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Advice please
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"Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome." I think its only right to leave the man be and make his own choices,if hes happy why interfere with his new life,its a bit of a mind fuck when your with someone for a long time then they break up with you and when your happily getting on with your life they want you back,speaking from experience here btw, in all honesty is not fair,i know it sounds harsh but youve had your chance and it didnt work so unless hes coming to you saying he wants you back you should just leave it be,thats my 2c anyways  | |||
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"Tricky...don't think you will feel good either way .....if he returns your advances while living with someone else well then that's not good and if he doesn't that's not good either your between a rock and a hard place....leave things be and just be good parents...a good father to your children is worth his waight in gold"  | |||
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"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?" and what if he done the same thing all over again on you is it really worth going threw all that heartbreak again | |||
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"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?" He sounds like a piece of work...I'd say good riddance if I were you! | |||
"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?" Only you can answer that...but I think you should wait until he is unattached.....and you could both make a new start....good luck whatever you choose xx | |||
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"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?" Yeah a real catch it seems..... Being a good father is no reason to get back together with an ex... Being a good father should be natural and not considered a blessing if you ask me,self worth is what you need to think of here i feel tho, is it really worth all the bullshit thats going to come with getting back together, you are at the end of the day talking about trying to steal some other womans man which isnt a very nice Thing to be doing,if he does go back to you doesnt it prove that he hasnt changed? | |||
"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ?" no its not he cheated and lied to you and also lied to the other girl he will do it again and you will be thinking every time he's out is he with someone else | |||
"We are still married to each other. The reason for the split was he cheated and got the other woman pregnant. He had also lied to her , she didn't know he was married. She also broke up with him, we are good friends now and the children know each other. Yes my ex has always been a good father. Is it not worth another go considering we are married ? and what if he done the same thing all over again on you is it really worth going threw all that heartbreak again " Honest answer is I don't know. It was so much the cheating, was more the shame that he got someone else pregnant. Everyone knows he did this. | |||
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"How is it stealing another woman's man. I'm his wife. He doesn't know I'm on here. If we got back together , I would suggest we swing together. That way we both could indulge in others but done on a trust basis." U are his wife but yet he's playing happy families with someone else.. If the lady he cheated on u with didn't get pregnant, would you of found out?? Would he have left you?? Honestly I think you've made your mind up..but don't forget all the hurt he had caused. Your willing to put yourself and your kids through that again ?? | |||
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"Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome." My guess is you don't really know why he cheated on you,if there is a reason, their could be many.You dearly want to know, and you want answers which youre intitled to and you probably might be healthier knowing them.No it is not wrong to want him back. but it can and will never go back to where you first started.It would and will be an entirely new relationship.You wont be able to just simply pick up from where you last were .If you want him back truly want him back it has to be a well thought through descision, accepting that you will have to make many changes that you as yet don't know what they my be .You may not be able to make these changes through no fault of youre own . In which case a reconciliation is doomed and pointless.I fear that you were too quick to give him the door .Which you now have to regret as you want him back and he has a value and worth to you that you didn't consider at the time of you breaking up with him .If you can accept what you already know and are prepared to share blame where ever it has yet to be found and have the inner resources to eat a lot of pride and search for those ugly truths that you wont want to find , you should then proceed, with a view that a reconciliation is viable and worth while for all considered. All and any of this will only happen if he wants it the same as you or at least he can be brought to at least give it his full countenance.You will have to be totally honest with him, and him with you.You have a great chance as youre still on good terms and he is the father of youre two lovely children.For now enhance youre friendship, with him ,ffs don't be seen with other men. Present yourself in the best light possible in his company and eyeshot.Let him know slowly that you regret youre speedy dismissal of him, and show a total willingness to change and learn what went wrong , thing to remember is you don't know what it is yet.When the time is right , have it well thought out and the trap set , let him know youre thoughts , and hopefully he will tell you his.This may take many attempts and some time .Again you might not like what youre going to hear so be prepared.If and only if and that's all that it is , that he does open up and tell you , why he cheated on you? ,what kind of a man he really is? ,and or wants to be , then and only then can you proceed to the next step, which is now that you are in possession of the knowledge you hitherto hav'nt had , do you want to proceed with a full reconciliation. You may not.If you do and again youre confident you can match his requirements and his yours , well just be plain bold about it go for it , ask him out straight.If he doesn't accept initially don't panic keep that door open that you once closed in haste, for right or for wrong. Give it time let it slow burn. The very fact that you have sown that little acorn in youre efforts, it may well grow.If given long enough and it doesn't come back youre way. Fully accept it and move on ,but tell him so at that time .It will do you good and cover youre arse if he ever comes running back , when he finally knows that door is closed.This whole process could be a lengthy one . Let the kids know you love daddy and you want him back beleive me they will fight on youre behalf behind closed doors when youre not about, like little wee solicitors they will argue youre case like no one else .Each big hug and kiss you plant on him in front of the kids it is another stab at his current relationship and a bandage on youre own that you want back. You will have to be ruthless and have zero regard for his new woman in youre heart of hearts , Faint heart never won fair lady and less so in the pursuit of a mans heart.So its answers first , descision second ,application third ,execution last in that order. lastly what ever will happen will happen and you will a have to live with that and run with it.I hope this was of some help for you , and best of luck to you . | |||
