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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Three guys die and make their way to heaven. On arrival to the pearly gates Saint Peter (SP) informs them that "guys we're getting a bit full so we've changed the rules. To get in you now have to have lived a good life and died a brutal death. I'll listen to each one of you and decide who gets in".
Saint Peter calls the first guy to one side.
SP "so what happened to you"?
Guy 1 "well then. For the last while I've suspected that my wife has been having an affair so today I left work, headed home and creeped into my 10th floor apartment. There I found my wife naked on the kitchen table"
SP "okay so what did you do"?
G1 "I flipped. Started searching the apartment top and bottom. No sign of anyone"
SP"and......."
G1 "after my search I was sweating so I went out onto the balcony and low and behold there he was. Hanging off the balcony dressed only in a bathrobe"
SP "So what did you do"?
G1 "I said to me self, I'll have him. So there I am punching, hitting and kicking his hands but the fucker won't let go"
SP "so what did you do"?
G1 "I'll tell you what I did. I only went and got me hammer. BANG BANG and he lets go. Falls 10 stories down, lands on a van and lives. So there he is. Dazed looking up at me"
SP "so what happened next"?
G1 "I'll tell ya what next. I ran and got the heaviest thing I could think of. The fridge. I dragged that heavy bastard out onto the balcony. Lifted it up and pushed it over. It hit him in the head, I have a heart attack and here I am"
SP "dear lord above. In you go brother"
Saint Peter turns to the second guy.
SP "so what's the craic Jack? What happened"
G2 "well Peter. I was enjoying my day off work. Got up late. Did some exorcise. Had a show and walked out onto my 11th floor apartment balcony for some air. My feet were still wet and I slipped. Fell over the hand rail so I did. I managed to grab onto the balcony below. Of course I was exhausted after my work out so I couldn't drag myself up to safety"
SP "ok so what happened"?
G2 "well Peter this lunatic appears out of no where and starts punching my hands"
SP "so what did you do"?
G2 "I feckin held on didn't I"
SP "what next"
G2 "the madman disappears then comes back with a hammer. BANG BANG and away I went. Fell 10 floors down. Landed on a van. Dazed and confused I looked up. BANG!! Fridge to the head and here I am"
SP "holy crap. In you go fella"
Peter now calls the third guy over.
SP "so what's the story? What happened to you"
G3 "well man. You won't believe this but there I am. Bollox naked hiding in a fridge.............."
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By *orguyMan
over a year ago
Tuam |
"Three guys die and make their way to heaven. On arrival to the pearly gates Saint Peter (SP) informs them that "guys we're getting a bit full so we've changed the rules. To get in you now have to have lived a good life and died a brutal death. I'll listen to each one of you and decide who gets in".
Saint Peter calls the first guy to one side.
SP "so what happened to you"?
Guy 1 "well then. For the last while I've suspected that my wife has been having an affair so today I left work, headed home and creeped into my 10th floor apartment. There I found my wife naked on the kitchen table"
SP "okay so what did you do"?
G1 "I flipped. Started searching the apartment top and bottom. No sign of anyone"
SP"and......."
G1 "after my search I was sweating so I went out onto the balcony and low and behold there he was. Hanging off the balcony dressed only in a bathrobe"
SP "So what did you do"?
G1 "I said to me self, I'll have him. So there I am punching, hitting and kicking his hands but the fucker won't let go"
SP "so what did you do"?
G1 "I'll tell you what I did. I only went and got me hammer. BANG BANG and he lets go. Falls 10 stories down, lands on a van and lives. So there he is. Dazed looking up at me"
SP "so what happened next"?
G1 "I'll tell ya what next. I ran and got the heaviest thing I could think of. The fridge. I dragged that heavy bastard out onto the balcony. Lifted it up and pushed it over. It hit him in the head, I have a heart attack and here I am"
SP "dear lord above. In you go brother"
Saint Peter turns to the second guy.
SP "so what's the craic Jack? What happened"
G2 "well Peter. I was enjoying my day off work. Got up late. Did some exorcise. Had a show and walked out onto my 11th floor apartment balcony for some air. My feet were still wet and I slipped. Fell over the hand rail so I did. I managed to grab onto the balcony below. Of course I was exhausted after my work out so I couldn't drag myself up to safety"
SP "ok so what happened"?
G2 "well Peter this lunatic appears out of no where and starts punching my hands"
SP "so what did you do"?
G2 "I feckin held on didn't I"
SP "what next"
G2 "the madman disappears then comes back with a hammer. BANG BANG and away I went. Fell 10 floors down. Landed on a van. Dazed and confused I looked up. BANG!! Fridge to the head and here I am"
SP "holy crap. In you go fella"
Peter now calls the third guy over.
SP "so what's the story? What happened to you"
G3 "well man. You won't believe this but there I am. Bollox naked hiding in a fridge.............."
"
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the moral of this story is don't live in an apartment with a balcony 
