FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > How do you control your emotions?
How do you control your emotions?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not sure if the title is slightly misleading but here goes. Alot of people here claim to only meet people they connect with right?
From my perspective. I find that usually when you find a spark with someone and connect with them, it's very difficult to fuck that person without emotions getting involved and potentially wanting more than just sex.
Whereas if there's no connection, it's generally easier to walk away and move on etc
Given that most people here only meet people they find a spark / connection with. How do you prevent emotions from getting involved or feelings developing etc
It obviously happens alot. Interested to hear what people think especially those that have found themselves in that situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because everyone knows the score. I will only ever meet with people I click with. There has to be something in common. I've always viewed it as meeting friends .. if something else happens it's a bonus. |
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This is probably going to sound neanderthal but, as a guy, I find it very easy to separate sex from love. I'm sure that quite a few women can too.
I've had many years practice, unfortunately quite some time ago, in being in love with one woman, whilst still having sex with other women.
I won't be so ignorant as to say there were no emotions involved. Of course there were, mostly, sometimes more than others. However, it never stopped me from either loving the woman I was with or having a good time with the occasional extra partner.
Hope there's some kinda sense to that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is probably going to sound neanderthal but, as a guy, I find it very easy to separate sex from love. I'm sure that quite a few women can too.
I've had many years practice, unfortunately quite some time ago, in being in love with one woman, whilst still having sex with other women.
I won't be so ignorant as to say there were no emotions involved. Of course there were, mostly, sometimes more than others. However, it never stopped me from either loving the woman I was with or having a good time with the occasional extra partner.
Hope there's some kinda sense to that."
I think Dunboyne that's a perfect summing up of all of this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is probably going to sound neanderthal but, as a guy, I find it very easy to separate sex from love. I'm sure that quite a few women can too.
I've had many years practice, unfortunately quite some time ago, in being in love with one woman, whilst still having sex with other women.
I won't be so ignorant as to say there were no emotions involved. Of course there were, mostly, sometimes more than others. However, it never stopped me from either loving the woman I was with or having a good time with the occasional extra partner.
Hope there's some kinda sense to that."
im trying realllllll hard not to agree with this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But isn't a connection with someone totally different then just finding someone attractive? I means lots of people are attractive for example but few will you connect.
I've always thought that it's difficult to keep things purely sexual without either partner gettin emotionally involved, jealous etc if there was a genuine connection.
I think it's just human nature to want more from someone you connect with but interestingly the feedback so far suggests otherwise ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But isn't a connection with someone totally different then just finding someone attractive? I means lots of people are attractive for example but few will you connect.
I've always thought that it's difficult to keep things purely sexual without either partner gettin emotionally involved, jealous etc if there was a genuine connection.
I think it's just human nature to want more from someone you connect with but interestingly the feedback so far suggests otherwise ha "
Spermy I've met with one or two people here we connected it was fun it may have happened again and sometimes not. I think once your confident about what your looking for about what you want there's no confusion |
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"But isn't a connection with someone totally different then just finding someone attractive? I means lots of people are attractive for example but few will you connect.
I've always thought that it's difficult to keep things purely sexual without either partner gettin emotionally involved, jealous etc if there was a genuine connection.
I think it's just human nature to want more from someone you connect with but interestingly the feedback so far suggests otherwise ha
Spermy I've met with one or two people here we connected it was fun it may have happened again and sometimes not. I think once your confident about what your looking for about what you want there's no confusion "
I agree with OP on the connection versus the attraction. I just know that neither is going any further than the physical, albeit with obviously a mutual attraction and possibly a great connection.
As per Sally's comments, I'm also walking away, saying that'd be nice if it happens again but if it doesn't, I'm not worried/longing but am happy to have good memories of our time together.
When one party gets emotionally attached, there has not been clear, equivocal communication from both and, where it's been repeat meets, any change in emotional attachment hasn't been voiced.
In summary, attraction is the first thing, emotions are a possible follow up. If you don't keep the latter in check, you may rue the day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But isn't a connection with someone totally different then just finding someone attractive? I means lots of people are attractive for example but few will you connect.
