FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Stick, twist or bust.
Stick, twist or bust.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, I'm not asking to be judged here, just looking for some advice.
So I'm an attached guy. Not married, no young children, no shared finances (mortgages for example) just a long term girlfriend.
I've met someone on here that excites every fibre of my being. Really makes life worth living. Gives me feelings I've not felt in decades.
Do I stick with what I have. Familiarity. Plodding and not really going anyplace. Or do I gamble and go where my heart wants to be? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I guess I've set that ball rolling by being on fab in the first place.
I'm at an absolute loss here.
Surely some of you have been in this position. How did you come out the other side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be true to urself. Yes by joining here there was something already lacking or wanting in ur current relationship. Tbf what u have found on here may well be temporary but u won't wver know unless u can give it ur all.
I have a decision to make that no one can make for u. But it has to come from u. And u owe it to ur relationship to make that decision before it's too late. Sometimes the thrill of the chase is more fulfilling than the capture of the game. Good luck whatever u decide |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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U have to do what is best for you..if that means starting something new then go ahead.
Rarely u meet someone who makes u feel like that so best of luck x |
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Sounds like you've fallen for the lady you met here and that really isnt fair to your current girlfriend to giving her less than what she needs from you. Plodding along as you said also gives me an impression that youre bored in the relationship. Regardless of what you do someone is gonna get hurt. Id go with my heart. I reckon the relationship youre in would fade anyway in time so why prolong it? Best of luck in whatever you decide is best for you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be true to urself. Yes by joining here there was something already lacking or wanting in ur current relationship. Tbf what u have found on here may well be temporary but u won't wver know unless u can give it ur all.
I have a decision to make that no one can make for u. But it has to come from u. And u owe it to ur relationship to make that decision before it's too late. Sometimes the thrill of the chase is more fulfilling than the capture of the game. Good luck whatever u decide "
Great advice!
The only other thing I would say is - is it fair on your partner to keep her in a relationship that your not fully committed to? Maybe she could find love else where also.
When it comes to this kinda thing I always think you have to make two decisions. You can't decide you want to leave your partner for your current flame. You have to know you don't want to be with your partner separately to wanting to be with the new gal.
I say this as things with the current gal may not work out, and you can't hold leaving your current situation against her if it doesn't work out, so make both decisions separate to each other and don't hinge one against the other |
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Like everything anything new and exciting is fresh and makes us feel different and almost makes us feel better about ourselves.
Look at the bigger picture, fab is not real life..... and the person you have theses feelings for might not feel the same...... it's a huge gamble and one you could loose big time on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Far be it from anyone to judge another, and I hope my subsequent questions and comments don't come across as judgemental.
Does the lady you have met off here know that you're in a relationship? Or at least, do you think she feels the same way?
The grass isn't always greener and it is possible you've been blinded by the shine of something new and exciting but ultimately that could fade before you know it.
I do think with the blasé nature you're referring to your current relationship that you have already made up your mind and are seeking reinforcement of that decision rather than advice, to be completely honest because only you can make such a decision, and you have to factor in the knock on affects it will have.
I genuinely wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide, you can't help who you fall for after all. Just take a few steps back and make an informed decision rather than an emotionally fuelled one given the seriousness it could hold. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, I'm not asking to be judged here, just looking for some advice.
So I'm an attached guy. Not married, no young children, no shared finances (mortgages for example) just a long term girlfriend.
I've met someone on here that excites every fibre of my being. Really makes life worth living. Gives me feelings I've not felt in decades.
Do I stick with what I have. Familiarity. Plodding and not really going anyplace. Or do I gamble and go where my heart wants to be? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I guess I've set that ball rolling by being on fab in the first place.
I'm at an absolute loss here.
Surely some of you have been in this position. How did you come out the other side."
I wonder if the new lady feels like you do?
In truth though, if you're thinking about being with someone else, your current partner deserves your honesty. It's not easy, and if she's not getting your best, you have to give her a chance to find that somewhere else. I walked out of a marriage where I wasn't giving my best. I had to do it for my own sanity, but I also did it for him. So he could be free to find someone who'd love him like I didn't.
One thing I would advise you though is this.....don't go from one relationship straight into another. The unhappiness you feel inside might not be down to your current partner. People can help us feel happy, but they don't MAKE us happy. You have to be happy in yourself, by yourself, before you can be happy with anyone else.
I wish you lots of luck and happiness. Everyone deserves some of that.
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"Be true to urself. Yes by joining here there was something already lacking or wanting in ur current relationship. Tbf what u have found on here may well be temporary but u won't wver know unless u can give it ur all.
I have a decision to make that no one can make for u. But it has to come from u. And u owe it to ur relationship to make that decision before it's too late. Sometimes the thrill of the chase is more fulfilling than the capture of the game. Good luck whatever u decide
Great advice!
