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Dominant personalities and switches
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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(Blame insomnia, a good pm and a previous bdsm related thread on this. These are just my opinions. We all experience BDSM differently and I'm fascinated by the way other people experience it too. There is no right way to do bdsm, just your way of doing bdsm.)
I believe that BDSM is therapy for your soul. After a good scene I feel fresh and renewed and content. I also believe that a good scene is better than the sum of its parts. It's not the acts themselves that make a good scene but the person you are doing the acts with that determines the potential for the scene. If you love the person and they are doing these uncomfortable, naughty things for you, that gives you more pleasure than the act it's self.
For example, your sub is kneeling giving you oral and enjoying it despite the over large plug in their ass, and the icey hot burning their genitals, you get pleasure from that, disproportionate to the act itself. It's a positive feedback loop. The feelings you have for the person make it better.
Another thing I believe that helps is struggle. Domination of a strong personality is much more intense than dominating a passive, limp, roll over type of personality. Enthusiastic resistance is how I think of it.
I'm interested in hearing other people's opinions on this. Do you see it as I do? Do you prefer your subs to roll over without as much as a whimper? |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Whatever rocks your boat.
I've tried it, I didn't like it, I'm done with it. I think you have to have that sadistic or masochistic streak in you, which is missing in my case. Also pain and fun are not a good combination for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That makes interesting reading but it's not something I've ever been interested in. I've often wondered how people get into it to start with or when do you realise that it's your thing? "
That's a good question. It's a personality I was born with. I didn't know about bdsm until my thirties but when I did it was like the world made sense all of a sudden. me and wifey were doing it from the first time we met. She wanted to be a good Catholic girl and I allowed her to the bad girl she really wanted to be. Knowing why I used to do things takes my guilt away too. I'm not a bad person. I am a planner. I plan sex and use things to get certain results. Sensory dep to enhance other feelings, sensations like heat and cold, roughness, impact ect to move her along to where I need her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whatever rocks your boat.
I've tried it, I didn't like it, I'm done with it. I think you have to have that sadistic or masochistic streak in you, which is missing in my case. Also pain and fun are not a good combination for me. "
Isn't for everyone I agree. But doesn't need to include pain. Can be sensual too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a dominant woman , I think that the switches in my brain are somewhat different to other ladies , in bdsm I can achieve a satisfaction both mentally and physically , contrary to common held belief its not all about abusing a submissive and 50 shades of grey antics . The relationship I have with a submissive is not one I take lightly , its a huge responsibility being in control of anothers pleasure , and because of the huge amount of thought , care and attention that goes into things , I am currently not seeking anyone for bdsm related play .I do all the time get approached by so called dominant men who assume I must secretly harbour the desire to be dominated myself , but they never get anywhere with me . I have great respect for anyone who assumes the role of switch , they tend to have a greater understanding of both sides , in my opinion the desire for the release one can obtain from D/s relationships is a good thing . |
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"As a dominant woman , I think that the switches in my brain are somewhat different to other ladies , in bdsm I can achieve a satisfaction both mentally and physically , contrary to common held belief its not all about abusing a submissive and 50 shades of grey antics . The relationship I have with a submissive is not one I take lightly , its a huge responsibility being in control of anothers pleasure , and because of the huge amount of thought , care and attention that goes into things , I am currently not seeking anyone for bdsm related play .I do all the time get approached by so called dominant men who assume I must secretly harbour the desire to be dominated myself , but they never get anywhere with me . I have great respect for anyone who assumes the role of switch , they tend to have a greater understanding of both sides , in my opinion the desire for the release one can obtain from D/s relationships is a good thing . "
Yes to this. I am also a dom, but Moreso a sadist. It's just different wiring in my opinion. What floats my boat may not float yours. And that's okay |
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided. "
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least. "
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging. |
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging."
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me subbing is an amazing feeling.. Im very Dominant in my everyday life Im making the desisions all the time.. so for me to sub and give up all control for as little as 15mins is like a weight off my shoulders .. it takes alot of trust for me to sub for someone but when I to its amazing. I understand how people can be weary of it saying its abusive in some cases it can be .. but what people dont understant and a Dom(Domme)//sub realtionship the sub has just as much control as the Dom/Domme ... it takes alot of trust and respect on both parts t9 be in a relationship like that.. I get alot of joy out of seeing my Dom/Domme happy and that theyre proud of me .. and if I get a reward thats good too.. but sometimes my reward is pleasing my Dom/Domme   |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
I have experienced it very very one sided thankfully it's years and years back. It was literally the dom getting aroused by seeing sub suffering and in pain then him jerking off eventually.