I've always thought that it's difficult to keep things purely sexual without either partner gettin emotionally involved, jealous etc if there was a genuine connection.
I think it's just human nature to want more from someone you connect with but interestingly the feedback so far suggests otherwise ha
Spermy I've met with one or two people here we connected it was fun it may have happened again and sometimes not. I think once your confident about what your looking for about what you want there's no confusion
I agree with OP on the connection versus the attraction. I just know that neither is going any further than the physical, albeit with obviously a mutual attraction and possibly a great connection.
As per Sally's comments, I'm also walking away, saying that'd be nice if it happens again but if it doesn't, I'm not worried/longing but am happy to have good memories of our time together.
When one party gets emotionally attached, there has not been clear, equivocal communication from both and, where it's been repeat meets, any change in emotional attachment hasn't been voiced.
In summary, attraction is the first thing, emotions are a possible follow up. If you don't keep the latter in check, you may rue the day."
I will chime in and say alot of the time attraction is not just the physical .. it's someone that stimulates you as a person. I'd rathe" connect" with someone that gets me then someone that looks pretty |
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"Not sure how you "control it" maybe the ability to do so is what separates the swingers from the vanilla.
"
Not sure that's what separates them Jay. I think it's the thought that they can separate them and then sometimes the "vanilla" expectancy gets in the way, perhaps.
It's a conundrum, like life.
Sorry, I'm waffling  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if the title is slightly misleading but here goes. Alot of people here claim to only meet people they connect with right?
From my perspective. I find that usually when you find a spark with someone and connect with them, it's very difficult to fuck that person without emotions getting involved and potentially wanting more than just sex.
Whereas if there's no connection, it's generally easier to walk away and move on etc
Given that most people here only meet people they find a spark / connection with. How do you prevent emotions from getting involved or feelings developing etc
It obviously happens alot. Interested to hear what people think especially those that have found themselves in that situation "
Use logic to overide emotion. Even though we are all trying to attract people that we like here, it would be very wise not to allow yourself get too attached. I think people who are unsure of how to take care of themselves emotionally will reach out to others for attention and validation, sometimes quite desperately, as ya can see playing out here at times. I'm comfortable being single, that's a huge bonus for me, the fucking grass is Not greener on the other side, and when it comes to relationships and a swinging partner, that can be an emotional rollercoaster, that brings its own challenges. I have only my own boundaries to concern myself with, I respect that in others also, whether it be singles or couples, we all need to have our shit together, its fun! Not a place to seek love  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to meet and chat with people where there is a connection beyond the sex and there’s also at least some semblance of friendship - i.e friends with benefits however if it was starting to go beyond that I would pull back as a relationship or something more “meaningful” is not my reason for being here |
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By *squaredCouple
over a year ago
Dublin/westmeath/kildare |
"I prefer to meet and chat with people where there is a connection beyond the sex and there’s also at least some semblance of friendship - i.e friends with benefits however if it was starting to go beyond that I would pull back as a relationship or something more “meaningful” is not my reason for being here"
Well said. I had a friend with benefits for several years I never loved him but emotion wise there were some as there needs to be - we are not robots. I need to connect with other person or 1 I don't get wet & dont want to go any further (I'm more mentally stimulated so they need to hold conversation) 2 I need to be able to feel like I can trust them (this one is where a lot fall down). We need to be on similar wave lengths with similar goals from this or its pointless. Single time hook ups miss the mark so often as they don't know ur likes/dislikes.
Emotions are there (again not robot) you need to communicate them, keep them in check & if they include jealousy (not just flicker real jealousy) & love think this is wrong place for you/ye. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is probably going to sound neanderthal but, as a guy, I find it very easy to separate sex from love. I'm sure that quite a few women can too.
I've had many years practice, unfortunately quite some time ago, in being in love with one woman, whilst still having sex with other women.
I won't be so ignorant as to say there were no emotions involved. Of course there were, mostly, sometimes more than others. However, it never stopped me from either loving the woman I was with or having a good time with the occasional extra partner.
