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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all - it being mother's day and all, I'm just curious if the mothers (and fathers) out there would recommend having kids to people who are currently child-less ? One friend of mine has 3 kids and says that he regrets it in some ways. Another says that he wouldn't miss every moment for the world. I've often felt that I would prefer to remain free and independent but I know that there is something missing in my life - could having children fix that, I wonder ? Anyway, it would be good to read what ye think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all - it being mother's day and all, I'm just curious if the mothers (and fathers) out there would recommend having kids to people who are currently child-less ? One friend of mine has 3 kids and says that he regrets it in some ways. Another says that he wouldn't miss every moment for the world. I've often felt that I would prefer to remain free and independent but I know that there is something missing in my life - could having children fix that, I wonder ? Anyway, it would be good to read what ye think."
Now there's a question!
Both your friends are right, of course -your life will never truly be yours again, but they do give you moments to truly cherish
I would caution against thinking that children will fix something in your life as they probably won't - they will just exacerbate what you are already feeling and you'll be too tired to do anything about it 
I would suggest some counseling to figure out what is missing first before going for the nuclear option of children |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having kids isn't a fix for anything.
Do you have a partner? How does she feel about it? If you aren't on the same page it's an absolute deal-breaker - compromise isn't possible if one wants kids and the other doesn't. It puts a huge stress on your relationship. |
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By *aid backMan
over a year ago
by a lake with my rod out |
Don't think a child will fix anything. I know many cpls that had what is called a bandage baby (trying to fix a relationship by having a baby) and most if not all those relationships broke down.
Im lucky I have a kid but life as an unmarried father isn't easy.
Get a dog from a rescue and you'll experience unconditional love from it and save a fortune on nappies |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Both your friends are right, of course -your life will never truly be yours again, but they do give you moments to truly cherish
I would caution against thinking that children will fix something in your life as they probably won't - they will just exacerbate what you are already feeling and you'll be too tired to do anything about it
I would suggest some counseling to figure out what is missing first before going for the nuclear option of children "
Great answer, thanks ! I know these kinds of decisions are totally subjective. The counselling tip is a good one, thanks. I can see that having kids would give you such a strong will to live also. But it's more expensive than ever now, of course and that's gotta be considered too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having kids isn't a fix for anything.
Do you have a partner? How does she feel about it? If you aren't on the same page it's an absolute deal-breaker - compromise isn't possible if one wants kids and the other doesn't. It puts a huge stress on your relationship."
Have partner, yes but we're not living together and not in the kid zone at all. Sometimes I wonder if this could be a massive mistake tho like, are we both missing out on so much and wasting each others time in the long run. I guess you just gotta follow your instincts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Get a dog from a rescue and you'll experience unconditional love from it and save a fortune on nappies "
God, I know so many single parents (and grew up in that environment too). I know what it feels like. The dog sounds like a good move lol, thanks ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having kids isn't a fix for anything.
Do you have a partner? How does she feel about it? If you aren't on the same page it's an absolute deal-breaker - compromise isn't possible if one wants kids and the other doesn't. It puts a huge stress on your relationship.
Have partner, yes but we're not living together and not in the kid zone at all. Sometimes I wonder if this could be a massive mistake tho like, are we both missing out on so much and wasting each others time in the long run. I guess you just gotta follow your instincts."
You have to decide what is right for you personally, no point just going along with what someone else wants. I agree with the poster above who suggested you might benefit from counselling. |
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By *ilderMan
over a year ago
dublin |
"Don't think a child will fix anything. I know many cpls that had what is called a bandage baby (trying to fix a relationship by having a baby) and most if not all those relationships broke down.
Im lucky I have a kid but life as an unmarried father isn't easy.