I guess it depends on the dom/domme and if they care about the play partner and her/him being pleasured too like with a normal meet or in a relationship |
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I'm more a sub could not never domme a lady . Just tried it in role play n was d biggest turn on for me ever . I thought I was going to live my dream with that lady but her ex came back . I've no real experience n so can't tel u about any experienced I've had . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging."
People ask me why l florentine (two handed flogging using two floggers) l reply 'have you had a one handed massage'. If a flogger has a lot of falls it is more 'thuddy' (the technical term) than 'stingy' . lf applied rhythmically a thuddy flogger has the effect of a massage.
Not all BDSM is about pain, for me it is about communication through sensation with someone who wants to express their submission by being emotionally moved by sensation.
But to go back to OP's point, l do not require a special person to do my thing. I am from the school of street bdsm, have floggers and whip ...will travel.
However from other threads it appears some people need to be deeply into the person for kink to work for them. Personally l like the act and a willing partner, l am more of a create a connection in the moment person. Having a full time d/s relationship then yes you need a deep connection and deep trust and to be into that person. It is similar to people saying sex is better with the one you love, that works for some people but not all.
If you are doing one off scenes as l do the deep trust can be substituted. As an example plenty of people go to established events and avail themselves of the house dom/domme.
Keep it safe and keep it consensual  |
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided. "
.
Well you can see by replies the numbers that presume Whipping and Flogging, Pain etc comes into the equation...
A Dom/Sub can have a lot of fun without them..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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also on this , the sub dervives immense pleasure from the satisfaction of pleasing the dominant , this goes way beyond the lick my boots train of thought . Many very happy and normal couples have a D/s dynamic going on that no one who knows them has any idea about , its an immensely personal side of a relationship that both nurtures and satisfies the mind body and soul . There are many people active on the bdsm scene who live a 24/ 7 TPE type relationship (total power exchange) and it is only fairly recently that there has been more of an acceptance of safe sane consensual acts which encompass far more than a sexual kink angle . There is much misinformation out there with regards this subject . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"also on this , the sub dervives immense pleasure from the satisfaction of pleasing the dominant , this goes way beyond the lick my boots train of thought . Many very happy and normal couples have a D/s dynamic going on that no one who knows them has any idea about , its an immensely personal side of a relationship that both nurtures and satisfies the mind body and soul . There are many people active on the bdsm scene who live a 24/ 7 TPE type relationship (total power exchange) and it is only fairly recently that there has been more of an acceptance of safe sane consensual acts which encompass far more than a sexual kink angle . There is much misinformation out there with regards this subject ."
I accept that kink does not need sex, but unless TPE expresses itself at some point in a non vanilla way (which happens) how is it anything more than a relationship? |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"also on this , the sub dervives immense pleasure from the satisfaction of pleasing the dominant , this goes way beyond the lick my boots train of thought . Many very happy and normal couples have a D/s dynamic going on that no one who knows them has any idea about , its an immensely personal side of a relationship that both nurtures and satisfies the mind body and soul . There are many people active on the bdsm scene who live a 24/ 7 TPE type relationship (total power exchange) and it is only fairly recently that there has been more of an acceptance of safe sane consensual acts which encompass far more than a sexual kink angle . There is much misinformation out there with regards this subject ."
This is true
I wear the pants in my house and my wife says I can |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"also on this , the sub dervives immense pleasure from the satisfaction of pleasing the dominant , this goes way beyond the lick my boots train of thought . Many very happy and normal couples have a D/s dynamic going on that no one who knows them has any idea about , its an immensely personal side of a relationship that both nurtures and satisfies the mind body and soul . There are many people active on the bdsm scene who live a 24/ 7 TPE type relationship (total power exchange) and it is only fairly recently that there has been more of an acceptance of safe sane consensual acts which encompass far more than a sexual kink angle . There is much misinformation out there with regards this subject .
I accept that kink does not need sex, but unless TPE expresses itself at some point in a non vanilla way (which happens) how is it anything more than a relationship? "
I actually do not know how to answer that question , it is indeed a good point , however I will just say this ... there is no right way or wrong way to enjoy bdsm or D/s scenes , the trick is to find which elements suit and satisfy YOU . Whether that be through meaningful close relationships or one off play scenario . There as as many variances as the imagination allows for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"also on this , the sub dervives immense pleasure from the satisfaction of pleasing the dominant , this goes way beyond the lick my boots train of thought . Many very happy and normal couples have a D/s dynamic going on that no one who knows them has any idea about , its an immensely personal side of a relationship that both nurtures and satisfies the mind body and soul . There are many people active on the bdsm scene who live a 24/ 7 TPE type relationship (total power exchange) and it is only fairly recently that there has been more of an acceptance of safe sane consensual acts which encompass far more than a sexual kink angle . There is much misinformation out there with regards this subject .