The only other thing I would say is - is it fair on your partner to keep her in a relationship that your not fully committed to? Maybe she could find love else where also.
When it comes to this kinda thing I always think you have to make two decisions. You can't decide you want to leave your partner for your current flame. You have to know you don't want to be with your partner separately to wanting to be with the new gal.
I say this as things with the current gal may not work out, and you can't hold leaving your current situation against her if it doesn't work out, so make both decisions separate to each other and don't hinge one against the other "
Perfect advice. Couldn't have said it better.
At one time you had feelings for your current partner. Those feelings may have changed over time, but I get the impression that you still care enough about her that you don't want to hurt her.
Taking that into account splitting from her in a grown up and mature fashion is the least she deserves. Don't let her find out you've been sleeping around. Give her that much respect. (No judgement, just looking at it from her perspective).
The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is you. Do what makes you happy, but try not to hurt others along the way.
I hope that makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys.
To answer a few questions for you.
Yes the lady in question does know I'm in a relationship and though it's not written in stone anywhere, I'm fairly sure she feels the same way as I do.
I do care for my girlfriend, I'd go as far as to say I love her. But this love is more like the kind you have for a friend, not the kind that sets you heart racing and your pants on fire.
I'll be honest. I didn't know It was possible to feel this way. I thought I'd found love in the past, but never have I felt this way in the whole of my adult life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I think the general consensus of advice here is your the only one who can make the decision. It's you that has to live with the consequences. None of us!
Best of luck and if you do split with your long term partner, be kind to her, I'm sure it will be a shock to her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Remember. ..the grass is always greener on the other side, look before you leap...don't put all you're eggs in one basket, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. ..an onion a day keeps everyone away. .. sorry op.....we're useless at this agony aunt thing...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Remember. ..the grass is always greener on the other side, look before you leap...don't put all you're eggs in one basket, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. ..an onion a day keeps everyone away. .. sorry op.....we're useless at this agony aunt thing... "
Well that bright a smile to my otherwise, gloomy day.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like your in love I hope the feelings are reciprocated and the other person feels the same way either way sounds like you need to finish the relationship your in sounds like she's all but a comfy pair of socks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What happens when the fire goes out?
You say the love you have for your girlfriend is like the love for a friend, finding a friend that Good is much much harder than finding someone to excite you, I was lured away by a younger model, and lost the best friend I ever had, I'll never get over it and would give each anything to go back but I know it'll never work now, the younger model dropped me and moved away I was left high and dry, maybe not the same situation as you but just something to consider, |
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All fantastic advice here. I don't have much to add except everything in life is a chance. I never expected to meet my partner off this but nearly a year later I'm glad I gave him a chance and went for it. So yes although rare it can happen.
im not a fan of affairs but I can see you're torn so what ever you decide I wish you the best of luck just don't leave your decision too long |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like everything anything new and exciting is fresh and makes us feel different and almost makes us feel better about ourselves.
Look at the bigger picture, fab is not real life..... and the person you have theses feelings for might not feel the same...... it's a huge gamble and one you could loose big time on. "
Took the words outta my mouth! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What happens when the fire goes out?
You say the love you have for your girlfriend is like the love for a friend, finding a friend that Good is much much harder than finding someone to excite you, I was lured away by a younger model, and lost the best friend I ever had, I'll never get over it and would give each anything to go back but I know it'll never work now, the younger model dropped me and moved away I was left high and dry, maybe not the same situation as you but just something to consider, "
Definitely need to consider this. There's no age issue but I know exactly where you're coming from and this is one reason I have this dilemma |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have never cheated, and I'm a bit of a stone heart when it comes to other people.
I'd just break up.
But I am in my 30s and single, and had to come to terms with maybe I will be alone forever. I'm okay with that.
I havent given up, I have a tattoo that is about me trying to find someone that feels like my missing half, I'm just not gonna panic if I never do find them.
I do most things alone these days, but I understand this scares some people. It's okay for me though.
Anyway just go into a dark room and think about it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have never cheated, and I'm a bit of a stone heart when it comes to other people.
I'd just break up.
But I am in my 30s and single, and had to come to terms with maybe I will be alone forever. I'm okay with that.
I havent given up, I have a tattoo that is about me trying to find someone that feels like my missing half, I'm just not gonna panic if I never do find them.
I do most things alone these days, but I understand this scares some people. It's okay for me though.
Anyway just go into a dark room and think about it.
"
That's part of what I was trying to say. Being happy in yourself and by yourself is vital. Anything else is a bonus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great advice on here. My tuppences worth is not to end a relationship for another relationship. Can you imagine yourself not having your gf in your life. Prob best not to leave a lady simply to be with another lady, leave it because it doesn't make you whole and be by yourself for a while, gather your thoughts . Good luck OP..remember what's for you won't go past u |
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