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Shit Jokes For Bedtime
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What do elephants use as tampons ?
Sheep.
My grandfather was always one for the ladies, no matter how many times he was told to use the gents.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra. |
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Paddy was walking through a graveyard one night when he seen a headstone unscripted 'Here lies a politician and an honest man'..'Faith now' said Paddy 'I wonder how they got the two of them into the one grave' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Yank on holiday in the Irish countryside spots a small man behind a hedge with his head between his knees. He says to the man " pardon me sir, are you a leprechaun?" The man replies "no, I'm a goblin!"
Badum tiss. |
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After a severe earthquake in Dublin, rescuers were searching the rubble of a hotel when they heard a faint Irish voice shout "Feckin’ help me!!!" The rescuers shout "Where are you?" Paddy shouts "I'm in room 236"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have you seen the new movie constipated? It hasn't come out yet..
And the sequel, diahhorea. It leaked so they had to release it early...
Well.. its about shit jokes  |
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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago
C'est moi Boudoir |
"What do you call a bra stretched across the road?
A booby trap 
I will sign off appropriately...Boo
Ya can bring your shit joke for bedtime with ya "
Oh believe me... She's positively hilarious at bedtime! 
 |
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By *um64Man
over a year ago
Cork, Dublin |
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled "I hope you die a long, slow,painful death"
He turned around and said "So, you want me to stay?" |
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By *umpsMan
over a year ago
city |
A husband and wife go to the doctor for the husband's check up...
The doctor says to the husband "I need a stool sample a urine sample and a sperm sample from you".
The wife turns to her husband and tells him " just give the doctor your underpants". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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999: what is your emergency?
Caller: I am masturbating too much
999: Sir, that's not really a problem
Caller: One sec, YOU SEE MOM, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM, NOW GET OFF MY CASE!!! |
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Paddy wants to put a selling ad in the paper, so he phones up to see how much it is.
£1 an inch, the girl tells him. Shit, I cant afford that.
Why not? The girl asks, what are you selling?
30 foot ladder, says Paddy... |
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"Paddy says to his wife ' my bum hole is really burning, I've no idea what it is'
'Ring sting', his wife replies. Paddy says, 'how the fuck would he know'"
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Did you hear... Sting's gone missing? 
The Police still have no lead  |
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"A flasher _umps out and flashes two old ladies in Stephens Green 
One had a stroke...
...the other couldn't reach  "
Similar theme........
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobbled street , when one of them shouted to the other "Sister Mary I've never come this way before"
Sister Mary replies "nnnnneeeittthhheer hhhaaaavvee IIIIIII mmmm" |
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By *um64Man
over a year ago
Cork, Dublin |
A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmatcist.
She asked do you have viagra?
Yes, he answered
She asked, does it work?
yes he answered
Can you get it over the counter?,she asked
I can if I take 2, he replied |
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A fella walked into a pharmacy and asked for a pack of condoms. The pharmacist said "sorry, I've just sold the last pack. Try Boots".
...
..
.
"Ah here" says yer man "I was intending to slide in, not feckin' march in!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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guy rings in sick to work monday
boss is busy with a stock take
rings him bac mid morning as he needs him to help
boss asks ..how sick are u?
guys reply..im in bed wit my sis |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why shouldn't you leave alphabet spaghetti on the pan too long ?
It could spell disaster...baa dum tish "
I have to say reading your jokes, you really got the concept of the thread title, you jokes are shit haha. |
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