Get a dog from a rescue and you'll experience unconditional love from it and save a fortune on nappies "
Why? Are dog nappies cheaper?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You always find the money that’s needed. Yes you’ll be tired and broke but then they give you the proudest moments of your life and everything else disappears "
Well that seems like reason enough to be happy with it ! I don't know if it's ever for me or if I could ever have the patience or dedication or selflessness to devote myself to having kids in the future but who knows...? |
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"You always find the money that’s needed. Yes you’ll be tired and broke but then they give you the proudest moments of your life and everything else disappears
Well that seems like reason enough to be happy with it ! I don't know if it's ever for me or if I could ever have the patience or dedication or selflessness to devote myself to having kids in the future but who knows...?"
I have no patience with my kids, selflessness you don’t even realise you are putting the before yourself till you stop one days and look at the state of yourself compared to them I’ve had people ask what is it like and how do you do it alone. I don’t think about it I just get up and do it! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op it's like you have a home grown troop of terrorists but you end up being the united nations! "
This is the most eloquent description yet and fits what some other friends have told me ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP its the biggest test of your life ... and it's for life!
You have to be patient and learn to bounce back after hiccups along the way.
Not easy
 "
Cheers for that - I am in a better position now than ever but it's kinda make or break time now... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having met you , I think you’d make a great daddy "
That's an amazing thing to hear, thank you dear xxxx !! And you are an amazing Mum, I bet. Enjoy your day x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, the question is worth to write essays about it.
Reproduction is our natural purpose of existing on this earth. It’s not crave for fame, it’s not the hunt for money , it’s the survival of our species which nature has hardwired into us. all other purposes are result of society brain wash.
Humans have the anomalie that they can choose and novadays this is supported by technical developments such as birth control or various kinds of contraception to the extend of choosing for sterilization .
However, though children are a lot of work and sacrifice , but they pay it off with their smile and affection . Children give humans the ability to obtain the skill of unconditional love , whether one can apply it to a partner is a different story.
Staying childless is a choice, which may gives you the illusion of freedom, but I bet a horse that you will pay for this choice at a later stage. The price is called loneliness . As in your old days there will be no one to share the stories of your adventures or to benefit from the wealth you have obtained in freedom . There will be the moment that you realize you will leave this world someday empty handed , regardless how your bank balance is.
In NL and in Germany the care houses are full with wealthy childless people, counting their days of a life which at last became unfulfilled
You are a man, OP and as such the shots whether any love relation you may participate will reproduce is actually not your but her call. As unfair as it appears , you can run away when it gets too much for you, for the same the mother of child can dump you if she looses confidence that you are the right one. Your relation to a child is primarily a social one and needs lots of work before it becomes an essential bond. Women who carry a child for nine month below their heart and then deliver it onto this earth with the power and strength only woman have ( a man would die by the pain of labor) , and therefor the bond between women and their offspring is an essential bond by default . ( The odd exemption exist of course)
To answer your initial question, are you ready to take responsibility for a child, not feed and protect from harm , to spoil it with love, to forgive its mistakes and failures on the way?
If yes, a beautiful , exhausting and fulfilling journey waits you
Sir1967
proud father of 1 son , 4 daughters and 2 grandchildren |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Staying childless is a choice, which may gives you the illusion of freedom, but I bet a horse that you will pay for this choice at a later stage. The price is called loneliness . As in your old days there will be no one to share the stories of your adventures or to benefit from the wealth you have obtained in freedom . There will be the moment that you realize you will leave this world someday empty handed , regardless how your bank balance is.
In NL and in Germany the care houses are full with wealthy childless people, counting their days of a life which at last became unfulfilled
"
That was a great read and thank you so much for taking the time to write this ! What you are saying is correct and the quoted piece above is what I think about a lot. I know enough about care homes to know that not all of the people are childless there either. But what you write is a good argument for having kids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll sell you one for 2500es.. just keep him away from the TV with his hurl
Deadly. He wouldn't be an 18 year-old lawyer by any chance, would he ?"
No he's 5 now but very good at telling lies .. But on more serious note Mr here.. I was never really a kid person but fuck when you have them for us life wouldn't make sense without them! Go for it op even though they won't be as good looking as mine |
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"
Staying childless is a choice, which may gives you the illusion of freedom, but I bet a horse that you will pay for this choice at a later stage. The price is called loneliness . As in your old days there will be no one to share the stories of your adventures or to benefit from the wealth you have obtained in freedom . There will be the moment that you realize you will leave this world someday empty handed , regardless how your bank balance is.
