FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > little joke for the day, giggle and add. don't giggle be say.
little joke for the day, giggle and add. don't giggle be say.
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *ex1981 OP Man
over a year ago
right up your street , the wild Atlantic way , corby UK |
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him,
"If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None."
The teacher asks, "Why?"
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ex1981 OP Man
over a year ago
right up your street , the wild Atlantic way , corby UK |
"Keep them coming   "
I ve been on fab years just looking for a slot to come along for me to fill.
No ye dirty minded horn bags. A lay down comedy session.
Stand up is so last century
Maybe a little joke a day.
Lighten all the serious issues and troubles of the day.
What ye think. Should little Johnny Cum out more often. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Keep them coming
I ve been on fab years just looking for a slot to come along for me to fill.
No ye dirty minded horn bags. A lay down comedy session.
Stand up is so last century
Maybe a little joke a day.
Lighten all the serious issues and troubles of the day.
What ye think. Should little Johnny Cum out more often. "
Maybe but little T should   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ex1981 OP Man
over a year ago
right up your street , the wild Atlantic way , corby UK |
"Keep them coming
I ve been on fab years just looking for a slot to come along for me to fill.
No ye dirty minded horn bags. A lay down comedy session.
Stand up is so last century
Maybe a little joke a day.
Lighten all the serious issues and troubles of the day.
What ye think. Should little Johnny Cum out more often.
Maybe but little T should "
Do you know of an opening for me.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Keep them coming
I ve been on fab years just looking for a slot to come along for me to fill.
No ye dirty minded horn bags. A lay down comedy session.
Stand up is so last century
Maybe a little joke a day.
Lighten all the serious issues and troubles of the day.
What ye think. Should little Johnny Cum out more often.
Maybe but little T should
Do you know of an opening for me.
"
Or not so little T  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Keep them coming
I ve been on fab years just looking for a slot to come along for me to fill.
No ye dirty minded horn bags. A lay down comedy session.
Stand up is so last century
Maybe a little joke a day.
Lighten all the serious issues and troubles of the day.
What ye think. Should little Johnny Cum out more often.
Maybe but little T should
Do you know of an opening for me.
"
Several |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The Road Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M50 outside Dublin recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup.""
lol sounds like me atm |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ex1981 OP Man
over a year ago
right up your street , the wild Atlantic way , corby UK |
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to extract money from them by saying,
"I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her,
"I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him €20. and says,
"Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with,
"I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him €40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying,
"I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A man and woman smuggling a snake and skunk into ireland through the airport. While in their hotel room, the man says I will hide the snake in my boxers, you hide the skunk in your knickers. The woman replied what about the smell??? Man replies..
Fuck it..if the skunk dies it dies. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Old man outside his house. A young boy walks by.
OM "what you got there boy"
YB "I've got me some duck tape. I'm off to catch ducks"
Old man shakes his head. An hour passes and the young boy returns with the tape trailing behind him covered in ducks. Old man is shocked.
The next day the boy returns.
OM "what you got there boy"
YB "I've got me some chicken wire. I'm off to catch chickens"
Old man is baffled. An hour passes and the boy returns with the chicken wire covered in chickens. The old man is amazed.
Next day the young boy walks passed again.
OM "what you got today then"
YB "I've got me some pussy willow...."
OM "I'll get me coat....." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Went for a swim to the local pool last night.. . Was bursting for a pee so I thought I would have a sneaky one down at the deep end... dammm tho the lifeguard spotted me.... wellllll he blew his whistle that loud at me that I nearly fell in.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
..while travelling tru Mullingar the other week it was drawn to my attention this man and his son leaning over a railway bridge fishing .
Thought to myself WTF .drive on Ollie .
Me being me just had to investigate so I calmly approached the suspects just as the 3.15 express to Dublin passed underfoot
We broke into a conversation quite easly before I asked the fatal question
Have yous caught much today
With a smile he reply yea a few your the fifth .
I did deserve tho.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Grandma's Letter
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that
followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he
hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window & screamed, ' For the love of God! ' ' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!
I leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times sharing in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way, with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a 'Hawaiian Good Luck Sign' or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the
moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me..
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down leaned out the window and gave them all the 'Hawaiian Good Luck Sign' one last time as I drove away.
My teen-age grandson is still laughing and rejoicing in the Spirit!!!
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon, Love, Grandma |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Husband says to wife bet you you can't make me happy and sad at the same time
Wife thinks about it
And says I've slept with all your mates and yours is the biggest
Boom |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Two women chavs walk into a high class store, they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
1st chav: sprays it on her wrist and smells it: Dat's fukin nice innit, don't you fink?'.
2nd chav: 'Yeah, what's it bleedin called?'. 'Viens a moi'
'VIENS A MOI', the 1st chav shouts loudly, 'what the fuk does that mean?'
At this stage the assistant comes over and offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me".
1st chav, takes another sniff and offers her arm to her friend again saying...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"That doesn't smell like cum to me, does that smell like cum to you?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
One night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph all that well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.
Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend
Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.
In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Johnny thought his new girlfriend might just be the one,,,,
but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a French maids outfit, a nurses outfit and a police woman's uniform he finally decided...
If she can't hold down a fucking job she's not for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
Light hearted bants.
