FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > So bored at home!
So bored at home!
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Hi everyone,
Perhaps you can help, especially if you're a woman on Fab?
I'm so bored at home, I am in a sexless relationship and have tried pretty much everything...flirting, seducing, nights out, asking whats wrong...all I get is excuses. I'm sooooo tired of it and thats why I'm here. Mainly just to chat...cause I feel most women on here dont like people in relationships...but being honest...I dont have a choice really. Are sex life was great, before we moved in together over 3 years ago, ever since it has just got worse and worse. I have never met a woman off this...as I have not had the courage, really to do anything. But I feel it is really taking its toll on me of late...we are lucky to have had sex maybe once this year??? I am sooooooooo frustrated and I just feel like crap....weird for a bloke to own up to perhaps...but need to talk to someone about it. What are your thoughts...I really miss a bit of human interaction  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that easy Steph, there's a kid involved  I would if my Daughter was not in the mix...who I love dearly and that is why I'm still here."
Leaving isnt going to stop you loving ur daughter. But letting her grow up in an environment where theres no love or intimacy between parents might do more damage.
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If you are not married and don't have any kids, then it's relatively easy what the path is.
Book a time with her, tell her you want to talk. Have an open discussion, explaining the facts as you see them, that sex and intimacy are an important part of the relationship to you.
If she doesn't discuss and explain why things are as they are, voice your discontent and say that you don't think you are right for each other any more.
Pack up and leave then.
Believe me when I tell you, it's a lot harder the longer you leave it or the more ties you have with each other.
If she's explains and it's something that you feel you can work around and improve upon, presuming that you love her, stay and make it better. |
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"Not that easy Steph, there's a kid involved I would if my Daughter was not in the mix...who I love dearly and that is why I'm still here.
Leaving isnt going to stop you loving ur daughter. But letting her grow up in an environment where theres no love or intimacy between parents might do more damage.
"
So very true, its just our circumstances dont really permit it at the moment...I have given up the last 2 years almost to stay at home and mind her. So I'm only getting back out to work...just this week! I would need to build up some funds first and then do it...I just feel like I'm going crazy at the moment. Thank you by the way...for taking the time to respond =) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that easy Steph, there's a kid involved I would if my Daughter was not in the mix...who I love dearly and that is why I'm still here.
Leaving isnt going to stop you loving ur daughter. But letting her grow up in an environment where theres no love or intimacy between parents might do more damage.
So very true, its just our circumstances dont really permit it at the moment...I have given up the last 2 years almost to stay at home and mind her. So I'm only getting back out to work...just this week! I would need to build up some funds first and then do it...I just feel like I'm going crazy at the moment. Thank you by the way...for taking the time to respond =)"
Its never going to be the right time. There will always be an excuse or a reason just remember that. Talk to your partner/wife she might be feeling the same. Somebody shared a post few wks ago where a guy had left, thinking the grass was greener but when the initial lust etc settled down he was bored again and realised what he had originally walked away from was his biggest regret. Best of luck op |
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"Not that easy Steph, there's a kid involved I would if my Daughter was not in the mix...who I love dearly and that is why I'm still here.
Leaving isnt going to stop you loving ur daughter. But letting her grow up in an environment where theres no love or intimacy between parents might do more damage.
So very true, its just our circumstances dont really permit it at the moment...I have given up the last 2 years almost to stay at home and mind her. So I'm only getting back out to work...just this week! I would need to build up some funds first and then do it...I just feel like I'm going crazy at the moment. Thank you by the way...for taking the time to respond =)
Its never going to be the right time. There will always be an excuse or a reason just remember that. Talk to your partner/wife she might be feeling the same. Somebody shared a post few wks ago where a guy had left, thinking the grass was greener but when the initial lust etc settled down he was bored again and realised what he had originally walked away from was his biggest regret. Best of luck op "
Thank you! I will do my best to give it a go with my partner (no engagements or marriage yet), even though I have done a lot, even researched what to do! I have come to conclusion of late, that we're just not right for each other. Thanks again Steph!
If anyone else has any suggestions, I'd be open to listening to them  |
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It's a common story. It might help if you both could talk to a 3rd party, a therapist. Or if she doesn't want to, then for your own mental health, you find someone you can talk to. Either way, this situation is not healthy for the three of you. So, you have shared here on Fab, that's a start. Maybe this will help you take the next step. Best of luck. |
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I think steph and john have both said it.
Lay your cards on the table and be honest.
Sex and intimacy are a crutial part of a relationship, if thats gone it wont work. Your child then looses out on the important lessons she learns from her parents. The lessons in how to love and be loved. If your not happy she will know abd it will leave a mark.. think carefully what you want and don't fuck other women till you've sorted your head out. |
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"If you are not married and don't have any kids, then it's relatively easy what the path is.
Book a time with her, tell her you want to talk. Have an open discussion, explaining the facts as you see them, that sex and intimacy are an important part of the relationship to you.