I accept that kink does not need sex, but unless TPE expresses itself at some point in a non vanilla way (which happens) how is it anything more than a relationship?
I actually do not know how to answer that question , it is indeed a good point , however I will just say this ... there is no right way or wrong way to enjoy bdsm or D/s scenes , the trick is to find which elements suit and satisfy YOU . Whether that be through meaningful close relationships or one off play scenario . There as as many variances as the imagination allows for "
Whole heartedly agreed. Unfortunately there are many that believe in the one true way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a lifelong Switch...a real Switch, not a play Switch. My role is entirely determined by the connection with the other person(s). In group scenario, I would generally be Sub...1 to 1, mainly Dom.
If people see the Sub/Dom(me) relationship as the Dom getting off on cruelty towards the Sub....they are totally missing what a Sub/Dom(me) relationship is. It's the mental connection that is important. The physical interaction, feeds the mind....it provokes/evokes the emotional connection. Very hard to explain, without writing something equating to 'War and Peace' but I summarise it as bdsm can be one of the most intimate and sensual sexual connections out there. A fuck is just a fuck(good or bad)...a fuck with the head, is something much more intense, that stays with you for much longer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a lifelong Switch...a real Switch, not a play Switch. My role is entirely determined by the connection with the other person(s). In group scenario, I would generally be Sub...1 to 1, mainly Dom.
If people see the Sub/Dom(me) relationship as the Dom getting off on cruelty towards the Sub....they are totally missing what a Sub/Dom(me) relationship is. It's the mental connection that is important. The physical interaction, feeds the mind....it provokes/evokes the emotional connection. Very hard to explain, without writing something equating to 'War and Peace' but I summarise it as bdsm can be one of the most intimate and sensual sexual connections out there. A fuck is just a fuck(good or bad)...a fuck with the head, is something much more intense, that stays with you for much longer."
spot on woody , well said
i have the utmost respect for a true switch , to me they are the ideal partner for bdsm related interactions . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a lifelong Switch...a real Switch, not a play Switch. My role is entirely determined by the connection with the other person(s). In group scenario, I would generally be Sub...1 to 1, mainly Dom.
If people see the Sub/Dom(me) relationship as the Dom getting off on cruelty towards the Sub....they are totally missing what a Sub/Dom(me) relationship is. It's the mental connection that is important. The physical interaction, feeds the mind....it provokes/evokes the emotional connection. Very hard to explain, without writing something equating to 'War and Peace' but I summarise it as bdsm can be one of the most intimate and sensual sexual connections out there. A fuck is just a fuck(good or bad)...a fuck with the head, is something much more intense, that stays with you for much longer.
spot on woody , well said
i have the utmost respect for a true switch , to me they are the ideal partner for bdsm related interactions . "
I always thought that to be a good Dom(me) you have to understand what the Sub is experiencing. The Dom(me) needs to guide the Sub to 'that place'...be it Sub space, or simply coaching towards channeling the pleasure from the endorphin rush, to give maximum sensation.
People who think it's just about hurting people, should really look more deeply into it. |
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" I always thought that to be a good Dom(me) you have to understand what the Sub is experiencing. The Dom(me) needs to guide the Sub to 'that place'...be it Sub space, or simply coaching towards channeling the pleasure from the endorphin rush, to give maximum sensation.
People who think it's just about hurting people, should really look more deeply into it."
.
Porn has a lot to do with the misunderstandings.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time! "
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a lifelong Switch...a real Switch, not a play Switch. My role is entirely determined by the connection with the other person(s). In group scenario, I would generally be Sub...1 to 1, mainly Dom.
If people see the Sub/Dom(me) relationship as the Dom getting off on cruelty towards the Sub....they are totally missing what a Sub/Dom(me) relationship is. It's the mental connection that is important. The physical interaction, feeds the mind....it provokes/evokes the emotional connection. Very hard to explain, without writing something equating to 'War and Peace' but I summarise it as bdsm can be one of the most intimate and sensual sexual connections out there. A fuck is just a fuck(good or bad)...a fuck with the head, is something much more intense, that stays with you for much longer.
spot on woody , well said
i have the utmost respect for a true switch , to me they are the ideal partner for bdsm related interactions .
I always thought that to be a good Dom(me) you have to understand what the Sub is experiencing. The Dom(me) needs to guide the Sub to 'that place'...be it Sub space, or simply coaching towards channeling the pleasure from the endorphin rush, to give maximum sensation.
People who think it's just about hurting people, should really look more deeply into it."