Hope there's some kinda sense to that."
But surely if you were really and truly in love with your partner you shouldnt even be thinking of "extra partners" unless as a cpl you were both into swinging  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm learning to keep my emotions in check and give myself several reality checks. It's easy to get lost in emotions when a guy is saying lovely things to you but I just have to remind myself that he's probably also saying the exact same things to the 10 other women he's having sex with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that many people feel that they can control their emotions and keep it to sex, fun whatever they want to label it but I believe that if people have a connection, great sex and as a result meet regularly then the endorphins released during orgasm will likely lead to bonding with the other person. Its inevitable that for some it will end up driving away their ability to control the emotions and then you have something out of control leading to somebody getting hurt, whether that's themselves or their existing partner or the partner of the person that the bond has developed with. I guess what I'm trying to say is its a minefield.
L
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm learning to keep my emotions in check and give myself several reality checks. It's easy to get lost in emotions when a guy is saying lovely things to you but I just have to remind myself that he's probably also saying the exact same things to the 10 other women he's having sex with. "
Would you not not be concerned that you have to remind yourself of that here? I was of the impression that women don't swallow such bs, and are not easily manipulated.. |
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By *avie tCouple
over a year ago
otherside of nowhere |
"This is probably going to sound neanderthal but, as a guy, I find it very easy to separate sex from love. I'm sure that quite a few women can too.
I've had many years practice, unfortunately quite some time ago, in being in love with one woman, whilst still having sex with other women.
I won't be so ignorant as to say there were no emotions involved. Of course there were, mostly, sometimes more than others. However, it never stopped me from either loving the woman I was with or having a good time with the occasional extra partner.
Hope there's some kinda sense to that."
So much sense .....thats why in general I think this works best for long term partners as the emotional back up is already there....mrs here and speaking personally there's no way I would be on here as a single women.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm learning to keep my emotions in check and give myself several reality checks. It's easy to get lost in emotions when a guy is saying lovely things to you but I just have to remind myself that he's probably also saying the exact same things to the 10 other women he's having sex with.
Would you not not be concerned that you have to remind yourself of that here? I was of the impression that women don't swallow such bs, and are not easily manipulated.."
No, not concerned. I'm not taken in by bullshit and I'm definitely not easily manipulated. Sometimes reality checks are required that's all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said this before, I'm an open book. I feel what I feel and it shows. I'm not into playing games or pretending and I don't want to run away with the first person I get strong feelings with or about. I love being single and I'm not looking for a husband or boyfriend. I believe honest and open communication is the key, and I don't agree that having feelings for someone will necessarily lead to jealousy. I can have deep feelings and still be happy to see the other person enjoy other people. Is that not the point of swinging? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I feel something I'm not the best at hiding it. Sometimes you just can't help it
I prefer a connection to be meeting. It's just not as fun if there isn't one |
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I have absolutely no problem at all keeping it nsa and even enjoy being really intimate but then go back to reality.Having said that, i dont really meet anymore as i find it too difficult to make a connection 'online'.. |
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"I'm learning to keep my emotions in check and give myself several reality checks. It's easy to get lost in emotions when a guy is saying lovely things to you but I just have to remind myself that he's probably also saying the exact same things to the 10 other women he's having sex with. "
Exactly this  |
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I can be with someone, give them 100% of me. Intimacy, emotion, lust.. the whole lot..
have a great time, then when I’m back to reality I may be full of that person for 24/48 hours, but I let it all go and put it it’s place.. as an excellent time spent with someone I can ideally see again.
Without the connection/spark I have zero interest in getting intimate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the sex is really really good and I have that connection with someone, they're the only one I'm meeting, it's ongoing, it's overnight meets and they are giving me the attention and comfort that I obviously don't get as I'm single, personally I find it very hard not to get attached.
I always say couples on here have a perfect set up, they get the excitment of playing together and then get to go home for their loving cuddles etc.
