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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"got thrown out of the mosque last night... started off so respectfully and then they started praying - I bloody love leapfrog
"
Hahaaaa!!! Now that is fckn funny!!!!
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Computer viruses
Lewinsky Virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after two bytes.
Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.
Ellen Degeneres Virus: Disks can no longer be inserted.
Titanic Virus (A Strain Of The Lewinsky Virus): Your whole computer goes down.
Disney Virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
Prozac Virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.
Lorena Bobbit Virus: Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows.
Viagra Virus: Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
Clinton Virus: Gives you a 7 inch hard drive with no memory. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Under new EU Law - the word 'Gypo' cannot be used - as it is no longer deemed politically correct. So, this group have now been renamed 'caravan utilising nomadic travellers'
or C.U.N.T.S for short! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy is driving around Ireland and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden. The guy goes into the garden and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.
"So, what’s your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI6 about my gift, and in no time, at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired."
The guy is amazed! He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten pounds," the Paddy says.
"Ten ponds? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he’s a fucking liar.... He never did any of that shit!!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Alien couple came down to earth and went to a swinging party.
They swap partners and go to their respective bedrooms. The alien man takes his clothes off revealing a one inch cock.
The woman says i'm not impressed !
The alien then twists his right ear and his cock grows to ten inches.
Now i'm impressed says the woman.
The alien then twists his left ear and his cock becomes two inches thick and he gives the woman the best seeing too she ever had.
She meets up with her husband later and asks how was it for you ?
Her hubby said ' fucking shite, all she did was keep twisting my fucking ears!
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