Well said woody. And yes. Bdsm porn has as much to do with real bdsm as vanilla porn has to do with vanilla sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
"
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......"
Actually people understand it, they just disagree with you. To give a simple example the sub has the power some people say. That ignores that some people are so connected they have no will of their own. In some relationships the sub has much power as a rodent mesmerised by a snake. Tell people in an addiction they have will power, some subs simply give their all. Some may regret this after the fact some are happy that way. Some are happy your way. But please don't insult peoples intelligence with expounding there is one true way. Each relationship is different and each power exchange is different. It is all about personal responsibility involved consensual kink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......"
Unreserved Apologies if l came over harsh Woodyxxx, but to say People dont understand is a red rag and will cause drama. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......
Actually people understand it, they just disagree with you. To give a simple example the sub has the power some people say. That ignores that some people are so connected they have no will of their own. In some relationships the sub has much power as a rodent mesmerised by a snake. Tell people in an addiction they have will power, some subs simply give their all. Some may regret this after the fact some are happy that way. Some are happy your way. But please don't insult peoples intelligence with expounding there is one true way. Each relationship is different and each power exchange is different. It is all about personal responsibility involved consensual kink."
No one here said there is one true way. Clearly stated at the top is that this is not about being right. It's about people's experience. You are the first person on this thread to be negative towards other people.
did you really compare bdsm to alcohol and drug abuse and subs to rodents?  .
An abusive relationship is just that. Abuse. You can be in one if you're vanilla just as easily as you can if your kinky. once consent is removed (even consensual non consent can be removed) it stops being bdsm and it starts being abuse.
I know men and women who have fallen really hard for people and they do anything that person wants, just to stay close to the object of their desire. It's not a bdsm thing. It's a human thing. We all know the guy who lives large until he meets the "right" girl and then he's dead socially because she doesn't want him with his friends. He's the guy smoking like a chimney in the corner, every chance he gets because she doesn't approve of that either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......
Actually people understand it, they just disagree with you. To give a simple example the sub has the power some people say. That ignores that some people are so connected they have no will of their own. In some relationships the sub has much power as a rodent mesmerised by a snake. Tell people in an addiction they have will power, some subs simply give their all. Some may regret this after the fact some are happy that way. Some are happy your way. But please don't insult peoples intelligence with expounding there is one true way. Each relationship is different and each power exchange is different. It is all about personal responsibility involved consensual kink.
No one here said there is one true way. Clearly stated at the top is that this is not about being right. It's about people's experience. You are the first person on this thread to be negative towards other people.
did you really compare bdsm to alcohol and drug abuse and subs to rodents? .
An abusive relationship is just that. Abuse. You can be in one if you're vanilla just as easily as you can if your kinky. once consent is removed (even consensual non consent can be removed) it stops being bdsm and it starts being abuse.
I know men and women who have fallen really hard for people and they do anything that person wants, just to stay close to the object of their desire. It's not a bdsm thing. It's a human thing. We all know the guy who lives large until he meets the "right" girl and then he's dead socially because she doesn't want him with his friends. He's the guy smoking like a chimney in the corner, every chance he gets because she doesn't approve of that either. "
I have to disagree the person l responded to was negative first by saying people who do not agree with his view do not understand. I was not being negative but l write quite forcefully and sometimes it comes across harsher than unintended, which is why l apologised in case l did
l was talking about control and not consent.
It having been agreed it is down to individual experience a series of threads reappeared that relationships must be in a certain way. None of the views were put in a subjective manner.
People state the sub is in control and l was pointing out actually there are normal situations good and bad when the sub is not in control.
People use the abuse frequently but never really define it. People get very authoritarian and try to dictate to other consenting adults about it.
In all relationships genuine consent is required but people looking in like to judge by their own standards.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......
Actually people understand it, they just disagree with you. To give a simple example the sub has the power some people say. That ignores that some people are so connected they have no will of their own. In some relationships the sub has much power as a rodent mesmerised by a snake. Tell people in an addiction they have will power, some subs simply give their all. Some may regret this after the fact some are happy that way. Some are happy your way. But please don't insult peoples intelligence with expounding there is one true way. Each relationship is different and each power exchange is different. It is all about personal responsibility involved consensual kink.
No one here said there is one true way. Clearly stated at the top is that this is not about being right. It's about people's experience. You are the first person on this thread to be negative towards other people.
did you really compare bdsm to alcohol and drug abuse and subs to rodents? .
An abusive relationship is just that. Abuse. You can be in one if you're vanilla just as easily as you can if your kinky. once consent is removed (even consensual non consent can be removed) it stops being bdsm and it starts being abuse.