If she doesn't discuss and explain why things are as they are, voice your discontent and say that you don't think you are right for each other any more.
Pack up and leave then.
Believe me when I tell you, it's a lot harder the longer you leave it or the more ties you have with each other.
If she's explains and it's something that you feel you can work around and improve upon, presuming that you love her, stay and make it better. "
Thanks John,
This is some solid advice and I appreciate the time and effort you put into this reply.
My daughter is in the middle of the mix, which makes it a bit more difficult...there are no other ties, but this tie matters the most to me. I want to do right by her...I dont want to do a scumbag thing and just walk away. I love her! She means the world to me...so I am caught in the middle, but will have a go again and talking, taking your very solid and knowledgeable advice. Thank you my friend.  |
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"It's a common story. It might help if you both could talk to a 3rd party, a therapist. Or if she doesn't want to, then for your own mental health, you find someone you can talk to. Either way, this situation is not healthy for the three of you. So, you have shared here on Fab, that's a start. Maybe this will help you take the next step. Best of luck. "
Sorry thought I replied to this, but it just disappeared. I have tried to get her to see someone with me, as in therapist or 3rd party. She just refuses, saying there is no point paying someone to tell us something we already know. She is very stubburn that way...I think I will just go myself. Thank you for your advice...need to do something! |
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"I think steph and john have both said it.
Lay your cards on the table and be honest.
Sex and intimacy are a crutial part of a relationship, if thats gone it wont work. Your child then looses out on the important lessons she learns from her parents. The lessons in how to love and be loved. If your not happy she will know abd it will leave a mark.. think carefully what you want and don't fuck other women till you've sorted your head out. "
Thank you! I haven't so far and I won't...no matter how much I miss some human interaction. You are soooo right! My daughter cannot grow up in an environment like that...everytine there is a row, she grabs is both by the legs and tries to pull us together. She is so sharp, picks up on everything...like how do I deal woth someone who cant have normal conversations, always gets argumentative and then pretends everything is fine again a few mins later. Like she even has a very short temper with our child sometimes...in the way she reacts and shouts at her. Cursing at our daughter is not good...I honestly think there is sonething wrong with her! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think steph and john have both said it.
Lay your cards on the table and be honest.
Sex and intimacy are a crutial part of a relationship, if thats gone it wont work. Your child then looses out on the important lessons she learns from her parents. The lessons in how to love and be loved. If your not happy she will know abd it will leave a mark.. think carefully what you want and don't fuck other women till you've sorted your head out.
Thank you! I haven't so far and I won't...no matter how much I miss some human interaction. You are soooo right! My daughter cannot grow up in an environment like that...everytine there is a row, she grabs is both by the legs and tries to pull us together. She is so sharp, picks up on everything...like how do I deal woth someone who cant have normal conversations, always gets argumentative and then pretends everything is fine again a few mins later. Like she even has a very short temper with our child sometimes...in the way she reacts and shouts at her. Cursing at our daughter is not good...I honestly think there is sonething wrong with her!"
Leave obv the relationship is over. If your daughter is doing that already and sees you rowing. Walk away. At end of the day the most person in this relationship is your daughter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think steph and john have both said it.
Lay your cards on the table and be honest.
Sex and intimacy are a crutial part of a relationship, if thats gone it wont work. Your child then looses out on the important lessons she learns from her parents. The lessons in how to love and be loved. If your not happy she will know abd it will leave a mark.. think carefully what you want and don't fuck other women till you've sorted your head out.
Thank you! I haven't so far and I won't...no matter how much I miss some human interaction. You are soooo right! My daughter cannot grow up in an environment like that...everytine there is a row, she grabs is both by the legs and tries to pull us together. She is so sharp, picks up on everything...like how do I deal woth someone who cant have normal conversations, always gets argumentative and then pretends everything is fine again a few mins later. Like she even has a very short temper with our child sometimes...in the way she reacts and shouts at her. Cursing at our daughter is not good...I honestly think there is sonething wrong with her!"
You need to talk to someone. Your partner sounds as if she has issued..possibly post natal or other depression.
Can you not get her to talk to the doctor?
Sit down and try and talk rationally telling her how you are feeling (not the being on fab bit)
Do you want to stay with her if it gets sorted?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been there done that wore the T-shirt. A child is never a reason to stay in a relationship my daughter was 7 when we split while we didn’t argue or there was no cheating ultimately we were just companions and it impacted on her too. If people aren’t happy they realize it.
As tough as it is to Leave it was the right decision people could argue you’re emotionally cheating by being on here so you’ve essentially already checked out. You can’t make her want to be in the relationship she had to want it too and if she’s not prepared to work at it why do yourselves and your child further damage.
