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Where does the slap end and the pain start?
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At a late stage in my journey towards sexual maturity I have found that lots of ladies like their ass slapped during doggy and even like their hair pulled. Some even like their arm twisted behind their backs.
That probably sounds tame, but these are not ladies that I would say are into BDSM or the like. Some in my belated experience like it really rough, which throws me a bit.
But whats acceptable in terms of rough stuff? And do all ladies like this to some degree? Are there any 'tells' to let the guys know where that limit is..? |
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By *ir1967Man
over a year ago
in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid |
it’s mainly triggered by primal hardwiring . In extasy a woman wants to surrender to an alpha . It doesn’t mean she isn’t in to snuggles and cuddles but in particular in the time of ovulation many women appreciate a rougher, rawer version of mating .
Pain and lust are very close to each other , if you want my two pennies on this then listen to her, she will tell you how hard she needs it . Don’t deem that all women need that all the time , if you miss the moment of arroysal it ignore her signals it easy can end in physical abuse you may not intend
Core rule, be receptive for her signals , means you may need to get beyond the shallowness of a quick bang . Enjoy  |
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I actually like being spanked , but not necessarily during sex , and I gave in the past used my riding crop for some light whipping . But I have to say ,,,,,, I never thought I’d be into hair pulling, but when I read the op’s post and he mentioned it I got a bit of a tingle ! So I must give that a try  |
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It's because sex in our past was very violent.
During sex our brain releases a chemical that allows us to interpret pain as pleasure. This allows us to continue through sex, that we would otherwise stop during.
Every single person on the planet will have this happen them. This is why great sex is often followed by bruises we never know how we got, we were having too much pleasure.
There is a point you can cross where the brain will stop, and tell the person it is pain again. This place changes with arousal. Meaning most people can take a rough fucking, but get too rough too quick and they will only feel pain, or step up too fast and they will only feel pain. |
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I also recall reading, when spanking, apply the hand to the lower half of the ass. Upper half is painful, lower half is pleasurable.
Don't know if this is correct but sounds true to me.
Others can verify/retort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave the last girl I was with a slap on the bottom in a playful way and she said she didn’t mind just that one little one but she marks easily and doesn’t go in for really rough stuff but that was all I was doing anyway and it was only in fun and she was fine with that and she laughed when I did it. She had a mark on her wrist from using restraints though but was a bit touchy about being spanked although she said she didn’t mind a little play.
She was into physical sex just not anything like spanking.
I tend to hold the hips and back tightly and round the shoulder but I have a thing for women who are around 5’0” and very slim so I have to be careful physically but the size difference means I don’t have to be too heavy handed anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally love it but I think there limits that are different for everybody.
I LOVE it when my hair gets pulled, my ass slapped, even scratch marks... but I am the kind of person who is physically built to withstand a lot... I'd go for professional deep tissue massages and keep telling the therapist to go harder.
Some, of course, hate it and prefer a lighter touch. That's why question-and-answer is crucial... and sometimes even heightens the experience...  |
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"I also recall reading, when spanking, apply the hand to the lower half of the ass. Upper half is painful, lower half is pleasurable.
Don't know if this is correct but sounds true to me.
Others can verify/retort."
Didn't know that JD.. Interesting - thats gonna be tried next time out..!  |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
I don't know but this thread bugs me, it's all jumbled up and I don't know where to start even but as others said rough sex doesn't equal pain but I may add that bdsm doesn't stand necessarily for pain either. |
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By *orguyMan
over a year ago
Tuam |
"I also recall reading, when spanking, apply the hand to the lower half of the ass. Upper half is painful, lower half is pleasurable.
Don't know if this is correct but sounds true to me.
Others can verify/retort.
