 weeks and the anxiety has kicked in big time.
At least you go to those events. I've managed to avoid most of those events which just makes it harder when you cant avoid one. "
Thing is there actually a good night if you go with no expectations, I get same anxiety even going out on a normal night out but fed up sitting in alone. Made some good friends at the last few but the nerves and anxiety kick in, just about trying to kick them back. More than welcome to join me at one |
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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago
Limerick |
"Dont think im alone on this subject but maby i am ..... I have always been on the quiet side in a social setting dont think its a lack of confidence or maby it is on a small scale . But i just never know what to say to get the shal we say the ice broken. I have built up a barrier with letting myself attend socials on here which used to be no problem aswell as a barrier to normal go clubing etc . Am i alone in this or do you experience theese too ? Iv no problem chatting people online and find this a great ice breaker but if at a social or that id be like ‘ im not good enough for such a person theyl refuse etc ‘’
How do you over come this ?
I’m defo makeing the move to attend a few socials in next few months i have to over come this hurdle
I know the feeling. I don't know what to say and I'm in constant fear that if I say something it will be the wrong something. I am socially awkward and it has taken me a long time to admit to that but I am. I've been told I come across as a dumb blonde (not that I think that blondes are dumb) or that I've nothing to say. All I can say to you OP is hang in there your not alone."
You were amazing and welcoming to me on my first social. Made me feel very welcome and put me at ease |
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First time we meet you i was so nervous and barley spoke 5words to you ber but you made me feel so relaxed and welcome you are a great guy dont let nothing stop you just. Get out there you sexy guy and dont let nothing get in your way. See you soon again we hope |
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