I’m single Just over 2 yrs and it wasn’t easy but it was the best decision I made for me and for my daughter her parents are more happy and we still are quite amicable now
You’ve serious thinking to do can you see yourself continuing the way you are and if that’s the case you need to just accept that if not you know the answer
Wish you the best OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Staying in an unhappy relationship,can do your kids more damage.
Pluck the courage,and when you are ready leave.
Doesn't mean you love your kids less.
Means you have enough respect for yourself and your partner to move on from an unhappy situation.
I hear this alot,staying in an unhappy sexless marriage/relationship because of kids.
You are showing your kids it's okay to be unhappy.
Would you want your daughter son to be in a relationship like that ??
Good luck.
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I can't add to what has already been said. But would like to say that its so good to see such an amount to great common sense advice been given albeit gained from personal experiences.
To me, this thread highlights the really genuine side of Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't add to what has already been said. But would like to say that its so good to see such an amount to great common sense advice been given albeit gained from personal experiences.
To me, this thread highlights the really genuine side of Fab."
Goodluck op and I’m sure there is a lot more people in the same shoes that don’t even try to talk about it they just try to act normal! At least you can see that there isn’t an issue laying somewhere in the relationship.
Good courage to even start a thread on it |
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Some good advice OP. For what it's worth I stayed in a sexless marriage for far to long . My only regret is that I stayed for the wrong reasons and I stayed to long. You need to think hard about what you want to do. It's not about growing a pair of balls. Some with balls do what they want in a relationship and never consider others . At least you're looking for for advice. My advice is one I use in my life.... MEND OR END. You're entitled to be happy. If you're happy your child will be too. Gooduck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First sign of realtionship coming to end is when you stop having sex regularly so either dump her or try have sex on side as it seems your relationship is over just my opinion tho and she can't stop you from seen your daughter just won't be same as living with her I suppose |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was in a similar situation recently and ended it because it was actually starting to affect my health. Only reason I stayed in the relationship longer was that we have 2 kids under 2. It's tough not seeing them everyday but at least the time i spend now is quality and my family get to see them more often too. I hope it all works out for you OP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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13 years down the line, and still there plus 2 more kids. And so glad I did , the cold negativity she showed to me she showed to the kids and still does, had I not hung in there to sacrifice my own self to watch my daughter grow I would never have had the family I have. I never put down their mother and never rose to her taunts. To all but me and the kids we are the perfect family . If you want to put your child first put yourself second |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"13 years down the line, and still there plus 2 more kids. And so glad I did , the cold negativity she showed to me she showed to the kids and still does, had I not hung in there to sacrifice my own self to watch my daughter grow I would never have had the family I have. I never put down their mother and never rose to her taunts. To all but me and the kids we are the perfect family . If you want to put your child first put yourself second"
We are lucky enough to to be a happy solid couple but if we were not, I'd put myself second as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"13 years down the line, and still there plus 2 more kids. And so glad I did , the cold negativity she showed to me she showed to the kids and still does, had I not hung in there to sacrifice my own self to watch my daughter grow I would never have had the family I have. I never put down their mother and never rose to her taunts. To all but me and the kids we are the perfect family . If you want to put your child first put yourself second
We are lucky enough to to be a happy solid couple but if we were not, I'd put myself second as well "
if you can't stay because of harsh or cold behaviour why leave your needy kids |
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"13 years down the line, and still there plus 2 more kids. And so glad I did , the cold negativity she showed to me she showed to the kids and still does, had I not hung in there to sacrifice my own self to watch my daughter grow I would never have had the family I have. I never put down their mother and never rose to her taunts. To all but me and the kids we are the perfect family . If you want to put your child first put yourself second
We are lucky enough to to be a happy solid couple but if we were not, I'd put myself second as well if you can't stay because of harsh or cold behaviour why leave your needy kids "
Because you dont leave your kids but you do leave an impossible situation. By staying for the kids its not helping them. If somethings broken that much staying is never going to do anything positive for anyone least of all the kids. Sometimes it takes courage to start again. |
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My suggestion is for BOTH of you to watch a talk on a sexless marriage on TED talks.
Before you make any rash decisions.
I though it opened a few directions to work through for people in your situation.
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Thank you to everyone, my apologies for delay in replying to you all...have had a busy week!
I must say, I never thought there would be so many amazing people with such vast knowledge and experience here on Fabswingers...its been a real eye opener. I have to thank you all, for taking time to reply...it means a lot.
I will definitely try some of the techniques and methods...even if it doesnt work, so be it, at least I've tried!
Love to you all, who have taken time to reply to me here. |
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"I can't add to what has already been said. But would like to say that its so good to see such an amount to great common sense advice been given albeit gained from personal experiences.
To me, this thread highlights the really genuine side of Fab.
Goodluck op and I’m sure there is a lot more people in the same shoes that don’t even try to talk about it they just try to act normal! At least you can see that there isn’t an issue laying somewhere in the relationship.
Good courage to even start a thread on it "
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