FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Best way to say not attracted to your meet?
Best way to say not attracted to your meet?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that? |
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that?"
get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening"
I've gone with "I'm sorry but I'm just not feeling this" but both times the guys got really angry |
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"get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening
I've gone with "I'm sorry but I'm just not feeling this" but both times the guys got really angry"
fuck that then do U have someone with u to tell them to back off some guys are dicks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that?"
Have you met just for a drink or is it for an actual meet
So if it was a drink: just be straight with them and say I am not sure the attraction is their for me.
If you are at the point where they want to progress to sex: I honestly would just say, I am very sorry but I dont think this is for me. And assuming they have been sound and polite, tell them that and apologise for wasting their time, but the spark just isn't there.
I find a lot of Irish people get into trouble by not just saying things directly and with floating about the actual truth. Which only hurts feelings more than need be.
It is hard to be direct when letting someone down but at the end of the day you dont feel cowardly for making up excuses or pretend reasons not to continue.
Just my 2 cents  |
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that? get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening"
Hows about TELL THE TRUTH! Say look im sorry id a lovely evening with you but i dont feel that way towards you?
Youll get more respect for being honest with the person than stringing him along. Anyway,agreeing to meet socially for coffee or a drink doesnt guarantee sex. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry? |
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"Thankfully I was only once confronted with that situation and just said it as it is, that I can't feel the heat and this isn't going to work. Apologies. End of story. And run......
"
run fucking fast  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Glad to most on here are saying be direct!
Honesty is the best policy.
Someone getting angry is a sign immaturity imho.
I would only want to sleep with someone who felt attracted to me so if they didn't feel it then I wouldnt force them.
Think these replies answer the thread op |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just do what everyone else seems to do...delete message and ignore
Thanks but I'm talking about being face to face!"
Ah well in that case..be as delicately honest as possible. Treat people well and fairly and most of the time that'll come back to you. |
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"Do you arrange the coffee meet and the play meet for the same day?
Do you stress the point that play isn't guaranteed? "
for a coffee meet u should not have to put that point across its men that have their ego damaged acting pathetic |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you arrange the coffee meet and the play meet for the same day?
Do you stress the point that play isn't guaranteed? "
No both times it was a play meet that was agreed to. I was new, well, newER and thouget it would be fine based on pics. I do coffee meets first now though. |
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"Do you arrange the coffee meet and the play meet for the same day?
Do you stress the point that play isn't guaranteed? for a coffee meet u should not have to put that point across its men that have their ego damaged acting pathetic "
my apologies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you arrange the coffee meet and the play meet for the same day?
Do you stress the point that play isn't guaranteed?
No both times it was a play meet that was agreed to. I was new, well, newER and thouget it would be fine based on pics. I do coffee meets first now though. "
Problem solved so! You can tell them when you get home  |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Glad to most on here are saying be direct!
Honesty is the best policy.
Someone getting angry is a sign immaturity imho.
I would only want to sleep with someone who felt attracted to me so if they didn't feel it then I wouldnt force them.
Think these replies answer the thread op "
 surely hopefully nobody is forcing anyone to have sex! |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?"
Can see where your coming from plenty guys on here can't take rejection by mail you've no hope of a good reacation face to face. Might be better off to say from the beginning this is just a coffee date leave it at that. Tell them you'll talk to them during the week at the end of your drink if it's not going well. Then just sent the rejection mail after the date. |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?"
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you. "
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Glad to most on here are saying be direct!
Honesty is the best policy.
Someone getting angry is a sign immaturity imho.
I would only want to sleep with someone who felt attracted to me so if they didn't feel it then I wouldnt force them.
Think these replies answer the thread op
surely hopefully nobody is forcing anyone to have sex! "
Force as in getting angry and putting pressure on someone by making them feel bad
Dont take the word force that literally |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x"
just be careful in future |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x"
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx"
Fall into place is a euphemism right?  |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx
Fall into place is a euphemism right? "
Joey you are so clever!  |
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that?"
Straight up say it |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx
Fall into place is a euphemism right?
Joey you are so clever! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone becomes abusive at being politely turned down, you pat yourself on the back for a wise choice.
We make it clear that a meet is social, and don't discuss until afterwards whether or not we want to take it further at another meet. |
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"If someone becomes abusive at being politely turned down, you pat yourself on the back for a wise choice.
