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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all,
Got a question for you, looking for a bit of advice.
Iv recently made things "official" with a girl iv been seeing on and off for multiple reasons over the past 2 years. As it was quite casual iv continued to dabble in the swinging scene.
Now that we are iv a dilemma.
Do I stop engaging in this scene? I really do enjoy it and have met some lovely people here. Do I tell my partner that iv dabbled?? (In my head it's pretty soon to do that just yet? Especially as the timelines overlap?)
Thoughts/opinions are welcome. (Constructive ones please rather than telling me I'm going to hell )
Thanks
D
???????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd tell her and see what she thinks maybe she would want to join you on here who knows ? If she doesn't want you on it you will know that too so tell her  "
Do u want vanilla or this with her ?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd tell her and see what she thinks maybe she would want to join you on here who knows ? If she doesn't want you on it you will know that too so tell her "
Thinking I'm hooked to this lifestyle but I don't think she would be too keen on it to be honest. I think it's a bit early to tell her but in an ideal world she would like to play too or approve of me playing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Abandon here then...
Bring swinging up as a curiosity.
If? you get positive feedback mention "I used to dabble...."
Then perhaps join as a couple?
Or
Join back as a single when you mention your previous "dabbling" and she decides that you are a disgusting pervert and drops you 
Cause this country is still a tad prudish |
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"would you be happy for her to keep swinging if it was reversed "
Yep, you have to look at it from that point of view.
It's hard to advise as we don't know the lady's personality.
I think you've two options:
A. Tell her as it's been casual up til now, you've dabbled in swinging, as you had your own sexual needs to fulfil and you didn't want to get into a relationship with anyone. Now that it's official (and i'm assuming exclusive) between you then cease swinging, but make her aware you enjoyed it and if it's something she wants to explore then she shouldn't be afraid to come to you with questions.
B. Cease swinging right away and don't tell her, and maybe in the future the subject can be addressed, if and when you both feel comfortable. you'd have to pretend to be new and nervous if you do end up going for it.
Whichever one you pick, get tested so you have the all clear, so that if you go for option A she has peace of mind that you're clean and if it's option B then YOU have peace of mind that you're clean, should you decide to engage in sex without protection.
Best of luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"would you be happy for her to keep swinging if it was reversed "
That's irrelevant really, has no bearing on how she will feel about it.
OP, to me it sounds as if you already know the answer. If you are serious about giving the relationship your best shot, then trust and open communication are the way to go. Not necessarily revealing that you have been swinging, but quitting the scene for now at least until such time you are prepared to ask her if she is interested. |
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By *ain4uWoman
over a year ago
dublin |
If u really liked her... you would he gone .. you wouldn't even think twice about it .. and your status says you are tempted to have some fun while away .. think that tells u what u already know
Jus my opinion of course. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you want to commit to a monogamous relationship? Your status is telling. If you do then close your account. If not well dont. Your life, you live with your decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Delete and concentrate on your relationship. If you continue on here without her knowledge you are cheating on her. Definitely not a good start to a relationship. I'm sure you know what's the right choice to make. Good luck for your future happiness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If u really liked her... you would he gone .. you wouldn't even think twice about it .. and your status says you are tempted to have some fun while away .. think that tells u what u already know
Jus my opinion of course. Xxx"
I have to agree, at the start of a relationship, id like it to be just the two of Us, then eventually id bring it up, if the other half said no then i wouldn't give it a second thought.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think you want to commit to a monogamous relationship? Your status is telling. If you do then close your account. If not well dont. Your life, you live with your decision. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you thought she was interested in this you would have told her before. If it was me, I would switch off the account and be honest with her. Tell her you have been a swinger in the past. Not because she might want to be a swinger too, but because it's the real you
Starting a relationship with a foundation of lies is a recipe for a hurt and pain. |
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