In NL and in Germany the care houses are full with wealthy childless people, counting their days of a life which at last became unfulfilled
That was a great read and thank you so much for taking the time to write this ! What you are saying is correct and the quoted piece above is what I think about a lot. I know enough about care homes to know that not all of the people are childless there either. But what you write is a good argument for having kids. "
Well said both of you. Got me thinking... I always burry my head with this subject, I don't want to think about being alone when I'm old. It's a strong possibility I'm afraid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m gonna be honest here, having a child with my ex partner put that extra little strain on an allready strained relationship!! Don’t get me who got though I would die for my daughter but mutually myself and herself made a decision that we would stop trying to fix a problem that couldn’t be fixed! I’m one of the lucky ones that still gets to see my daughter every day and even brought them both out for dinner today! But unfortunately it’s not this easy for most broken family’s!! Anyone who thinks a child will fix things is very very wrong! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Worry and when the worry is over a feeling of loneliness and empty nest syndrome and that's just the men add wrecking your body if your a woman .. sure who wouldn't have kids. That's why sex is so enjoyable kids are the bi product |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m gonna be honest here, having a child with my ex partner put that extra little strain on an allready strained relationship!! Don’t get me who got though I would die for my daughter but mutually myself and herself made a decision that we would stop trying to fix a problem that couldn’t be fixed! I’m one of the lucky ones that still gets to see my daughter every day and even brought them both out for dinner today! But unfortunately it’s not this easy for most broken family’s!! Anyone who thinks a child will fix things is very very wrong! "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Staying childless is a choice, which may gives you the illusion of freedom, but I bet a horse that you will pay for this choice at a later stage. The price is called loneliness . As in your old days there will be no one to share the stories of your adventures or to benefit from the wealth you have obtained in freedom . There will be the moment that you realize you will leave this world someday empty handed , regardless how your bank balance is.
In NL and in Germany the care houses are full with wealthy childless people, counting their days of a life which at last became unfulfilled
That was a great read and thank you so much for taking the time to write this ! What you are saying is correct and the quoted piece above is what I think about a lot. I know enough about care homes to know that not all of the people are childless there either. But what you write is a good argument for having kids.
Well said both of you. Got me thinking... I always burry my head with this subject, I don't want to think about being alone when I'm old. It's a strong possibility I'm afraid "
There's no guarantee your kids will support you or help you in your old age. |
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"Don't think a child will fix anything. I know many cpls that had what is called a bandage baby (trying to fix a relationship by having a baby) and most if not all those relationships broke down.
Im lucky I have a kid but life as an unmarried father isn't easy.
Get a dog from a rescue and you'll experience unconditional love from it and save a fortune on nappies
Why? Are dog nappies cheaper? "
You joke. I once saw a dog in a nappy |
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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago
C'est moi Boudoir |
"
Staying childless is a choice, which may gives you the illusion of freedom, but I bet a horse that you will pay for this choice at a later stage. The price is called loneliness . As in your old days there will be no one to share the stories of your adventures or to benefit from the wealth you have obtained in freedom . There will be the moment that you realize you will leave this world someday empty handed , regardless how your bank balance is.
In NL and in Germany the care houses are full with wealthy childless people, counting their days of a life which at last became unfulfilled
That was a great read and thank you so much for taking the time to write this ! What you are saying is correct and the quoted piece above is what I think about a lot. I know enough about care homes to know that not all of the people are childless there either. But what you write is a good argument for having kids.
Well said both of you. Got me thinking... I always burry my head with this subject, I don't want to think about being alone when I'm old. It's a strong possibility I'm afraid
There's no guarantee your kids will support you or help you in your old age."
Exactly and it isn't a reason to have them either. Pay back is a bitch my crew are constantly reminding me in a threatening tone that they get to choose my nursing home beyond that they are not committing themselves |
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but I can’t imagine my life without them 
