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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about
this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why
Do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I want an increase. The
first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh..'
Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senora...the gardener did.'
.........
Wife: 'So how much do you want? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.
If only men would listen. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.
If only men would listen."
I was cooking venison for tea for my girls , I was serving it to them and said guess what meat this is..? The youngest said can we have a clue please..? I said the animal this meat comes from... err your mum sometimes calls me this... the eldest said to the youngest don't eat the meat its a fuc*ing knob..... |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
Just pulled a fresh pair of boxers out of my drawer. I looked at them and noticed they had white dust onthem....So I shouted down to the wife "Oi, why the f**k have you put Talcum Powder on my boxers?". She replied, "It's not Talcum Powder you idiot, it's miracle grow".
I sent off for a penis enlarged,.... bastar*s sent me a magnifying glass...
I was stood naked in front of the wife, I said " 5' 10" ... 170lbs of pure dynamite.... she said " its a pity about the short fuse...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I was sacked yesterday from my job working on the meat counter because I had a gash on my finger.
Apparently fingering the work experience girl is deemed inappropriate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
10 things men should never say to a women....
1.can u explain the offside rule to me
2.your not very tight
3.Have you got an itch as well
4.i can smell fish ...
5."Heres the keys, why dont you drive today in this seat"
6.I think your mum must have had hers stitched, her pussy is far tighter than yours
7.have u got any decent looking mates
8.all men have a rash there,
9.What do you mean small? I've never had to perform in the bloody Albert Hall before!
10.do u think your sister would join us
...ok one for luck...
11.Do you mind if we pull the curtains and turn the lights out before we start? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you.....just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous and if he gets angry may kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he's gay, thought you were cute and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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These two old men are in a nursing home.
They're talking and realize that it's been years since they have had sex.
So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse.
Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls.
The Pimp thought "I'm not going to waste my two best girls on these guys I'll just give them inflatable women.
They are old and they won't know the difference.
Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back they start talking.
The first guy said, " I think mine was dead she didn't move or anything
The second guy said I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was walking this girl home from the pub, taking a shortcut across the local football pitch when she suddenly dropped to her knees and gave me a blowjob.
Won't be seeing her again... Went down far too easily in the penalty area for my liking. |
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