I've been cancelled on this week and I got upset over it so it just goes to show maybe this isn't actually for me, until I learn to cool the attachment  |
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"I can be with someone, give them 100% of me. Intimacy, emotion, lust.. the whole lot..
have a great time, then when I’m back to reality I may be full of that person for 24/48 hours, but I let it all go and put it it’s place.. as an excellent time spent with someone I can ideally see again.
Without the connection/spark I have zero interest in getting intimate. "
I've been trying to articulate an answer to this and you've hit the nail on the head there agree 100% with everything you've said as that's how things are for me too x |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I do like to have a spark and a couple of times that spark has been more. Each time we did acknowledge that there was more of a connection but at the same time I’m not looking for a long term relationship so in those instances we enjoyed what we had at the time.
I’ve been fortunate enough to meet and play with some lovely people on here and they have become friends. I’ve had the ‘not looking for a relationship’ chat and we’re happy to remain friends and play together at times too.
I like being able to play with people I know and the fun gets better. For me I’m still not in the right place for a full time relationship do I keep romance at arms length. |
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By *adylaceWoman
over a year ago
Waterford City |
I think it can be difficult to keep emotions out of it. Especially when you’re in a shagbuddy scenario and meeting them a lot. I’ve had things get messy on me twice here. Once it was the guy that got feelings and another time it was me. It’s tough when you get close to someone and you’re both single to keep it separate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can be with someone, give them 100% of me. Intimacy, emotion, lust.. the whole lot..
have a great time, then when I’m back to reality I may be full of that person for 24/48 hours, but I let it all go and put it it’s place.. as an excellent time spent with someone I can ideally see again.
Without the connection/spark I have zero interest in getting intimate.
I've been trying to articulate an answer to this and you've hit the nail on the head there agree 100% with everything you've said as that's how things are for me too x"
Exactly this |
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"If the sex is really really good and I have that connection with someone, they're the only one I'm meeting, it's ongoing, it's overnight meets and they are giving me the attention and comfort that I obviously don't get as I'm single, personally I find it very hard not to get attached.
I always say couples on here have a perfect set up, they get the excitment of playing together and then get to go home for their loving cuddles etc.
I've been cancelled on this week and I got upset over it so it just goes to show maybe this isn't actually for me, until I learn to cool the attachment "
It's horrible when we get let down for a meet... I was let down twice last weekend and not only was I bitterly disappointed and had tears too but i was also out of pocket for well over €200. But after 24hrs I was over it and learned from it..x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the sex is really really good and I have that connection with someone, they're the only one I'm meeting, it's ongoing, it's overnight meets and they are giving me the attention and comfort that I obviously don't get as I'm single, personally I find it very hard not to get attached.
I always say couples on here have a perfect set up, they get the excitment of playing together and then get to go home for their loving cuddles etc.
I've been cancelled on this week and I got upset over it so it just goes to show maybe this isn't actually for me, until I learn to cool the attachment
It's horrible when we get let down for a meet... I was let down twice last weekend and not only was I bitterly disappointed and had tears too but i was also out of pocket for well over €200. But after 24hrs I was over it and learned from it..x "
I actually felt heartbroken!! Wtf... I need to get out more!!!
Jesus €200 - I'd be crying myself!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's horrible when we get let down for a meet... I was let down twice last weekend and not only was I bitterly disappointed and had tears too but i was also out of pocket for well over €200. But after 24hrs I was over it and learned from it..x "
I would struggle keeping my emotions in check after that. But be philosophical about it, you may have lost €200, but whoever let you down lost the chance of meeting you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People we ve met in this lifestyle ,that we click with etc for sexual fun and social fun aren't necessarily emotionally attached to us or them us .Those emotions are for family and good friends surely. |
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"
It's horrible when we get let down for a meet... I was let down twice last weekend and not only was I bitterly disappointed and had tears too but i was also out of pocket for well over €200. But after 24hrs I was over it and learned from it..x
I would struggle keeping my emotions in check after that. But be philosophical about it, you may have lost €200, but whoever let you down lost the chance of meeting you "
Thanks handsome man |
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