We make it clear that a meet is social, and don't discuss until afterwards whether or not we want to take it further at another meet."
well said xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx
Fall into place is a euphemism right?
Joey you are so clever! "
Where do I collect my clogs?  |
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"Thankfully I was only once confronted with that situation and just said it as it is, that I can't feel the heat and this isn't going to work. Apologies. End of story. And run......
"
..great way of putting words together At times DH |
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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago
Limerick |
Meeting for tea is just that a quick social meet. That being said I have ended up staying around longer with people you like and have a laugh with. But, as a rule a tea it's an hour and then leave.
A lot of guys will pick up that you're not interested. And you will have a fair idea if they are interested in taking things further with you.
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Meeting for tea is just that a quick social meet. That being said I have ended up staying around longer with people you like and have a laugh with. But, as a rule a tea it's an hour and then leave.
A lot of guys will pick up that you're not interested. And you will have a fair idea if they are interested in taking things further with you.
"
So u fancy a tea |
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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago
Limerick |
"Meeting for tea is just that a quick social meet. That being said I have ended up staying around longer with people you like and have a laugh with. But, as a rule a tea it's an hour and then leave.
A lot of guys will pick up that you're not interested. And you will have a fair idea if they are interested in taking things further with you.
So u fancy a tea "
Now cj I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that?"
Nothing happens on the first date....for this one anyway. |
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"Then I've gotten abusive messages afterwards and would have to block them. So I guess there is no right way to say it without the person getting angry?
Abusive messages why? Theres a balance here on fab that ye promise sex to nobody until after the first meet. You might think his pic is gorgeous but compatibility through personality etc can hit a wall. So, in future, when you agree to meet, make it clear its purely social and nothing more. That way,theres no animosity from either side.
Ive met a lot of guys from here and never fell out with any one of them. Some have become very close friends in my real life too. Say how you feel and never be somebody other than you.
Thanks, I'm still learning! Rushed into meets in the beginning. But that's all great advice, thanks x
We all live and learn but dont be rushed into sex because you feel you " have" to do it.
If youve made it clear in future and a guy gets abusive towards you after a meet. Report him and block him. Jaysus id have a mental disorder if id to cope with that bullshit! be kind to yourself first and foremost and all will fall into place xx
Fall into place is a euphemism right?
Joey you are so clever!
Where do I collect my clogs? "
Holland  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Turning the tables... Have any lads had that experience.. I did once and she did not take it well... I was trying to nice but then again I can be as subtle as a brick in a wet sock sometimes! |
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"Turning the tables... Have any lads had that experience.. I did once and she did not take it well... I was trying to nice but then again I can be as subtle as a brick in a wet sock sometimes! "
Sorry love, but you'd scare rats out of a ditch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Turning the tables... Have any lads had that experience.. I did once and she did not take it well... I was trying to nice but then again I can be as subtle as a brick in a wet sock sometimes!
Sorry love, but you'd scare rats out of a ditch "
High five! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just do what everyone else seems to do...delete message and ignore
Thanks but I'm talking about being face to face!"
if its a coffee or drinks meet make it clear beforehand that nothing will happen on the day/night.and if everyone is still happy after the first meet a second can be arranged.that way no pressure on you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me i never tell guys its more till we meet for drink or coffee . U just cant tell if u can have sex till u see them face to face . So tell them nothing will happen till then . Always works for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me i never tell guys its more till we meet for drink or coffee . U just cant tell if u can have sex till u see them face to face . So tell them nothing will happen till then . Always works for me "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be honest but kind. Pay half of the bill and wish them the best.
I never got abuse or anger when I did that in person. Also not afterwards by email. Maybe I'm just scary or they were glad they got away haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me i never tell guys its more till we meet for drink or coffee . U just cant tell if u can have sex till u see them face to face . So tell them nothing will happen till then . Always works for me "
Exactly this. Helps a lot as you're not setting wrong expectations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be honest but kind. Pay half of the bill and wish them the best.
I never got abuse or anger when I did that in person. Also not afterwards by email. Maybe I'm just scary or they were glad they got away haha"
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"get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening
I've gone with "I'm sorry but I'm just not feeling this" but both times the guys got really angry"
Sounds like your feelings were bang on ! |
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"So you've been chatting, seem to be on the same page, exchanged face pics etc. You meet and.... nothing. Not attracted to them at all. They clearly want to take it further, as you had discussed, but you just really don't want to. What's the best thing to say? How do you handle that?"