"You poor woman, as someone who had the same thing done on them I would agree with the other comments. You probably need to get some counseling and work on yourself, you've been through a lot and your probably focusing on the good times instead of the bed times you both shared. You need to learn how to respect yourself and realise that you deserve so much more and that's where the counselling will help. I know it's hard to hear but you'll get strong and you'll meet someone who will treat you with the love honesty and respect you deserve, stay strong x " This is good advice OP, I know that it's hard but why would you want him back after what he has done to you and your children , I say let her keep him , what a prize . Chin up it will take time but you will get there | |||
"Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome." I hate to hear of someone being cheated on.. it breaks my heart.. it has to be the most cowardly way to treat someone. As you can tell... stuff like this makes my blood boil! Relationships end.. when they do people should have the decency to leave without ripping the other persons world apart. It sounds like he left you and the other woman he cheated on you with.. left you both to raise his kids.. while he fucked off. How many other women has he done this too since leaving you? Who knows. Its true once a cheater..always will be. You need to stay well clear of this guy.. let him see his kids but keep your distance yourself.. I know you're probably thinking it'll be good for the kids, and it would if he was a good guy.. but he didn't care before..he won't care now.. I can't see any happy ending here for you with him. The good news is.. You'll find someone much better for you  | |||
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"Due to recent circumstances I have been spending a great deal of time with my ex and realized I want him back. He is currently living with another woman. Is it wrong for me to try get him back ? We have two children together , and we're together for nine years before he cheated on me, which caused the break up. Any advice would be welcome." Stay friends - but move on would be my advice. How long has he been with his new woman ? | |||
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"He cheated with another woman who didn't know he was married. She got pregnant and also broke up with him. She also felt cheated. He now has a different girlfriend which he lives with. I was not on the site when this happened, only joined afterwards. I don't know if he was on site, don't think he was. I just feel I'm still his wife and deserve to give it another go. I'm afraid it might happen again also will people loose respect for me." Maybe deep down he knows he cant stay faithfull to any woman, its just the way he is , that's not youre fault .Name calling and silly tag assignment wheter youre right or wrong wont help you, (Im not saying you have called him names )You must move on beyond that , the first step is to find out ,why ??? if their is a reason, you want something, but the truth is youre unsure . He may well be all the horrible things the wise people on here say he is . but you have to come to that conclusion yourself .Go there , you have the courage to ask , fair play now take that walk, worst case scenario you will get answers.You are a good and fair human being in so far as you will re-examine this .I don't want to be seen to make excuses for him ,well who knows ,only you can find them if they exist.If there arnt well all the better for you and youre conscience.He has had a problem with you and the world, that doesn't automatically make it youre fault and its not , go find out what it was /is.If that's possible. He may be a total bastard and not tell you, Maybe hes unable to for what ever reason.Once you are in possession of more of what he feels /felt then you can proceed.too many egits on here ahhh one strike and youre out , leopard never changes and all that shite . get youre answers first,walk that last mile along the journey if it is to be youre last with him , (in a relationship sense)see what happens .My bet is you wont find out that youre a bad human being ,or weak or at fault but you are indeed a truely very worthwhile person. Go get it , if nothing else | |||
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"I dont think the usual move on is what the OP want to hear she knows that already! She want her husband back! I say go for it becareful dont lunch an attack let him come rather than you chase him ! How you say? Well for start regain your power ,be busy , unavailable make yourself desirable dress well classy but sexy always look 110% not only you will look good but you will feel sexier and more confident! We all want what we can have remember that! When you get him set your conditions straight! If you feel its worth the risk go for it take it you only live once and we lear from experiences "It may not be what she wants to hear but she did ask for advice. | |||
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"Sorry hun, but he sounds a right "Player" and I should know, coz I cheated on my wife, with a new woman who I stayed with for 10yrs, and then I cheated on her too. So, don't ever go back to him, coz if he anything like me he cant promise you fidelity...ever. Move on girl, you deserve better than men like us." This is precisely the sort of brutal honesty, you need to be able to confront in the pursuit of truth and reasoning.The above may well be a reason , maybe something worse , maybe nothing at all,he may well be like the character above, if he is lets hope hes as honest as the character above , and take his advice | |||
"Sorry hun, but he sounds a right "Player" and I should know, coz I cheated on my wife, with a new woman who I stayed with for 10yrs, and then I cheated on her too. So, don't ever go back to him, coz if he anything like me he cant promise you fidelity...ever. Move on girl, you deserve better than men like us." Such a raw honest post, so refreshing to read!! Fair play to you my dear for reaching out to warn and prevent further hurt for the OP.. My thoughts are with you OP, there is always a bond to our childrens father but at the end of the day kids are on loan.. Your relationship must have good foundations for survival after parenting duties are done.. Swinging with him is not the answer to keep his urges away, yer play is supposed to be yer sexuallity as a couple together not to scratch certain urges and fuck other to keep things new with the security of staying together.. In my humble opinion anyway.. Absolute best of luck my dear hope you make the right choice for yourself!!! Jules xxx | |||
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