Didn't know that JD.. Interesting - thats gonna be tried next time out..! "
Will you have a snooze before you try it?  |
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"I don't know but this thread bugs me, it's all jumbled up and I don't know where to start even but as others said rough sex doesn't equal pain but I may add that bdsm doesn't stand necessarily for pain either. "
OK DH: But you understand the essence of the question I presume? If so, is there a way that you can reframe the original post to encourage contributors to share their experiences or preferences for where the threshold is for acceptable and going too far into the area of discomfort/pain..? |
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Totally by coincidence I had a little hair pulling earlier today with an afternoon meet . I thought he must have read what I’d said earlier on this post , but no he just likes to take control . I have to say I really really enjoyed it , although there was no pain involved , I do agree with the op it was quite primal or something . Can’t quite put my finger on it , but it was good |
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"Totally by coincidence I had a little hair pulling earlier today with an afternoon meet . I thought he must have read what I’d said earlier on this post , but no he just likes to take control . I have to say I really really enjoyed it , although there was no pain involved , I do agree with the op it was quite primal or something . Can’t quite put my finger on it , but it was good "
Sorry it wasn’t the op that said that it was D U K , a few comments ago |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"I don't know but this thread bugs me, it's all jumbled up and I don't know where to start even but as others said rough sex doesn't equal pain but I may add that bdsm doesn't stand necessarily for pain either.
OK DH: But you understand the essence of the question I presume? If so, is there a way that you can reframe the original post to encourage contributors to share their experiences or preferences for where the threshold is for acceptable and going too far into the area of discomfort/pain..?"
You see what I struggle with that there's a lot of Christian Grey monsters out there who have no clue what they're doing and it's all wrong. Someone who has experience knows that it is about heightening the sensations and not about inflicting pain. I'm not much experienced in it either but I did some bdsm stuff in my younger years, it turned out it isn't for me from a psychological angle however back then I underwent a serious ass whipping, about 70 lashes with a whip, now the first 15 hurt and weren't pleasurable but then every further was an overall body tingle starting from the ass up the spine into the fingertips, down the legs and up to the scalp. It was actually an amazing experience. However it's all down to your mindset and having an experienced master who knows exactly how hard to whip and where. I had no marks only a red ass for the night being. So here a warning don't try this if you have no clue what you're doing!!!! |
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You see what I struggle with that there's a lot of Christian Grey monsters out there who have no clue what they're doing and it's all wrong. Someone who has experience knows that it is about heightening the sensations and not about inflicting pain. I'm not much experienced in it either but I did some bdsm stuff in my younger years, it turned out it isn't for me from a psychological angle however back then I underwent a serious ass whipping, about 70 lashes with a whip, now the first 15 hurt and weren't pleasurable but then every further was an overall body tingle starting from the ass up the spine into the fingertips, down the legs and up to the scalp. It was actually an amazing experience. However it's all down to your mindset and having an experienced master who knows exactly how hard to whip and where. I had no marks only a red ass for the night being. So here a warning don't try this if you have no clue what you're doing!!!!"
OK DH - I think I now understand your context. Since you have been good enough to share, I will too as it will help with why I posted the original question.
Not so long ago I met a lady who had made it clear in our chat that she was into being taken. In my naivety I didn't understand until we were fucking. She only wanted to be taken doggy style and asked me to slap her ass, harder and harder. She wanted me to pull her hair, really tugging it until her head was jerking back; then wanted me to shove and force her head down into the bed (logistically hard during doggy) and twist her arm behind her back. All with more force than I cared to.
This was offputting to the point of disturbing. I've asked myself since what I missed as there were some signs she gave that I have seen in other ladies I have met and I have wondered did they get off on this kind of treatment too but were not as forward to say. Then I wondered what the general level of expectation is for ladies and how it differs.
So if I drew an incorrect parallel to being somewhat like BDSM at the start (in terms of the masochism bit) then I apologise.
Still would like to hear what ladies think though..! Thanks to you, Ponygirl and others for sharing some insights so far.. |
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"I can't really help you there as it wouldn't appeal to me at all but what I can tell you it's ok to say no even for a man especially when it crosses the border of disturbing. "
I can identify with that. Had a relationship many moons ago with a woman who was definitely in control. I enjoyed it to begin with but then it got beyond a 60/40 split, if you know what I mean and she would become aggressive to the point of slapping me, not playfully. I ended it. I have to say that there was a sense of relief when I did and she was still friends with me afterwards but even my housemates, years after, remember her traits.
Apologies if this is not specifically relevant. |
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