Be honest and say tell them that it's them and not you!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For most people rejection is not a nice feeling. It doesn't excuse them being angry tho.
I agree with the vast majority of people on here tho. Honesty is best and maybe set lower expectations before the meet starts by saying something along the lines of you can't meet at the moment except for coffee and if it goes well then you can move forward |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For most people rejection is not a nice feeling. It doesn't excuse them being angry tho.
I agree with the vast majority of people on here tho. Honesty is best and maybe set lower expectations before the meet starts by saying something along the lines of you can't meet at the moment except for coffee and if it goes well then you can move forward "
Hello you two . Glad to see yous back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For most people rejection is not a nice feeling. It doesn't excuse them being angry tho.
I agree with the vast majority of people on here tho. Honesty is best and maybe set lower expectations before the meet starts by saying something along the lines of you can't meet at the moment except for coffee and if it goes well then you can move forward
Hello you two . Glad to see yous back "
it's good to be back. Tho you are very hard to contact |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Straight out no bullshit. Sorry you don't do it for me otherwise your only doing it to please him.
Let's face it nobody has time for that bullshit. "
ohh a bit harsh id die of embarrassment
if some 1 i met was that blunt to me ..i on the other hand wud say was a pleasure meeting you ..but didnt feel a spark simples |
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"get a mate to ring and say they have been in an accident and need u there asap or u could just say this ain't happening
I've gone with "I'm sorry but I'm just not feeling this" but both times the guys got really angry"
Maybe agree to your future meets, that you will let them know by mail afterwards and not in person.
That way it might take the pressure off dealing with someone, face to face if you ain't feeling it. |
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"Do you arrange the coffee meet and the play meet for the same day?
Do you stress the point that play isn't guaranteed?
No both times it was a play meet that was agreed to. I was new, well, newER and thouget it would be fine based on pics. I do coffee meets first now though.
Problem solved so! You can tell them when you get home "
I was only there for the coffee lol That's my story and I'm sticking to it |
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"Hows about TELL THE TRUTH! Say look im sorry id a lovely evening with you but i dont feel that way towards you?
Youll get more respect for being honest with the person than stringing him along. Anyway,agreeing to meet socially for coffee or a drink doesnt guarantee sex. "
Absolutely!!! I always stress beforehand that its a social meet and promise nothing more... If the chemistry is there, well game on! But if its not, I'm not going to sympathy shag someone just because they turned up lol.
But keeping pre-meet banter to an acceptably flirty level and just swapping a few modest pics greatly reduces the chances of them getting angry over the meet not progressing... Might sound prudish but its better than being slammed and called a cock tease later if you don't want to play  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her "
Yikes. That's a horrible way to treat someone.
A guy I met told me that I'm not his type but he would still let me suck him off.
I was soooooo tempted ..... not! |
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"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her "
why would someone be so rude to someone!!! She could of had a coffee with ya for a social part...... |
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"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her
Yikes. That's a horrible way to treat someone.
A guy I met told me that I'm not his type but he would still let me suck him off.
I was soooooo tempted ..... not! "
Sure the wimmin do be too picky sometimes! Just get it inta ya, Cynthia! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her
Yikes. That's a horrible way to treat someone.
A guy I met told me that I'm not his type but he would still let me suck him off.
I was soooooo tempted ..... not! "
Seriously.... Some guys! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her "
Actually you were lucky, horrible person if did that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her
Yikes. That's a horrible way to treat someone.
A guy I met told me that I'm not his type but he would still let me suck him off.
I was soooooo tempted ..... not! "
What are you serious??? Ahh god he was all heart wasnt he!!!! Asshole!!!! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her
Yikes. That's a horrible way to treat someone.
A guy I met told me that I'm not his type but he would still let me suck him off.
I was soooooo tempted ..... not! "
I sometimes wonder about people on here. I'm not surprised but sorry you were treated like that. No way to behave towards a lady...or anyone.
Think you may have had a lucky escape  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first meet here... well almost..
We arranged to meet in a hotel car park...
I'm stood waiting when a car pulls up a lady opens the door looks at me...
Says.... Oh God No!
Then drives off..
It clearly worked for her why would someone be so rude to someone!!! She could of had a coffee with ya for a social part......"
Maybe I should put two bags on my head...in case on rips |
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