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Weekend Slightly Offensive Jokes.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45lbs 
Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 3 mins.
Have ya heard the title of Salman Rushdies new book, Budda is a fat cunt..  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do ya teach a blonde math, add a bed, subtract her knickers, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A young woman hasnt been in her native village in Ireland for more than five years. One day she gets home, but when she crosses the threshold of the house her father screams at her:
“Where have you been all this time ? Why didn’t you write us a letter ? Why didn’t you call us ?”
The chick begins to cry and says among the tears:
“Dad, I’ve become a prostitute…”
“What ? Get out of here, sinful woman ! You are a shame to our Catholic family ! I deny you !”
“As you think, dad. I just want to give this gorgeous mink coat to my mother and give you that card worth 5,000 euros, as well the property papers of the villa that I just bought for you… Also, I wanted to invite you to spend the holidays on my yacht…”
Father asks:
“What did you say you became ?”
She starts crying again and says:
“Prostitute, dad…”
“Oh thank God for that ! You did scare me ! I thought you said Protestant…” |
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I went to visit my elderly grandfather a couple of weeks ago and he did nothing but bitch about how my generation relies way too much on technology. I said his relies on it even more and unplugged his life support. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gardai have just announced they discovered 15 kilos of cocaine, 200k in cash, 4 rifles and a hand gun at the back of the library in Ballymun. Locals ate said to be absolutely shocked as they didn't know there was a library there |
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Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike, with my uncle's hands firmly gripping my shoulders.
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My first ever football match was like my first experience of anal sex. I was battered and bruised after it and my uncle came.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gardai have just announced they discovered 15 kilos of cocaine, 200k in cash, 4 rifles and a hand gun at the back of the library in Ballymun. Locals ate said to be absolutely shocked as they didn't know there was a library there"
Having spent a month in ballymun one weekend,I do find that funny as fk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps, so when the bloke goes down he can have a bevvy as well..
However, the government have banned it, amid of 24 hour minge drinking  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Paddy and Mick going home from a night out just realized that they didn't have enough money for the bus, So they decided to go to the Bus depot and steal a bus. Mick broke into the depot as Paddy stood guard for the police. After a while Paddy decided to see what was keeping Mick so he looked through the gate there he saw Mick running from bus to bus looking worried
"What the hell are you doing? " hissed Paddy
Mick replied " I can't find a number 6 bus anywhere Paddy "
Holding his hands to his head in disbelief Paddy barked
"You idiot Mick Steal a number 8 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way "
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