I know men and women who have fallen really hard for people and they do anything that person wants, just to stay close to the object of their desire. It's not a bdsm thing. It's a human thing. We all know the guy who lives large until he meets the "right" girl and then he's dead socially because she doesn't want him with his friends. He's the guy smoking like a chimney in the corner, every chance he gets because she doesn't approve of that either.
I have to disagree the person l responded to was negative first by saying people who do not agree with his view do not understand. I was not being negative but l write quite forcefully and sometimes it comes across harsher than unintended, which is why l apologised in case l did
l was talking about control and not consent.
It having been agreed it is down to individual experience a series of threads reappeared that relationships must be in a certain way. None of the views were put in a subjective manner.
People state the sub is in control and l was pointing out actually there are normal situations good and bad when the sub is not in control.
People use the abuse frequently but never really define it. People get very authoritarian and try to dictate to other consenting adults about it.
In all relationships genuine consent is required but people looking in like to judge by their own standards.
"
I strongly disagree with you and wish you the best in your kinky life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......
Unreserved Apologies if l came over harsh Woodyxxx, but to say People dont understand is a red rag and will cause drama. "
I did say a)"some people" and b) debating it leads to drama....point proven. It's not for a forum such as this(my personal opinion), I've debated it elsewhere and have my firm beliefs that any act without consent(as in when there never was any consent(or implied consent), or after consent is withdrawn), is illegal and immoral. But there you go....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I haven't yet seen the sub write how it feels for them to be a plaything so I don't place much stock in what the dom says works for them. It looks on the surface in a lot of cases like the dom just gets to do what they want. Maybe it's my persona that looks at it as a little one sided.
I've always thought that it was a bit one sided as well and always wondered how a sub could get any pleasure at all from it. As life goes on I can see how maybe someone could get pleasure from being completely subservient with no choices to ponder over and no confusion of choice. That may not be connected in any way to the whole sub thing but it makes a certain amount of sense in my head at least.
As a way of switching off do you mean? I could see that I guess although I'd prefer a massage than a flogging.
Yes, I'd probably just listen to a half an hour or three of Robert Nesta Marley myself! Works every time!
The great irony of thE Dom/sub dynamic is that the sub is actually in control. I am in charge because my wife says I'm in charge. She has given me control. She can take it back any time.
I need her consent before I do things to her. No consent. No play. She can take back consent at any time. Even in the middle of a scene And we renegotiate every 6 months or so. Everything we do, she is either willing or enthusiastic about it. No pain, lots of teasing. That's my dynamic with her.
With someone else it could be more pain and less sex. But that other person would need to negotiate their side too
The crux of the matter, simply explained. The 'consent' topic leads to such dramas elsewhere, I tend not to debate it, as some people just don't understand it.
Well said......
Actually people understand it, they just disagree with you. To give a simple example the sub has the power some people say. That ignores that some people are so connected they have no will of their own. In some relationships the sub has much power as a rodent mesmerised by a snake. Tell people in an addiction they have will power, some subs simply give their all. Some may regret this after the fact some are happy that way. Some are happy your way. But please don't insult peoples intelligence with expounding there is one true way. Each relationship is different and each power exchange is different. It is all about personal responsibility involved consensual kink.
No one here said there is one true way. Clearly stated at the top is that this is not about being right. It's about people's experience. You are the first person on this thread to be negative towards other people.
did you really compare bdsm to alcohol and drug abuse and subs to rodents? .
An abusive relationship is just that. Abuse. You can be in one if you're vanilla just as easily as you can if your kinky. once consent is removed (even consensual non consent can be removed) it stops being bdsm and it starts being abuse.
I know men and women who have fallen really hard for people and they do anything that person wants, just to stay close to the object of their desire. It's not a bdsm thing. It's a human thing. We all know the guy who lives large until he meets the "right" girl and then he's dead socially because she doesn't want him with his friends. He's the guy smoking like a chimney in the corner, every chance he gets because she doesn't approve of that either.
I have to disagree the person l responded to was negative first by saying people who do not agree with his view do not understand. I was not being negative but l write quite forcefully and sometimes it comes across harsher than unintended, which is why l apologised in case l did
l was talking about control and not consent.
It having been agreed it is down to individual experience a series of threads reappeared that relationships must be in a certain way. None of the views were put in a subjective manner.
People state the sub is in control and l was pointing out actually there are normal situations good and bad when the sub is not in control.
People use the abuse frequently but never really define it. People get very authoritarian and try to dictate to other consenting adults about it.
In all relationships genuine consent is required but people looking in like to judge by their own standards.
I strongly disagree with you and wish you the best in your kinky life"
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